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BedSword
Reviews
Saturday Night Fever (1977)
Too much dancing
Not enough iguanas. I require at least 1 iguana in my films. JOHN TRAVOLTA DOESNT COUNT. A dancing iguana would've sufficed. Yet alas there are none. I thought I saw one got a moment but it was a trick of the light.
Off the Air (2011)
Shopping list
1 can of ducct tape
2 tiny corns
1 lube
8 cassettes
3 laundry pads
1 drink
Blood Machines (2019)
Very impressive
The shear fact that this is Ickermans debut short series is extremely impressive. The effects are very unique and conceptually and asthetically is gorgeous I will be keeping a close eye on this one
Doom Patrol (2019)
George of the Robot George
I was watching george of the jungle and hesa robot now!? Technology these days! I expected more trees for him to watch out for but I was happy none the less Made my day 10/10 stars on the imdb stars thing you know. Dear Diary I met nice girl today she offered a "licking for a sticking" whatever that means I hope this one is the right one
Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (2013)
Jesus is stalking me
Ok so we went on one date like 5 months ago and he acted really clingy so I politely told him I didn't want to see him any more. Which should have been the end of it. Next thing I know my water supply is being clogged with wine (the pipes weren't built for that kind of acidity) and I keep having new loaves of bread show up in my cupboard. I can't deal with this kind of stress right now and he put a child lock on my Netflix account. Is there some kind of "Anti-Excorcist" I could call? this is getting really irritating
Murderfist (2017)
My nose is turning green
It's very disconcerting I first thought the light was playing tricks on me but then it got even greener. Now I am stripped down and crafted a toga out of my sheets the smell of green beans is getting stronger I feel an ulcer building in my stomach I afraid and alone. Everything burns Ho... Ho...... Ho!
Forrest Gump (1994)
Ran into a Brenden Fraser stunt double
He wasn't very polite but kept insisting that he wasnt a stunt double and was just my arresting officer but I didnt believe him. So I kept screaming "watch out for that tree" at the top of my lungs "he then tazed me as I jittered out "weez the juice" I realized then it wasn't a stunt double it was really Brendan Fraser. Starstruck I was. It still hurts though
Fight Club (1999)
I had a dream where I was being tickled by Elmo
It was really odd I was on the shelf of a toy store waiting to be bought and all of a sudden Elmo walks in front of me and a frog-like tongue came out of his mouth and moistened his eye balls which I realized were way too human. Then he screamed "Communion is God" and tickled me so viciously i peed then I woke up and I actually wet the bed. What does it mean?
Friends (1994)
I think my colon is leaking
Can your colon leak into your bladder? Well if it can can it harm you? I was watching teenage mutant ninja turtles 3 the other day and I felt like I had to urinate and defocate at the same time but when I went to the bathroom both came out in my urine. It doesn't hurt but just curious
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
I sneezed and farted at the same time
It was really cool and satisfying I was on my way to the Kum and go and it just happened felt like heavan. I got a big jerky stick and a slushy
AGT the Champions (2019)
I have gastric reflux
I went to see the doctor and I've been taking my medication but nothing seems to help. My sleep paralysis is getting worse and I saw a dog get hit by a car the other day
Scoob! (2020)
My microwave is broken
I tried to replug it in but it short circuits and make my hair's stick up from the static my nose is bleeding.
This movie was fun to watch