crazylegscain Reviews

Kong: Skull Island (2017)

To call this a B Movie is insulting to decent B Movies!

[2/10 · 1 May 2017]

What a load of of sad Hollywood lame drivel. Those muppets in Hollow-wood couldn't come up with some genuine content if their useless lives depended on it.

Pathetic story. Pathetic acting. Pathetic clichés. Good job Kong was a CGI animal and not real so he didn't have to endure the horror of realising what a dire film he was forced to be in!

Fish Tank (2009)

Great film - misunderstood by many.

[8/10 · 28 February 2015]

1st things first after reading other reviews I have to educate some of you people who have never lived in this sort of environment in the UK:

This family is NOT working class or lower middle class. They are a sub class of people more commonly referred to as "Chavs" in the UK. Connor, played by Fassbender is a working class guy. Just for reference Doctors and Judges are "middle class" types of people.

The guys in the caravan are referred to as "Gypo's, Travellers or Pikey's". In the UK a lot of "Chavs" like to think they are "Pikey's" and vise versa.

Mia thinks she is a great dancer, but obviously is not. This is portrayed well in the film. Her dancing is MEANT to look amateurish!

After clearing up a few things I have to say that this is a great film. Mia - (Katie Jarvis) acting is superb. The natural lighting particularly used inside the council flat scenes added to the realism. The story was very believable and a lot of people with experience of living in a similar sort of background can identify with it. This film is a must watch, if you are a fan of gritty "working class" drama. If you like this one I recommend (If you haven't already) to watch: The Selfish Giant, Tyrannosaur, Dead Man's Shoes, This is England, The Acid House, Harry Brown, The Firm (Gary Oldman), Scum and Boys from the Blackstuff (TV Series).

Cutting Moments (1996)

Short but sweet !

[8/10 · 22 September 2012]

A great short film. Like many others on here I am fairly desensitised to "shock" films after watching absurd tripe like: August Underground Mordum, A Serbian Film (uncut version), Salo e.t.c and plenty of graphic footage off the internet.

This film is great on so many levels and is not overestimated like some morons on here would have you believe. They moan about it being low budget and crappy special effects and bad actors! Well surprise idiots! It is a low budget and very short film......Duh

The point I am trying to make is that even with the cheapo special effects this film still gets across its message hard and that just the thought of what she was doing was graphic enough for me. Another analogy I have is that a good game does not need good graphics for it to succeed or be enjoyed, the game play is what matters.

It starts off slow and boring for a reason and if you don't get why you really are a lost cause and should go back to watching your run of the mill "shock" films. The lack of dialogue just adds to the suspense and intensiveness of the build up.

All in all a great short film that I rate up there with the best "Horrors". It is funny that the most shocking gut wrenching films that I have ever seen are not horror or shock films but about real events that have happened. No film has ever moved me so emotionally or shocked me or disgusted me than "The Stoning of Soroya M" this is no horror film but the most "Horrific" film I have ever seen.

Prometheus (I) (2012)

What a load of S**t !!!!

[3/10 · 5 June 2012]

The preview of the Aliens Colonian Marines GAME was by far much more atmospheric/entertaining than the whole of this "movie."

MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!!!! I am so angry by what is happening to films particularly Sci-Fi. They have been sliding for years and getting progressively worse (Exception AVATAR). Please I am getting sick & tired of lame CGI. If I want to watch bad CGI I can watch PRIMEVAL for free on UK TV and be truly fulfilled. The continual destruction of the Alien & Predator films. I will not break down how bad this film is as I myself nearly had a mental breakdown after watching this load of bollox. My physical state was akin to one of those muppets in the cave after they had come into needless contact with a foreign body! MONEY ££££££££££ $$$$$$$$$$$$ is the only thing that talks in Follywood. Not all your audience are backward, uneducated, moronic CHAVS or dipshit teenagers. If you want to make some inane, clichéd, CGI'd load of cobblers please make up a crap story that DOES NOT INVOLVE ANY OF THE "CLASSIC" FILMS PLEASE. Aliens 1, 2, 3 & 4 were all good individual films with their own style and substance. Same for Pred 1 & 2. Any attempt since these films especially with "mixing" of them: AVP for example have opened up the genre to a world of cheap, plasticky made for dollars and not substance shite!!!

Predators (2010)

Whoever made this "Film" should apologise to true fans..........

[1/10 · 12 July 2010]

Please for the sake of humanity, do not compare this abomination to Predator 1 & 2. In fact you should be hung,drawn and quatered for even mentioning them in the same sentence.

This "Film" should be released straight into a box set with AVP 1&2 and then given for free to the mentally challenged muppets who think they are great films.

I felt angry after experiencing this lame cheap film rip off from the con artists in Hollywood. I have never seen people look so depressed and cheated after leaving the cinema. Why you ask? It cant be that bad? ...........Watch it at your own peril. Here are SOME of the points, in Laymans terms: -Some of the worst acting ever seen, this includes poor Mr Fishbourne you can actually see the hurt and shame in his eyes whilst "acting", surely his personal life has not deteriorated too badly. -They got some weedy guy trying to act tough with a pathetic batman voice. He then takes his top off at the end and you cringe at his attempt to look like some sort of Arnie, but has the sort of figure that the great Steven Hawking would be embarrassed of. -Some guy who takes out Aliens with a swiss army knife. -Alien dogs which are just cut and pastes of the beasts in Avatar -Cheap lame effects and CGI e.g: The aliens HUD,infrared,camouflage,spaceships,environment.... in fact everything! -Lame ass cut and paste skanks and references from the True Predator films which just make your blood boil.

There is a cure though folks, just watch Predator 1 & 2 through again and this film will just be an easily forgotten bad dream. Next time you hear someone go on about how great this piece of crap is don't say anything to them just smile to yourself and be grateful your not a complete TW*T like them.

Dead Man's Shoes (2004)

9 out of 10

[9/10 · 6 April 2008]

Coming from a shitty northern town myself I can really appreciate this film. Although this film is very dark there are parts of this film that will have you and particularly your mates watching it with you pissing yourself with laughter.

This film was made by real people for real people. If you don't like this film I feel sorry for you.

If you love this film then you should check out Dead Mans Cards, another classic brit flick but set in a really jubby hole in Liverpool. Trust me after watching these two films you will never watch that "cockney" "gangster" guy ritchie crap ever again.

Tou tiao hao han (1971)

Oh dear , but SO BAD it is worth a watch !

[2/10 · 25 September 2006]

Even though when I buy a film like this I don't really expect good acting, story, or quality I buy them anyway just in case there is some good fighting / scenes in there. Unfortunately this one was a dud and a total waste of money. It is so bad that it is actually quite amusing in places so it gets a 2 out of 10. It is deffo frisby material but before you wang it out of the window it is worth one watch because you don't want to miss out on : What is going on with Bolo? The lead guy is a joke and is meant to be some kind of tough guy but looks like a mixture of Charles Bronson/Don Johnson/Columbo or whatever you cannot take this guy seriously.