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Marshal_Law
Reviews
31 (2016)
Yet another abysmal movie from Rob Zombie
As juvenile as calling a grown man "Zombie" this is yet another awkward embarrassing adolescent amateurish annoying movie from this clueless guy. His wife at the center of it, yet again making "deranged" expressions trying to be as sleazy as possible but with the zero talent of a non-actress,doesn't help it either. Nope, this man can't get it right even by mere chance. He's still all pose. Like a tribute band of 70's/80's horror movies who get the look (kind of) but can't play worth a crap. By the time a terrible little man actor dressed as a Nazi/clown listens to real Hitler speech records was time to turn this garbage of. You see even the vague feeling that this drivel was in this way connected to such a terrible event in history was so sad and stupid i had to quit. Because this exactly what a Rob Zombie movie is , a dwarf actor dresses as a Nazi made up as a clown to be shocking and bizarre just for the sake of shocking and bizarre, and the results are of course pathetic. Oh boy, somewhere there's talented people who can't find money to produce their movie and this hack has already made 7 or something like that. Pisses me off.
Torrente 5: Operación Eurovegas (2014)
Trash
Trash, just that . A waste of the time of everyone involved in the making of this crap, a waste of the time of everyone who's ever gonna watch it. How can i explain how bad this movie is? It's offensively bad. This movie tells to your face that you are a dumb idiot and now you gonna watch what you deserve. I can't ,you should watch it to understand what a vomit turd it is. Except you should never watch it. Never ever. Some idiot gets out of prison and then decides to make a spoof of Ocean's Eleven going across every tiresome raunchy comedy cliché and doing it wrong at that. At one point the joke i that one man finds more attractive a fat old transvestite looking woman than a pretty slim one. Another joke is that an idiot seems to go down on Alec Baldwin but no, he was just picking up a wire. This $hit for what seemed to be 3 hours , but is probably one and a half or something like that. I don't care to look for the actual run time. This movie made me angry and embarrassed at the same time. I was like ashamed to be in the movie theater.
Hercules Returns (1993)
Dumb annoying humor that gets tiresome after 2 minutes
How anyone can find those high pitched voices funny is beyond me. And they even say bad jokes, not even clever ones. You know the biggest failure on this attempt of comedy? The original was a comedy also! This movie is akin as making fun of the 1963 Batman TV show, a parody of a parody. The original( Samson and the Mighty Challenge 1964) is already a clever parody of its own genre. A movie making fun of itself, but that time (and well 30 years before!) worked beautifully because the makers of the original knew how to measure our, how to ration. A joke of a joke of a joke is what this movie is , and that is pretty dumb. In short, watch the original you'll watch a clever comedy with great comic tempo and plot, and if you think it dates 1963 pretty ahead of it's time. Any lover of stuff like This is Spinal Tap or The princess bride should enjoy it plenty.
Kingpin: Life of Crime (1999)
Grim Gritty Ultra Violent Vulgar Gross, one of the the greatest ever.
10 bloody stars for this gem. I often read silly comments on how some fantasy game is considered to be one of the most violent ever. BS baby, play this one if you really want to feel uneasy about dense and relentless violence, because you know, if you are killing in a game a reptile humanoid that spurts a green good when you cut it, that can't hold a candle to actually machine gun down a dirty psycho gangster who's shouting at you unreproducible insults while a shower of blood jams out of his body, you can blow parts of their bulky bodies with a shotgun, it's great how they fall knee first and then body to the ground when you make their heads suddenly explode without warning. Let alone the cascade of blood and the squirting sounds when you make them explode with a rocket, or the desperate screams they make when you set them on fire! O boy this game is everything i wanted for at the time... the mood is awesome, everybody is there whether to kill you or to be hired to kill, the "bitches" (that's the name of the actual characters) give you some hints, the gangsters are always commenting on some kill or some "job" they did recently, the backgrounds are great, from a labyrinth of projects buildings, urban decay is the keyword for the surrounding areas. All the enemies are awesome in design, from tough dangerously looking tugs with great different tones and accents, to deranged toxic mutated psychos. References to great movies like Pulp Fiction or The Big Lebowski, rats everywhere, garbage, sewers, condemned buildings, bums, junkies, oh God it's got it all! Is like playing a mix of Escape from New York with Death Wish III, i could talk forever about this game. The creators are my heroes, the concept is everything i want as i said, and i hope some time this guys will give us a sequel maybe letting us play with a new tough thug on his way to waste the thug we made Kingpin in this off the hook fricking ridiculously amazing violent game!