hugoruneofbrentford Reviews

Blunt Force Trauma (2015)

Terrible

[3/10 · 18 July 2022]

Ultimately unfulfilling, long winded movie that fails to satisfy on any level. The two leads are effective, but the plot(such as it is) is plodding. Things deteoriate even further by the time mickey rourke turns up shortly before the end.

Rourkes botched surgery is so ghastly it detracts from what little impact the weak ending might have had.

Not recommended.

The Zombie King (2013)

The worst movie I have ever seen

[1/10 · 28 March 2022]

There is not a single solitary thing to recommend here. The acting is embarrassing, the directing is cringeworthy, the plot nonexistent. The zombies look vaguely hungover. There is nothing scary, funny or interesting about this pitiful effort.

The Ipcress File (2022)

Suspicious of the glowing reviews

[2/10 · 12 March 2022]

I understand that there is such a thing as personal taste but I am suspicious of anyone who gives this rubbish a 10 star review.

The series is a poor version of the novel and will disappoint fans of the movie.

Several people have said to look past the disastrous miscasting of Jo Cole but it is impossible to do so when Cole is the main character.

Pacing is glacial and I won't be watching the final few episodes.

Star Trek: Hidden Frontier (2000–2007)

Poor even by amateur standards

[3/10 · 26 July 2021]

Perhaps we have been spoiled by superior fan productions like axanar and star trek continues but even before comparison with those mega successful projects star trek:hidden frontier is poor.

The writing is atrocious. There is nothing original here. It just feels like trekkies cobbling together their favourite scenes for re enactment like children in a school playground, and about as successfully.

Direction is equally weak. No originality, flair. I am reluctant to use the term incompetent when discussing the work of amateurs but this is incompetent.

Acting is not worth much but, in fairness, the writing and direction is dreadful so they don't have much chance.

Vagrant Queen (2020)

The batwoman of science fiction

[1/10 · 23 July 2021]

Based on the comic that no one bought, comes the TV series that no one watched.

Sadly this is not some hidden gem that was overlooked. It is a series that crashed and burned because it wasn't very good.

The overall impression is that the people making this didn't care about the quality of the show If the people being paid to produce, write or direct a series don't care about it then why should the audience.

Acting is underwhelming but in fairness the cast were not well served by either the awful script, the cringey humour or the lazy direction.

Not recommended.

The Lady Vanishes (1979)

Shepherd miscasting kills the film

[6/10 · 24 June 2021]

This is an unnecessary remake of the Hitchcock original. The supporting cast are all excellent time served British actors and Gerald Harper, Ian Carmichael and Arthur Lowe bring a delicious energy to the proceedings.

Unfortunately they are onscreen far less than the two leads who are totally miscast.

Elliott Gould acts as though he has wandered in from another film and doesn't know that he is in a period piece but he can actually emote.

Cybill Shepherd is terrible. She is contemporary, which might be forgivable if she could actually act, but she switches from detached and dull to wild overacting without being convincing at either.

Watchable on a slow day but if you haven't seen it you haven't missed much.

Shanghai Surprise (1986)

Even by Madonna standards this is bad.

[1/10 · 12 April 2021]

I can't think of a single thing to recommend about this turgid load of old codswallop.

I can't even imagine who they thought this would appeal to.

Madonna can't act the film has zero intrigue, suspense, or involvement. Not a single character is engaging. The entire film can only be compared to a mild migraine that you can't wait to be over.

Max Payne (2008)

Dead from the moment Wahlberg was cast

[4/10 · 8 March 2021]

The role of Max Payne, even if taken completely separately from the popular games, is one that requires an actor of extraordinary intensity. Wahlberg is a charisma vacuum with little talent and totally miscast in the title role. His tough guy act is as convincing as Cain Dingle's on Emmerdale. I was never able to get involved in the film because of his terrible performance. There are other problems with the film of course. It seems to have little if any resemblance to the game. The pacing is awful and the director can't do action sequences to save his life. Its a shame because there are some good elements. When Wahlberg isn't onscreen the movie picks up dramatically. Olga Kurylenko is a bonus and most of the rest of the cast aquit themselves admirably but with Wahlberg being a walking plank and the fact that no one involved seems to know or care why the games are so popular it's all a waste of time.

The Equalizer (2021– )

Too generic to hold your interest

[2/10 · 4 March 2021]

The series has no identity of its own. It feels like every series out there, with the added disadvantage of poor writing and serious pacing issues. Additionally the focus on the equalisers family drama - which was the weakest element of the original 80s series - drags it down both in terms of pacing and making it feel like every other modern series. Personally I'm not going to bother with this slight offering but if others get something out of it then good luck to them. I am however sceptical of all of the glowing reviews

Jason Bourne (I) (2016)

it seems Tony Gilroy was the true talent of the Bourne series

[4/10 · 1 August 2016]

Let's be blunt. Jason Bourne (2016) is awful.

Made as a lazy, cynical cashgrab, conceived when Damon's career was in freefall and inspired by a childish feud with Tony Gilroy - the writer of the classic Bourne films.

Greengrass tries to take on writer duties himself, revealing another cinema discipline that he has no talent for.

Damon looks bored, Cassel looks fed up, Stiles looks old and Tommy Lee Jones looks very, very ill.

The plot is a composite of the previous Bourne movies. Bourne's -or rather David Webb- story was finished in the Bourne Ultimatum ( some would argue it was finished at the end of the Bourne Identity). There is nothing original here in terms of story or character. Just a lazy retread of what has gone before.

As in the Bourne Supremacy , an attempt is made to generate some drama by summarily despatching Bourne's "girl". No-one really cared about the death of Marie all those years ago, and the death of Nicky is even less interesting. This is not helped by the fact that Julia Stiles seems to be reading her lines from a card, and the manner of her death is a blatant rip off of the female death in Supremacy.

There is , as usual in a Greengrass movie, way too much shakycam . There was too much shakycam in Greengrass' previous Bourne films , but the use of shakycam has increased tenfold. The climactic fight scene was ruined by the inability to see what was going on.

The car chase- which must have cost millions- is unwatchable because it looks as though it was filmed at night during an earthquake.

Wait for it on TV

Godzilla (2014)

not horror just horribly dull

[2/10 · 21 November 2014]

This is an incredibly boring movie. I liked the theme music, which had a hint of the 1954 score to it, the introduction to Godzilla..and nothing else.

The acting is almost universally bad. Aaron Taylors-Dummy is embarrassing as the lead and Ken Wannabe looks really constipated. Only Cranston and Elizabeth Olsen breathe any life into their characters, and they have little more than cameos.

On the subject of cameos Godzilla is barely in the movie, and when he is you can't see him. Infuriatingly, after a very long and boring build up the camera cuts to something else when the monsters fight.

The worst thing of all is that the script is unbelievably stupid, and follows the ( not very interesting) activities of the US Military and their nonsensical and absurd plans.

Awful. THe 1998 version was better than this.

Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort (2014 Video)

a porn movie for people who are embarrassed to buy a proper dirty film

[1/10 · 13 November 2014]

The Wrong Turn series of films has been pretty dreadful for a while now, so I wasn't expecting anything good. However nothing could prepare me for how awful this is in every conceivable way.

The script, acting and direction are all completely amateurish. there are a couple of moments where the film is repulsive but it is never scary, suspenseful or even interesting. The new " twist" to the script seems completely tacked on and takes us far away from the original film. To be honest it feels like a film that was released as part of the wrong turn franchise as some kind of contractual obligation.

To compensate for this the film throws a large amount of pointless nudity at the audience. Fair enough, if that is your thing,but I wanted to watch a horror film and on that level it failed.

Pacific Rim (2013)

garbage

[1/10 · 17 September 2013]

Pacific Rim is a movie for people who get distracted by shiny objects.

There is no plot, no suspense, no drama, no humour, no attempt at characterisation . All there is, is a big pile of CGI and a script that looks like it was written by a four year old.

There is LOTS of cgi. Its not very good CGI and it completely fails to disguise the fact that the movie is idiotic and lazy, with nothing to offer anyone except the completely undiscerning viewer. The film even has much of the action taking place in poorly lit environments to attempt to describe the lameness of the effects.

The actors do their best, but even Idris Elba, whose work I normally enjoy, is completely wasted in this trash.

Skyfall (2012)

don't believe the hype

[2/10 · 27 October 2012]

This is categorically not the best Bond film ever. The pudding is being over egged. It begins well with an impressive chase and a fight on a train but then it all somehow falls apart. With such an impressive cast you'd expect the film to be more memorable.

The running time is overlong and the final action scene drags big time.

Craig looks terrible here with his crew cut and too tight suits. Ralph Fiennes would surely make a better Bond. Thomas Newman's score is unmemorable. Naomie Harris is miscast. Berenice is underused. The villains plot is far too complex and makes the whole thing seem like a farce.

Wait for the hype to die down and this will be seen for what it is. A mediocre film that sits near the bottom of the middle quality Bonds.

Dredd (2012)

well worth the ticket price

[8/10 · 23 September 2012]

I was very pleasantly surprised by this film. I remember reading the comic as a kid but was put off seeing this by the crappy Stallone version in the 90s.

It is much better than the 90s version and has a quite distinctive tone that stays in the memory long after the movie has ended. Karl Urban is fantastically well cast and becomes the personification of Dredd. I'm tempted to buy some of the graphic novels just to re read the original strips and I suspect that, if I do, I'll hear Urban's voice speaking Dredd's dialogue.

The movie is an excellent piece of science fiction and a strong action packed thriller.

Even if science fiction or action movies aren't your thing the movie is worth seeing on principle. If movies like Dredd are not successful then you'll see less R rated films, less films without A list flavour of the month leads, less independent films with artistic vision.

Or maybe you prefer the idea of a future Dredd film starring inappropriate charisma vacuum walking planks like Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise and his cute puppy sidekick.

Killing Them Softly (2012)

probably not for a mainstream audience

[1/10 · 23 September 2012]

This film is being falsely advertised as a gangster shoot em up. it is nothing like that. Its an allegory for big business and politics. The film has some interesting ideas but little else. It is a satire that isn't funny, a thriller that doesn't thrill, a talking piece with a message that doesn't hold the attention.

The cast do their best, but the quality of their best varies. Brad Pitt is one of , if not the, most over-rated actors working in Hollywood today.

he has never impressed me as an actor in anything he has ever done and he pretty much fails here as well.

Probably one to catch on TV...in my personal opinion its not worth paying to see at the cinema.

The Bourne Legacy (2012)

one of my films of the year

[8/10 · 22 September 2012]

Jeremy Renner is having an amazing year. With Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol, The Avengers and now effortlessly replacing Matt Damon as the lead in the Bourne series. Renner excels in them all. He is a better screen fighter than Damon and much more engaging. To be honest I always found Matt Damon's acting style a little "dry" for my taste.

The rest of the cast are all good with special mention of Rachel Weis as the Dr who becomes entangled in the deadly world of espionage.

Also for the first time since Identity you can see what is going on in the action sequences, with the climactic motorbike scenes captivating.

Hopefully Renner, Weis and director Gilroy will return for another instalment. Personally I can't wait.