amymay-69916 Reviews

Ultra Red (2023)

Wowww

[1/10 · 5 April 2024]

So nasa just hires anybody with a pulse,huh? Because someone "vouched for them." That's not how nasa works. The key to great movies is a suspension of disbelief- the ability to fall into the movie and feel the emotions as if you are there. Well,nasa hiring insubordinate, PRISONER, redneck grease monkey aboard a filthy,rusting bucket of bolts instantly made me side eye this monstrosity of a "movie". Pair that with a "genius" who steals jewelry and a milquetoast "captain",a two hour "training course" on how to be an astronaut, and you have all the ingredients of a crap sandwich. Why is everyone so dirty?? Like literal,need-a-bath grimy.. apparently there was no room in the budget for a brush,because nasa lady's hair.looked like crap in every scene. Everyone was a dishelved mess. I thought they were supposed to be in cryogenics,like the "nasa director" said they were supposed to be. So they writers didn't even stick to their own plot. The ship set was TERRIBLE. I've seen better setups at high school plays. And how does.one write EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER to be unlikeable and irritating? The nasa lady's entire family pi$$ed me off within three minutes of the movie starting,and every single one of the space crew is annoying AF. They didn't even do a thorough search for the rover before just heading back. I just wanted whatever entity existed on Mars to kill them all. Not one;but TWO in-spaceship gunfights. Stuff just happened.and then everything continued without consequences. No police, debriefing, higher ups asking questions,nothing! Nasa just let some petty crook keep the truth serum alien box he found on Mars. Nasa lady had one unpolished nail,which was weird.. this whole movie was one giant "this could never happen" to the point where it was infuriating and unwatchable. Like a idiot I suffered so you don't have to. It's too late for me I can't unsee this but you have a chance. Save yourself.

Arctic Hollow (2024)

"you want a piece of this!?!"

[1/10 · 5 April 2024]

And other such AMAZING one liners for this horror of an excuse got a movie. Like it has been said bwfore---it's DARK. Literally only ten minutes of this movie are clearly visible-8 minutes into he beginning and two minutes at the end. Everything else is just reddish light cave scenes of a hand or a foot, LITERALLY just absolutely pitch black scenes,and sometimes a headlamp shining on the opposite character's face. It was awful,and only made worse by the TERRIBLE acting and cheesy dialogue. Don't even get me started on the lady's father's theory of middle earth,but then it only being 40 or so miles into the 4000 miles to the center of the earth that life appears,and her belief that her father,who disappeared FIVE YEARS AGO is somehow still alive in nowhere earth. Just an all around dumpster fire stinker of a movie. It's too late for me I can't unsee this but you have a chance. Save yourself.

Enter the Wild (2018)

Foreshadowing

[1/10 · 27 March 2024]

I knew it was going to be crap when the vegan began veganning and the one chick was hiking in a plaid schoolgirl miniskirt. So I came to imdb to see what was being said and was glad I did. No horror!?;! Feelings,relationships,drama??? No thank you. I wanted to watch a scary film,not some pretentious drivel. Skipped to the end, ironically right where the vegan still being a vegan twatwaffle. I'm learning,folks. I'm not trying to spend and hour and a half on unfulfilling movies if I can see the writing on the wall,or I warn others of I'm in too deep. This was a case of the former. So yes,I throw my hat into the "avoid at all costs because there is no plot or payoff" ring. Do with that what you will.

Teardrop (2022)

Decent acting

[3/10 · 28 February 2024]

Which,if you were to look at my other reviews,is a MAJOR compliment!!! Where this movie went off the rails was the plot,and thus the plot HOLES. How is this town named after a kid? What was it called before she was born? How can someone have such a unique genetic mutation,yet no one else in the family has it to be referenced to in her case (i.e no one in the family said " great grandma Jane never cried either,so we get why Lorelei doesn't cry") what was the reason for killing.....ANY of them!?! The curse shouldn't have applied to Chris as his grandfather escaped,so why would the great grandmother want to kill her descendant? Why kill the THREE kids on a senior trip!?!what kind of tiny school did they go to!?!?! Skanky girl and lady teacher were really irritating. Just.... WHY!?! Slow as molasses and twice as murky. The ending made no sense, overall a complete waste of time.

Brightwood (2022)

Circuitous

[5/10 · 14 February 2024]

But watchable. I main thing that was fascinating was how the script looped and everything blended together yet was a new angle of a scene seen previously. That was kind of cool. The acting was good for a two person movie,which is also a feat (I've only seen a few movies with a limited cast of 1-3 people) wife actress played her role well--i kind of wanted to sta(b) HER in the neck!! Husband actor performed nicely also. Weird twist ending that I kind of saw coming,but not to THAT extent!! Overall,a decent movie--doesn't tie up any loose ends, or even have a true resolution,but still somehow managed to be viewable.

Island Escape (2023)

Decent

[5/10 · 14 February 2024]

Yes,as mentioned in other reviews,it crosses the line into sci Fi,and honestly,why mercenaries weren't better prepared/skilled/equipped is beyond me,but the acting and camera work were better than twenty of the last movies I rated put together,so there is that. Time loop paradox is the main storyline here,and how to escape it,just to try to come back and do it better. I was mainly bothered by the hair cap haircut of the protagonist lady. It did her no favors. All the characters were likable enough,even though they weren't fully developed. Not a complete waste of time movie,which is rare praise from me.

Time's Up (I) (2022)

One speed

[1/10 · 10 February 2024]

And that speed is blaaaahhhhh. No urgency,no emotion,every line is delivered flatly and without feeling. Dead guy in parking lot? Hey, there's a dead guy. And now let's just move about in this building. Dead kid in a shed? Huh. Sad. Anyways ........ Dead teacher in woods? Oh no. Help. Kidnapped girl? Guess we'll find her if and when we find her,even though she's my kid. The one scene with any action is irrational,because the 2 vs 1 idea was brilliant. These idiots put a new spin on "move in silence" because,regardless of whose gruesome death they just witnessed none of these characters went out of the way to inform the other characters adjacent to them of the danger present. They just all moved off independently of each other and ran into the killer singularly. Creepy killer in the room? Let's argue while he watches. Goody two shoes reporter character was a bad actress and annoying and the wrestling coach sucked. You would have thought he would have been a better fighter. Ending was lame. This whole movie was frustrating and stupid. It's too late for me,I can't unsee this. But you have a choice. Save yourself.

6 Plots (2012)

Not awful,and I say this as someone with 60+ 1 star reviews

[4/10 · 20 January 2024]

And that's saying a lot,coming from me. Brie actress couldn't cry on cue if you slammed her foot in a door,but the plot,which insane,kept me intrigued. The end scene made me angry,because ultimately the killer wins,which I typically like,but I'm not really a fan of "it's ok to kill everyone because they didn't say hi" killers,and this one was a bit of a jerk himself (I rewatched select scenes after I made this review just to confirm) But the fact that a few of the kids did survive was shockingly different from "final girl and maybe her boyfriend" Drowned boy didn't seem like he was "dead" long enough to be in a coma still three months later,and how everyone at their school streamed and viewed their demises but didn't think to CALL THEM to see what the real deal was,was a massive plot hole. If I see "Cassie" from college in a box,I'm calling her,or reaching out to "Jenn" to call Cassie to see what the heck is going on. Nope,these kids just looked at their classmates dying and went to bed. Why brie was left unscathed to be hero girl is a good question. The deputy was sweet,but literally slow. Like,people's lives are on the line,SPEED! RUN!! Nope,just doing 45 in a 50 and ambling to the scene. Music is HORRID!!! But overall,not a terrible movie,though not an awesome movie either. Watchable.

Exam (2009)

6.8 stars is complete BS

[2/10 · 19 January 2024]

I must say,I was kind of really pondering what the question could be,but after a while I didn't care,and when it was revealed I was FURIOUS!!! Eight "candidates" in a room wanting to be a personal assistant to a bigwig. Have to discover the answer to a question that wasn't directly posed,per se. They have a piece of paper, ostensibly blank,but maybe the question is written in invisible ink? One by one they get kicked out. And when it comes down to the last 4, that's when it gets stupid. One guy has a special pill he needs TO STAY ALIVE. Another guy steals it off him,but "I need it to live" KNOWS he has taken it,never says a word. Pill falls in grate and he almost dies. They are not supposed to leave the room,but blonde lady circumvents this by keeping her foot in the doorway. Guy thinks he's the last man standing,but turns out the countdown clock was.manipulated and he broke a.rule seconds prior to the clock running out Ultimately,the "question" is literally written MICROSCOPICALLY on the paper,and you need glasses AND another glass to see it. And it was asked during orientation. The one person who did practically nothing ended up with the job,while the best person got shot. He lived,really lived,but the end was a cop out lame waste with so many plot holes it could have been swiss cheese.. do not let the high rating fool you. This movie was frustrating trash pretending to be highbrow,existential drama. It's too late for me--i can't unsee this. But you have a choice. Save yourself.

Death Trip (2021)

Wowwwwww

[1/10 · 3 January 2024]

You know a movie is hot raccoon dumpster trash when the writers of the screenplay don't even bother to make original names for their characters --all the actors played characters of the same name,and credits included such gems as "country partygoer #24". Yes,they were really that lazy about casting. In addition--this movie goes nowhere for almost an hour and a half,and the last fifteen minutes are "why is this even happening"?!?! No explanation whatsoever for the actions of the killer,which just makes the last fifteen minutes confusing given the previous one and a half "setup". Granted,the fight scenes at the end were actually miles about most crappy horror "trying to escape from killer" scenes I have watched,with realistic "dirty" fighting for survival,but again,with zero explanation for why the killer was killing,I was in the weeds as to WHY this fight even came about. Total garbage. It's too late for me-- I can't unsee this. But you have a chance. Save yourself.

House of Inequity (2021)

Irritating

[1/10 · 25 December 2023]

If I've said it once,I've said it a million times--the major annoyance in any horror film is the realization of danger,yet a COMPLETE lack of urgency!!!!!! People get kicked in a room,door opens only occasionally,yet when the door opens,everyone just stands around, twiddling their thumbs instead of rushing out the door en masse. Everyone just gets killed. No opportunity to get away,no explanation for why this is a house of horrors other than some ritual was performed in the past. No way to break ritual or escape,so the plot just fell flat from that alone--it was just an unwinnable situation. Weird.

Box (II) (2021)

Gross

[1/10 · 16 December 2023]

Tries to be deep and highbrow, with existential angst or whatever artsy crud they were reaching for....and failed miserably. A quick glance at the credits should have told me this was a passion project,with waaaayyy too many producers and too many people wearing multiple hats. Guy is locked in box by the father of the man he killed,has a breakdown. There. Saved you 80 minutes of your life AND spared you from watching him eat poop and drink piss. Yeah,THAT happened. Turns out it was all some pre death row injection delusion,or some such crap. For a two actor movie,the acting actually has wasn't bad,the plot was hot stinking garbage though. It's too late for me.... I can't unsee this. But you have a chance. Save yourself.

Invisible World (2020)

Ugh

[1/10 · 13 December 2023]

Cute kid,but someone should explain to him the difference between a "I can't get this math problem right" scream and an "I'm being chased by a zombie witch" scream. This stupid short was so ridiculous it was almost laughable. Salem witch trial executioner's descendants have nightmares. That's it. No resolution or explanation of why a 200 year old witch can't eliminate this family line,or why the great great great great great great grandkids has to be tormented. And that lame ending!?! Such a lazy cop out to tie a bow on a crappy film. This was awful. It's too late for me,I can't unsee this. But you have a chance. Save yourself.

Do Not Disturb (III) (2011)

Acting wasn't bad

[3/10 · 11 December 2023]

But the plots were AWFUL. Apparently some overworked, voyeuristic hotel maid cleans room 319/316. Stuff happens in that room. A guy hires a hooker to deliver his eulogy over his not so dead body. A lady meets her astronaut husband,or does she? Two teens order room service. Maid becomes an involuntary organ harvester,and then gets haunted by the harvested. That was it! I summed up the entire boring movie in four sentences. Nothing exciting or even decently told at all!! That's the whole "movie". 5 barely coherent,barely cohesive, definitely unfinished stories. It's too late for me,I can unsee this. But you have a chance. Save yourself.

It Knows (2020)

Crap

[1/10 · 9 December 2023]

I should have known it was going to be far age when the GERMAN kid had an AMERICAN flag on his wall.....TERRIBLE acting,dumb plot,plot holes for days! Stupid characters,illogical actions,just all around dookey. Spirit in the water takes bad souls,but main kid's dad gets taken in first minutes of film,ergo he was a bad person. Little girl lives for a week in spirit's custody,in the woods or the water or something, wasn't sure where he stashed this kid for seven days. Busy mom finally sees her missing daughter,was all "hey, you're home. Cool." Hated all the characters,was super happy the entity wasn't defeated by those dumb idiots.

Cold Sweat (2010)

No

[1/10 · 8 December 2023]

This whole movie was infuriating and excruciating. Basically everyone tiptoeing around a house FULL of nitroglycerin and ancient dynamite. And yet,when explosions happen,they are small and contained to a one person radius. I wanted everyone to die. Slow paced and boring, with all around unlikeable characters, and a weak plot. Yes,the not calling the police was indeed fully explained,and the reaching out for help via Facebook was actually a great plan,even though the girl characters thought it was stupid. Zombie chicks in the basement was just a dumb storyline. The "torturing women into solving riddles" was dumb. It was all dumb. It's too late for me,I can't unsee this. But you have a chance. Save yourself.

Abandoned Souls (2010)

So dumb

[1/10 · 4 December 2023]

We have the dual ingredients of bad acting and wtf is happening plot to stir together to make this turd soup of a movie. Black guy is FLAAAAT. Like,"just say the words,no inflection at all" flat. Continuity is crap (55:10-1:00,just trust me.....)and what was even going on? The literal chronology makes no sense. Hermit has been a childhood tale to one character,but is a recent prison escapee. Other character has a secret, but we never quite find out the full details of the past, as in why that person ended up where they did. All the characters were annoying,was hoping everyone died. Just awful. It's too late for me,I can't unsee this. But you have a chance. Save yourself.

Into the Forest (2019)

Typical

[1/10 · 22 November 2023]

As is so typical with these garbage found footage movies NOTHING HAPPENS!! You are not law and order,you can't bring everything to a cool,shocking head two minutes before the end (as l&o does. Freaking brilliantly!) But found footage?!?! Always trying to pull out some lame-o "shock" in the last five minutes,but I didn't care what happened in the hour and a half before,and your pathetic attempt at scariness at the last possible second constantly falls flat in that it isn't scary,interesting,or even well shot. Just dumbly ending a stupid,boring movie. And this movie is just that--an hour and a half of familial bickering,some tepid witch tale,and a lackluster ending and no resolution. I must have a secret machochistic side,because the stuff is torture. It's too late for me,I can't unsee this. But you have a chance. Save yourself.

The Evil Woods (2007)

Ugh,no

[1/10 · 21 November 2023]

If a ton of people are saying it,pay heed. ABSOLUTELY obnoxious characters,jerk boy and biotch girlfriend of dealer being the main two you wanted to see die quickly. Like,how stupid are you to not realize that YOU CANNOT DRIVE ON TWO FLAT TIRES!! Biotch girlfriend's insistence on being the biggest wet blanket,superior tw atwaffle was beyond irritating. And other dude? I guess they just told him to go to town on the eff word ,and heavy on the pr1ck attitude,because he delivered in spades. I have to say I did like the dealer boyfriend.....he seemed the nicest of the characters,and he had respect for the woods,so I don't know why he had to die.oh! Speaking of deaths---first one comes ONE HOUR into an eighty minute movie. Literally incessant,grating bickering for a SOLID HOUR. All the characters hated each other,lovers included. Weird jacking off hobo and surly mystery guy round out this terrible cast. A crap sandwich of a movie. It's too late for me,I can't unsee this,but you have a choice. Save yourself.

6 Degrees of Hell (2012)

Dr drew.....spot on

[2/10 · 21 November 2023]

I love when someone can articulate WHY a movie went off the rails,and Dr Drew's review sums it up perfectly. This movie was a jumbled mess,with little explanation or direction. Every character had some dead relative,the sheriff was annoying and his vendetta against the one guy was far from professional. No one listened to the paranormal investigators,even when they were being proved correct. Acting wasn't terrible, honestly could have done without corey Feldman,not because of any Corey hate,but LITERALLY could have cut his scenes and the movie would have remained the same. A completely pointless cameo for the sake of name dropping. So while not the worst movie I have ever watched,not actually really good either,mainly due to character arcs that didn't connect,AND went nowhere,and the roundabout way the devil had of accessing his conduit. It made no sense that the devil would go on a twenty year journey,killing random people to connect back to the conduit.

The Inevitable (II) (2012)

Small town

[1/10 · 20 November 2023]

So I guess they recruited the entire tiny town of Shelton to make this movie,and I feel bad for every one of those townspeople. Makeup consisted of the standard dirty face,coal miner look. Plot was non-existent. Captions were misspelled and at one point about 10 minutes of the movie was silent,with aforementioned misspelled captions appearing on screen like it was 1935. Pretty good screams from all screaming actors, but again,at another point,just five minutes of the husband and wife screaming back and forth at each other. Barely realized the reason for the run,as this movie just.....started, and once started,just continued with no explanation. Why were there two zombie groups (hunters and the couple). It was like there were two random stories with zombies in common. And I still don't understand why any of anything happened. Thank goodness this wasn't even an hour,and it was free.

Bedeviled (2016)

I enjoyed it

[8/10 · 18 November 2023]

Yes,it did have the MASSIVE plot hole of ZERO parental presence, CONSTANTLY splitting up, and the solution to just FACE YOUR FEARS as a way to beat the app, but I actually did enjoy this movie. Granted,it had the quintessential "white girl with a plan" heroine,but it was refreshing in that the black guy was the tech genius who busted the code. All the acting was good,and I liked all the characters and WANTED them to survive,though obviously they didn't,and that was a bummer. Really wished they'd just have had a massive sleepover until they could figure out how to defeat the app. Movie adequately explained why app couldn't just be deleted. A decent movie to watch,so now that I have found the one needle in the haystack, it's back to crappy one stars until I stumble upon another good movie.

Haunted (II) (2013)

How!?!?

[1/10 · 17 November 2023]

Is it possible to have a film be so long,so boring,so irksome,so dark,and so grainy all at the same time!?!! All dialogue and no plot. And I hope you enjoy eighty eight different LITERAL shades of black and gray,because that is all that is visible for most of the second part of the movie. The vigil man scream made me laugh. One ten minute scene where they just talk about a girl walking past,dazed,and then falling. THEY SPENT TEN MINUTES TALKING ABOUT THIS BORING,RANDOM,ONE ACT!!! Another "terrifying" incident was "flashlight under face in window." I'm serious. This was supposed to be HORRIFYING,but was just cheesy and stupid. It's too late for me. I can't unsee this. But you have a choice. Save yourself.

Don't Click (2020)

Not badly acted

[2/10 · 17 November 2023]

But yet still bad. I guess the of the character didn't tell his friend off enough about his taste in porn,and got thrown into porn hell with him. Which was dumb because he did seem like a likeable character who was trying to save his friend. And I think a better use of the torture of said friend would not be to kill him,but to shock him into being a better person. Acting was actually pretty good,storyline fell flat. So not the worst movie,really,but just not gelled enough into a fleshed out plot to be truly enjoyable. Just frustrating since it ostensibly might have been an eight star film. Too bad.

Rxcall (2022)

So bad

[1/10 · 15 November 2023]

Everything was terrible right from the start. A caretaker,ironically wearing a "be a good person" shirt records her client, including the full label of her prescription bottle,for the internet. Girl gets out of anger management class,bumps into a guy,and TAKES HIM HOME!! Her mom instantly loves him,old boyfriend comes,there is a confrontation. Everything in this movie contradicted itself- like they completely forgot what happened in one scene and lied about it in another (new caregiver girl says client tried to strangle her.......client gripped her hand really hard),the old lady's group is described as being formed to protect homesteads DURING the civil war,and LITERALLY FIVE SECONDS LATER, a convo is had about how it was created AFTER the civil war!!! Idiot caregiver girl thinks client was ALIVE DURING THE CIVIL WAR!!!! . Caregiver spoonfeeds client applesauce,but apparently client has the dexterity to open pill bottles. Caregiver girl BRINGS HER BOYFRIEND TO SLEEP OVER AND HAS SEX AT CLIENT'S HOUSE!!! Badly acted,and scenes that go nowhere and add nothing. Stripper sister gets killed-guy robs the place and leaves half the money on the table. Weird detectives are staking out dead stripper's apartment,but seem really incompetent,as they apparently have not done their homework on victim or victim's family. Caregiver girl incorrectly uses an epipen (she shot it in arm instead of thigh). It's like someone wanted to make a film without doing any research on what would make a believable script. Might as well have had her flying like a bird to work. Cop gun scene is bumbling (slow mo it,and watch the cop guy..... pathetic ). Head social worker lady, detectives,EVERYONE wears the same outfit every day. It's as if no one has an other clothing to wear. Caregiver girl is REALLY unqualified,letting her client overdose AND losing her all within 48 hours. Just so,so SO bad!! What the hell was even happening!?! Ten minutes from the end and we STILL don't know what's going on......what the client's secret is,or her motivations. For a lady with dementia she does some things that require a ton of mental acuity. Caregiver hides,and gets stuck under bed. By her SOCK. Why a southern lady is living in a New York city brownstone with a trunk full of confederate gold is ludicrous. And a trunkful of gold would weight hundreds of pounds-there is no way it could be lifted by a solitary,out of shape person. And the crap icing on the crap cake of this whole turd movie is it had NOTHING to do with the medication!!! Sister's murder is blamed on new boyfriend guy,DESPITE him having an airtight alibi in victim's sister.......murder is never solved. This movie was just terrible. The final scene was absolute garbage. SO,SO,SO stupid!! I think I lost brains cells.