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Reviews
Migration (2023)
Bad. Just bad.
A pointless plot. The family had no reason to leave their ideal home. The entire plot was driven by idle whim. There was no necessary adventure - it was all caused by a pointless and unnecessary decision.
The voices were wildly overacted. The animation was average, but water effects were good.
In the end, it achieved nothing. It had no lessons. It just taught people to leave their comfortable homes for no reason and take their children on dangerous 'adventures' for the sake of ego.
It was an unentertaining waste of time. The jokes were weak. The characters were unlikeable. It took TWO directors to create this? Two directors usually is the death knell for a movie.
And this movie probably needed a third director.
Wednesday (2022)
Harriet Potter
I am enjoying the bleak aspect of Wednesday. Having recently binged the original Addams Family series, it's a delightful reboot.
It's like a Harry Potter reboot with a Snape/Hermione hybrid as the lead.
After episode 3, I hope it continues in the same style and doesn't descend into the usual conspiracy theory / CIA mission mishmash to which most promising shows resort to keep new series struggling along long after the fresh and exciting flavour that captivated you in series 1 has soured in your mouth.
I wish the makers of Wednesday well, and hope they don't fall for the easy stereotyped endless unoriginal and uninteresting arc that drives viewers away.
Happy Death Day (2017)
Why are all the students so old?
The perky undergrads are mid-twenties to thirty years old.
I keep expecting their children to appear.
Weird time travel.
Here are some extra words to satisfy the reviewbot. I hope you like them.
How I Met Your Father (2022)
Laught track? Zero points.
Within a minute of episode 1, LAUGH TRACK.
Was I back in the 60s? Did they need this to convince viewers that this stuff was actually funny?
Turned it off.
Tried again some weeks later and persevered.
Weak acting. Flimsy characters. Laugh track.
I'd rather mine mucus than watch this.
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
One of the funniest movies I've seen in years
Be not alarmed. This is not Inception, nor The Matrix (but flavours of both can be tasted.)
This is an enormously funny film, with some unexpected weepy feelgood moments.
Hotdog fingers - gets me EVERY time.
It is destined to be a classic.
Uncharted (2022)
I'll say "awful" - best I can do until I find my thesaurus
Plot - derivative, based on other bad, derivative scripts.
Script - terrible.
Acting - below par.
Direction - culpable.
CGI - miserable.
Predictability - howl-worthy. "He's going to..." and he does.
Deliberate Moments for the ladies (and 9% of men) - 3 semi-naked scenes
Risk of a sequel - imminent, but thankfully neglible in real terms.
Risk of psychological damage watching it without drugs or alcohol: HIGH.
Licorice Pizza (2021)
A wandering mishmash that needed better writing and editing
This movie had its charming moments, but too many scenes were irrelevant, meandering padding that contributed nothing to the plot or characters and should have been chopped.
Good Grief (2021)
Six Hobbits Under
The never-ending similarities between this show and Six Feet Under cannot be pure coincidence. The plot points match up nearly exactly.
Your Honor (2020)
Incredible - i.e. not believable
The ridiculous scene at the beginning of episode 1 put me off immediately.
A judge does not interrogate witnesses, does NOT enlist the public to play-act, and does NOT start arguing for the defence.
Very poor writing.
Hereditary (2018)
Fat, slow, boring.
Can anyone recommend a good team of lawyers I could hire so I can sue the makers of this film to regain the time I lost watching this bloated., slow, confusing and confused mess of below-par horror?
I gave it 2 stars because Toni was in it, but I imagine she will be erasing this movie from her CV.
MiddleMan (2016)
A quirky under-rated comedy
I can understand why people with an US-sitcom sense of humour would find this movie baffling, but it's in the best tradition of wry British understatement and cringe. It's a delight to watch. The plot is cunningly crafted with genuine 'I didn't expect THAT' moments. The characters are memorable. The scenery is Breaking-Baddish. I'm keeping this one.
Melancholia (2011)
Speechless
It's not often that I'm reduced to just saying the F word repeatedly at the end of a movie.
But this one made me do that.
The pre-title sequence, particularly the music by Wagner, was probably the best I've ever seen in a movie.
Prophetic. Poetic. Riveting.
The middle of the movie dragged like a snail's trail, but you could tell it was inevitable - it was going somewhere.
Somewhere you wouldn't like. But it moved - tragically.
The ending was triumphant. No spoilers.
Just bloody magnificent.
How I Met Your Mother: Bedtime Stories (2013)
Unwatchable
This episode was a B-side that only embarrassed the cast and any who kept watching for more than ten minutes.
It should never have passed first-draft status, let alone a rehearsal. I've looked forward to every episode of HIMYM, and was happy to accommodate the occasional slow or forced script. But this was an insult. The conceit was worthy for two or four lines, but for an entire episode? I would love to have heard the opinions of the cast when they were back in their trailers after having to regurgitate this script. The fact that it was made and not shredded afterwards makes it clear that everyone concerned was too busy updating their resumes and phoning their agents to worry about doing the right thing by their faithful viewers.