highwater Reviews

Fungicide (2002 Video)

Hilariously Bad

[2/10 · 19 September 2009]

If you are the sort of person who can get a kick out of a very bad movie, then I highly recommend this one. If you aren't, stay away. This is an astonishingly cheap-looking movie, and at times you may find yourself wondering if it isn't just a prank someone is pulling on you. The most positive comment I can make about it is that the people responsible seemed to realize that it was super-low-budget nonsense, so there is at least a sense of fun here.

But this is as amateurish as it gets. Their idea of giant killer mushrooms are simply guys covered with beige colored sheets with what looks like trash can covers on their heads. It's obviously not meant to be taken seriously (to say the least), but even with that disclaimer you'll find yourself shaking your head at the awesome cheesiness of it all. Or laughing out loud frequently, as I did.

12 Angry Men (1957)

One of the Best

[10/10 · 5 October 2007]

I am baffled as to how this film didn't make it on the AFI list of the top 100 movies of the last century. It's great on every level -- the cast is magnificent, and the script and direction are also wonderful. A great showcase, in fact, for great acting and writing, since it's basically twelve people locked in a room, where they talk, persuade and argue about a man's life. Henry Fonda is terrific as the initial holdout, but it's the way that the others come around to his point of view that makes this such a fascinating drama. I won't focus on specific performances because the entire cast was so stellar. Highly recommended.

Death Hunt (1981)

Underrated, Overlooked Film

[7/10 · 6 July 2007]

I had never even heard of "Death Hunt" when it was released in the early 80s, so I found it a pleasant surprise when I finally did see it. Both Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson are excellent here -- I don't know how many more movies either one appeared in after this, but they both give performances worthy of the veterans they were. Marvin is simply terrific as the aging, world-weary Mountie, and Bronson is able to convey a lot with just an expression (which is essential in this film, since his lines are very limited).

My only complaint is that, as excellent as they were, they only had one scene together in the entire movie, and that lasted less than five minutes. Other than that, all of their confrontations were long distance. Too bad.

The rest of the cast is also very good, especially Carl Weathers, and the scenery is spectacular. A refreshingly different kind of movie. The fact that it was loosely based on a true story is interesting but not essential to enjoying it. It's not a documentary, it's a movie, and a very well acted one.

Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)

Flawed But Often Interesting

[8 February 2004]

"Beneath the Planet of the Apes" is an interesting movie but not a particularly good one. This is one of those sequels that might be better appreciated if you hadn't seen the original.

One of the problems is that most of the first half of the movie is spent repeating what happened in the original, with James Franciscus experiencing what happened earlier to Charlton Heston. It's not badly done by any stretch, but everyone who saw the first "Apes" movie has seen this before.

There are also a few continuity issues, as if the screenwriters had forgotten or ignored some of the events from the first film. For example, the explanation that Brent (Franciscus) is after Taylor (Heston) on a "rescue mission" seems odd to say the least. We learned in the first film that Taylor and his crew left Earth on an expectedly lengthy space voyage, nearly all of it in suspended animation, to colonize another planet. The notion that someone apparently decided to send a rescue ship after Taylor a few weeks after he left is ridiculous. I know they had to come up with *some* reason for Brent's presence, but they certainly could have come up with something better than that.

However, once "Beneath" is finished rehashing the original, and we are introduced to the telepathic humans living in the rubble of New York City, things begin to get interesting. There are some impressive scenes when the apes march through the Forbidden Zone and are confronted by the mutants' illusions, and the mutants' bomb-worshipping church service, while a bit over the top, is bizarre enough to grab your attention.

-- Spoilers Follow--

Unfortunately, the ending to all this is not exactly what you would call satisfying. We see the innocent and beautiful Nova shot to death, we see Brent go down graphically in a hail of bullets, and Taylor gets machine-gunned, falls down a flight of stairs, and detonates the doomsday bomb that destroys the entire planet. It's unsettling enough to see Charlton Heston blowing up Earth, but the pretentious voice-over narration that immediately follows ("A green and insignificant planet is now dead") is so out of left field and ends the movie so abruptly that you don't know whether to be depressed, amused or annoyed.

In spite of everything that doesn't work, this is far better than the three dismal "Apes" movies that followed it. The fact that they managed to continue the series after blowing the planet up is remarkable, although not necessarily a positive development in light of the declining quality of the films.

Scooby-Doo (2002)

Zoinks, This Was a Lot of Fun!

[14 June 2002]

I went into this with modest expectations, since the whole trend of recycling old television shows into movies got old a while ago, but this turned out to be a fun movie. Anyone who saw the original Scooby episodes will appreciate some of the inside humor and faithful reproduction of characters and themes. Matthew Lillard's performance as Shaggy was actually pretty amazing, and Linda Cardellni as Velma was also really impressive. I was actually watching it thinking "Yeah, that's Shaggy, yeah, that's Velma." No small feat considering we're talking about cartoon characters. Freddie Prince Jr. as Freddie and Sarah Michelle Gellar as Daphne didn't reach those heights but were still good.

And there was actually a bit of a theme here, about the importance of friendship, that made the film a little bit more than just an exercise in nostalgia or an excuse for a studio to make a quick buck off an old TV show. But this is mostly just a fun movie, and although some of the humor may fall into the low brow category, it's still funny.

I won't reveal any spoilers since as of this writing the movie just came out, but the ending is wonderfully appropriate for anyone who has some knowledge of the Scooby Doo series. In fact, having at least a passing acquaintance with Scooby's history is helpful in appreciating this film. Not necessary, but helpful.

The Shootist (1976)

A Sad and Thoughtful Farewell

[20 March 2002]

It is virtually impossible to watch The Shootist, the story of an aging gunfighter dying of cancer, without being frequently reminded that it was John Wayne's last movie and that he was dying of cancer himself. This gives several scenes a real lump-in-the-throat quality, such as when Wayne tells Lauren Bacall "I'm a dying man afraid of the dark."

But even when viewed without that knowledge, The Shootist is a thoughtful, sad and very well acted film. Although I've seen only a handful of Wayne's 200-plus movies, it's hard for me to believe that he ever turned in a better performance than he did here. His portrayal of a terminally ill man wanting to end his life on his own terms is moving and totally convincing. The supporting cast is also outstanding, and Wayne has several great scenes with actors like Jimmy Stewart, Lauren Bacall, Ron Howard and even Scatman Crothers. I found Harry Morgan, whom I usually like, to be a bit cartoonish as the marshall who was anxious to see Wayne's character die as quickly as possible, but that's a minor quibble.

Since the movie takes place in 1901, there are naturally references to the end of the old west and the coming of a new age, and how the time of gunfighters like Wayne's character have come to an end. Again, it is difficult to view these scenes without thinking of the twilight of Wayne's career and the declining popularity of western films, just as you can't help but connect the plight of his character in this film with his own death from cancer a few years later.

It's hard to imagine that any other significant actor ever made a more appropriate and moving farewell film. You don't need to be a fan of westerns, or even a fan of John Wayne, to appreciate The Shootist.

The Omen (1976)

A Truly Classic Horror Film

[10/10 · 15 March 2002]

Although many people no doubt consider The Exorcist to be the best horror film of the 1970s, I would cast my vote for The Omen. It is a very atmospheric film, eerie and spooky -- even the soundtrack is really, really creepy -- with a few hair-raising scenes to jolt you out of your seat (the body count in this movie is not actually very high, but when Satan decides it's time for someone to die, it will definitely grab your attention).

One of the great strengths of The Omen is its cast, which is really superb. Gregory Peck is perfect as the American Ambassador to England, and his distinguished portrayal lends a touch of class to the whole production. The rest of the cast is also excellent -- Billie Whitelaw is flat-out frightening as the nanny from Hell, David Warner is great as the photographer who helps Peck unravel the mystery of his adopted son, and Lee Remick is effective as the frightened and troubled "mother" of Damien. Even the actors with very limited screen time turn in terrific performances, particularly Patrick Troughton as the seemingly insane priest and Leo McKern as the all-knowing archaeologist/exorcist.

One of the spookiest aspects of this movie is that the ultimate villain here is not only extraordinarily formidable but totally unseen, which really adds to the ominous, doomsday-is-around-the-corner atmosphere. When the camera casually closes in on a truck parked on a hill, and the emergency brake mysteriously releases itself, you know something bad is about to happen but you don't know what it will be. And when it does happen, it's worse than anything you expected.

Hobgoblins (1988)

If It Gets Any Worse Than This, Don't Tell Me

[1/10 · 12 March 2002]

It's hard to be surprised at how bad a movie is if you're seeing on Mystery Science Theatre, because you naturally expect all the movies featured on MST3K to be bad. But Hobglobins is so stunning in its awfulness that it belongs in its own category, far removed from all the other bad films you've seen. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, works in this movie.

It starts out as if it wants to be a cheapie horror flick, but soon changes its mind and decides to become an extremely bad teen comedy. Unfortunately, the "horror" sequences are not remotely scary or even interesting, and the "comedy" scenes are painfully bad. And the fact that there is not a single likeable character in this movie does not help matters much. Even the character who is apparently supposed to be the hero is annoying, which would have led me to root for the hobglobins if I could have deluded myself into pretending they were anything other than puppets. So all the people are badly written jerks, the monsters are obvious lifeless props . . . what's the point?

It amazes me to think that some people actually paid to see this upon its original release. I wonder what the target audience was supposed to be -- clueless teenage morons, like the characters in the film? I don't know, but if there are worse movies than Hobglobins somewhere, I don't want to know about them.

Future War (1997 Video)

Follow This Plot, I Dare You

[6 March 2002]

If you are the sort of person who can manage to get a good laugh out of a bad movie, Future War will likely have you in stitches for weeks. The plot is nonsensical and hard to follow, but give the filmmakers credit for throwing everything but the kitchen sink into it. You've got a bible-quoting "human alien" (?), dinosaurs from the future (??), a recovering addict/former prostitute who is now an aspiring nun, gang members, confused cops, a cyborg tracker, and occasional pointless shots of a spaceship loitering in the vicinity of Earth. Good luck figuring all this out.

For all that doesn't work in this movie (which is just about everything), there is a certain energetic silliness in a lot of scenes that make it funnier than most movies that are actually trying to be comedies. This sort of film is perfectly suited for Mystery Science Theatre, and they do a great job with it, but it provides so much ammunition that you'll find yourself talking to the screen even without the MST3K gang.