roll tide Reviews

Amazon Women on the Moon (1987)

"THE BI*^H DON'T LIVE HERE!!!" -Mondo Condo segment.

[6/10 · 29 August 2003]

"Amazon Women on the Moon" (1987) is a strange little low-budget comic offering,a bizarre and often hilarious(yet ALMOST as frequently dull) collection of slapstick sketches with only the thinnest of a connecting thread. I suppose it is based on the idea of simultaneously simulating and spoofing the feel of an insomniac's late-night channel surfing. The result is an almost randomly mixed series of syndicated TV,low budget films of the past,and commercials parodies.

While it is truly a mixed bag in both theme and quality,and it is far from great, "Amazon" does turn out to be an altogether unique and memorable comedy experience...just begging for the perfect cult audience. Another tip,pop this baby into the VCR after midnight,it works best when the night is full,the moon is out and the drowsiness of the viewer is for real(and can work in it's favor).

The sketches ***POTENTIAL SPOILERS***: Mondo Condo- The opening segment features Arsenio Hall in what may always remain his greatest performance. Innovative and hilarious. John Landis directed this beauty. **** out of ****

Pethouse Video- Penthouse spoof features loads of nudity. Like I like it. ***

Murray in Videoland- Old man gets stuck in his own TV set,wanders through the programming. Decent. **1/2

Hospital- Is Mr.Potato Head really Michelle Pheiffer's baby? Well,kind of... Weird sketch. **

Hairlooming- Commercial spoof has Joe Pantoliano hawking a wig that won't come off. Fitfully funny. **1/2

Amazon Women on the Moon- The recurring sketch(s) of the title is an almost painfully unfunny spoof of 1950's sci-fi fare and brings the movie to a halt whenever it appears. *1/2

Blacks Without Soul/Don "No Soul" Simmons- 'Ya gotta admit that David Alan Greer is simply the man here. No sweat,these shorts are good. ***

Two ID's- Rosanna Arquette,Steve Guttenberg and a relationship background check. None more 80's,none more funny. ***1/2

Bulls*^t or not- On TV,it's "baloney" or not. Sheesh! I dig that Lochness Ripper! ***1/2

Critics Corner- Siskel and Ebert like critics turn their disparaging comments on a man's sorry-a## life. ***

Silly Pate- Not much of a joke to build on,even for a short "commercial" segment. **

Roast Your Loved One- That sorry-a## guy is back,and even a funeral cannot stop the laughs(or Rip Taylor's ghastly hairpiece). ***

Video Pirates- Let me get this straight...those are real pirates stealing videocassetts? Um,Ok. Ho Ho. Robert Weiss is responsible for this dreck. *

Son of the Invisible Man- WARNING!!! Ed Bagley Jr. is butt-naked in this one. **

Art Sale- Try and guess what this one is about...damn! Okay,it's an Old joke,but skillfully timed. ***

First Lady of the Evening- Some kind of Sidney Sheldon spoof. Nearly as dreary as the real Sheldon. *1/2

Titan Man- A my-first-condom-kind of sketch...and a serious embarrasment for Mr. Bailey. **1/2

Video Date- Now we're talking!! A Russ Meyer cameo,t^ts galore and a brief,top-of-form appearance by the Diceman himself elevate this one to brilliant status. ****

Reckless Youth- Stay tuned post(false)credits for this funny spoof of 30's "Youth Beware" films with Paul Bartel and Carrie Fisher. ***

OVERALL FILM QUALITY= *** out of 4 stars.

Year of the Dragon (1985)

Mickey lights the fire underneath a unusually thoughtful Oliver Stone script.

[8/10 · 20 July 2003]

In this entertaining and illuminating 1985 crime thriller,Mickey Rourke stars as Capt. Stanley White,a hard-bitten cop with a weary intelligence far beyond his years.

Transferred to a new precinct,the abrasive detective White soon finds himself involved in a crusade to take down the corrupt,criminally run higher powers of NYC's Chinatown. To boil a complex storyline down to it's basics: White must balance his intense desire to bring the violent Triad leader Joey Thai(John Lone)to justice,despite the protests of his bought-off supervisors, with his crumbling personal life(his wife has grown to despise him and he is attracted to a Chinese-American reporter working his Chinatown expose). Adding color to his predicament is his attempt to stay true to justice by fighting off his racist attitudes towards Chinese. While there is no doubt that the triads are engaged in illegal Mafia-style activity,and that White is justified in pursuing them,there is the strange possibility that his rough treatment of Chinatown as a whole stems from his unwillingness to lose another war "because of politics",like he did in Vietnam.

Directed by the stylish Michael Cimino(recovering quite well from the *bloatatious* "Heaven's Gate") and boasting a strong script from the early years of (pre-P.C.)Oliver Stone,"The Year of the Dragon" is a very fine addition to the cop-on-a-mission subgenre. Mickey Rourke,an ever-underrated talent-gives one of his finest performances in the lead,and,despite all of his character's flaws,we become endeared to the character and enraptured by his pursuit of the oft-overlooked Triads of Chinatown. Rourke is a strong and capable presence here,and it's a shame his career didn't survive the 80's. Only the occasional logical gap or plot hole,and the juvenile performance of the obnoxious(but gorgeous) Arianne as the reporter detract from the film's glory. A little trimming of it's excessive 136 minutes would have helped as well.

Regardless of these few failures,"The Year of the Dragon" is a sumptuous and exciting thriller,and awaits a larger audience to discover it's challenges. Stay tuned for this one. ***1/2 out of ****stars. "It's always about politics.This is Vietnam all over again. I'm not gonna lose another war over politics." -Stanley White

Note: A ridiculous,politically-correct disclaimer has been attached to the film by it's distributers. This is a stupid move as the film is in NO WAY demeaning to Chinese-Americans as a whole. The movie only attacks the old-world criminal elements feeding on the underbelly of a few of the larger Chinese communities in the U.S.-the Triads,youth gangs,etc. These organizations do exist,but are not representative of the Chinese-American majority. In the end,crime does not discriminate between the races,and neither does "The Year of the Dragon".

Dice Rules (1991)

Funny stand-up from the most misunderstood comic ever

[10/10 · 12 January 2003]

Andrew "Dice" Clay was probably the most misunderstood and villified comic in the history of modern stand-up comedy.To the nations feminists or left-wingers,Dice was a conveniant scape goat on which to hang their typical villification of white males and their concerns in the post "P.C." world.To many on the right wing he was an evil peddler of sin and filth to the young people of this country.During the quick-burning height of his popularity(roughly between 1988-91),the Diceman filled stadium after stadium,night after night,with his unique blend of hilarious(astronomically profane)observations on sex and gender,and his audience baiting theatrics.Despite the intense media villification,Dice could not be denied his popularity;as a result he was able to begin a(largely unsuccesful)career in films,among other products such as hosting SNL.This concert documentary(preceded by a series of sketches about the creation of the 'Diceman'persona)is a product of the 1990 concert tour;probably his triumphant moment as a stand-up.This is a raucously funny test of both your funny bone and your tolerance level for out-there comic vulgarity-not for nothing was it rated NC-17.Between the sneering but charmingly engaging,chain-smoking Diceman persona and classic bits from Dirty Nursery Rhymes to celebrity impersonations that are often dead on target,this is a must for all fans of Mr. Clay.The problem is that there aren't enough of us out there due to Dice's Hollywood unofficial blacklisting following his failed CBS sitcom.Maybe Dice will oneday get the respect a groundbreaking comic like himself deserves.Rate it at *** out of 4 stars(marred a little by dull opening sketches,but stay for the great standup)

The Rolling Stones: Bridges to Babylon Tour '97-98 (1997 TV Special)

Proves that the World's Best Band is still just that

[9/10 · 26 December 2002]

This excellent filmed document on the Rolling Stones 1997-98 Bridges to Babylon tour should Prove once and for all that the Stones are truly still the World's Greatest band.Watching (and listening)to this concert parade of 20 classics and a few new songs should be enough to get anyone on their feet.This was supposedly edited from two concerts on the tour,but it sure doesn't show it.In short, with Mick wailing and Keith shredding like they are here,you just can't lose and this is one of their best efforts.Rock'n'Roll!!! **** out of 4 stars.