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Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom (2023)
Pretty gross for a beer ad
After watching this latest Aquaman movie, I was left with one pretty valid question. Where do they go to the bathroom in Atlantis?
This film begins with Aquaman drinking his son's pee twice. Later, he drinks octopus pee. The only other thing he drinks in the whole film is Guiness. Presumably to wash away all the pee?
So I began to wonder, where does his entire civilization go? They're under water and in the ocean. I'm guessing just anywhere they feel like it? Which makes sense why he doesn't mind so much about what he's drinking. He's totally used to it by now. This guy has more in common with a toilet Ghoulie than any other superhero. It's all just nasty business. I'm not into it. This all feels too much like a Tupac home video.
Decent special effects though.
Eat. Race. Win. (2018)
Unsafe cooking, this was shocking
Hannah Grant appears to have little understanding of food safety. I watched her eat tuna raw which had been filleted on a boat deck. You can't just catch fish from the ocean, use a dirty knife on your boat with no cutting board to chop it up, and then eat it raw. That can kill you.
Earlier, she boasts about her cooking while skewering steaks on laurel wood sticks she gathered. Laurel wood can't be used for food, it's toxic. Laurel leaves (Bay leaf) are safe in food when not burned. Laurel wood however is never safe to cook with. Information about these things takes one minute to search for on the Internet. There's no excusing ignorance of this kind anymore since we all have unlimited information literally in our hands all day.
Wood used for smoking and cooking that is safe to use comes from a very short list. Generally, that's nut bearing trees, maple, hickory, or orchard trees like apple. Yes, you can use any wood to make a campfire, but if you want to cook food on it that isn't in a cast iron pot, the wood needs to be safe. For example, cooking hotdogs and marshmallows over pine is toxic. Please don't poison your kids when you go camping parents. Look this information up first.
I attempted to reach out to Hannah Grant via her website. Weeks later, I have not received a response. This indicates to me that she's aware of her mistakes and refuses to acknowledge them publicly.
If you are a pro athlete, a cyclist, or just someone at home who likes to cook, watch out for yourself. I wouldn't eat any food prepared by Hannah Grant or her staff. How can she have worked for NOMA and not know these things? I was expecting amazing cooking paired with an inside look at pro cycling. What I saw was unprofessional and horrified me.
This is literally the worst food safety for pro athletes I've seen since I caught the pro football teams in New Orleans filling their team Gatorade coolers from a garden hose. Don't do that either. Drinking from garden hoses is very bad for you.
The Brave One (1956)
One of the most notable films ever made
This film is so beautifully written. My first watch was from flipping through the channels on TV. For no reason at all it seemed, I stopped on a black & white picture and started to watch a little Hispanic boy with a bull hanging out in the countryside. It's so completely different from anything I'd normally choose, that I wonder what kept my attention. This was before streaming, but long after black & white films were no longer commonly made. To choose a black & white movie in the late 80's was just weird. But I'm really glad I kept it on. It is a truly magical film.
I'd like to think I'm a stoic viewer. Only three films ever made me cry. As a reference to this, when I was young, I didn't cry from E. T. or the Transformers movie like everyone I knew. I did cry at the end of the Color Purple though. This film the Brave One made me cry more. I don't say that lightly. The writing took a bazooka to my emotions and blasted me. Even today, I get choked up thinking about it.
While I'm barely able to hold back my tears at the end of the Color Purple (it's not easy), I can't help but cry at the end of this one. It's solely because of the writing. Dalton Trumbo takes you to the brink, and at the moment when you release your feelings and take a breath of relief, he drives a bulldozer over your heart. It's the most amazing piece of writing I've ever seen.
I dare you not to cry at the end.
Acrimony (2018)
Your perspective makes the film
This is an underrated, yet incredible film. Occasionally, writers can come up with something brilliant and this film is one of those landmark achievements. In any argument, it's easy to choose one side over the other. If you support the feelings and ideas of one side in this film however, you're choosing whether or not to enjoy this story. By the end, you'll either feel betrayed or vindicated. I've never seen anything that polarized an audience so effectively. It's marvelous. I hope more films use this technique.
Part of me feels that the gender of the viewer predetermines their experience. Do you feel sympathy for the betrayed woman or for the resented man? Which side do you relate to more? It really feels like two completely different films depending on which perspective you take. I understand why the ratings for this are all over the place. Only one side can come out ahead in the end and if your side wasn't that one, you'll be upset for sure.
To be direct, I don't enjoy Tyler Perry films much. For me, Medea is just like Ernest. And yet Acrimony is a masterpiece. Definitely don't take a date to it though. You'll get in an argument and likely go home alone.
The Floor: Don't Judge This Book by Its Cover (2024)
It's episode eight, not four. What is this?
This is clearly not a continuation from episode 3. It appears as though episode 4 has been replaced by episode 8. That's hilariously bad programming. They broadcast the wrong tape. Somebody's getting fired for sure.
When the floor ended last week, the show had only one large space showing. Now, it's as if twenty people are missing and the floor looks like two massive pieces. The players standing in them were never previously introduced. Their contests were not seen. Where's the woman who won $20,000 at the end of episode 3? Well, she's been replaced.
I'm floored by how bad this is.
Update: This episode was pulled then the correct episode reappeared. I watched this Fox program on Hulu. It would have been reasonable to apologize to viewers who had their experience spoiled. Unfortunately, there was no apology included at the beginning of the episode. Thanks for the revisionist history.
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
The best prison escape film ever made
Imagine creating a character who is locked away in the most secure jail ever conceived (in 1991). You want this character to be smart enough to escape. You need to explain why this person is locked away in such a secure place. You choose physician as this character's vocation to show intelligence and a knowledge of anatomy. To portray a dark, criminal intent and make this person scary, you choose cannibalism as their crime. But how can an audience relate to this character or be interested for more than 5 minutes? You counterbalance the character with another who is worse, someone who is making a dress from female human skin and you find an attractive, intelligent woman, an FBI agent, who needs this cannibal to stop the dressmaker. In the end, you conceive a daring escape for the cannibal, and he gets his deserved revenge on his jailer/torturer. It pushes so many limits while retaining balance. This is the best prison escape film ever made.
Dao shi xia shan (2015)
Easily the best thing I've seen in years
This movie is filled with wonderful characters, a compelling journey, and a strong positive message with a point at the end. I was entertained and moved emotionally. Most of the reviews I've added are negative. Why comment unless you're compelled to, right? This should indicate it isn't just a film you'll watch and forget. In a week, I watched this five times. I could watch it five more. It's very much like Pinocchio in the way the hero enters the world knowing nothing and then his mistakes lead to a great adventure. Highly recommended.
Nina (2016)
I love all these people but couldn't stand this movie
Several hack writers have versions of this script passing around hoping foolish producers will get caught up in their love for Nina Simone's music and overlook how complicated it is to tell her story. In all fairness, not every amazing artist had an amazing or inspiring life. I believe Nina Simone is one of those artists. And yet, my love for her music compelled me to watch this film. I also think Zoe Saldana and David Oyelowo are terrific actors. However, Zoe's blackface made me curl up inside myself and I wanted to shrivel away. None of the music is Nina's either. Sure Zoe can sing, but she doesn't compare vocally to Nina Simone at all. Nina was just better. So I couldn't look at Zoe Saldana and I didn't want to hear her perform either.. To get back to where I began, several hack writers have scripts to sell about Nina Simone. None are good. This script is one of those, written by an unaccomplished TV writer who began with a small handful of episodes of Roseanne. I feel strongly that Nina Simone should remain a beautiful, talented musician and singer, and that's how she's best remembered. Watching any story about her life only cheapens the best of what she was. Same goes for Marvin Gaye and many other musicians. Their music inspires us, not their private lives.
Roar (1981)
Unique hardly describes this. Worth a look for sure.
Warning: Spoilers... for a movie that's 45 years old.
I just watched a copy of this for the first time. It's pretty insane. I was left wondering why they made up a violent storyline instead of just showing the big cats among a family in a peaceful setting. I know a film can't be about the land of the happy people, but those cats are scary when they aren't fighting. 14 year-old Melanie Griffith has a scene where the blood has drained from her face and her lips are grey. You can tell that she really was terrified, not just acting. It is a movie with sheer terror mixed with enough absurdity to make you laugh in parts. The elephants in the film were my favorite to watch. They were the only elephants I've ever seen that I thought were scary. And by the time the family meets up with them, I couldn't help but cheer as one tears their boat out from under them and rips it apart. I wish this had gone the same way as Uly's 'Gods Must Be Crazy' though. That was a far superior film. It's a shame the concept for this was just plain stupid. i still highly recommend watching it. The bonus documentary is also worth seeing. Tippi Hedren's extremely candid comments left me speechless. Nothing gets more real than that.
The Tick (2016)
Nearly made right but still good
I don't think Peter Sarafinowicz understands the character he's playing, and the storyline changes to Arthur weren't as good as what Ben Edlund created. Having said that, Jackie Earle Haley completely nailed the role of The Terror. His part was so amazing, I can't wait to see more. Really. I can't wait. So hurry up and make more already. There's so much potential here. I can't even begin to imagine how they'll pull off characters like Chairface Chippendale, J.J. Vatos, Tongue Tongue, or Proto Clown. I'm sure they'll be great too. This has always been my favorite comic. From the wacky take on superhero life to the Sidekick Lounge, nothing comes close to the humor and absurdity of it all. Hopefully Amazon sees the real value of this and goes the distance instead of bringing us another bad show starring Jean Claude Can't Act.
Deadpool (2016)
Terrible, just terrible.
I wish I could have those 108 minutes back. This was just bad. Written by two terrible writers. Directed by an animation/titles guy. Acted by a grown man pretending to be 12. Costarring a female him. How is this considered entertaining? Everyone sounds exactly the same. Tons of time jumps to dress up the bad storyline. It's like a cross between Van Wilder, Kill Bill, and Striptease. If this is at all a reflection of what comic book fans want to see, I'm truly disappointed. How this possibly made over 10 to 1 in box office is unreal. Is this the end result of the internet vs reading real books? Zero imagination. Zero delivery. Zero quality. Worse than Thor 2.
Elementary: Down Where the Dead Delight (2016)
Terrible episode in an otherwise entertaining show
Spoiler < Parts of this episode are described below > Spoiler
The show is entertaining. The acting is good. The characters are interesting. Well, usually. This episode is a little different. Taken out of context from the series, the characters are rude and annoying in this episode. I'm not surprised or delighted by condescending snobs. That's how Holmes and Watson come off this time. They should have done better writing this.
The worst part for me was when Sherlock Holmes describes an explosion in a morgue and says, "Her remains are amongst those decimated this morning." What does that even mean? If you get blown to bits, you are destroyed, or there was a devastating effect to you. There is devastation, not decimation. Decimation is to reduce by 1/10th. If the bodies had only had a 1/10th loss, they'd still be easily identifiable. And since Sherlock is supposed to be smart, he ought to know that. Jonny Lee Miller, you made Sherlock Holmes look like an idiot. Robert Doherty and Jeffrey Paul King, please learn the language you write in. Decimate is not devastate or obliterate. And that not a single person involved in the production of this noticed is sad.
The Event: The Beginning of the End (2011)
Really should be called 'Lost' in Space, but that title was already taken.
WARNING SPOILER FOR 'THE EVENT' AND FOR 'LOST'
It's another Canadian science fiction TV show about aliens invading. Unlike the others, there's no flying eye worms, no laser battles, no creatures of any kind, and barely any future tech. The actors all look like people you know instead of celebrities. At some point early on, I realized I was watching Lost from the Bizarro World. Instead of a mini community living on an island in the middle of the ocean, they live on an island far away in space. They can't get home and instead of a plane crash, it's a spaceship crash. Truly it is 'Lost' in space.
Sorry fans of Lost, but the writing stunk. Who writes an entire episode about a briefcase? This show is no different. In the middle of episode 21, Blake Sterling tells the President of the United States how a virus is going to decimate the world's population. Decimate? Reduce by 1/10th? The word is devastate, not decimate. Good writers know the difference between the two. If you don't know what it means, then look it up. And seriously actors, stop delivering stupid lines. It's your role, do it the right way instead of being a muppet like Will Farrell in Anchorman. Go off script if the dialogue sucks. Pay attention in school and read a few books that aren't Harry Potter.
With no amazing effects, no creatures, and an average looking cast, I suggest looking elsewhere for entertaining science fiction. At 22 episodes, this one is a true waste of time. And if you were like me hoping to see some of the annoying characters die off, be prepared for a let down. The annoying ones stay the distance.
Jessica Jones (2015)
Slow-paced, interesting, but poorly written
It entertains, but just barely. This is not an exciting superhero show. It's easier to watch than Arrow or Shield, has better characters than Gotham, but isn't as good as the Flash, which isn't saying much. I want to like this more because it stars a female lead in a comic book TV show, but I don't. Krysten Ritter isn't a leading actor. She doesn't have the charisma. She's a sidekick. And Mike Colter's line, "You let me be inside you" was absurd. He's a man, not Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction. Men don't talk like that. Sometimes actors need to say no. Actors need to stop performing bad dialogue and start speaking up about it. This show has sexy lesbians, super-strength, invulnerability, mind control, and yet doesn't keep me thrilled. In one fight scene, Mike Colter aka Luke Cage gets stabbed in the neck with a broken bottle with no effect. That was as good as the show gets. This show is, "I'm worried, my relationship is messed up, I'm misunderstood, 20 minutes of bitching, and then prevention." Does Jessica Jones want to be a superhero? No. Does she care about right and wrong? When it suits her. Is she capable? At breaking doors, yes, of friendly conversation, no. Why should I care? Because she's a victim? This show is weak.
Hannibal (2013)
This show goes too far
I am an avid movie watcher, and I don't discriminate. I'll watch anything. In the last decade, a new genre of films has arisen, films called torture porn. On youtube, they sometimes call this type of imagery things you cannot unsee. In addition, TV shows have become unbelievably, and thankfully, more graphic. I figured it wasn't a big deal, so I watched it all. And I regret some of it. The level of violence it takes to disturb me isn't healthy. It's like a high water mark was set and is impossible to erase. I noticed this when I saw the Human Caterpillar and thought it was tame and goofy. So I was surprised when I found something unbearable. There was a moment near the end of the film Hannibal with Ray Liotta that crossed a line and made me very upset. And it seems as though the Hannibal TV show has made that moment its theme. And strangely, in every episode, the emotional damage this causes is discussed at length with regard to the character of Will Graham, but not to the viewer. As I hear and see his emotional damaging, I wonder what damage is being inflicted on me. After 3 episodes, I had nightmares. This show is well made for sure, but it goes too far. I don't believe this is healthy, and I worry about the damage this has on society. It's irresponsible and it has become commonplace. There's a saying "if it's too loud then you're too old." I can't believe I'm saying this, but Hannibal is too loud. I wish I'd never seen it. I hope they stop making programming like this. It isn't like a Judas Priest song, this is unbelievably graphic and realistic. It has permanently damaged me. I feel like the victim of emotional abuse who stays with their abuser. The creators of this surely recognize what they're doing, but continue to do it in order to make money. And I willingly participated in watching it. It proves that well made doesn't equal good. This show is well written, well cast, well directed, well edited. The music is excellent, so is the lighting, and the set design. It's only flaw is in its content. The content is bad. Truly bad.
The Rover (2014)
Slow but exciting, with good dialogue, and good acting.
Something about this film really grabbed me. Guy Pierce acting as a strong but silent badass is entertaining. The first time I saw him do this was in Lockdown where he played a Snake-Plisskin-goes-to-space-jail character. And Robert Pattinson as a half-wit was so much more impressive than a glitter-covered vampire. It's like I was finally given a chance to see if he could act, and he did well. The dialogue was succinct, a rarity in today's films. It's even quotable without being clever. If you're a fan of revenge films, this one delivers.
Here's the thing though, was John Wick starring Keanu Reeves based on this film? The plots are essentially the same. One man unafraid of violence has his car stolen and gets revenge. It's pretty funny to see how the two compare. And did anyone even notice the title of this movie? It's just as tongue-in-cheek as Jim Jarmusch's Broken Flowers, which references the deflowering of the past loves of Bill Murray. The Rover is a film about a rover. Man's best friend Rover. A dog. Get it? I admit, I didn't laugh about it until afterwards. Kind of like the day I realized The Goonies was about a One-Eyed Willie's rich stuff.
Dredd (2012)
This was good.
At first I was upset because I had seen The Raid: Redemption and had read the reviews on this movie. Then I saw the film. Taking the plot from one film and merging it with the world of Dredd really works. This feels like the first Hard R rated comic book property released. It is long overdue. Kids read comics because they are R-Rated, then the films are released in PG or PG-13. No wonder they fail.
There is a character who is a mind-reader. That was dumb. It removes some grit and adds "kiddie movie" substance. Lena Headey also comes off as annoying but not tough. She's totally unrealistic as the overly built up character she portrays. The look of dissatisfaction that she's carried from role to role kinda annoys me too. She comes off as a wimpy villain who talks the talk but can't walk the walk.
Besides that, I have no other complaint. Karl Urban is perfect. His acting nails the role. He better be in the sequel. The set design, and action were brilliant. It makes me really happy to see the Stallone version of this get replaced by something serious. That PG garbage reminded me of the pathetic TMNT movie with Corey Feldman. It gives me hope that someday someone will make the Punisher and not screw it up.
I truly hope to see more of this adult franchise. And I hope all other comic book adapters wake up and target their true audience, the Hard-R, adult audience. PG-13 is for filmmakers without courage or vision. Maybe they should ask Freidkin to direct one.