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La passion de Jeanne d'Arc (1928)
An otherwise great film ruined by laughable acting
I am not sure what to make of the lead performance, especially after seeing a review calling it the greatest acting ever seen on celluloid. Was it supposed to be great? I found it downright laughable. Every time the film would start to gain some intensity, there would come THAT expression and I would burst out laughing. Don't see why the director casted such a horrendous actress in a film that could've been great. I mean, is Joan of Arc supposed to crazy or something? If yes, there shouldn't be any need to make a picture glorifying her.
And of course, there has to be a close-up every 10 minutes of her crying face to remind the viewer how much is she suffering. The film is practically begging the viewer to be moved.
The Usual Suspects (1995)
If nothing that happens in this film actually happens, then WHO CARES?
A tells a story to B about C. But it turns out that the story isn't true and A actually IS C. Well, that ain't a great plot twist by an stretch of the imagination. That's the most basic and stupid plot twist you could possibly come up with.
A great plot twist is something that was right in front of you eyes the entire time, but you just couldn't see it. And when it comes, you go "well, of course...". Case in point- The Sixth Sense and Shutter Island.
Even if it wasn't in front of you eyes the entire time, it gives a wild spin to the story, and changes your perspective about what you had seen up until then. Case in point- Memento.
The plot twist of this film sucks because it INVALIDATES everything you have seen. This 'twist' can be pretty much applied to any film. I could tell a story to my teacher that aliens ate my homework, give her all the elaborate details for 1h 40min, and then in the last 2 minutes, go "guess what, there were no aliens. I just didn't DO my homework."
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing people that they saw a masterpiece by giving them a stupid gimmick at the end of a mediocre movie.
Kaithi (2019)
Guns, anyone?
There is a narcotics gang worth millions. It is so influential that many members of the police are working for them. It has hundreds of goons working for it. Yet, guess what? They can't afford a single gun. Every single goon attacks only with knives and sickles. At some point in this film, I started contemplating a theory that maybe that this film is taking place in an alternate universe where guns don't exist. But then the heroes got a gun, and then I started contemplating a theory that this is just a stupid film. Now, the first theory didn't work out that well, but the second theory was spot on.
Intouchables (2011)
Possibly the most generic film in top 250
The Intouchables is possibly the most generic film in the IMDB top 250. I don't consider it the worst of the lot, just the most generic. Sure, I don't think of every film in the top 250 is a masterpiece or anything, there are some films that I absolutely loathe. But even then, I can understand why other people like it so much (case in point- 2001: A Space Odyssey). There is something about them that sets them apart from your normal movie. But as far as this film is concerned, I think it's just *nice*. Nothing extraordinary at all. Just your normal feel-good comedy- easy to watch, and just as easy to forget.
Tonari no Totoro (1988)
Nothing happens, very slowly
This is the part where I would tell what exactly I didn't like about the plot- but a plot there ain't.
Let me sum up this movie for you- two girls live with their father, their mother in a hospital due to an illness. They think it would be a nice idea to get corn to her. They get some corn to her. That's it. That's all there is to it. Now you might be wondering- who is the neighbour Totoro? He is a fluffy animal who holds no significance whatsoever to the plot, along with a bus-shaped cat (you can take that away and that wouldn't make any difference either). Totoro seems like a mere prop to me that has been made a part of this film to appeal to the little kids. Would much, much rather see something like Kung Fu Panda over this pseudo-artistic fallcrap!
Det sjunde inseglet (1957)
Cool opening and then goes downhill
It is surprising that a particular element was so appealing to me of a film that I rate as low as 3/10. The character of Death, and him playing chess with a person which decides whether the person will live or not, is in itself such a fascinating plot which can make quite an interesting film. However, what Bergman has made here is 1.5 hours of random people blabbering nonsense, which is interpreted as an allegorical tale about death, love and what not.
And, of course, when nothing in a film makes sense, the intellectual North American movie-critic circle starts hailing it as a masterpiece. It is said to have a very deep meaning, and things like 'we will never know what the director meant by this' are said to emphasise just how stupid the people who hate this film are, they don't understand that the film is 'open to interpretation', that's how deep the film is!
Pitch Black (2000)
Now that is stupid
There are birds who can't survive in sunlight. They live on a planet where the sun sets every few hundred years. Of they course they do, where else would such a life form evolve? Where there is plenty of night-time? Puh-lease. There is an entire planet full of these birds and they live in dark holes. What do they eat? They come out every time the sun sets, and eat stranded astronauts, who are always there waiting for them when they come out. There are countlessly many birds, and they feast upon 6 or 7 stranded astronauts ever few hundred years. How much do they eat? Maybe 1 milligram each, and that is enough to get them through the next few hundred years, until they do it again.