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pbwiener
Reviews
Appaloosa (2008)
Running on Empty
Ever wonder what it would look like if someone with no sense of humor made a parody of Westerns? Then this is your film. Harris, normally a fine actor and director of Pollack, gives us a film created entirely our of clichés, quotes from old films, a perfectly unbelievable story, a two-dimensional hero, an irritating, unattractive heroine, a sappy film score, a predictable outcome, a minimalist set, the sudden appearance of 3 or 4 "fucks" in a script that mocks language, and an almost complete diminution and hyper-stereotyping of whatever it was that "the West" or Westerns meant to Americans craving an old-fashioned, if delusional, sense of justice, freedom, and individualism. This would all be forgivable if anything presented here were clever, interesting, daring, original, but the film just sits there with its legs open, depending for life on the vague, nostalgic yearnings of an audience desperate to remember the familiar trappings of an old, treasured genre and a place that once powerfully existed on screen. This is truly no country for old men whose cinematic memories are still intact.
The Andromeda Strain (2008)
Embarrassingly awful
Hard to believe such a great book and movie could be ruined by infantile, cheap, melodramatic, two-dimensional writing, directing and camera-work, but this is a great example of how it can be done. Unwatchable. Pointless love story. Robotic characters. TV-style, quick-take, short-attention-spanning, wannabe thriller movie-making. One hopes the director and writer never get another TV credit again. Crichton should sue. I could tell from the first 30 seconds of the film that it was going to disappoint and be as predictable and unimaginative as it was. Not even HBO for pre-schoolers. See the original ASAP! IT can be watched ten times and not be as boring as this remake.
9 Songs (2004)
If Only a Spoiler were Possible
What can you say about a movie that touts itself as revolutionary because it contains the first REAL closeup sex between REAL actors (hopefully not bedmates before filming) embedded in the story of a REAL feature film seen - the first in modern commercial film-making? Hooray? More likely, "Where's the beefcake.....?" I wanted to see 9 Songs for this reason alone: real sex is almost never shown in any context whatever - fictional or documentary - outside of porn flicks, home videos and Chloe Sevigny. I wanted to see history being made - well, already made. The movements, mechanics, sounds, eyes, body language, licks, faces, rendered by lust and ecstasy can be interesting, even riveting - at least as interesting dogs humping or grasshoppers mating. And it might be, if actors who could act, with bodies that made you drool, were in such a movie. Why the Discovery Channel doesn't have a show devoted to people screwing is less a mystery now. Why a reality show hasn't made it part of its raison d-etre still puzzles me - or is that what Paula Abdul is working toward? In any case, the reason may be that films can make observed sex as boring, disappointing, exploitative, shallow, irrelevant and just plain full of expectations as 9 Songs does. It turns out real sex can look as fake as fake sex - worse. No one has figured out how to make filmed sex FEEL as good as experienced sex. Maybe it's where the power of the media stops. It turns out this film has no story, no acting, no plot, no development, no irony, no creativity, and no reason for existing other than to showcase two actors in love with their own exhibitionism and a cameraman/director who hasn't a clue as to how to show sex as anything but suggestive, who doesn't know when to liberate sex from image. Pornography, where are you when we need you!? Justfor the record: I stopped watching after 20 minutes - or 4 orgasms, I forget which came first.
Tarnation (2003)
Egomaniacal Garbage
The most interesting thing about this film is contemplating why it has garnered any tributes, compliments or awards. Reading about them was the only reason I watched it. The film is nothing more than an amateurish, self-pitying work that exploits the mental illness of the filmmaker's mother and grandparents for the purpose of giving himself a history and an identity. It succeeds in conveying no sense of who his mother is, or was, who the filmmaker (Caouette) is, other than gay, who his friends are, how and when things happened. The grandfather does manage to come across as a individual, albeit a repulsive one. Caouette's pretense of presenting a non-judgmental portrait of his damaged family completely fails, since he depends on them for gaining attention. Tarnation glorifies, to some degree, drug abuse and makes of his mother (in the guise of giving eulogistic tribute and "authentic" extended film footage) a pitiful laughingstock. It uses early 60's experimental film-making techniques (grainy archival home movies, fast cutting, excessive ironic inter-titling, visual non-sequiturs, sensualbombardment) without ever providing a ground or contrasting reality. The viewer knows immediately that Caouette is suffering, confused, badly needs affection and affirmation (he mugs interminably) likes movie-making and is close to his mom,yet Caouette never really gives the viewer anything other than a self-glorifying vision of his own creative juices desperately seeking a form and a resolution - at our expense. OK. So what?
Cloverfield (2008)
What a Waste of Time!
Not bad if you're between 13 and 17 and like your disaster or horror flicks lukewarm and served with butterless popcorn.. It has no plot, no surprises, no characterization, no sex, no writing to speak of, almost no acting,poor cinematography, no imagination. In fact it looks like a high school student film assignment that got a hold of too much support.Camcorder-view movies are already old hat and every example done before is better than this. Besides, there are tremendous inconsistencies within the idea, showing a poor understanding of camera-work. I'm not sure I understand why the movie was produced or given even the faintest praise. I remember I enjoyed the trailer....It should have stayed a trailer. And I see there's a sequel planned! There's a not a single original idea in the film. It's like a bunch a drunk fraternity kids bragging about having footage of someone throwing up. If scary depend son poor lighting, shaky cameras, screams, thumps, thuds, squeals and spidery ghouls, it's still has a long way to go.
Copying Beethoven (2006)
An Embarrassment
Not of riches. Of film-making, and by such an experienced, accomplished director! My comments are based on viewing 20 minutes of the film - it joins very rare company with films I've walked out of (maybe 5) before half was over. What I saw reminded me a lot of music appreciation movies I saw in the 7th grade (I'm over 60) - in terms of sophistication, believability, acting, accuracy and intelligence. The normally great Ed Harris becomes a cartoon character. I'm embarrassed to see that so many thought more than a 3 of it, though Beethoven of course is probably the most difficult and brilliant composer who ever lived (and the most misunderstood: fur Elise notwithstanding). It's impossible to say enough bad things about the movie. Maybe if I'd seen all of it I'd have more.....It might have been improved if it were a silent movie, or if the musical soundtrack was heard without the imagery. Most music videos are better. Pathetic, embarrassing, disappointing, shameful, puzzling (how? why was it made?). Maybe it's a female thing (the director is a woman): I've rarely known women who can love or hear more than 10% of Beethoven. Maybe she made it to attract more, but if she succeeds, it's not music's gain. Not sexist: just observation.
The greatest fictional Beethoven film I know of is Gary Oldman's "Immortal Beloved."
Dreamgirls (2006)
Unbearable, embarrassing shlock
It's hard to find enough bad things to say about this "movie." As everyone knows, there's only one reason to see it: American "Idol's" Jennifer Hudson. She is spectacular, though she sticks out like a sore butt. Like her talented and capable co-stars, especially Eddie Murphy, she is mired in a pretentious, overlong, shallow, predictable, inept, amateurish script and saddled with a director who might as well have submitted this as a 7th grade school project using the latest free editing software. The movie is lifted from the show; no attempts to make it cinematic were made other than to use old news footage and every editing and directing cliché you can imagine. Songs are seen both as staged performances and as impromptu on-the spot dramatic statements within-the-film. The music, though although everyone must have known this, is unforgivably boring, repetitive, hokey, Broadway Deli Cheesecake, screamy garbage, and is an insult to everything that Motown, Diana Ross, the Supremes, Berry Gordy, James Brown and everyone else who lifted music out of the kitschy crap celebrated in this film (with one or two weak exceptions)tried to do. Bill Condon should be banned from Hollywood forever; the writers of Dreamgirls should be boiled in a vat of collard greens.The cinematography is non-existenct, as if the lens were filtered through the girls' outrageous, oily wigs.
Blood Diamond (2006)
Titanic It Isn't
Here's another super-hyped film that makes only about as much sense as its writers allow it. Highly scripted unlikely drama with superb acting, cinematography and mucho political posturing. Leo's best film in several years. I gather you're supposed to be against "blood" or "conflict" diamonds, no matter what the story shows. Well, it feels good to be told how to feel! For a truly fine film about a major human catastrophe, see HBO's "Tsunami" which gives space to its actors, characters and doesn't sugarcoat the nastiness or over-generalize the mayhem. The scenes of violence are particularly soporific. Good contrast to the film "Babel," a drama without melodrama - obviously for adults only.
A Prairie Home Companion (2006)
An Empty Shining Vessel
There may be some excellent reasons why Altman made this farewell movie and chose to cast several major stars inappropriately. He desperately tries to duplicate the crafted mania and irreverent brilliance of Nashville. But I can't think of any reason why this film had to be released. It's almost a disaster. It has no plot that compels interest, no dramatic development, no logic, no memorable musical performances, no interesting visuals, no improvisation, no emotional direction except down, and it stars Garrison Keillor, whose greatest strength usually lies in his not being seen. (I find his presence irritating; his humor seems determined to raise condescension to new new highs; his voice only mimics warmth. His jokes are funny until you get that you're the joke.) It's also a sad, self-conscious movie that at times looks as if it's embarrassed by its own directorial fatigue (we know Altman was very ill while he made it). Some good performances from Harrelson, Lohan and Tomlin. Altman simply doesn't know what to do with his story or with the characters, none of whom has any of the charisma of the Nashville players. What a shame for this wonderful director to have to go out like this, to stage his own funeral and cover it up with irony. Somebody should have kept it from happening.
Catch a Fire (2006)
Been There, Done That
Despite magnificent cinematography and excellent acting, this film falls flat. The story is true and compelling, but the telling makes it predictable, almost farcical. Every gesture, every speech, every movement, every progression, every African song and dance, every location is exactly where it's supposed to be; the director becomes a terrible nudge, making sure you get the moral, the message, the sentiment, the irony, etc. ANS Free-dom good, Afrikaaners bad! Nothing is left to the viewer or to the art of storytelling. Nothing is subtle, except possibly Robbins' character. Many films about South African issues have been made - it's a pohotogenic place - and almost every one I've seen is more effective - like "Tsotsi" - because they respect the paradoxical isolation and global reach of politics there, not because they assumes the viewer wants to feel comfortable. This can be seen as a typical "liberal's" movie, as smugly presented as the apatheid it condemns. Even the most violent and emotionally wrenching scenes here are poorly prepared, or are beautified, or are mired in coincidence and scripted convenience. What a shame, for the 3 lead actors do a fine job. Once again, political epic is influenced by MTV.
Infamous (2006)
Inexcusable
How and why this film was made and released after CAPOTE will remain a mystery to me forever. Nothing but the story tweaks and the photography is interesting in this version. The acting is good but the directing is juvenile and stilted (deliberately?) - amateurish and shamelessly heart-tugging in the wrong places. How did they get major stars for this? Maybe it was pro bono work. The director and writer toy with Capote's own fascination with mixing fiction and documentation. Think timid. Really, who cares about Truman's sex life - the film makes it as boring as a potato's. Infamous contains no believable drama, has no nerve, shuns any expression of energy, and characterizations are two-dimensional at best. Capote is given almost no substance outside his voice, (which would make an excellent ringtone), and neither do any other characters, even the usually magnetic Jeff Daniels. It's as if the producers expected the audience to know the story already, and added a few nasty tweaks for fun. And this was based on Plimpton's account! Luckily, we did the story already, just last year - in Capote, an infinitely superior work in every respect. Infamous does work, however, as a beautiful color slide show of rural Kansas, if you turn off the sound and forget that that's been done before too. Kansas is just as colorful in black-and-white.
The Path to 9/11 (2006)
Great TV Rises Above Politics!
Forget all the crap you've heard about what's true or fair or accurate. This is a movie "based on" The 9/11 Commission Report and other sources, and it has all kinds of distortions. Duhhh. It's a thriller, after all. As sheer television drama - shown - incredibly - over two nights without interruption on ABC - it perches at the highest levels of directing, writing, editing, casting, and film-making. Not since "Lonesome Dove" has there been a TV movie of this quality filmed and offered to the common public for free. See it for that reason alone, if for no other. No crocodile tears fall from ABC! Much story time is spent outside the USA, in foreign settings, outdoors, in action sequences, using Arab-looking actors, music, costume, etc. There's as much dust as in any Western, and as little sex. Even the hijackers are given more humane treatment than Dick Cheney. There is no sentimentalizing, no told-you-so's, no jingoism, no faith-based conclusion, and whatever blame accrues to individuals is clearly presented almost as farce, an inevitable, tragic consequence of what happens when a huge democratic bureaucratic organization fights a tiny well-organized anonymous patient motivated enemy. Some of the actors strikingly resemble their real-life characters. As in most bureaucracies, everyone gets blamed for the disaster, everyone denies responsibility, no one is blamed or punished, little changes, many phone calls are made, and retrospective clarity is the name of the game. Since I have never believed there can be security from the world's crazed and evil, I don't care who's to "blame" for disaster; and I don't think "terrorism" can ever be avoided. I hope that's the lesson of this film, but it won't be seen as such. Even cynical, educated, well-read, information-literate people have to have hope. Unlike Oliver Stone's syrupy, predictable, Caged tract "World Trade Center" this film is alive with complexity, suddenness and respect for how little Americans know about the world. The great glory of this film is that it teases your belief that a 9/11 can easily happen again, and make you believe it shouldn't. But history doesn't have a script. The film shows at the least that tragedy won't happen in exactly the same way. But we know that (don't we?). Even if this movie was purely the product of a propagandistic conspiracy, it's still brilliant and represents a great coup for some media mogul somewhere. 90% of the credit goes to director Cunningham, who deals riveting, irony-clad blow to all Americans who believe reality exists to be cleansed. Tragedy, as audiences everywhere know, makes for much better history than presidency.
This is still a film forum, I hope?
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
Extremely Disappointing
There are maybe a dozen short, funny takes in this movie, and almost no acting, writing, editing, directing or coherence. Ferrell of course is funny, though given little to do. Much of the acting looks improvised, almost one-takes (the out-takes are better than the movie). Sacha Cohen is far better on his Ali G show, and does a poor Frenchman, even though his role is supposed to be stupid. The whole movie both mocks and imitates, exploits and kowtows to the presumed low mentality of NASCAR lovers, with a few subtle licks at George Bush-ism. The car racing scenes are awful. No one except Reece Bobby is believable (or supposed to be?). What a waste of talent. I didn't see anyone in the theater over 18, and these actors have been on Larry King! What infantile hype! It would look better as a 10-minute YouTube production. Wait for the pirated download.
Transamerica (2005)
Pretensious garbage
What absolute garbage - and I don't mean the story. The writing is infantile, unbelievable, inconsistent, glib, pandering. Huffman completely wastes her time and talent. The male lead can't act at all. Not worth a moment's thought. The critics are all wrongheaded, slobbering hypocrites. The movie works out all its own ridiculous problems and is pure feel-good bulls-- from the get-go. It lacks drama and imagination, skirts conflict, avoids real issues, teases with stereotypes, takes no risks, and might as well be recommended by the Christian or Muslim right-wing. I doubt it would get more than a C on an eighth grade term aper.
Oil Storm (2005)
Incredible but True!!!!
I doubt if, in the entire history of film-making, for TV or big screen, there has ever been such a coincidental confluence of fantasy and reality: this film was shown on TV less than 2 months before Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans and the South, and many of the details of the first third of the film are so exact and on target it gives you chills. About the only thing that wasn't predicted was the criminal incompetence and indifference of state and especially the federal government's response to the disaster - at least the film assumed America was still part of the civilized world. This movie would be so much more interesting if Katrina hadn't happened, but it's still high up on the list of great mockumentaries. In fact, the media coverage in the movie in some ways is superior to what the media actually did - which was get hooked on the blame game, the usual sentimental stories of children, dogs and grisly sensationalism and death-predicting.
The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001)
The Worst Woody Ever
Every year or two I get to walk out of a movie before it ends. Sometimes I'm not the only one. This was one of those times. I can't say enough bad things about it, partly because I can't remember much, partly because no one will believe me. I've seen I think every one of Woody's films and only hated one other - (about 4 films ago?) but not this much. Woody looks sickly, pathetic, weak, tired. The story is so stupid it's an embarrassment - and it has no intrinsic interest whatever, no panache, no surprise. The jokes are weak and predictable. The acting, directing, lighting, set design, and dialogue are deliberately overdone to simulate 40's gumshoe movies - which Woody has done before and infinitely better. What a tired, compulsive, sad movie by a man who can't seem to do anything else but go through the motions even when his brain is empty. Even Woody Allen needs to get a life, and its absence shows. It shouldn't have been made, funded, produced or distributed. No wonder his old producer abandoned him. He may be finished - still, he did enough to become an immortal. Apparently he has given up on ever making a honest movie again. Don't cry for Woody. Pray for him.