srlucado Reviews

Thunderbirds (2004)

Tribute to the original series that is F.A.B.!

[8/10 · 12 September 2008]

I guess you have to set your expectations. This is a live-action movie based on a 60's-era kiddie sci-fi TV show that used sophisticated puppets (SuperMarionation) for the action.

So...are you expecting "2001: A Space Odyssey"? God, I hope not.

As it is, I enjoyed this movie immensely. I'm sure it plays better on TV than it would have on the big screen (maybe the five people in America who saw it in a theater can comment). Sure, it has its flaws (too much like "Spy Kids"; too much of the action is childish--imagine that in a kids' movie), but I thought it hit a good tone. Big, silly, flashy (a color palette that is perilously close to garish), but somehow with a good heart. The special effects were quite good--in fact, I truly think they were more convincing than those in "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull".

For translation to live-action, I thought it was well done, especially Lady Penelope. The original Lady P. was simply the hottest puppet in world history and as such a tough act to follow, but I was impressed. Even Parker looked like Parker. Amazing. Loved the car, too. (Tin-Tin, played by Vanessa Hudgens in her pre-nude-photo days, isn't hard to look at, either.)

Well, if you've never seen the show and have no idea what I'm talking about (true of most Americans), you'd better skip this, because you'll never figure out what's going on and won't get any of the in-jokes ("Just like a puppet on a string."). But I loved the show; I have the original theatrical movies on DVD. And now I have this, too. Cool.

Closer (I) (2004)

Dreadful, dreadful, dreadful

[1/10 · 12 September 2008]

If ever a movie was less than the sum of its parts, it's "Closer".

Talky, boring, unconvincing, unpleasant, unwatchable.

The supposed plot, about four "adults" (in chronological years if not behavior), revolves around revolving relationships and revolting musical beds as these narcissists lie, abuse, ignore, adore, desert, rejoin, and revile each other in turn.

Aside from the film's suffering from filmed-stage-play-disease (people talk too much and do too little), what they do say is uninteresting and unappealing. Every word, action, attitude, decision and resolution of each character comes across exactly as a plot device, not something that real human beings would say, think, do, or believe.

Please, please watch something else.

Once Upon a Texas Train (1988 TV Movie)

Brazos! Snappy dialogue, nostalgic actors...not much else

[6/10 · 24 April 2008]

When I watched this movie I had no idea it followed the exploits of the characters of "The Over-the-Hill Gang", so that was a pleasant surprise, since I liked those two old corny TV movies.

This entry has some pretty good dialogue, at least in the first half. Then, unfortunately, the movie bogs down and kind of drags toward a silly ending. But what the heck. Can't expect "Gone With the Wind", can we? There are a lot of errors in the movie; geographic, anachronisms, that sort of thing. But I doubt that anyone watches a movie like this expecting to find a realistic portrayal of the Old West. At the very least, it beats the heck out of watching "reality" TV.

The Gunfighters (1987 TV Movie)

Beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick

[6/10 · 21 March 2008]

Several minuses (silly plot, typical TV-movie production values), several pluses (a fight scene in a bar that is truly unique, good Canadian locations), and quick pacing add up to a decent time-waster.

Whatever you do, don't follow the story, actually look at a map, and think about the distances these people need to cover on horseback. It'd be hard enough to do in a Ford Mustang, let alone on a four-legged one. But what the heck.

One big plus is a ripping theme song; might've become a dance-club hit--in some alternate universe.

Overall, this movie is okay.

Town & Country (2001)

Mind-numbingly terrible "comedy"

[1/10 · 14 March 2008]

Sometimes, the majority is absolutely, dead-on correct, and in this case, the majority had it nailed.

This movies has "too many cooks" written all over it, *right from the opening credits*. Three producers and three executive producers? Still, they needn't fear--there's plenty of blame to go around.

One is not supposed to include spoilers in a review--but it's your time that will be spoiled if you make the mistake of watching this fiasco.

Even if I could summarize this mess in 1,000 words, you wouldn't believe me. It makes "The First Wives Club" seem like "Citizen Kane". The plot, such as it is, involves two long-time married couples who play nice together but who are hopelessly bungling their marriages. As if anyone cares. And just when you think it can't get any worse or less coherent, it does. And does. And does.

I had to wonder whether this movies was "The Producers" for real--maybe they oversold this turkey by 10,000% and kept the proceeds after it dive-bombed like C. Wade McCluskey at Midway.

The Christmas Box (1995 TV Movie)

Great cast overcomes corny storyline

[7/10 · 26 December 2007]

"The Christmas Box" tries to mix together several elements--corny melodrama, supernatural thriller, redemptive tale--but to my mind succeeds best at showing what good actors can do with fairly mediocre material. In the opening shot I thought, "Wow, got to be a Hallmark TV Movie"--which it is, I learned from the closing credits. That should tell you about all you need to know. Richard Thomas is quite good as the husband/father who needs to learn a lesson, and of course Maureen O'Hara would be great reading the weekly supermarket ad, so she makes this movie was very watchable. The movie has a "secret" that the plot hinges on, but if you haven't guessed it by the first ten minutes, you're not paying attention. That removed a lot of the thrust of the story for me, but it was still enjoyable going along for the ride. It's got a lot of sentimentality, but if a movie can't be sentimental at Christmas, when can it?

The Promise of Love (1980 TV Movie)

Surprisingly effective drama

[8/10 · 26 December 2007]

I bought this movie from a dollar DVD rack, not expecting a whole lot, just basically wanting to see anything with cutie Valerie Bertinelli in it. I was pleasantly surprised to find a serious, well-acted drama about a young girl, fresh out of high school, who finds herself widowed before her 19th birthday. Shelley Long has a very effective supporting role as another Marine officer's wife, raising two kids while her husband is away (presumably in Vietnam). She plays very much against her stuffy nerdette type-cast. The movie is set in 1967, and has a couple of problems (it looks very 1980, not 1967; the ending is a bit pat; the production values are very typically TV-movie); but overall, it was well-written, well-performed, and quite engaging. I definitely got my dollar's worth.

Green Acres (1965–1971)

Surrealism hits the TV sitcom

[7/10 · 28 September 2006]

I always thought that if Salvador Dali wanted to do a TV sitcom, he'd come up with something like "Green Acres".

This show was a lot of fun, and thank God it never took itself seriously. It was also one of the first to really break the "fourth wall", making self-referential remarks, such as the characters pointing to the credits as they rolled, or having the characters refer to background music being played--I don't think any sitcom had ever done that before! Anyway, Eddie Albert did a great job as perennial straight man to the lunacy around him, with everyone else in on the strangeness. I watched this show as a kid and never really appreciated Oliver's predicament, but now, as a middle-aged man, I know exactly how he feels.

Forty years after its heyday, the show holds up very well. Give it a look.

Ball of Fire (1941)

Interesting Trivia...

[9/10 · 15 May 2006]

This is one of my favorite movies; it has enough humor and good performances to make repeated viewings quite welcome. Gary Cooper does well in a typical Cooper role (nice guy somewhat befuddled by the cynicism of the world around him). It's unusual to see him as an intellectual professor, rather than in a more everyman role, but he's fun to watch, as always.

Paired off against him is Barbara Stanwyck, who never looked sexier than in this movie. The dress she wears for her nightclub performance is a real stunner.

Anyway, Dan Duryea, who plays Pastrami in the movie, at one point talks about something he learned from the movies--and licks his thumb, then wipes the front sight of his gun.

This is a clear reference to the movie "Sergeant York", which starred Gary Cooper and was directed by Howard Hawks, director of "Ball of Fire", and was made in the same year (1941). In that film, Cooper, playing York, a WWI war hero, wipes the front sight of his rifle (to remove dust or debris, if memory serves).

Mooch (1974 TV Movie)

A genuine curio

[7/10 · 17 April 2006]

Family-safe and quick enough not to get boring, it's a cute little story of a mutt trying to make it big in Hollywood, with the advice of Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Cinematically, this movie will never be on a "best of" list, but it's a truly unique little work and will be of interest to old-movie buffs like myself. Co-written, co-produced, and co-starring Jim Backus (Thurston Howell III, voice of Mr. Magoo), there are quick cameos and voiceovers from a wide range of Hollywood legends.

Spoiler alert! The actors seen and heard make up quite a list, including, among others, Edward G. Robinson (in what must be one of his last appearances), Dean Martin, Mickey Rooney, Darren McGavin, and even...Richard Burton!