ogami-itto Reviews

Catterick (2004– )

Vic & Bob's finest hour.

[30 June 2004]

Catterick is quite simply a work of genius. Popular UK comedians Vic Reeves & Bob Mortimer play brothers who have been reunited after a number of years while Bob's character has been away with the army. He's returned home to make contact with the son he abandoned. A simple journey to the town of Catterick becomes a nightmarish adventure as the brothers collide with a psychotic young man and a hotel owner with a shocking secret among others. Filled with outrageous characters, hilarious dialogue and performances from some of the UK's finest comedy actors, Catterick is one of the finest, and most ambitious, comedies in recent memory. With nods to everything from Dennis Potter to The League Of Gentlemen, this is a truly British show and a definite must-see.

The Ladykillers (2004)

A superb Hanks performance

[30 June 2004]

I came to this film in a strange state of mind. I loved the original and hated the thought of a remake. But, I also love the work of the Coen's and if anybody could do a half decent remake - it would be them. Sadly the film never really works. Firstly the film never seems to decide what time period it wants to belong to. The setting, the amount of money stolen and Hanks' character all seem to belong in at least the 1950s and this rubs horribly with Wayans' character and a lot of the dialogue. If the film had managed to create an out of time feel for itself then this wouldn't have been a problem. Instead it often feels as if characters have wandered in from a different screenplay. The film also lacks charm in a lot of places. Irma P Hall has been praised for her performance and rightly so, but the character itself never feels believable. She is too similar to the criminals for her to work as a believable foil. There are funny moments in this film and Hanks is a delight. A truly bizarre creation that will hopefully help to bury the persona Hanks has created for himself over the last few years. For me this was his finest performance since Big. The Coen Bros seem to be on a low streak of late. Neither this nor Intolerable Cruelty were bad films but they were more films of good scenes and performances than a complete movie. Hopefully they'll regain greatness with their next outing. See this film, if only for Hanks. But then go straight out and watch the original.

A Garfield Christmas Special (1987 TV Short)

Incredible xmas cartoon

[30 June 2004]

Garfield, that loveable fat lazy cat. One of my favourite characters from childhood. I used to get Garfield vids from my local rental store and watch them over and over. All of them seemed amazing at the time but the Christmas special was always my favourite. Now, almost twenty years later the cartoon still receives regular plays in my home. The plot is simple Garfield, Odie and Jon spend a family Christmas in the farm home that Jon grew up in. The songs are great, it's funny, sweet and ultimately moving. It manages to avoid the sentimentality that usually crops up in Christmas specials just by having Garfield constantly undercutting the feel-good nature with cynicism. Show this to the children in your life. It really is magical in a way that all the Disney animations could never be - because it has heart.

Shock Movie Massacre (2003– )

Best show of the year

[16 August 2003]

Shock Movie Massacre is a t.v. series devoted to cult movies. Covering everything from Troma to imitation Snuff movies, the show sends the goddess known as Emily Booth on location to meet with directors and stars and recreate sequences from the film. The virtue of this series is that it covers several topics each week so if one genre doesn't interest you there's always something else on the show. Though, Emily has so much fun that it becomes impossible to dislike any of the items she covers. And, if you really aren't a genre movie fan you can always sit back and watch miss Booth in action.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

T2 without the class

[16 August 2003]

Possible spoilers

This movie is Terminator 2 all over again. Arnie comes back to protect John Conner but this time John is with his future wife instead of his mother. It was the same basic storyline. At least T2 had the decency to give us the twist of Arnie protecting him from a far superior villain but this was just appalling. Lame jokes, bad performances (with the exception of Stahl), pointless special effects and a rushed ending. What was the point?

T3 is just another crappy sci-fi sequel. The people praising it are the ultimate fan-boys, those who similarly praised Attack Of The Clones or Matrix Reloaded, die hard fans who can't admit that their babies suck. If this film didn't have the Terminator title or Arnie starring it would have been straight to video and forgotten about. Utter trash and a stain on the memory of the first two films.

Johnny English (2003)

For the love of God why?

[15 August 2003]

I am a huge Rowan Atkinson fan. I grew up on Blackadder and Mr Bean and his early stand-up material ranks up there with the greats. Even the Barclaycard adverts on which this film were based made me laugh. I guess that's why I feel so betrayed by this film. When you see one of your childhood favourites sinking so low it tends to get under your skin. First off, Rowan actually gives a good performance, his comic timing is as perfect as ever. It's just the material doesn't have much of the comic about it. Every joke is predictable, from the pen to the ejector seat. The cast is pretty strong, true Natalie Imbruglia is only there as the love interest but she plays it well. Ben Miller is his usual reliable self as Bough. It could have been so great. But even a good cast can't do much with such lousy material and their best efforts fall flat. The film's biggest problem, even more than the script, is John Malkovich. Yes, John Malkovich, godlike genius actor. How he'll ever be able to justify this film is beyond me. For someone so acclaimed to give such an offensive, ill-judged performance is saddening. This is also the question of the films horribly xenophobic anti-french jokes. Though that should mean it'll get a good reception in certain parts of the U.S. If you're really a Rowan fan you'll do well to avoid this film, pretend you've never heard of it. You'll thank me for it.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Depp's performance is a must see.

[9 August 2003]

The plot of POTC has been outlined in some of the other comments so I won't rehash that. The film itself does have some major flaws, firstly it is about thirty minutes too long and could easily have stood a little trimming. Second, Jack Davenport's performance is abysmal for what is a small but pivotal role. Geoffrey Rush does ok as do Kiera Knightley and Orlando Bloom but they all blown off the screen by the mighty Johnny Depp. Basing his performance on early 70s Keith Richards Depp struts around the screen and makes the film his own, he is helped by the fact that he gets most of the film's best lines but nevertheless it is difficult to imagine anyone but Depp pulling this off. It is his most demented, brilliant performance since Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas and one of the best of his career.

This film could easily have failed. It is a summer blockbuster based on an amusement park ride and as such normally the kind of film I wouldn't even bother to see, but, it has such a great sense of mindless fun that it proves enchanting. See it, if only for Depp.

Naked Blood (1996)

Different

[9 August 2003]

I watched this film thinking it would be another gore fest like the Guinea Pig series and in some ways it is. Yes, there are disturbing sequences of mutilation, including the much talked about nipple slicing scene. But, there is an intelligence to this movie that lifts it out of the run-of-the-mill splatter territory. The plot involves a teenage boy genius who has invented a mystery potion he names My Son. His mother is a scientist performing contraceptive experiments on three different women, he spikes a harmless contraceptive drug with My Son and films the results, along the way falling in love with one of the subjects. This is an interesting and intelligent movie, while some of the more out-there sequences will put off many it is a must see for people looking for something different.

Yami utsu shinzô (1982)

Disturbing

[10/10 · 26 July 2003]

Plotwise this film is very difficult to explain, a young couple rent a flat, have rough sex and deliver various monologues about their past, concentrating a lot on their sex life. Nothing "big" happens in terms of the actual story but some shocking revelations are made about why they are where they are. A neat trick is employed in having the dialogue switched at times, a very macho speech, obviously the man's story, about losing his virginity is delivered by the girl. The film revolves around this couple and the depths of their relationship and it requires very brave performances that both leads deliver superbly. This is not a film for all tastes and one of the monologues is intensely disturbing, those who prefer more out-there material would do well to seek this film out.

Beyond Grandpa (1998)

Hilarious

[9/10 · 20 July 2003]

This sick and twisted little animation is not for kids. It features little vignettes of grandpa going around his everyday tasks while a narrator keeps us up to date on his activities. But, grandpa's everyday tasks are a little unusual. " See grandpa proposition the mailman for sex", " See grandpa f*****g around with a squirrel" Deeply funny but if you like your animation a la disney (pretty but heavy on the sugar) then this probably won't be for you. For the rest of you, seek it out and laugh yourself silly.

Billy Elliot (2000)

Sentimental and cliched

[1/10 · 20 July 2003]

British films seem to follow a set pattern of late. Or at least the ones that perform well outside of Britain. They either feature actors that couldn't even become stars on British t.v. pretending to be gangsters but coming across more as if they're starring in a bad episode of Minder (i.e. Guy Ritchie films) or they're heartwarming tales where the working classes find a talent to help them overcome their poverty (Full Monty) or they're kitchen sink dramas full of misery (any Mike Leigh film with the exception of Topsy Turvey). Billy Elliot ignores the Guy Ritchie route and instead seeks to combine aspects of Mike Leigh and The Full Monty. Here we're presented with a young working class lad who learns to dance in order to escape small town life. Trouble is Full Monty had jokes and Mike Leigh films have exceptional actors, here we get neither. Everything about Billy Elliot is cloying and manipulative, the scenes of the miners strikes add nothing to the movie and appear to be there just to add a weighty backdrop to the movie. In a film like Brassed Off the miners strike was used to deepen the emotional core of the movie, here it's just something that's there for a feeble tug at the heart strings. Everything about this film appears to have been lifted from a better movie. It's a shame that a talented actor such as Gary Lewis had to be involved with this nonsense. And it would have been nice if the lead actor had some talent whether it be for acting or dancing, Jamie Bell appears to have neither, he is the most annoying juvenile screen lead in a long time and hopping about like he has a crab in his underwear every ten minutes does not a dancer make. Sugary and insulting.

The Vagina Monologues (2002 TV Movie)

Deeply moving

[9/10 · 20 July 2003]

The Vagina Monologues, both in book and visual form, is one of the most moving experiences of our times. An attempt to enlighten, entertain and to bring a "taboo" out of the shadows. Why women talking about their sexuality should be considered taboo in the first place escapes me but some of the comments here (especially the ones labelling it "disgusting") seem to be written by people still trapped in the 1950s. The Vagina Monologues is a heartfelt celebration of female sexuality and a condemnation of those who attempt to supress it. Alternating between humor (the list of slang names for the vagina) and more disturbing material (the rape material) the film attempts to take in all aspects and attitudes. A compelling achievement.

Above the Law (1988)

Typical Seagal rubbish

[1/10 · 20 July 2003]

I'll never understand why people watch films starring the likes of Seagal or Van Damme. It's not that I dislike action movies, when they're done right they can be amazing. But Seagal has yet to do one right. It's pointless even attempting to review one of his films with a straight face, the plots, the characters and the action scenes are all interchangable from film to film. Give me a Jackie Chan or a Bruce Lee anyday. Seagal needs to go to the scrapheap with Stallone and Van Damme. In the 21st Century does cinema really need these people fouling our screens? Abysmal.