Wow that was a painful 90 minutes. It felt a lot a longer. Even my son was bored to tears and he can turn an empty cardboard box into an adventure. Technically the cat looked like Garfield but the Garfield character was decidedly absent, and the entire domestic premise of the Garfield series. Jon was demoted to a side character, no Liz, no Nermal, pizza seemed to take precedence over lasagne! Read the comics, watch the 90s cartoons, maybe even the Bill Murray films. Well, not the Tail of Two Kitties. That was awful. Nearly as awful as this. 33 characters to go: It was poo, poop, poopy poo. Done.
Reviews
16 Reviews
Outrageous Review(s)
2 February 2024
As a white heterosexual male, I'd like to express my absolute outrage at .... the negative reviews!
Really?
I've watched AHS from the beginning and I thought this season was possibly the best so far. It completely nailed the era (as did Joker) creating that sweaty, claustrophobic world of Taxi Driver et al. When NYC was definitely NOT the place to be.
And, best of all, it had heart. I was invested in all of the characters and their arcs, especially Gino, and I feel that the finale was absolutely masterful; simultaneously solving one mystery whilst revealing the inevitable horror to come of the AIDS crisis era.
Bravo to all involved!
Really?
I've watched AHS from the beginning and I thought this season was possibly the best so far. It completely nailed the era (as did Joker) creating that sweaty, claustrophobic world of Taxi Driver et al. When NYC was definitely NOT the place to be.
And, best of all, it had heart. I was invested in all of the characters and their arcs, especially Gino, and I feel that the finale was absolutely masterful; simultaneously solving one mystery whilst revealing the inevitable horror to come of the AIDS crisis era.
Bravo to all involved!
Erm...
20 December 2023
Warning: Spoilers
This review comes a little late. But, really, a 10/10? A perfect ending? I think not.
Season 4 had meandered off track about half way through and, to be honest, it just seemed like Sam Esmail didn't know how to complete the story, so ... it was all a dream.
The Mr Robot story arc had been so brilliantly woven together, with multiple realities and characters colliding with each other, that it was a genuinely fascinating journey.
But, like Westworld, the more complex it became the harder it became to refocus the story towards it's conclusion.
So ... it was all a dream because, you know, Elliot is a traumatised drug addict. Sadly this is not nearly as interesting as everything that preceded it.
Season 4 had meandered off track about half way through and, to be honest, it just seemed like Sam Esmail didn't know how to complete the story, so ... it was all a dream.
The Mr Robot story arc had been so brilliantly woven together, with multiple realities and characters colliding with each other, that it was a genuinely fascinating journey.
But, like Westworld, the more complex it became the harder it became to refocus the story towards it's conclusion.
So ... it was all a dream because, you know, Elliot is a traumatised drug addict. Sadly this is not nearly as interesting as everything that preceded it.
Patriot
(2015–2018)
Perfect Ending
15 December 2023
I know most will disagree, and I would have wanted more, but this was an almost perfect two season series that ended on the right note of hope and ambiguity.
It's hard to imagine how the story would have continued without splitting off on to a new adventure.
Yes its a shame that it was so brief, but aren't all the best things in life?
It's a little like Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd. We want a second chorus but we can't have one because, like Syd Barrett, it's a one time deal.
Appreciate Patriot for what it gave us. Watch it. Wait a couple of years. And then watch it again. You'll appreciate it. :)
It's hard to imagine how the story would have continued without splitting off on to a new adventure.
Yes its a shame that it was so brief, but aren't all the best things in life?
It's a little like Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd. We want a second chorus but we can't have one because, like Syd Barrett, it's a one time deal.
Appreciate Patriot for what it gave us. Watch it. Wait a couple of years. And then watch it again. You'll appreciate it. :)
Horrid Henry: The Movie
(2011)
Psychological Kids Horror
6 November 2023
Firstly, Angelica Houston is in this film. Just let that fact permeate your mind, then watch as your sense of reality untangles itself and pours out of your ears and onto the floor in a pool of brain soup.
Angelica Houston is in this film. How on earth did that happen?
Now for the film: A group of reactionary and psychologically abusive adults spend 90 minutes shouting at their children until they morph into a clichéd group of personality disorders.
The kids are either good or bad, horrid or perfect. And they've learned to shout and scream at each other because they find certain behaviours unacceptable. It's a Freudian car crash.
No doubt these poor kids are destined for a life of depression, alcoholism, and dysfunctional relationships. At least one of them will be arrested; another sectioned under the Mental Health Act; several will go onto psychologically torture their own children.
It's not my cup of tea, but I'm not the intended audience. I'd rather watch Koyaanisqatsi. So I'll be fair and score it 5/10.
Angelica Houston is in this film. How on earth did that happen?
Now for the film: A group of reactionary and psychologically abusive adults spend 90 minutes shouting at their children until they morph into a clichéd group of personality disorders.
The kids are either good or bad, horrid or perfect. And they've learned to shout and scream at each other because they find certain behaviours unacceptable. It's a Freudian car crash.
No doubt these poor kids are destined for a life of depression, alcoholism, and dysfunctional relationships. At least one of them will be arrested; another sectioned under the Mental Health Act; several will go onto psychologically torture their own children.
It's not my cup of tea, but I'm not the intended audience. I'd rather watch Koyaanisqatsi. So I'll be fair and score it 5/10.
The Exorcist: Believer
(2023)
Dreadful Fan Fiction
24 October 2023
Exorcist Believer is a poorly conceived, written and executed film irrespective of the ingredients provided by Blatty and Friedkin (who must both be spinning in their graves).
It lacks any of the originality and thoughtfulness of the first and third films; somehow managing to completely overlook the point that the possession acts as a metaphor for our faith, or lack of, in the human condition.
Instead there is a mish-mash of nonsense as an unlikely group of characters with little exposition come together to save the souls of two girls possessed by something that smells and curses a lot.
It's awful and I really hope that bombing at the box office will kill the franchise.
Personally, I think a more interesting addition to Blatty's canon would be a story about a parent wanting to perform an exorcism on a child that wasn't possessed.
But, meh, what do I know?
It lacks any of the originality and thoughtfulness of the first and third films; somehow managing to completely overlook the point that the possession acts as a metaphor for our faith, or lack of, in the human condition.
Instead there is a mish-mash of nonsense as an unlikely group of characters with little exposition come together to save the souls of two girls possessed by something that smells and curses a lot.
It's awful and I really hope that bombing at the box office will kill the franchise.
Personally, I think a more interesting addition to Blatty's canon would be a story about a parent wanting to perform an exorcism on a child that wasn't possessed.
But, meh, what do I know?
Better than Crystal Skull, but ....
13 July 2023
UPDATE: I've changed my mind. It's actually far worse than Crystal Skull.
.........................
It's better than Crystal Skull. It was better than I expected but worse than I hoped for.
Look, it's easy to bash soft reboots and studio nostalgia cash-ins etc. But all credit to the team who tried to capture the original magic.
But therein lies the problem. Like The Force Awakens, the Dial of Destiny feels like it belongs with the original trilogy but something doesn't feel right - as if it was deepfake fan fiction (particularly the opening).
The Terminator, Halloween, Alien, Predator, Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones, Star Wars .... The fact is that the star dust of the originals is that they were genre films done well. They could have been B-Movies but they were made with a certain quality at a certain time that elevated them to something special.
Nostalgia nods and motifs are not enough to capture the love for the original films - because nostalgia is an ephermeral affectation and love is a hardwired response to a cultural experience during a developmental period - typically your tween or teenage years.
So, yes, thanks for trying. But maybe concentrate on capturing the younger audiences and their interests now.
.........................
It's better than Crystal Skull. It was better than I expected but worse than I hoped for.
Look, it's easy to bash soft reboots and studio nostalgia cash-ins etc. But all credit to the team who tried to capture the original magic.
But therein lies the problem. Like The Force Awakens, the Dial of Destiny feels like it belongs with the original trilogy but something doesn't feel right - as if it was deepfake fan fiction (particularly the opening).
The Terminator, Halloween, Alien, Predator, Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones, Star Wars .... The fact is that the star dust of the originals is that they were genre films done well. They could have been B-Movies but they were made with a certain quality at a certain time that elevated them to something special.
Nostalgia nods and motifs are not enough to capture the love for the original films - because nostalgia is an ephermeral affectation and love is a hardwired response to a cultural experience during a developmental period - typically your tween or teenage years.
So, yes, thanks for trying. But maybe concentrate on capturing the younger audiences and their interests now.
Evil Dead Rise
(2023)
Good, but ....
18 May 2023
So, like most other reviewers, I love the original Evil Dead trilogy and Ash Vs Evil Dead. I grew up watching them. Their influence on me is akin to the influence of The Three Stooges on Bruce Campbell and the Raimi brothers.
And therein lies the problem with the 2013 reboot and Evil Dead Rise. They're both great horror films but they're aimed at a new audience without expectations and preconceptions like me.
So Ash Vs Evil Dead is for people like me who want more of the original, and new 2013/2023 films are for a different audience.
Conclusion: Age creapt up on me and I'm now one of those boring old farts who remembers the good old days. Ignore the reviews and make up your own mind. All that matters is whether you had fun.
And therein lies the problem with the 2013 reboot and Evil Dead Rise. They're both great horror films but they're aimed at a new audience without expectations and preconceptions like me.
So Ash Vs Evil Dead is for people like me who want more of the original, and new 2013/2023 films are for a different audience.
Conclusion: Age creapt up on me and I'm now one of those boring old farts who remembers the good old days. Ignore the reviews and make up your own mind. All that matters is whether you had fun.
House of Hammer
(2022)
Fascinating but problematic
4 September 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Overall, I found this to be a riveting series and the Hammer family dynasty fits the sterotype of rich people behaving very, very badly when they believe that their wealth and power of influence places them above the law.
As for Armie Hammer, I'll take the moral high ground and say that a person is innocent until proven guilty. But I say that through gritted teeth and I'd add that his self-imposed exile to the Cayman Islands might be an indicator of the truth.
Having learned that the first known (alleged) victim "Effie" objected to this documentary and the inclusion of her recorded impact statement from 2021, I can only say: shame on the filmmakers.
They have since claimed that her statement was in the public domain and therefore in the public interest to include it.
However, it is clearly evident that she made her public statement under great duress in the hope of attaining some justice for herself and other (alleged) victims and potential future victims. But the process of making that statement was so distressing for her that to have it recirculated against her wishes in a high profile docuseries surely reinforces the (alleged) trauma she experienced. Its inclusion did little to add context to the series when so many other events and facts had been otherwise well presented.
And finally, The Charmies: these are clearly the kind of people who feel that they are on some righteous crusade to protect a man they have never met and (for their own sake) hopefully never will.
Are they lonely or just your standard Internet trolls? Probably a little of both. No doubt they'll flood IMDB with their own reviews about House of Hammer, as is their right. But directly contacting and harassing the (alleged) victims is no better than the (alleged) acts of the (alleged) perpetrator.
As for Armie Hammer, I'll take the moral high ground and say that a person is innocent until proven guilty. But I say that through gritted teeth and I'd add that his self-imposed exile to the Cayman Islands might be an indicator of the truth.
Having learned that the first known (alleged) victim "Effie" objected to this documentary and the inclusion of her recorded impact statement from 2021, I can only say: shame on the filmmakers.
They have since claimed that her statement was in the public domain and therefore in the public interest to include it.
However, it is clearly evident that she made her public statement under great duress in the hope of attaining some justice for herself and other (alleged) victims and potential future victims. But the process of making that statement was so distressing for her that to have it recirculated against her wishes in a high profile docuseries surely reinforces the (alleged) trauma she experienced. Its inclusion did little to add context to the series when so many other events and facts had been otherwise well presented.
And finally, The Charmies: these are clearly the kind of people who feel that they are on some righteous crusade to protect a man they have never met and (for their own sake) hopefully never will.
Are they lonely or just your standard Internet trolls? Probably a little of both. No doubt they'll flood IMDB with their own reviews about House of Hammer, as is their right. But directly contacting and harassing the (alleged) victims is no better than the (alleged) acts of the (alleged) perpetrator.
Why Dexter: New Blood failed
16 August 2022
Warning: Spoilers
So, trying to avoid spoilers but acknowledging the inevitable, this episode (and the series as a whole) was a masterclass in storytelling, character development, and the conclusion was an interested, invested and deserving finale.
Enough said. Watch it. Watch the whole damn series from start to finish. And you'll applaud out loud.
Then watch Dexter New Blood, slap your forehead, and send a letter to the showrunner Clyde Whatshisface explaining how he got it wrong.
Enough said. Watch it. Watch the whole damn series from start to finish. And you'll applaud out loud.
Then watch Dexter New Blood, slap your forehead, and send a letter to the showrunner Clyde Whatshisface explaining how he got it wrong.
RoboCop 2
(1990)
Not as good as the first but still good fun!
17 July 2022
Average rating of 5.8? That's just bloody rude. Sure it's not as good as the first one but it's still great film all the same. Make some time for the 12 year old version of yourself watching something that your parents forbid you from watching. NUUUUUKE!
They dropped the ball .... AGAIN
9 January 2022
Warning: Spoilers
If anyone watched The Shield, they'll remember the last episode in which Vic Mackey is finally exposed and confronted with all his crimes and misdemeanours. It was great drama and very satisfying. Dexter Morgan deserved a similar comeuppance and I would have loved to have seen the final episode as a one hour police interview conducted by Batista. Instead we got a sentimental cop-out that rushed to conclusion. It was a disappointing end to an otherwise strong series.
Resident Evil a la John Carpenter
21 December 2021
A programme for smart people
18 December 2021
Watch the first episode, read the negative reviews, then watch the second episode that blows all cynicism out of the water. South Park is and has always been the funniest and most insightful TV show. It's balanced and without an agenda. It's an invitation to think, like a smiling fat Buddha.
Army of the Dead
(2021)
It's a fun zombie movie!
22 May 2021
Ignore the dweebs complaining about plot holes and implausible twists - they tolerate it when Christopher Nolan is the director. This is a zombie movie! It was fun and completely over the top. What more could you ask for? And considering the tragedy that touched Zack Snyder and his family, I was very moved that his comeback film was about a father trying to save his daughter. Enjoy yourself and for God sake stop reading movie reviews (including this one)!
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