nichol_storm Reviews

The Lost Boys (1987)

All hail the '80s!

[14 April 2003]

When their mother Lucy (an appealing Dianne Wiest) divorces their father, brothers Michael (Jason Patric) and Sam (Corey Haim) find themselves dragged across the country to their grouchy grandfather's house in Santa Carla, California. Not only is it a wooden shack, it's filled with taxidermied animals and -- horror! -- doesn't have TV. If that was the sole sum of their problems, then this would be a pretty dull movie.

Fortunately, Michael attends a concert in which he notices a beautiful flame-haired girl named Star (Jami Gertz). She likes him, he likes her, the cheesy '80s soundtrack swells. Much to Michael's dismay, however, he finds she's running with a biker gang led by David (Kiefer Sutherland, sporting the most serious "business up top, party on the bottom" haircut I've ever seen). Trying to get closer to Star, Michael falls in with David's gang and after imbibing a bottlefull of wine that looks suspiciously like blood, he begins to realize something's up when he starts levitating and trying to drink his brother's blood.

Meanwhile, Sam meets the Frog Brothers who are serious and professional vampire hunters despite being all of thirteen years old. In order to save Michael from vamping out permanently, they have to track the lead vampire to his lair and stake him. Easier said than done!

This is a great movie. Not "Citizen Kane" great, of course, or even "Titanic" great, but marvelous cheesy fun that's somehow of better quality than it deserves to be. The comedy is genuinely funny, the horror is genuinely scary, and the romance falls genuinely flat, but hey! you can't win 'em all. Jason Patric is at his youngest, prettiest, and most Jim Morrison-esque as Michael, and is a darn good actor to boot. I'll never understand why he never made the leap to big-time star. Spike from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer: the Series" is such an obvious rip-off of Kiefer Sutherland's David that it's not even funny. Kiefer did the 'charming, charismatic, leather-clad vampire bad-boy with the peroxide-blond hair and more of a heart than you might expect' thing first, and did it better, IMHO.

Okay, so the '80s fashion and haircuts may be scarier than the vampires, but this is still a fine little flick that should be seen at least once, if for no better reason than to bask in the beauty of Jason Patric and Kiefer Sutherland in their youthful glory. And if you don't go that way, you still have Jami Gertz to provide the attractive female eye candy. So check it out, and if you're like me, it'll leave you wishing for that sequel they planned but never made (curse you, film gods! It's not too late -- what have Corey Haim and Corey Feldman done since this movie? They could return for the sequel!)

The Three Musketeers (1993)

Far too much fun for its own good

[21 January 2002]

A wild, terribly fun ride through 17th century France, a land ruled de jure by youthful King Louis XIII and his Austrian wife, Anne, but ruled de facto by the degenerate Cardinal Richelieu. D'Artagnan, a fresh-faced wanna-be Musketeer, comes to Paris seeking his fortune and future and manages to get mixed up with the legendary Athos, Aramis, and Porthos, as well as one of Queen Anne's comely ladies-in-waiting, and a sinister villainess.

This Disney version isn't completely faithful to the novel or to history, but then, if you want historical accuracy, you shouldn't be watching something inspired by the works of Alexandre Dumas! As it is, its a ripping good time, with Oliver Platt as Porthos being the stand-out in the Musketeers, and Tim Curry chews the scenery quite effectively as the good Cardinal. Unlike the kung-fu "Musketeer", this version not only keeps in Constance (though altered from her literary counterpart, and given a happy ending), but also Buckingham, and my favorite, Milady de Winter. Though, sadly, I hate how every movie feels it must tone down or redeem her character -- such an icy cold villainess is just too threatening, I suppose.

One thing I remember clearly from this version is the bright, rich colors -- the brillant red of Richelieu's cloak, which swirled and breathed like a living creature, and the smooth whites and golds and blues of the French court. Though the characters are a bit cleaner and have more teeth than real 17th century Frenchmen would, I much prefer this look to the drab "Man In the Iron Mask" with Dicaprio. Besides, unlike the Dicaprio-helmed vehicle, I didn't notice nine or ten different pronunciations of D'Artagnan's name! .:Nichol:.

Who's That Girl (1987)

Am I the only person on Earth who loves this movie? *SPOILERS*

[5 November 2001]

It's a riot! Madonna, back-in-the-day, in her wild getups and all New Yawk-ified, before she somehow transformed into a Brit. Griffin Dunne as the put-upon man of her dreams, who finds the courage to pursue his own. Griffin's fiancee Wendy, the society-slut who makes him recite the cloying "Love, sweet love. It's the only thing...there's just too little of" at their wedding. And who could forget the panthers?

Sure it's goofy. Sure it's kinda stupid. But it's a funky 80s movie with Madonna doing her thing and being Madonna, and has just the happiest ending of any movie off the top of my head (everyone gets someone at the end. Even the two guy detectives end up together before it's over with). You must be inhuman if you don't love it.

By the way, for the four or so people left on Earth who haven't seen the movie yet, there be spoilers in them thar above sentences. But I warned you once already in the heading, so NYAH!

The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)

My all-time fave action/thriller flick

[25 October 2001]

Yes, it's over-the-top. Yes, it's an orgy of sound, bullets, blood, and exploding buildings. Yes, it's got more muscles than sense. But heck, that's why I love it.

"The Long Kiss Goodnight" is a tempest of action, wit, identity crises, maternal love, murderous hate, undying friendship, and let us not forget Samuel L.Jackson's fantastic outfits. Jackson plays Mitch Hennesey, a private eye, who in his own words, has never done a thing right in his life. He's trying to reconnect with his estranged family while busting small-fry criminals in a thankless job. That is until Samantha Caine comes crashing into his life.

You see, Samantha is a girl with a problem -- and her name is Charley. Charley's who Samantha *used* to be, eight years ago; a vengeful, tough-as-nails professional killer who's been buried deep in Samantha's amnesiac psyche until now. Sam has built a life for herself away from Charley and all that she stands for. She has a beautiful home, a loyal if bland fiance, and an adorable daughter. But a freak accident awakens Charley, and Sam grapples with losing who is she to who she used to be.

Worse yet, she *needs* Charley's skills. You see, Charley's old employers are hot on her heels, and they're intent on disposing of this embarrassing relict of the Cold War once and for all. The delicious Craig Bierko plays Timothy, the male version of the femme fatale that's such a staple of action movies. Nasty as he is handsome, as cold-blooded as Charley, Timothy is also damn near unkillable. Don't miss his interrogation scene with Mitch, easily one of the highlights of the picture!

Whoever said Geena Davis wasn't sexy enough to play Charley doesn't have eyes. I'm a straight female, and even I couldn't take my eyes off her. Charley's all business, "bad as I want to be!" persona is not pleased with the baggage Samantha's tied her down with, especially not an eight-year-old named Caitlin. The young Yvonna Zima as Caitlin is that rarity in action films -- a child who actually contributes to the plot! While her lisp got on my nerves, she did look the part -- which becomes important when she meets up with "Daddy Dearest" about half-way through the movie.

This is one of the few moves a female character gets to do more than stand around and scream helplessly. Charley breaks necks, breaks bones, and breaks hearts in a role perhaps too threatening for some viewers. With her impressively buff physique, Charley makes you believe you wouldn't want to meet up with her in a dark alley. Her alter-ego Sam is just as engrossing, and a lot more sympathetic. Sam and Mitch's dialogue is another highlight, and never seems forced or unnatural. And how can you not love a movie with dialogue like this?:

Caitlin: "Mommy, are we gonna die?"

Charley: "No, honey. We're not going to die. They are."

Or:

Agent: "Charley's taken the truck and is headed out of town. I'm hurt pretty badly sir, I think I'm dying. Out."

Timothy: "Continue dying. Out."

I'm not going to give away Mitch's lines; you'll have to see them in the movie. By the way, what are you waiting for? Go rent/beg/borrow/steal "The Long Kiss Goodnight"!