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Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains (1982)
A quick paced dissappointment with underaged breasts...not very 'professional'.
Right from the start we are introduced to the lead character's girl, punk band and there isn't really that much backstory or any time to explain anything. Things simply happens and we are supposed to just "know things already", as if this was based off a book/comic and the audience were supposed to have read the plot already! Seriously! This movie was almost 1 hour and 30 minutes long and still managed to fit in mumbo jumbo scenes that were a 'waste of time' (like one of the punk-band's songs are called) which gave less time to the actual story. Watching this was like as if huge pieces of the movie was left out at the cutting board and then the editors forgot to include them in the final cut. Which leads me to my 2nd point; a lot of the plot is not only going 1000miles per hour but its also highly unrealistic. How "The Stains" (the band in the plot) got famous to begin with is such a thin concept that it simply wouldn't happen..same with the fact that they (magicallly somehow) got super famous in the matter of 24 HOURS! Come on now! Not even the Beatles, Queen, or Abba could have pulled that off, at the beginning of their careers! Look, I can get that this is a parody on the music business, but even parodies like these has got to make a LITTLE sense..? No? And it didn't help out how the acting were sometimes wooden and off, especially from the lead punk-guy. I get that he was a musician in real life, and not a professional actor..but this character could have easily been replaced with an actor in a fictional band that was all made up for the sake of the movie and it would have been million times better!!
HOWEVER THE WORST PART of the movie is definately the ending (without me revealing anything of it, but I think you can guess the vibe of it from what I am about to write next), as this ending gave teenagers/young people/rebels a terrible message, (like an actual kick in the face for people loving a life in an alternative subculture, and loving to stand out from the rest of the crowd) In all honesty I felt truly mocked and spat on....but whatever... If I AM going to say anything GOOD about this movie it's that; the makeup/style in the middle of the movie and the overall quality of the sound/microphones are superb! No really! The sound technicians should have gotten the highest salary in this project! The sound is really crisp and clear throughout most of the scenes and it's great for someone like me who has english as their 2nd language to not need that much of subtitles to be able to understand what everyone is saying! Hats off to the people at the sound-department! Ok this was a long reviews but I'll leave it with this; as for the title of my review, I need to warn you about the underaged breasts/nudity showing in this movie, as the main actress was 14 years old back then (and I get that this was a different time but a 21 year old COULD STILL pull off the look as a teenager/act as a teenager and THEN at least it wouldn't feel like...ehm.'.jailbait'.. to watch this movie.. or as if the FBI were gonna come for me, simply because I saw this movie...you know what I mean??) So for that one reviewer who thought the underage naked breasts was "great"...I really have no words for you...except; let's hope you don't have any daughters/granddaughters of the same age as the main girl in this movie...Let's really hope so!
Georgetown (2019)
I know it's not meant to be a comedy but it sure is funny! And the script writer did an amazing job!
This review will contain some spoilers because otherwise I can't explain why I found it funny. This movie is hilarious because it shows you just how FAR (like ridiculously far...sorry english is not my first language) some people are willing to go to make you believe all their lies. I haven't laughed this hard for MONTHS! And Herr Waltz is as brilliant as always (so is his butt) but so was the main lady, Vanessa Redgrave! Her performance is fantastic!
My ONLY complaint for this movie....(a very small one though) was that Elsa and Ulrich was NOT speaking german to each other when they were alone in the house...that would have been natural as they are both supposed to be German, right? Or did I miss something abour Ulrich only pretending to be from Germany? If that was the case then surely Elsa would have figured it out soon enough but yes not having them talk German to each other when they were alone in the house/on the phone is my ONLY complaint. Everything else about this movie is brilliant (especially if you like me have dated liars/narcissists in the past, then you'll recognize how laughable they are and how far they are willing to go to liked and felt sorry for as the "victim" in everything). I know that Herr Waltz not only played in this but also directed this movie, and that was good, but my hat goes off the to the script writers! Script writers don't get that much credit when the truth is that there would be nothing to act or direct without them! This movie is MASTERLY written! As well as directed and played by the cast! I rarely give movies this high score but this was amazing! 8.5/10!
Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio (2022)
Let's throw in awful and obvious autotune song and make it a musical anyway!
The title for my review says it all...the songs weren't cute...they weren't needed for the plot and the obvious autotune hurt my ears to the point where I had to turn off the audio whenever there was a "song". Oh and the voice actors doesn't really do that much of a good job. They just use their natural voice? Yes they speak and change their tone in the terms of showing emotions with their voice, but it's still just their natural voice when they could have made some new and interesting voices for their characters! At least that's what I think of when I hear "voice acting" and animation/cartoons. The pace is also all over the place as there is a alot of things/sub plots going that doesn't have to be there for the mainplot and of course we don't get any explaination for some of the of the characters/creatures. They are just there. And you are supposed to accept that.
You are also supposed to accept that Pinocchio doesn't know how anything works and then the next day he knows how to open doors and he knows what a bed is and what "good night" means....
But the worst part of was definately the fact that the voice actors don't make up voices anymore for their characters? Is that not a thing anymore? Have I missed something about animation and cartoons today!? The only "voice actor" who ctually did a great job was Kate Blanchett being that annoying monkey. Would have never guessed it was her if I hadn't skipped through the "making of" documentary. But yeah to say that I am disappointed by this would be an understatement. It didn't have to be an awful musical, trying to be directed towards children and failing at both being for children and/or grown ups. This could have been more like Pan's Labyrinth and darker and less cheerful and "Disney-Musically"?? And it didn't have to be this confusing and yet so empty...It's Guillermo Del Toro! What happened!? Suddenly he doesn't know who he wants as his audience?? I truly expected this to NOT be like a Disney musical wannabe, but this is what we got. An annoying, confusing, blend of autotune with (nearly) none existent voice talent. We all know you can do better than this Del Toro! Try again!
Pig (2010)
Isn't this plagiarism?
This has more or less the exact same "plot" and has the exact same title as PIG (from 1998) made by Rozz Williams (former singer of Christian Death) and Nico B. ...Sooo...wouldn't this count as plagiarism?? Yeah I can understand this movie having the same title as you can't really copyright a one word title, but for having more or less the same plot ASWELL as having the same title....?? Surely that seems a bit "too much of a coincidence"...No? Did the creator of this movie really hope that no one would take notice?? Well too bad for them because I sure DID take noticed! Horrible! Get your OWN ideas instead of stealing others!
En kunglig affär (2021)
A Royal pity!
The direction of this mini series feels awkward and unatural, and the plot is swooshing by in a hurry. Spoilers ahead: Already after their first meeting, Kurt and the King are getting intimate, later that very same day. Which of course we cannot know for real that the affair happened this quickly or if the actual affair itself happened at all. However it feels unatural for them to meet and instantly "get down to business", later that very same day. Of course the King could have felt l safe to do so, as he probably knew he wouldn't get charged or really any hard consequences for this and that he could trust his staff to keep this a "hush hush" but I doubt that Kurt would be so eager and confident right away, consider the timeperiod they are in. And because of this quick pace of the plot and also many wooden performances for example when Anna's daughter (Kurt's stepdaughter) doesn't really look any excited when her mother tells her that her stepdad is going to meet THE king of her country! His Majesty himself! Wow! But no? Her reaction is as if her stepdad just bought a new pair of shoes or got himself a fresh haircut. She even makes a lazy/half hearted joke about te upcoming meeting with His Majesty. Her reaction doesn't really match that of knowing someone who will soon have a meeting with THE King. Instead she looks and sounds as if meeting the King wasn't a big deal and you could meet him at every Café along the city of Stockholm! Odd! Oh and another thing that struck me as odd and unatural with the series was that: Kurt has an affair with the King and all of a sudden he is an "expert" in which man or boy who is gay/seems gay. That is a risky guess to take consider how strict the law against homosexuals was back then. But no..Kurt sees a feminine looking boy/young man, working in the garden at a Hotel in Stockholm, and immideatly assumes that the boy/young man is gay or at least has "homosexual tendencies/would be curious about this" and "wants to have a drink and maybe some more". And even if the boy didn't knew that Kurt wanted more than just a few drinks, it seems so forced when he accepts the invitation instead of...oh.. I don't know? Punch the man in the face or try to run away? Instead it's so easily laid out: "Yes! Hey I just met you! And of course I want to sleep you, you strange man that I just met a couple of hours ago, maybe, in the hotel where I work! Yeah I will totally sleep with you! How could you tell!?" The truth is: you can't tell! You can't assume someone's sexuality based upon someone's appearance or facial features alone/shyness/feminine attitude alone! That's baloney! This makes the show seems very pretentious in "knowing who is gay/into gay-action and thus placing homosexuals in a stereotype of being and/or looking "feminine", so of course the feminine looking/feminine acting man must be Gay! Right!? No! This is wrong! It makes a bit sick! It's like as soon as Kurt had gotten intimate with the King, he all of a sudden adapted this perfectly accurate "internal gaydar" or "sixth sense" in to knowing who he should flirt with next, without even looking for the right secret clubs or secret places where there were rumored to be "meetings" betwen men, as it would BE back then. Wildly assuming men to be gay/bi as you, without any solid evidence of this assumption, would be too risky for the time period where the plot is taking place! Like I already stated: this very convenient "side plot" makes the series overly pretentious and stupid, and that's not a good look for a show from 2021! Ok now back to the pacing... Which (even with the overly pretentious "know-it-all" attitude towards gays... I still consider the fast pacing to be the biggest "flaw" of the series. We don't really get to FEEL anything for the "affair" and the consequences that follows. Because there is no to feel at all! In my opnion, IF the series had more episodes, maybe 7 or 8 episodes instead of just 4, we COULD have gotten enough time to get emotionally involved with the relationship between Kurt and the King. With more or longer episodes we could get to know the characters better (even though if that would mean that the creators would have had to make up completely fictional back stories for the character and forced to have been more creative with the plot). In order to CARE about Kurt and the King's relationship we need to get to KNOW them and to CONNECT with them! Without any time for a true connection between the two or to really see their relationship unfold beyond just sexual activities, baths and footrubs, then I don't feel MOVED by their story! And so near the end, I didn't in fact feel ANYTHING for these characters! I didn't CARE about the King dying and the loss Kurt must have felt when his Royal lover passed away, without being able to be there for him in that last moment, to hold his hand. I didn't CARE because I hadn't gotten enough TIME to be ENGAGED enough in their love and tenderness, to the point of actually caring for them and their destiny! In fact: while watching the series I couldn't help but to feel as if the director and everyone involved was ASHAMED of what they had created and that they all wanted the filming to be "done and over with" as quickly as possible!! This is TERRIBLE to feel about a show that revolves heavily around the themes of a same sex relationship that was supposed to be based upon mutual love and tenderness. For the audience in the end to be left with the feeling that everyone involved in the series are ashamed creating something "gay-ish" that could have been beautiful and sweet...well, having your aduience feeling icky and to cringe, is not really what you want your adueince to feel when dealing with these topics! You should feel excited, moved, TOUCHED! And yet I feel icky and awkward about it all! Now don't get me wrong: I am bisexual myself and so seeing two men or two women kiss or even go all the way isn't what made me feel weird about this! Nope! It's how the DIRECTION went and the fact that the actors (especially the man who play's Kurt) looks uneasy and awkward themselves, when acting out the scenes.
My final verdict? Well I am sure that with a more elaborated plot (even if that would include adding more fictional back stories), and with more or longer episodes in general..and with some much stricter/ better direction, or better/more comfortable/better prepared actors/actresses in general, then yes I am sure this could have been a very decent show! But instead the creators went for a quick fix with fast pacing, wooden performances and a very awkward direction which included some highly unatural reactions. In other words: En kunglig affär/A Royal Secret was meh, and eeeh/iiish.. when it could have been decent or even good! What a Royal pity!
Kuroshitsuji II (2010)
Apparently I have a different taste!? Or anyone else is blind!?
Here is my greatly unpopular opinion: I PREFER THE 2ND SEASON OVER THE 1st! "Oh no I didn't!?" Oh yes. Yes I did.
However (before you grind your teeth in anger) please note the following;
1. I HAVEN'T read the Manga but I have been made aware that the 2nd season isn't Canon/like the original script in the Manga. And
2. I HAVEN'T (yet) watched "The Book of Circus", though I know that THIS is supposed to be truer to the Manga aswell.
Now before you scroll past, here are my REASONS, why I prefer the 2nd season (even if it ISN'T Canon/like the Manga)
Reason 1. The story line was MUCH EASIER to follow. The 1st season had so many subplots that didn't really make sense..like the curry bun plot...why!? What was the point of that Indian prince!? What was up with the whole Angel thing!? Would God or whoever sent the Angel approve of his/her behaviour?? Why did the Queen turn young, died and then old again? What was the point of the episode with the ghost king-brothers?? And that naked demon hound-human-werewolf!? There were really so many different detours that took away from the main plot; Ciel's revenge. I felt that the plot was written by a 14 year old! (I actually wrote something similar to the curry buns, but instead of the food SAVING the day and CURING people, it was the food that turned people evil. A soda turning people into zombies, once you drank it. And I wrote this WHEN I WAS 14-15! If the curry bun plot is a part of the Manga and the writer of the Manga wrote this when she was 23-24? Then My oh my...I have no words!)
Which brings me to the NEXT reason why I prefer THIS SEASON over the 1st;
Reason 2: The unecessary HUMOR in the first season. I get that this is an anime, and some humor is welcome, but with all the blood, gore, big breasts and sexual induendo's one can't help but to ask "Who is the intended audience here? Really? Is this supposed to be for teens? Children? Adults!?" The humor that are used in season 1 reminds of the silly humor used in Pokémon. Yes. You read it right. Pokémon. And so I find it confusing for such silly, clumsy humor to be a part in such a usually dark tone in this type of anime. (Unfortunately I didn't like Hellsin Ultimate for the very same reason. I guess I won't like that Manga either! Such humor is confusing, when there is so much blood and gothic tone/ scenery involved.
Reason 3: The pasing in the 2nd season as well as the plot is more COHESIVE. It is much more well directed and well written (Sorry. Perhaps I WON'T like the Manga then!) Like already mentioned, THIS plot makes more sense. The reason why it makes more sense in the 2nd season is that we are not simply introduced to characters at random and just expected to understand what is going on. (We don't get a bunch of characters thrown into our faces. Like The Undertaker for example...what was the deal with him, really? Why does he need jokes? He was a reaper? Ok? Then why didn't Sebastian understand that, since he seemingly can sense other reapers??)
I am baffled by the ones who say they thing this 2nd season is horrible and less cohesive than the first one. Yes, alright perhaps you should read the Manga first to understand season 1. But that is EXACTLY WHY this 2nd season is SO GOOD! I had acting and drama production as my major. I know what I am talking about! We were THOUGHT to write and direct scripts!! What is a good script, you may ask? Well, a good script is a script that can WORK ON IT'S OWN. You are SUPPOSED to tell the audience as if they are seeing/reading this story FOR THE FIRST TIME, even if it's an adaption of an already existing work! That is where the 1st season FAIL! There are STILL plot holes and things that are left UNEXPLAINED, as if when creating the 1st season was simply to please the Manga readers all along. Alright. Then what about the rest of us!? That does NOT make a good adaptation! A good adaptation is when EVERYONE (reader of the original source material or NOT) can follow the story and it will make sense for EVERYBODY! Even if this 2nd season is not a part of the Manga it had at least a story that even I who have NOT read the Manga or any source material.. could follow and understand it! There were almost NO plot holes or "headscratchers" in the story except for the obvious ones like why Lao and the rest were still alive but...over 80% of the story made sense and left me SATISFIED with more ANSWERS than QUESTIONS. LEt me get you an example; The Harry Potter movies are a good adaptation. Forget about the author and her Trans comments. Just for one second! Think about the movie adaptations. Now, here comes another shocker; I have NEVER read a SINGLE Harry Potter BOOK, and yet I could follow the story in the MOVIES, with nearly NO CONFUSION. Now THAT is what makes a good adaptation/a good script!
Conclusion; Perhaps I WON'T like the original Black Butler Manga then, as I found the 1 st season of the series to be confusing, boring, immature, and all over the place! So yes, perhaps then, this Manga simply isn't for me..
I have to admit, before writing this review, I didn't bother to check the facts of whoever wrote the script for the 2nd season or whoever wrote the adaptation for the 1st season...HOWEVER; if they ARE indeed the same people then I have to say; Well done with THIS season! You made a story (an original that wasn't even a part of the Manga!) that MADE SENSE and that were EASY TO FOLLOW and utterly entertaining, while fit for a more mature audience. Bravo!
P. S just to add more unpopular opinions while I am at it; I prefer Claude over Sebastian and I can't stand the pompous, overly confident Ciel. At least Aloise was evil and a spoiled brat to the core and didn't pretend to be any better, or noble. And that's oddly considering how Ciel acts as if he never wants to be noble and yet that is how he comes across as; A spoiled brat that wants to be a complaining "know it all-hero". Oh well. Don't get me wrong though; I'll STILL watch "The Book of Circus" and that Black Butler full length movie, and everything else that is attached to this universe. Of course I could HOPE they won't be too much alike that horrid 1st season, but I won't have too many high hopes. But don't you worry; I shall write a review about those aswell! Alright. That was all! I know you fans of the original Manga must be quite annoyed now so I bid you Farewell! Ta-ta!
Monster (2017)
The script and plot is all over the place! We don't get any answers!
Bad actors...terribly confusing plot with more holes than in a cheese factory and the script is like written by a 12 year old. Plot spoilers ahead. This is what we won't get an answer to.
*What is it that Margot and her gang needed the property of Børge to make in some weird laboratory? What are they making? Drugs? Something to do with the rituals?
*What are the drawings of the deerman/priest with antlers that the police officers finds everywhere and same with the drawing of the labyrinth? What is this all about!? We never get an answer!
*Why were the victims buried in such a fashion that they were (in the ground with some weird glass over it and with a snake in their freaking stomach!?!?) and why has it been done for the past 800 years? Nope. We will never know about that either!
* How did Tyra found out who killed the Kataluma girls about 30 years ago/ in other words: why was Tyra killed!?
*How did Jani become deaf? Because apparently at the end she can talk very clearly and happens to be very wellspoken for someone who has seemingly been deaf all her life and has never heard how you pronounce things. If she is not deaf then why can't she talk before near the end?
* Was that necessary to have two naked oldie men fight, with their thing dangling around? Was that necessary!? Did the fight need to be so long!?
*Was it necessary to have a closeup of every single characters face all the time? And also was it necessary to have all the characters wait 20-30 seconds before they answer any question related to wether they killed anyone? Really? Couldn't that have been skipped!? Couldn't some of the characters answer right away!?
*What's up with the Jesus gang and what are they hiding!? Nope we will never know.
In other words: You don't get ANY answers to ANYTHING of this ritual mumbo jumbo and why people were killed. We get presented this great idea in the beginning. Mostly women buried in the ground with a snake in their stomach. Who were they? Why were they sacrificed!? What was the ritual about!? Except for one weird police officer mentioning how it could be a "passing ritual /being passed onto a better world" we don't get to know the reason behind ANYTHING! And isn't that the whole meaning with a crime series!? To get to know why the killer/s did it? Or at least why they decided to bury the victims in such an odd fashion and keeping this odd tradition for 800 years!?!? Would have been real great to know!
This series makes me embarrassed of being Norwegian. And I have seen Jan Ofterbro in several terrible series and movies. Either he can't act and he is just chosen because he has a "pretty face", or maybe he has been really unlucky with all his characters and every script he has accepted. Pont is; This is the worst and most confusing series I have seen in a long time! The scriptwriters need a good lesson in how to NOT create unecessary drama and unecessary sad/sobbing characters. We get it! The characters are sad. Doesn't mean you have to zoom in on their faces for 2 whole minute straight. We get it; you wanted to create some drama. Doesn't mean that everybody has to fight with everybody and everybody want to kill and hate everybody and have love triangles with everybody.
Conclusion; Less is more. Less plot can be more. Less beauty shots of the nature and less zoom in on characters faces can be more. Less unecessary lines and background stories can be more. Less DRAMA can be more. If this would have not been the end and if there is a 2nd season. Then fine! You can leave the audience here for now. But if this IS the end then...well!? You don't get any answers to anything!? What was the point of the ritual plot in the first episodes then!? Maybe that is why the series is called "Monster". Because the creators leaves you (at the end) just as clueless as you were in the first episode. We learn nothing and get no answers. You Monsters!
Lída Baarová (2016)
Why are Hitler and Goebbels not talking German?
When they made the actress Lída talk in German during the filming of her German movies but couldn't let her keep that German whenever she spoke to Hitler and Goebbels. If they can make her talk German in some scenes of course it would make sense for her to talk in German to Goebbels and Hitler, afterwards too. So I skipped most of the movie. But after reading another review about the awful "sex scene" between the Lída character and Goebbels I had to fast forward to watch it. At least it was so bad that it was funny and made me laugh! But yes, it makes more sense that Hitler and Goebbels would speak German and if Lída has already spoken in German (there is even a pointless scene where she is learning to speak and pronounce perfect German by a female teacher) then why not make her speak German whenever she speaks to Hitler and Goebbels and other Germans? Makes no sense that the Germans would all speak her language when she is in G.E.R.M.A.N.Y. The acting is also flat that I wasn't sure if all the actors just hated each other on set or not and I have done a good deal of acting myself to recognize when it's horribly done. There was absolutely no chemistry between the leads, except awkward cringeworthy "I-have-to-smile-and-pretend-to-like-this-person-because-I-am-in-a movie-and-my-character-in-this-movie-is supposed-to-like-this-person". Usually I love movies about the old school nazi's, Hitler, the holocaust and WWII, (no I am not a neonazi just really interested in that historic period) but this crap was very easy to skip. If you want a good laugh you can fastforward to the "sex scene by the fireplace" between Lída and Goebbels but otherwise you should avoid this trash all together!
Let Me In (2010)
It's a remake!
I don't have to watch this movie. Because I don't want to. Basically because it's a copy of the original Swedish movie called "Let the right one in". I'll bet the director and the producer of this film didn't even ask to buy the rights for this movie... Good enough though, the original movie has got more votes that this one. Actually 10 out of 10.(If you don't believe me you can search it up!) But I just wanted people to know, because I don't think that there are so many people out there who actually knew this. "MTV at the movies" didn't know..or at least they didn't mentioned in when they mentioned this movie. I recommend people to see the Swedish one. To support the original script and the original movie. Why can't Hollywood and the Americans just leave the original movies alone? Especially Swedish ones, since they are also remaking the Swedish Millennium Thriology: "The Girl with the dragon tattoo" "The girl who played with fire" and the other one, which I of course forgot the English name of. Do Hollywod actually think that Americans are that stupid? That they are not be able to read English subtitles? That they HAVE TO make an American version, to get Americans, British and non Nordic audience to see the movie? Stupid! Just plain stupid!