jhegre-1 Reviews

Atlas (2024)

The big quesion. Could J-Lo possibly suck any harder?

[1/10 · 24 May 2024]

I will admit I have watched one of J-Los recent movies so, yes, I didnt expect anying at all from this one, I hatewatched it for a laugh.

And I did get a good laugh, I can recommend this movie for a laugh. As you would expect there are plenty of ridiculous flaws, mistakes and cockups to keep you laughing.

As well as a terrible script there is also a lot of seriously bad acting to crack you up. I can recommend bringing drinks and making it a night out with friends.

Atlas has the potential of becoming a Rocky Horror Picture Show for a new generation. The dialogue couldnt have been better for live mocking if it had been made for the purpose. I can see myself watching this one many more times. So, to the big question - could J-Lo possibly suck any harder? You probably guessed it by now, Yes of course she could. However, she kind of breaks a barrier here, it becomes something else, a new kind of terrible, a new kind of bad, so very very very bad.

Happy viewing folks!

Expend4bles (2023)

Why???

[1/10 · 20 October 2023]

I like dumb action movies and the Expendables franchise is usually not the worst way to spend a couple of hours. I can appreciate an Expendables movie even If it is just another dumb moneygrab. I can appreciate another Expendables movie even If it is just a bunch of geriatric action movie actors who have serious problems delivering even the simplest line with a shred of credibility. I can appreciate yet another Expendables movie even If it seems like the guy who wrote the script has only the previous Expendables movies as reference and those are the only movies he has watched in his life.

What I can't appreciate is a movie with Megan Fox in it. That girl is just not an actress, and I have no idea why she keeps popping up in movies. Let's be honest for a second, she couldn't act if her life depended on it.

It takes a special kind of skill to ruin somthing as dumb and simple as an Expendables movie, but Megan Fox has that special kind of skill.

Hijack: Brace Brace Brace (2023) Season 1, Episode 7

Incredibly bad, worse than you thought possible.

[1/10 · 2 August 2023]

Before watching this episode I would claim that the series as a whole was worth watching. I am aware that a lot of people will disagree with that but there was some sort of a balance of watchable action and cliff hanger suspense in most episodes. All episodes had logical flaws and elements of silliness, but never quite enough to crash the series. Apparently they saved the motherload of logical flaws and utter silliness for this last episode. Now I feel kind of stupid for not having seen this coming. These 50 minutes of utter garbage were just jam packed with logical flaws and inane attempts at dramatical twists. The storyline reeked of desperation. Perhaps the producers held the families of the writers at gunpoint, threatening to kill them if the writers couldnt find a way to land the series without losing viewers, they failed miserably.

The Mother (2023)

Cringeorama

[1/10 · 12 May 2023]

Unfortunately there is a long tradition in Hollywood for this kind of revenge-snuff-movies, where the main point is to try and pump up the audience's emotions and hatred for the badies as much as possible so that they can justifiably be killed in the most bestial perverse way thinkable for the audience's satisfaction. And let's be fair, Jennifer Lopez is far from a great actress to start with. In this movie Lopez is even worse than usual, partly because there is not much to work with in a flick as poorly put together as this one but you also get seriously fed up with Lopez' cringeworthy "badass" facial expression after only a few minutes, and then you realize that the same expression is supposed to carry the rest of this sad cringe-fest.

No Name and Dynamite Davenport (2022)

Taking a big dump on the history of spagetti western

[1/10 · 4 May 2023]

This is a dreadful movie. By attempting to copy everything from a proud tradition of western movies and failing miserably, this movie just takes a big dump on all spagetti westerns in the history of film making. Sergio Leone must be spinning in his grave and so must Ennio Morricone. If you appreciate the great works of masters like Leone and Morricone, do not watch this piece of utter garbage put together by Errol Sack. It will only leave you nauseous and angry. It is hard to fathom how it is possible to go this wrong, to fail this miserably, but I think it must have to do with Mr Sack's skills of movie making, or rather lack thereof. I wonder where he might have gotten the idea that getting a bunch of poor actors to mimic lines that sound similar to something out of Leone's classics was a good plan. The same approach seems to have been used when it comes to cinematography and music. Did Mr Sack watch The Room and think, "I could do this, just with spagetti western"??

This movie is criminally bad and it should never have been made. Be warned!

Knock at the Cabin (2023)

Great comedy!

[1/10 · 21 February 2023]

This is like a GREAT parody of an M. Night Shyamalan movie. If you have seen any of mr M's work you will find this "comedy" hilarious. It is packed to the rim with ridiculously weak, silly and utterly stupid bs, the kind you have come to expect from M. Night Shyamalan.

Shyamalan's usual ultra-banal "twists" are working overtime in this one. A parody could not have done this better (or worse), believe me. This is the essence of M. Night Shyamalan. M. Night Shyamalan destilled if you will. Shyamalan's attempts at "picking your brain" is painful at best throughout the movie. I was embarrassed on behalf of the actors, I felt so sorry for them. But still, I mostly laughed out loud all through the movie. See it, it is well worth a good laugh.

Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre (2023)

Cashgrab

[3/10 · 7 January 2023]

I hope Hugh Grant and Eddie Marsan were paid well for this job for they are the only ones making a decent effort in this movie.

Eddie Marsan is as brilliant as you have come to expect, even in a sad cashgrab of a movie like this. Hugh Grant is better than usual I think and does a surprisingly good role as the villain of sorts.

I hope Operation Fortune: Ruse de guerre becomes a blockbuster that makes heaps of money though because both Jason Statham and Aubrey Plaza desperately need to afford some acting classes.

Besides this the movie is about a halfhour too long, it doesn't manage to keep up the suspense and you end up getting bored and annoyed with the poor acting of Statham and Plaza.

The Minute You Wake up Dead (2022)

Like a super low budget TV drama

[1/10 · 13 December 2022]

It is hard to imagine this movie was not meant for TV. There is nothing to suggest that this movie was meant to play in cinemas. The overall quality is a lot lower than in most low budget TV dramas. There is no good or even half decent acting here, including Morgan Freeman who is half asleep throughout the movie. Do yourself a favour, save your money and your time because this is an hour and a half you will never get back. If you really want to watch this movie I would recommend that you stare at a fork for 90 minutes instead, at least it won't leave you with the empty feeling this movie left me with.

Emily the Criminal (2022)

To those of you who wondered if Aubrey Plaza could get more annoying....

[2/10 · 14 November 2022]

The answer is yes, unfortunately. Plazas serious-actress-face is about as one dimentional as her cute-funny-face that made her famous. To be honest, this is not a great movie so Plaza is not to blame alone (...is what I thought while watching this movie). The dialogue serves as little more than a segue to try and glue the film together, which makes it sound corny and illogical. The movie is painfully predictable and I just couldn't wait for it to end.

And in the credit crawl comes the big reveal: Produced by..... yes, you guessed it, Aubrey Plaza.

The whole movie is exactly what it seems to be - a cringeworthy attempt to lift Aubrey Plaza up from "that corny cute girl" in Parks and Recreation to serious actress. It goes exactly as well as you might expect....

Where Are You (2019)

Ultrapretentious and void of any artistic qualities.

[1/10 · 21 October 2022]

What on earth made Anthony Hopkins take part in this dreadful movie? It puzzles me. Surely he must have read the script, talked to the director, talked to the other "actors". So how on earth did he manage to get entangled in this utterly horrible movie? Was it a bet?

Is someone blackmailing him? I don't get it.

To make a movie should take more effort than just to put together some scenes that look and sound like a 90s Axe deodorant commercial, right?

The dialogue is just cheezy beyond belief, and the acting is as inspired and as credible as a 90s Axe deodorant commercial.

This must be one of the most annoying attempt at making a movie ever. It reminds me a lot of the Norwegian turkey "Dis" from 1995 made by the Aune Sand. Unanimously hailed as the worst movie in Norwegian history.

John Wick (2014)

Even worse than expected! How did they do that??

[1/10 · 22 August 2022]

This is what you get when a stuntman directs a movie. Clearly it has a certain appeal to a certain kind of audience, the kind that loves glorified revengemovies. That is all it is, even more blatant than say, the Death Wish series. This is all about pumping up adrenaline in the viewer and making the baddies so ridiculously bad that you just can't wait for the glorfied revenge.

As a movie/storyline/acting etc you get what you can expect. Nada.

You get to see both of Keanu Reeves' deadpan facial expressions so at least you get the full scope of his acting skills.

I held off for 8 years but I just watched it and now my eyes, brain and soul hurts. My best tip to anyone who hasn't watched it is don't, you can't unsee it.

Good Mourning (I) (2022)

Bad, almost fascinatingly bad.

[1/10 · 21 May 2022]

This is the least funny comedy I have seen in a long long long time, perhaps in my whole life. I must admit I didn't see the whole thing though, it was just too painful. It makes sense that Machine Gun Kelly wrote, directed and starred in this piece of garbage.

Writing, directing and starring is a bad idea for any writer, director or actor, unfortunately Machine Gun Kelly is neither. He is fascinatingly void of talent in this movie.

Also, Pete Davidson REALLY let himself go. Watching this movie you'd never believe he used to be funny.

Last Survivors (2021)

Nice scenery and not half bad cinematography but.....

[2/10 · 7 February 2022]

Alicia Silverstone..... I hear she once was an actress but I might be wrong.

She is pretty good at "blank stare" but other than that she has little to offer.

The script is also nothing to write home about, the dialogue is horrible but pretty good cinematography and really nice scenery, but not enough to make this a decent movie.

1883 (2021–2022)

Predictable and boooooooooooooooring

[1/10 · 6 February 2022]

This series is a perfect example of how some americans wish american history was. A veritable firework of clichès. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, don't quit your dayjobs!

The Requin (2022)

Worst CGI ever?

[2/10 · 28 January 2022]

The CGI in this movie makes the Sharknado movies look pretty decent in comparison. I recommend watching this movie just to laugh at the comically bad CGI. It is so bad that it becomes pretty funny. Pieces of wood "floating" a few feet above the water surface. The rest of the movie is pretty crap too as expected, horrible acting, horrible script, horrible cinematography etc. But the CGI alone makes it worth a watch and a good laugh.

After Life: Episode #3.1 (2022) Season 3, Episode 1

Money grab from Gervais

[2/10 · 21 January 2022]

I would think Ricky has all the money he needs by now. So why do this?

The first two seasons were great, at times briliant! But no one needs to see Ricky Gervais flogging a dead horse for six episodes.

I feel bad for the actors who are briliant, all of them. I understand it is tempting to keep going when you have made something decent, but Ricky Gervais should know better!

I wonder what Golden Globe Ricky would have had to say about soppy 3rd season rehashed Afterlife Ricky.

Scream (I) (2022)

As bad as the originals

[1/10 · 14 January 2022]

Yet again a super thin plot based on the same whole meta scream-slash idea. Basically a rehash of the "originals" which I never found particularly original to be honest. The acting is horrible at best. Super annoying that the girl attacked in the opening scene doesn't die. If you liked the previous ones you'll possibly like this one too but I seriously suggest you rather check out some good horror movies.

Spoiler alert! This one sucks!

The Deep House (2021)

Terrible terrible acting.

[2/10 · 25 October 2021]

The story is just about as predictable as could be expected and I guess poor James Jagger inherited his activng skills.from his father, unfortunately for him and for the audience.......

Escape Room: Tournament of Champions (2021)

A quick buck

[2/10 · 8 September 2021]

Clichè upon clichè and amateurish mistakes. Pretty much as you would expect.

When you die from heat locked up in a sauna at 270F I would think that you would perhaps break a sweat, but what do I know....

Fear and Loathing in Aspen (2021)

This is not Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas II

[10/10 · 31 August 2021]

This is not Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas II, THANK GOD! Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas II would be a terrible idea and a horrible movie most likely.

Fear and Loathing in Aspen on the other hand has a lot more to do with Hunter S Thompson than Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

Don't get me wrong, FaLi Las Vegas is a great film, but it is 50%Terry Gilliam, 30% Johnny Depp and 20% HS Thompson.

FaLi Las Vegas is Gilliam's and Depp's take on HS Thompson and for that it is brilliant.

This film is 100% Hunter S Thompson.

A brilliantly told and seemingly pretty accurate retelling of HS Thompsons escapades in Aspen. Great acting, great script, great movie.

The Stairs (I) (2021)

Seriously?

[1/10 · 28 August 2021]

Everything looks fairly normal for a while ...... until they introduce the "scary" parts which all are so ridiculous they become funny. Not intentionally funny. Almost so bad it could become a cult classic. But only almost.

Snake Eyes (2021)

Poor acting, poor script, be warned.

[1/10 · 18 August 2021]

This is very very shallow stuff. Stereotypes to the point of pure sillyness.

The dialogue and characters are cringeworthy. Portrayal of japanese culture is just sad and pathetic. This whole movie is very american and very cheesy.

Beckett (2021)

Jam packed with logical flaws

[2/10 · 13 August 2021]

It is very rare to see a movie with this many logical flaws. Every other minute you stop and think, "Hey, what?? That made no sense" Also, a lot of the dialogue is weird and unnatural, clearly put in there to reveal something to the viewer but makes no sense in the story.

The script is really terrible. It is almost fascinating to see so many amateurish mistakes in a movie that otherwise holds a fairly decent level of production value. John David Washingtons acting is flat and uninspired, he uses both his two facial expressions through the movie and you soon get bored and annoyed with both. This movie might work well as a "how not to do it" for film students.

Suicide Squad (2016)

Don't believe the hype

[1/10 · 6 August 2021]

Move along, nothing to see here. Seriously though, there is really nothing to see here. Just a string of half witty one liners put together. The plot is uninteresting from the start until the end and once you've seen the first 20 minutes you know exactly what the next hour and a half is going to be like.

I guess actors also need to make a living but seriously folks this is just laziness. All the actors in this movie are better than this, or that is, they used to be better than this.......

Noah (2014)

I used to like Darren Aronofsky

[3/10 · 4 August 2021]

Darren Aronofsky used to be pretty good at one point. And lets be honest, Russell Crowe is not ageing like a fine wine.