rys86 Reviews

Christmas Wedding Planner (2017 TV Movie)

Fine for a mindless "in the background" Christmas movie

[3/10 · 19 December 2018]

If you sit down to watch it as a movie critic, why then yes, it will be terrible. I was busy doing other things with this on in the background and it was perfect for that purpose.

Anyone who thought this was the "worst movie ever" clearly hasn't tried "Christmas in the Smokies". (The first twenty minutes of that sent me running to find solace with the Christmas Wedding Planner, and I was a little bit comforted.)

I Am Your Father (2015)

It's okay

[6/10 · 20 November 2016]

There's some intriguing info and interviews in here if you don't know much about David Prowse.

However... The filmmaker inserts himself as a main character, which is kind of annoying, especially since he obtained some GREAT interviews from a variety of people close to the Star Wars franchise...including Prowse himself. Those interviews could've carried it just fine had that been the agenda.

Another small inconvenience (on the Netflix version anyway), there were no built-in subtitles for the two brief scenes that are completely in Spanish.

If you can get past those minor annoyances, it is otherwise decent.

The Adjustment Bureau (2011)

More of a chick flick than a mindbender

[13 August 2011]

I was expecting something along the lines of Inception, or the Source Code, or the Matrix..the concept is brilliant, but the love story pervades, and it washes away any other interesting avenues they should've explored.

I would compare the feel of this movie to something like Stranger Than Fiction, only it doesn't tie everything together at the end. (Stranger than Fiction is the better movie, by the way).

Leaving loose ends can be strategic -- but it is poorly executed in this film and it just makes you feel like you'd been tricked into watching something sub-par that SHOULD have been better.

Breaking In (2011–2012)

Choppy editing makes it hard to follow...

[5/10 · 6 April 2011]

Based on the pilot, it seems to have promise, even with Christian Slater's mannerisms resembling that of David Caruso. The characters already have strong personalities and seem to be developed fairly well, which isn't usually the case with the initial pilot.

However -- the editing structure was confusing. In the beginning, previous stories involving elder team members' successful thieveries were displayed as flashbacks -- quick cutaways from the daytime office setting to the scene of the crime at night, quickly followed by a return to the same daytime office setting. This is a fairly common way to illustrate something that happened in the past.

But later on in the episode, the same technique is used to showcase the real-time robbery/theft of the episode -- it suddenly cuts away from the daytime office to the nighttime robbery attempt. Based on the previous flashbacks, you assume that these cutaways must be hypothetical daydream scenarios, or maybe they're "flashforwards" -- but before you can figure out whether or not the event actually happened or not, we're back in the office, and it seems to be the same day it was before the theft took place. So.... did it happen?

So, in summary, the editing was very choppy and the story difficult to follow. Cast is decent; the show has potential.

Beer for My Horses (2008)

I needed a shot or two of whiskey after watching this

[1/10 · 14 September 2008]

Living Nashville, my roommate and I expected there'd be a little bit of a crowd at the matinée during this film's opening week. If nothing else, the industry would support it, right? Well, we were the only two there, aside from some random guy in the front row that probably wandered into the wrong theater.

In a nutshell, the script is nothing but good ol' boy humor, which is tolerable, up to a point. The pace of the movie is inconsistent-- sometimes too quick and at other times painfully slow; the storyline itself reminds me of a high school student screenplay. Toby, a down-to-earth, charming southern fella, is a cop of a small, southern town. His partner is a redneck Barney Fife with a dog that farts when trouble draws near. Sounds like a winner, right? The "real" story unfolds when Toby's girl gets kidnapped by Mexican druglords. On the way to the border, Toby's car breaks down, and he must stop and seek mechanical help from a bohemian traveling circus. After another painful 45 minutes, they make it to Mexico to face the druglords, and you can probably guess the outcome.

The reason for this film's limited release may have been because Toby's previous film, Broken Bridges, barely grossed $250,000. Toby really should just stick to music videos.

Survival Island (2002)

A disgrace to the art of film

[1/10 · 12 September 2008]

I think the Hillenbrands wished they had been a part of Jurassic Park, and so, they made their own -- people trapped on a tropical island, being confused and frightened by ominous noises off-screen, being chased through the woods with no means of escape other than on foot. It probably would've been too obvious of a copycat had the Hillenbrands made a dinosaur the villain. Therefore, they are left with the obvious next best thing: a possessed piñata.

The look of the computer-generated piñata completely changes a few times in the movie, from a Legend of the Hidden Temple-esq, ancient-style statue to a tall, lanky creature resembling one of the aliens from Men In Black (or Space Jam). The lack of continuity leaves one to believe the producers must've used this film to audition a few students from a local high school 3D Animation 101 class and didn't care enough in the end to fix it.

The editing techniques and flashbacks are jumpy and cheesy. The entire movie has the feel of an early 90's flick. It's hard to believe this movie was in production at the same time as the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

The script is also a disaster - no character development, shallow one-liners, etc. Had I worked on this production, I would've wept openly upon seeing the outcome and promptly changed careers.

Broken Bridges (2006)

Bo Bice?

[3/10 · 12 August 2008]

If you're a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3K, Attack of the Giant Leeches, or Pinata Survival Island, this movie might be for you.

I live in Nashville and I didn't even know of this movie's existence until the day prior to its release, when the advertising company panicked and blanketed Music Row with dozens of fliers and billboards. It barely lasted two weeks in theaters anyway.

Bad acting, bad writing, and poor production only begin to describe this embarrassment of a film. For starters, the names are a bit much: Bo Price, Angel, and Dixie? Eesh.

Toby's awkwardly slow delivery of lines makes one wonder what production assistant got stuck holding the cue cards off camera. Angel's character rapidly transitions from her city-slicker ways to a cowgirl, slipping into southern slang after two days on the ranch. Her wardrobe goes from chic to a female version of Toby's--in fact, in the final scene, their outfits are identical, making one wonder if the wardrobe assistant called in sick.

The audio is inconsistent - perhaps the most noticeable example is when Toby decides to go for a swim and his voice suddenly sounds like he's shouting in a gymnasium.

There's never quite enough explanation or character development to suffice what happens on-screen. Overacting, exasperation, grimaces, and moodiness best describes the actors' interpretation and direction of the terrible script.

This movie is best enjoyed after consuming a couple of alcoholic beverages and in the company of your wittiest friends. But that's not saying much.