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Night Swim (2024)
A Few Cool Scenes, Uninteresting Premise
The biggest sin of the movie is it tries to take itself seriously, despite the whole premise being "haunted swimming pool".
There are a few creepy scenes that are good at building suspense. For example, the wife is out swimming in the pool while the dad is inside sleeping. It cuts to a POV shot of her dog paddling, the camera pans left to right, left to right, then it swings back around and you see the dad standing by the pool. Moments like that are good are building suspense, but terrible at execution
The rest of the movie is just very, very basic supernatural story beats. Not to come down too hard on the filmmaker, because I know he's a first-timer, but in the end, this is just a very forgettable film.
Megamind vs the Doom Syndicate (2024)
Go Watch The First Movie
Short Review:
With none of the returning cast, unimpressive animation and a weak story (that mostly contradicts the first movie), Megamind 2 has nothing for fans of the original movie and will mostly appeal to viewers under the age of 9.
Longer Review:
Nearly 14 years later, we get a direct-to-streaming sequel to Megamind and it's as good as you can imagine.
First off, the story: I'd say about 80% of the central plot points completely contradict the first movie. For example, The Doom Syndicate, the main antagonists, is a gang of poorly designed villains that Megamind was a member of, despite not having any friends growing up (clearly establishing that in the first movie). After breaking out of prison, they unite with Megamind, who they believe is pretending to be the good guy despite defeating Titan, aka the bad guy, in the first film. And at the end of the movie, instead of just using his many deadly weapons he has in his lair to get rid of The Doom Syndicate, Megamind just sticks them back in the same prison they broke out of, (big shock, they break out of it after the end credits).
Second, the animation: I don't know how it's possible for a sequel to a 14-year-old movie to somehow have a downgrade in animation. And, to be honest, I don't blame the poor animators; they were probably paid around $14 to do it, so I'm not pinning the blame on them.
Lastly, the voice cast: None of the cast in the first movie (Will Ferrell, Tina Fey, David Cross, etc.) are in this movie, though you probably know that already.
In the end, this movie is just boring as hell, isn't appealing to any general viewers, and will most likely be fine to keep your 9 year old quiet.
Go watch the first movie.
Saving Christmas (2014)
Bottom of the Barrel
Every time Kirk opens his mouth, I just wanna see the big X from Family Feud over his face.
Despite the fact that everything Cameron says is either inaccurate or just plain stupid, despite the fact that this movie looks like it was all shot and edited on someone's iPhone, despite the fact that Cameron decided to blame all the bad reviews on "haters, pagans, and atheists" even though there were plenty of Christians and/or religious folks trashing this movie, despite the fact that this movie is only 1h 19m long yet it feels like 7h 44m long.
Despite all of that........No, I guess there's really nothing good to say about this.
One of the worst Christian movies ever, then again, I guess that's not saying much.
The Haunting (1999)
One of the worst remakes ever
This could have been one of those "so bad it's good" kind of movies, it wasn't even that.
The only good thing about this was the production design. It's really well done. A bit generic, sure, but still pretty to look at.
But all that aside, this is one of the worst remakes I have ever seen. Hell, this might be the worst HORROR movie I have ever seen. With most horror movies, I can understand that they were trying to scare people, and failed. This wasn't even attempting to try and be scary. To quote Rob Walker: "The only people who should be scared of this movie should be under 10". Though I will say this: the only scene that scared me was when the lady gets smacked in the face with a piano wire. Her reaction was what really sold it.
But, other than that, it's just a boring ass movie, the CG effects are awful, the story is forgettable and the acting is uneven, (seriously, why do all their voices sound so monotone?).
Overall, it sucks.
Psycho (1998)
What's the point?
I heard whenever someone asked Van Sant why he did this remake he would respond with "so nobody would have to". You probably have as much of an understanding of that quote as I do.
Nothing to really say about this movie other than if you've seen the original, you've already seen this remake. Seriously, the only new thing added in this was a masturbation scene, which if you just took that out of the flick, not a damn thing would change. The rest it just recycled from the first movie, with a little more blood and violence, probably the only other new thing added.
Definitely one of the most boring remakes I've ever sat through.
Slender Man (2018)
7 Years Too Late.
I might as well start this off by saying what everyone already said when the trailer first came out: A Slenderman movie in 2018?!
I remember seeing the trailer when it first came out back in January 2018, I was kind of excited to see a horror icon I knew on the big screen. Fast forward a few years later when I saw Elvis the Alien's review of the movie and it looked pretty bad, so I just lost any desire to see it.
It wasn't until a few years later that one of my friends told me it was on Hulu, so I decided to give it a watch. And it sucked.
I will say this just for the sake of saying something nice: the Slenderman makeup is cool. They hired Javier Botet to play slendy boy and he looks pretty damn creepy.
But other than that, it's just typical horror movie cliches, girls screaming, scenes that are so dark (literally, not figuratively) that you can't even make out what's going on, and overall just an extremely boring movie.
A funny story to end this off: I was halfway through the movie when I decided to pause to eat lunch. So, I paused the movie, drove out to Whataburger, eat, drove back to my house, and finished the rest of the movie.
This movie was so boring I needed a lunch break.
Drop Dead Fred (1991)
I've never wanted to murder a character in a movie more.
The sad part about this movie is that it actually is a clever idea.
The idea of this little girl who has an imaginary friend and her mother locks up the friend and tells her that she can't play with him no more. Fast forward to a few years later when the girl is all grown up, the friend comes back and causes some trouble for the girl.
I have no idea what the hell was going through the creators' heads when they were writing/directing this.
Rik Mayall plays the character Drop Dead Fred and dear god, is he such a terrible character. He is mean, obnoxiously loud, unfunny and overall just a horribly written character.
Also, if you want a perfect example of how not to direct a movie, this is one of many.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017)
"I expected nothing and I'm still let down."
To be fair, The Long Haul was never my favorite diary of a wimpy kid book. I don't hate it or anything, but I feel it's the weakest out of all the Wimpy kid books. So I wasn't expecting much when I first heard it was in production.
Now, I'm sure these actors/actresses are talented people somewhere else and I can't really blame them for their performances, the script and/or the director just gave them nothing to work with. The whole movie just feels like that, it's just aimless.
Overall, this is just an awful movie. It didn't care to try and represent the Wimpy Kid franchise, it's not funny, it's boring, and that's all there is to it.
So in conclusion: just go watch the other Wimpy Kid movies.