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ChipBach
Reviews
The Godfather: A Novel for Television (1977)
I actually love this version.
I understand that this version runs contrary to the vision of the writers, director, and producers.
However, for these movies, the format also works well. It is admittedly a less sophisticated way to absorb the story, but some of us are fine with the give and take to see it chronologically.
I wish the option was available for seeing both versions.
I also prefer seeing the deleted scenes. I know they had been deleted by the film makers for a reason, but who didn't love seeing some of the villains get their comeuppance?
The story is unbelievable, the vision was unprecedented, however, I would love to have the option to stream this version.
We Need to Do Something (2021)
Take the "We need to do something" challenge!
If you decide to watch this turd until the end, try watching a blank screen for the same period of time while listening to someone scratching their fingernails on a chalkboard.
Keep score. I bet the fingernails prevail.
This is the worst movie I have seen in a long time. The script os so terrible I can't even decide if the acting is bad.
Not sure why this is listed as a horror movie. The scariest monsters are a tree and a well made bathroom door.
There really isn't any character that is likable so you are basically stuck in a bathroom with four people that whine and argue.
Come to think of it, that is horrific...
Nightmare Alley (2021)
I thought the ending was predictable and kinda "meh"...
I really enjoyed the first half of the movie. I did not see the original and thought the mood, pacing, and acting was really good. Once the Dr. Ritter character was introduced, I felt the rest of the movie was telegraphed in.
I thought his gullibility was inconsistent with the character earlier in the movie, and the ending seems... well pretty silly. An intelligent, young, and smart Bradley Cooper who has an uncanny ability to read and manipulate super smart people only has two options? A rich entertainer or a geek? Really? Nope. I saw it coming and felt like I wasted my investment in the character.
After Life (2019)
Best show on TV
This has more heart and soul than just about anything else on TV. Thanks to Ricky G for making life a little better. What an awesome talent.
The show truly pulls out how I imagine a person dealing with loss would deal with it. The cast is outstanding as is the writing.
Bravo all the way around!
The Girl Who Got Away (2021)
Fairly confusing story line.
I thought this movie had a chance, however you are asked to suspend reason a bit too much...
Mom is let loose by virtue of an accident and has the serial killer prowess of an olympian. At no time does the Marshall service dedicate any resources to the issue even after several horrific murders occur. Instead one lone cop seems to be the only one assigned to this issue.
The twist makes little sense especially when the central character basically admits to aiding the serial killer mom (even though she has PTSD as a result of her mothers actions.
Why does she kill the family services guy? The little girl is already dead (and how does he not know this??)..
Seems like the pregnant girl didn't work very hard to avoid the serial killer.
Lastly, kind of surprised the police would allow her to possess the baby that was carved out of her mothers belly. And how does the EMT not know the circumstances of the bloody baby?? "You guys appear to be fine, see ya, have fun with your bloody baby!"
Stupid.
Chapelwaite (2021)
Plot hole?
So.... The book doesn't burn? The house and people do? Why didn't Jak the snake just burn down the house and wait?
Just me?
Street Survivors: The True Story of the Lynyrd Skynyrd Plane Crash (2020)
Wow - what a stinker
So sad that I bit on this trash. Terrible acting, terrible dialogue.
Drug addict, alcoholic, acid laced drummer is superhuman flight expert, voice of reason for a group of drunken fools. Ronnie VanSant apparently is solely responsible for the death of Cassie Gaines, who was the only person smart enough to recognize the cluster that was the airplane...
Even if this was absolutely true, it didn't need to be told.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Cartoon characters, no plat, bad writing...
I guess another Hollywood cast making fun of a part of America they have no knowledge of thinly veiled in ironic comedy...
Too bad, I was so excited to watch it...
The Boy Downstairs (2017)
Yeah... no.
If spoiled, passive aggressive, dishonesty with your lead characters is your thing, but the DVD.
Love to watch rich, artsy millennials suffer the fate of their fantastic privilege.
Wish I'd have just tuned into something a bit deeper, like Shrek 2....
Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)
Circle of Crap
Terrible movie. As a Kentuckian I struggled to understand if a single writer even made it to the Midwest given the over the top cartoonish characature. Same stupid over the top and obviously politically movtivatesd generalizations by a group of people who probably haven't been east of Nevada.
Hey guys - in Kentucky is called BOURBON... Dipwads.
Throw it away...
Death Wish (2018)
I really wanted to like it...
I wish there had been more attention to details and writing. The fingerprints and DNA left at every crime scene was a treasure trove of evidence. The police figured out the connection after killing the Ice Cream man with no reason to dot two unrated killings yet didn't think to DNA the blood left on the ground.
Tons of other issues with the storyline- I'll let you find 'em...
Bad Moms (2016)
Who doesn't find horrible parenting, adultry, and neglect hilarious? Oh yeah... me...
Really bad movie. Bad Mom gets to run the PTA because she sucks at being a mom and drops the f-bomb. In truth, the PTA appeared to be a pretty slick working machine. For all the pro-feminism gestures, Amy marries a bum and stays with him long enough while his over the top neglect to his family and entitled abuse and open infidelities at his wife expense are so over sold, you wonder why such a strong women would subject her kids (or make kids) with this asshole.
Then we have bad mom #2 who is also bullied by a husband who appears to suffer from some sexual dysfunction so she mocks him for it...
This move sucks, is not funny, and was a waste of my time...
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - The Cradle of Life (2003)
Worst. movie. ever. (And I've seen Speed 2)...
I made the mistake of being lazy and watching this movie. It ends exactly where it started and was useless in between... Nothing made sense except Angelina's wardrobe. Nice bait for the 14-year-old hormoners.
From the stealthy motorcycle ride on the GREAT WALL to the super secret transfer of the 'box by helicopter in the middle of a city neighborhood, nothing even made sense. I was actually angry and continued to watch just to hope for a clever moment of this crapfest...
Super 8 (2011)
Not going to be "ET2"...
I saw it today with my 11 year old son. He thought it was just-OK-good, probably because in the usual Speilbergy way, the smartest people in the film are 11 year old kids... I thought the story was poor, the action just "OK", and the effects pretty good.
The story never really explains why the AF needed to move this super alien (by rail), how a small pickup can derail a huge locomotive, what they could have stored the alien in to begin with as he certainly does not have a problem ripping through metal...
The alien seen eating a fellow citizen for dinner and five minutes later the little kids try to make the thing sympathetic. Kind of a weird transition for me.
The killing of the bad military dude occurs approximately 3/4ths of the way through the movie, so you have that.
The whole initial tension of the movie is set by the father of the hero-kid hating the hero-girl's dad because he (dad of hero girl) called in sick to work, the mother of hero-kid gets horribly killed at work, working the girls dads shift and everyone somehow thinks it's the dudes fault, he even gets arrested for coming to the wake... And... Yeah it's hard to follow or even understand.
Didn't like the movie, my son only "liked" it.
Secretariat (2010)
Not much truth in the story, but fun for my 10 year old twins...
As an adult who remembers those days, it was hard to watch the movie with a sense of suspense. As you can see in the movie, Secretariat was number 1A (That means Penny had another entry in the derby, another horse running in the same derby), fact is Penny WON the derby the year before with Riva Ridge... So it was hard to feel the winning of the derby by the favorite was big time drama. People in the game wait their whole life to get a shot of having one horse in the derby.
Hard to feel the world coming down around a lady who had three horses running in the Kentucky Derby in two years time.
I manage a racetrack in Kentucky so I enjoyed seeing people I knew in the movie, and my pal Otto Thornworth did a great job as Ron Turcotte.
I love a good horse movie, and like I said in the titles, Disney made my kids love Secretariat. (Now at least they appreciate all my Secretariat memorabilia) Just remember it's a Disney movie, and enjoy the magic!
The Walking Dead (2010)
Can't over think a Zombie movie too much but, don't make us work too hard...
Yeah, I know... without the idea of some supernatural power, how do decomposing dead bodies eyes function, brain function, and flex a muscle? Sure, it is a physiological impossibility. I get that. You need to suspend all thoughts about how an unfed muscle lacking flowing blood can move, you have to fuggetaboutit or else you simply can't enjoy a Zombie flick... So if we give the writers that, they shouldn't make it harder for us to believe the rest of it...
First of all, how does a coma patient stay alive with only an IV for a month (or so)? (Now I am already thinking about the what-what instead of enjoying the story.) He would have at least needed a new pair of pants... ;-) Some comments already spoke to inconsistencies with when the characters decided to be quiet or just start shooting from a second story window for no reason, even when it jeopardizes their children...
I found it hard to believe the three dudes would even leave the police station, apparently the only place made of brick and bars that had hot water, guns and beds. Probably the only place with emergency power, etc. Seems silly they wouldn't camp there, instead the guy and his kid go back to the most unprotected house in the hood and start by getting the attention of all the zombies by random shooting... A car alarm sent them into a panic then they draw direct attention to themselves the next day.
Splitting up is also pretty cliché'. Why would you not stay together in the best interest of your little kid?? You believe Atlanta is secure so you stay alone in town??
Choosing a horse... Well, interesting choice I can't imagine anyone would make. I would guess a RV would make sense to someone who has every option. Seems like I would have worked harder at finding the truck keys. At the very least, I can't imagine finding gas was so impossible. And those guys camping in... TENTS?? C'mon, are you going to fall asleep a mile away from a thousand zombies in a nylon tent? At least Romero's victims choose a mall...
And how in the world the Zombies over ran an M1A tank and several 50 caliber machine guns would be interesting to hear. Again, seems like the tank makes a pretty good hidy-hole. I'd hang there for a while...
So these are the things I am thinking of as I am trying to enjoy the show... I know I shouldn't peel the onion back to far...
Love the idea of the show, and I gave it a 9, however, I hope the writers don't make us overlook too much stuff or it isn't going to be fun for long...
The Haunted Mansion (2003)
Just OK...
I gave the "8" for the special effects and the homage to the Disney ride. I would have loved to see a better written movie as I am a Haunted Mansion freak, however, my little kids loved this movie, and I am sure it was made more for them than me. I thought Murphy was a bit flat and would have preferred they would have approached it from a different point of view. Maybe Disney kids staying in the place on a bet, whatever... I also thought the love interest (an African American women and white male) for a person in the deep south during the mid 1800's was a strange decision. Don't get me wrong, I think Marsha Thomason is beautiful, but I couldn't help think how out of place the relationship would have been. Again, the kids never thought a thing about racial implications, which is a credit to them, but still...
Hope they revisit the idea of a better movie, given its failures, I doubt they will...
Entourage (2004)
Jumping the Shark - Please fix this program!
I used to love this show. Unfortunately it is getting hard to even like it.
The characters and actors all seem very cartoonish this season; like the laugh is a foregone conclusion and the actors are all in on a private joke. All the ego, money, and competition in their world would lead to some confrontation and ruffled feathers, not the continual love fest we have seen over the past few episodes.
Please fix this show - threaten a few writers and actors if you need to and make them WORK for it.
Turtle dating Jamie-Lynn Sigler?? C'mon, it's so poorly contrived and not very believable. The movie star gives the little chubby jobless kid a break even after he "kisses" and tells? It seems like pandering to the youngsters. Not every episode has to have an awesome happy ending for each character
In truth Drama is a jerk, Eric is a cocky, self righteous, and under educated, and Turtle is an uneducated hanger-on
They have Vince to protect them; outside of his protection the real world would chew them up, take the story a bit more in that direction.
I would bet that the real friends of stars have some issues during their day
I gave my three stars for Ari, who I think is written as a believable super agent (although now he is now somehow offended by married men trying to make it with younger girls, which is counter to the character they developed in the first few seasons, so it seems his character is being sanitized too). Another star for having attractive women and cool cars on the show, and the last for what it was and can still be if the producers find their guts again
Public Enemies (2009)
And I was sooo excited when I heard they were making this movie!
The book spent so much effort describing the confluence of events during that specific period of time, it was a great read. To make a movie about it, and leave out so much as well as make it inaccurate it very disappointing.
Purvis did not kill any of the major characters and was only present during the shooting of Dillinger. Why not have him shoot Hitler in the bunker too. I understand that sometimes you have to change events to help with the story telling, however, if I were a member of Sam Cowley's family, I'd be pretty angry... Adding the story line of Bonnie and Clyde to contradict their hero status from the 1967 movie and peg them as the animals they really were
Plus the Little Bohemia was an FBI failure, not success
Hoover's lying to characterize Ma Barker as a criminal mastermind
What a let down.
Incubus (2006)
Bad Movie
Most of the reasons were covered here already.
Campers lost on a single road in a place with so few roads that a globe should have been enough to help them find their way...
Campers afraid to camp outside in the summer on a perfect day...
...A severe roll over accident in a van should have left someone with at least a scratch on them...
...And how they came to the conclusion that the factory was long ago abandoned when it obviously had working electricity.
...And they fact that they did not feel that there was an immediate risk of death when the bodies they found were obviously recently killed.
...And since there was at least one medical student in the mix, one should have noticed the bodies could not have been dead for more than six hours based upon the way they looked...
Even Tara Reid looked a bit, well... Let's say... unfit. I know they were trying to make hay with her tight shirt and all, but hey... She kinda looked like a victim of gravity... I would have preferred to have seen Monica Dean flouncing about if I had to have a better visual option...
I think I could have killed that serial killer in the box in a way I was sure he was dead...
The Wicker Man (2006)
Yuck!
I never watched the original and I had suspected the ending to this stupid movie ten seconds after his landing on the island.
I am not sure what the death of the girl/mother had to do with the story. Did we require some validation that Nic would love his daughter once he learned of her? I assume it led to some explanation why he wanted to help the girlfriend.
I didn't understand why it was there...
...Or why he would trust/want to help/respond to a loony bird girlfriend that left him cold.
...Or why he would continually show a badge and refer to "police duty" in a place he had absolutely NO jurisdiction.
...Or why he wouldn't have contacted the Washington State Police, FBI, etc., in the matter of a missing little girl so someone in the world knew he was there...
...Or how these women of significant planning was going to explain his disappearance to all the police that he worked with and for...
...Or why the fact that the other men/boys were treated as slaves without tongues and he expected to somehow intimidate or influence the women...
There are several hundred more "ors" I just don't have the interest to continue with them...
Really Bad movie.
Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)
First time I was mad at an actress for stealing from me...
Some are so bad that they are at least fun to watch. This was not.
I knew I was in trouble from the beginning when Sandra Bullocks was taking a driving lesson from Tim Conway... Bad.
Then she screeched through the whole plot (that should be HOLE plot) about a runaway ship. A ship of course that people couldn't jump off of because the prop would somehow suck you back... (are you kidding me)
Then, when they finally figure out to use the bow thrusters to move them over, somehow the bow thruster doesn't simply keep them going into a circle... Geez...
(I will not even get into the MILLION of possible ways a person can escape a ship near shore or the incredibly stupid 5 minute boat crash into the cardboard village...
Bad - Dumb - and Boring...
How it isn't one of the bottom 100 is a testament to how bad movies have to be or how people just don't care.
Sandra Buttocks will not get another dollar of mine...
The Grudge (2004)
Not so much...
Good spookiness. Acting wasn't too bad. Interestingly, they made Geller look fairly plain to almost unattractive, too many closeups, soften up the tight shots boys...
The movie? I didn't get it.
Here is what I didn't get... So the woman who was killed by her husband for having a crush on a teacher gets killed and then, due to the FURY in her death, she comes back to kill the teacher and anyone else who goes into the house? That was the first showing since the murders? Japan real estate that slow in turning houses? First time the agent walked in? Did every person die that walked in? What about the other cop? What about the twenty lab techs that went in the house, they will die? Why did the mother get spared a few more days than did, Yoko? Was Yoko really running about town jaw-less? Why would Sarah MG dump out the gas when she knew she couldn't move her boyfriend? What caused the ghost to scare ya or just bite off your jaw and leave you running about town? Where did the sister who was taken down the sheets go?
I just didn't get it... If you die no matter what, then why am I watching?
Good spookiness though... 4 0utta 10 -Chip
Garden State (2004)
Liked the Movie...
Didn't expect to like the movie and did. I thought Braff played a guy on 10 years of lithium (sp?) very well. I liked the devices that kept changing his buddies from boors to decent guys and back and forth interesting. I loved the stare when his friend was robbing the grave and knowing he was thinking about his mom and his friend knew it.
I thought his scenes with his characters father were great. Not overplayed, a bit unresolved, and honest. Natalie was a good casting decision. She was cute and weird and her looks were grunged down to where you could see her as a real person...
Liked the sound track too.
Chip
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
I thought I would love it and... didn't...
O.K., I'll admit, I forgot to hang around for the remainder of the ending credits, so if someone could email me with what happened, I'd be grateful...
Having said that...
I am a huge NOTLD fan (I liked the remake, loved the original, and loved the first DOTD), so I thought this would be a no-brainer, especially since I loved the pre-released first 10 minutes.
I know you always have to pardon the common horror movie frustrations like the group split up, etc., but some of these were downright silly:
(SPOILERS GALORE - WARNING)
1) If you are going to point to a BIOLOGICAL explanation for the deads, then DO IT! I would have been happier with a supernatural curse type of scenario than believe dead bodies, lacking any metabolism, and literally decomposing down to mush in 48 hours (like a good dead body will). If you are going to pursue the virus route, try, try, try, to make the movie enjoyable for those clods like me that can't help thinking, "how can they run so damn fast". It doesn't have to be a huge explanation, just make a pass at it.
2) Enough with the stereotypes. Every character was like a B-movie doll they pulled from the shelf.
3) Although people here have said it a lot... The girl risking her life for a DOG (especially after they made the point to demonstrate that dogs don't attack deads and visa versa) almost completely ruined the movie for me. I was groaning and checking my watch when that happened...
4) Non-believable character reactions:
4a) Why would the security guards hate to see more help arrive? 4b) Why would the "good guy character" go it alone with a crow bar after knowing how dangerous the deads are? 4c) The cop would have never given up his gun to the guard. 4d) No one checked on the pregnant girl at all?!? Not even the nurse?!? 4e) How can ANDY not have killed 1,000 deads if that's all he had to do? How could he not have killed enough of them to chance a truck ride over (especially since he had a ton of guns and ammo?!??!) C'mon, first order of business would have been to load up. 4f) Once you reach and secure a MALL, how do you not spend the summer there while watching what happens to the deads... Too much food and security for them?!?! 4g) What on earth did the yuppie guy have to gain by leaving them in the sewer? If he was as self possessed as the film wanted us to believe, he would have had a self serving motive to see them succeed... 4h) Why in the world was he carrying keys to his boat on the float chain in his SUIT pocket?!?!?
I admit, I had to take a two to three minute bio-break during the movie, so if all there questions were answered then, pardon my post!
Chip