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Reviews
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Utter Rubbish
I hated this film when it first came out (as I did for the other two in this trilogy) but a fellow Star Wars lover told me I should give it another try now that some time has gone by...
The truth is, I now dislike it even more than I did initially. It is just a terrible movie. From the wooden acting, invincible heroes, dialogue that doesn't match the intensity of the scenes - it's all awful.
If these three films had never been made, the cinematic world would be in a better place now.
There is no artistic substance to Rise of Skywalker. For some reason the studio thinks it can just churn out garbage and everyone will give it a pass because it's got the Star Wars name on it.
Sadly, some people are so intent on defending these poor quality movies that they'll continue to be made.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022)
Forgettable
Sonic 2 is just about watchable, thanks mostly to Jim Carrey's suitably hammy performance as Robotnik. The rest of the film is actually pretty boring.
The CGI is generally quite bad (not including the character animation, which is good). Some of it looks like it could be from Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Yeah, not great.
There are some good comedic elements, as you would expect, but nothing to make you laugh out loud.
My kids watched it and seemed to enjoy it just fine. Hopefully they won't ask to see it too many more times because once was easily enough for me.
If anyone is talking about this movie in five years I'll be genuinely surprised.
Bucky O'Hare and the Toad Wars! (1991)
Often Forgotten; Always Great
Far too few people talk about Bucky O'Hare and the Toad Wars! These days, which really is a shame.
One of the best cartoons of the 90s, Bucky O'Hare follows in the footsteps of the greats from the 1980s, such as He-Man, Thundercats, Ulysses, etc.
Clearly influenced by Star Wars, O'Hare is a swashbuckling journey through a near dystopia caused by political turmoil, all thanks to the antagonists, the Toads.
Space dogfights, ingenious plans, relentless enemies, slavers, interplanetary corruption - Captain Bucky faces them all with the help of an ensemble of unique crew members.
A real gem of the early 90s. Though, I imagine if you're reading this then you already know that.
Amphibia (2019)
Tries a Little Too Hard
Amphibia is full of adventure, weirdness, friendship and intrigue, but there's something off about it. I couldn't tell what it was right away but after a few more episodes it hit me.
Almost every time a character speaks they try really hard to be quirky and funny. There are no normal exchanges of dialogue at all. Everything is over the top and it gets a little jarring.
Generally, Amphibia is enjoyable, but it falls firmly behind similar shows, such as Adventure Time, Regular Show, Gravity Falls, etc., because the characters are far less likeable than the ones in those animations.
It's a bit of a shame that Amphibia tries so hard to be funny because it could have been a real 10 out of 10 if it just toned down the deliberate silliness a little bit, even just now and then. Still, it's fairly easy to watch and kids love it.
Star Wars: Droids (1985)
Sometimes Good, Mostly Not
I was severely chastised by a friend back in the early 2000s when recounting my love for another Star Wars cartoon from my childhood: Ewoks. According to my friend, Droids is the superior show by a wide margin. He was on the verge of genuine disgust when I told him I hadn't seen Droids.
I have since watched Star Wars: Droids with my kids, and I have to say that I am not very impressed.
There are some nice moments in the series, including some genuine laughs, but on the whole Droids is a weak show. The animation is comparable to shows like Super Ted, or even Bananaman, which isn't a deal-breaker in itself but makes it look cheap. Ewoks, is similar but I think the style suits that show more.
Everything Droids attempts to do has been done better by other shows, especially some of the newer Lego Star Wars cartoons available on Disney Plus.
There are reasons to watch Star Wars: Droids (the voice acting being one) but I imagine most of the love the show sees is from people rooted up to the gills in nostalgia.
I doubt I'll ever watch it again and my children also aren't too keen.
Star Wars: Ewoks (1985)
Really Good
Ewoks is perhaps one of the best Star Wars spin-offs.
Rather than focusing on interplanetary politics or Jedi superpowers, Ewoks is a great adventure series set around the relatively primative furry creatures we first met in Return of the Jedi.
Each episode tends to tell the tale of a completely new problem for the Ewoks to overcome. There are recurring antagonists, of course, but the nature of the show is possibly best described by comparing it to other, similar cartoons. Immediate comparisons that spring to mind are Thundercats, Gummi Bears and Masters of the Universe.
Magic, adventure with a sprinkling of swashbuckling, bizarre creatures, and thoughtful, kind and wholesome heroes is what you'll find in an episode of Ewoks.
Good stuff.
Wild Isles (2023)
Great
Few television experiences excite me more than a David Attenborough nature documentary.
Wild Isles is a tremendous exploration of the wildlife of the British Isles. The landscapes of Great Britain, its surrounding territories, and Ireland are magnificent and provide a beautiful backdrop to the action.
I find it genuinely difficult not to award 10 stars, but I just felt like the series forced the "this is Britain and it's fabulous" message a little too much, making it fall slightly short of similar programmes like Planet Eart II.
It would be a shock to most people if you don't like this show.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022)
Constant Exposition
No one in this show ever has a realistic conversation. For some reason they're always telling the story as they talk. It's just really bad writing. I honestly don't know how these scripts were approved. If you were to write this in a creative writing class you would fail. Your teacher would tell you to show, not tell.
How this sort of thing has managed to get through into the finished product of a high budget, major television spectacle is completely beyond comprehension. Even more worrying is that people love it. Art is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose, but it seems too many have cataracts when it comes to this.
CoComelon (2018)
The Worst
Cocomelon is the worst thing I've ever seen at least as far as something claiming to be entertaining goes. The same nursery rhymes are sung over and over in ever worsening voices. The animations look horrible and generic.
Cocomelon and Little Baby Bum are the lowest form of children's entertainment. There are so many better things to keep babies and toddlers happy. Just off the top of my head, I would recommend Caspar Babypants, Hey Bear Sensory, Steve and Maggie, literally anything else.
How people are rating this 10 is beyond me. Yeah, it might keep your little ones quiet for a while but it genuinely feels like it would rot their brains.
Horrendous.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: A Shadow of the Past (2022)
Boring
I was waiting for this and really keen to see it. Sadly, the first episode felt overly long and dull. Some of the acting is quite wooden and the dialogue is one bit of drawn-out exposition followed by another. The old problem of too much telling and not enough showing.
I really hope it improves. I'll stick with it for now but I must say that I am very disappointed with the opening episode. The science fiction and fantasy genres seem to have taken a real hit in recent years and this looks like it might be keeping pace with that trend. Such a shame.
Who knows... maybe it will improve as it goes along, but I won't be holding my breath.
Game-On (1995)
Great... but got progressively worse
The first series is by far the best. Ben Chaplin as Matt is genuinely sensational. Sadly the quality of the writing and Ben Chaplin moving on to other projects (resulting in him being replaced by Neil Stuke) drove the quality down considerably.
Still, even the last two seasons are worth watching. So many laugh out loud moments and a real slice of the 90s. The first series I would say has every episode scoring either a 9 or 10, but by the end they're just about limping in with sixes.
I caught this show at exactly the right time, being a teenager when it originally aired.
Any Human Heart (2010)
Almost Perfect
TV drama really doesn't get much better than this.
The three lead actors are superb and you soon forget that they look almost nothing like each other, all thanks to their strong performances.
Toy Story 4 (2019)
Unnecessary Sequel but Still Good
Toy Story 3 had the perfect ending, both emotionally and in terms of storytelling, and this fourth film only diminishes that impact.
Toy Story 4 isn't a bad movie, but it does nothing to enhance what came before it. The adventures of the toys have gotten even more elaborate and in this film they hardly seem to care that they're running around in the open. They still conceal themselves from people but they take a lot more risks than you would think. The whole premise of living toys is ludicrous, of course, but even so it feels unlikely that they could pull off all these capers without being noticed by humans.
All in all, the movie is more than watchable, although it is the weakest of the series.
The Witcher (2019)
Pure Rubbish
I am a huge sci-fi and fantasy fan but I just couldn't like the Witcher. It's one of those Hollywood productions where people wear armour for no reason.
Prey (2022)
Too Silly - Politics Over Substance
Women are great, we all know that, but this Mary Sue trope has really gone far enough.
There are no stakes in this story because the main character is an invincible genius. Boring.
Lightyear (2022)
Watchable
I made it through the film but I have no desire to see it again. It's not a terrible sci-fi story but it lacks charm and is definitely too long. The humour is disappointingly obvious, mostly just little quips between the characters.
My two kids are huge Toy Story fans but were visibly bored after twenty minutes of Lightyear.
Like I said, it's not the worst movie ever but it feels an infinity away from great.
Pistol (2022)
Surprisingly Good
I have to admit that my expectations for Pistol were low, especially because I knew John Lydon had nothing to do with the production and has spoken out against it. I was wrong and I believe Lydon is wrong to hate it.
Now, it is clearly a little melodramatic in parts, but I think that that actually improves it. The Sex Pistols were always a little ridiculous and this show has a similar "persona" (if it's possible for a TV show to have a persona). The main beats of the band's story are all represented so super fans should be happy enough, and there's enough truth in the tale to inform casual viewers as well.
I didn't like the way Johnny Rotten was made out at first but then the performance grew on me. I think he is weirder in the show than in real life, though I'm sure he was plenty strange in reality.
The first episode is the weakest, in my opinion, but the series on the whole is pretty magnificent.