krakanova Reviews

Manodrome (2023)

Brutal. Totally Watch w Loved Ones

[8/10 · 23 November 2023]

Women are evil. They abandon their children. Men are evil. They abandon their children. Those children grow up abandoned and feel hopeless. But they are not completely abandoned.

There is open arms for Ralphie! He joins a new atheist cult and they celibate dudes, Adrien Brody's nice house, fireplace, talking about when they left their wives. Some of them are clearly gay.

Poor Ralphie. Ralphie's got a pregnant girl at home and sex isn't working anymore.

Very disturbing. Very anti-priesthood and priesthood at the same time. Homosexuality is there. Antisocial. Anti-parent. Anti-family. Feels like a Chuck Palahniuk written film that got made.

Recommend for disturbing film fans.

Flavors of Fight Club, Taxi Driver here.

Liked it. But its tough. Watch with the family.

Hell Riders (1984)

Alright Stupid Biker Gang Terror!

[7/10 · 24 December 2020]

Unnecessarily violent and miscreant biker gang. Check Biker gang does not have motorcycles until the other biker gang's scenes are over. Check Stabbing and boobs. Check Terrorizing and stabbing the townspeople. Check Adam West. Check Gun shootout without squibs or much blood. Check Adam West does not get the girl but he asks about her at the end. Check Over the top acting from the bikers. Check

Great '70s-'80s schlocky western-ish bad biker gang film!

Born in the Basement (2007 Video)

Documentary on early Overkill (but its an awesome interview with Rat Skates)

[8/10 · 17 September 2020]

Rat Skates was the founder, mother of the group and drummer for the original lineup of the only thrash metal band from the 80's and 90's that I regularly listen to today. They still make evolving and great music; but have never seen a documentary on them, or a documentary like this.

Rat created the Overkill logo with the green color to differentiate from Slayer, Twisted Sister, Exodus, etc., but kept the straight lines. Curves showed weakness. He printed up promotional material and silk screened shirts with his girlfriend when he lived in his parents house. He also designed and created their sets!

Excellent documentary on someone that is new to me and who admittedly bowed out of production early in the life of an always improving band. Aside from the weird demanding questions from ponytail-then-a-cut-to-Rat-interview style in the first half, interesting information IS fleshed out here. Supplemental pictures help. Production please make more

Death by Metal (2016)

Relevant - Know about your super fav death metal band, yah!

[9/10 · 3 September 2020]

Interviews with a handful of revolving band members and metal magazine writers and their only mentioned (and shown) manager.

Personally, went from Guns 'N Roses to Metallica to Megadeth then straight to a given audio cassette dub of whatever album Zombie Ritual was on. Probably an early one. Started me on death metal just fine and started me phasing out Peter Gabriel's Sledgehammer.

That manager was fired by Chuck Schuldiner, the founder and owner of Death. Chuck blames him for mishandling their financial funding and the manager (who is honest and telling and sits in front of his piano for some reason (possibly to differentiate himself from the leather jackets or black shirts that everyone else wears)) for having to get an advance in payment for their European tour. They blame each other.

The interviews go into: the struggles with the band and Chuck's problem with fulfilling European tour dates and winning back their fans and failing. The acceptance of his musical career from his mother while they shook the house roof from the garage. Chuck's ability to sing like he could fill in for King Diamond when King had a heart attack. Pulling the band into a more progressive death metal. And Chuck's mortality.

Would have liked if it had gone into who designed the album covers, but that credit might be in the always cigarette smelling cassette tape sleeves.

Good work and excellent documentary on very special death metal! Especially with the footage, interviews and still shots, that's a 9!

Freaks (2018)

This is an awesome X-Men film

[9/10 · 14 June 2020]

9/10 It's Firestarter mixed with X-Men. Cannot call it an Evil Children film. Gotta think that this was a rejected X-Men script that was so awesome that it had to be made. Think it is going to disappear though and be forgotten. It has a horrible title. Freaks is the name of a another film. "Abnormals" would have been better, but still bad. There is lots of good actors in this, including Bruce Dern, that pretty girl and Emile Hirsch! And the girl! Keep making this quality.

The Aztec Box (2013)

This is not good at all

[3/10 · 7 March 2019]

3/10 The Aztec Box is about amateur filmmakers in school, making a reality television show about themselves (maybe; they do not say and it does not matter). Ironic is that the film looks amateur and is probably a student film final project, full of what nobody likes about found footage films.

The crew unearths an ancient Aztec demon or whatever.

Bad acting. Pulling-out-of-the-skid-marked-college-dude's-plaid-boxers inspired story. Cliched found footage: Text prologue and epilogue. video turbulence with the supernatural; kitchen poltergeist activity caught on camera(!); instant cgi dilated pupils; and more.

Lots of better found footage films that this, but fewer worse.

Darkest Night (2012)

Marred by poor acting and an unclear story; with choppy English

[5/10 · 17 May 2018]

Shot in the Philippines and most people speak choppy but comprehensible English. Opens with text about David and Michelle Espino, along with others, vanishing; their home found in ruins. Danny Valencia creates a documentary from the footage and he must have added the cinematic scare scene sounds.

Dramatic reenactments are noted followed by a found footage deep dive. David and Michelle meet her family and drink and eat and then the lights go out. Cellphones and cars do not work. Everyone is in the dark and carrying lanterns or candles.

This is shot from the creepy, autistic relative who is mute minus his heavy breathing. A synthetic dragon roars in the woods and then in the house.

Lots of lantern lighten screaming at each other in the dark. Someone disappears; demonic possession + demonic possession; your favorite aunt births a demon baby that disappears.

Visually interesting, but marred by poor acting and an unclear story. Which is not atypical for shi.t horror films. It does try though.

Once Upon Atari (2003 Video)

Excellent documentary from Howard Scott Warshaw, creator of Yar's Revenge

[9/10 · 12 February 2017]

90 mns of interviews with Atari game programmers after Atari's extreme success and failure. Rhetoric about their wages, their relationships with other programmers and the smell of marijuana smoke creeping into the office of the Director of Software. He would hold his meetings somewhere else if it was that late into the afternoon.

Tod Frye cut his head on a sprinkler when walking the walls of hallways. He had long legs.

The engineers/programmers talk about management, gameplay and how clueless marketing was. Some programmers were porting (and recreating arcade games) and some created their own games. No mention of the director's Yar's Revenge or E.T.

Looks like its shopping a potential biopic with Matt Damon and what's her fat face. Julia Stiles. She's pretty sometimes

The Gunman (2015)

An Economic Hit-man Assassin

[6/10 · 12 June 2015]

Moves too fast to setup the backstory of what an economic hit-man is; but here is an action film with love story and conflict. Is a CIA type allowed story. Could have been a George Clooney job but he is probably on the payroll. Reminiscent of recent, Shooter (2007). Sean Penn works for an NGO (which is repeated about 4x in the first half of the movie). His cover job is humanitarian work for a country with violent insurrection and intelligence agency caused chaos. Political strife is his real job for his real employer. He assassinates a politician to further cause chaos in the region. Divide and conquer war technique is quietly implied in the background. Quiet also is his real employer.

There is a problem in the backstory that could have been explained. But that would have slowed down the film though, because it is competing with Taken. Fails to achieve educating an audience, and replaces it with shooting and bombs and sex and such.

Liked it. It is forgettable, but will be referenced like Telefon (1977)

Note that "Hitman" in my Summary of the film field was replaced by "Hit-man"

Occult (2009)

Excellent! Director of Noroi

[8/10 · 24 May 2015]

Documentary investigating a multiple murder partially recorded with a cell phone and the sole survivor of the attack. Eno-kun is homeless and sleeps in internet cafes if he can afford it. He is around and (with a camera,) captures supernatural occurrences frequently, and has a scar that was carved into his back by the murderer. He is befriended by one of the documentarians and admits his plans for a similar killing for his god, as he is a Chosen One.

Excellent! Very original story. Acting is par and above par for a found footage film. Director of Noroi: The Curse. Please add posters to this director's films

The Lost Boys (1987)

Serious film

[8/10 · 31 December 2014]

8/10 An excellent vampire film.

An untold prelude: The young pretty girl was seduced into the house of vampires and she is a prostitute for finding new blood

Film: She seduces a man in a leather jacket that will fight vampire Kiefer Sutherland. But, the vampire boys like him. They want to recruit him. Maybe leader material

Jami Gertz (the vampire seductress) is guilty. She didn't want to do that, but she does. She knows it. damn

The conclusion is in the name of the film.

8/10_____________________________________________

Bunnyman (2011)

Bunnyman damn good!

[8/10 · 15 July 2011]

I have seen about 100 Texas Chainsaw Massacre ripoffs (even Albino Farm) but this is one of the most surprising. It isn't really a rip-off -it reminds me of TCM because of its originality. Kind of like how House of 1000 Corpses was similar to TCM but unique and stylish in its own distinctive way.

Although also similar to TCM is that it, 1- has a pleasantness about it. The shots are serene but not overly directed. No shots are overly directed. 2- the main villain is silent 3- there's a chainsaw but it doesn't feel like Leatherface

Other positives: 1- great, simple music 2- has a blunt force trauma scene introduction of violence and the macabre that is similar to the scene in TCM where Leatherface first opens that metal door 3- well played sex scene 4- what the villain finds grotesquely amusing, I do not. Usually similar films are so bad that familiarizing with the villain torturing people becomes amusing. Somehow I found this disturbing. Disturbing like Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, but not as amusing. The crimes are straight forward and naked. Then the movie flows along. 5- Oh yeah- the acting is good! Its actually under-acted and it works.

Negatives: The action-gore scenes are not the greatest but that is forgivable. It's not always necessary to see all of those intestines. But there is still intestines.

This is not for everyone. But if you have seen a lot of slasher-family-in-the-woods movies, watch this. It's probably better than you expected. It's better than I expected.

Super job Carl Lindbergh!

Stock Shock (2009 Video)

This is for the Economic Layman

[8/10 · 29 August 2010]

I've seen dozens of economic documentaries in the last few years and this does have a straightforward purpose- educate the layman about stock short selling. And I appreciate it.

It does a lot of meandering with the interviews as the other reviewer has noted, but it is a personalization of the fodder for the Wall Street monster machine. A lot of people will relate and be drawn in. I cannot fault it as a documentary at all.

This is very relevant.

If you don't know what short selling is, lost money in the stock market and don't know why, or want to know one of the many ways Wall Street is a scam and skirts criminality, watch it.

Oh- and the fodder for the Wall Street monster machine is investors.

The Torturer (2008)

Crimes of the Patriot Act Subliminal Sandwich

[5/10 · 24 April 2010]

The film spends most of its time watching the psychological and physical torturing of a hooded captive which we quickly find to be an Iraqi woman. The torturer asks her for her name, her employer, why she is lying and where the bomb is. She is then (not graphically) raped and a close Stockholm Syndrome relationship matures between them. This process bounces between the dark cell and a psychiatrist's (played by Nichelle Nichols) office. He confesses his horrible feelings and she listens.

As the confession (and torturing) progresses, the doctor begins to justify his actions and absolve the man of his crimes. She then steps through individual articles of the Patriot Act and other new executive powers that decriminalize his actions. He is a private contractor and he was doing his job. The president has the executive power to dismiss the crimes committed by private contractors in Iraq by such and such clause in this or that piece of legislation. The film really unloads a pent up dislike of the Bush Administration's radical policies of torture on the audience. It also displays a rage blowback from the torturer doing his patriotic duty and waterboarding.

I have no problem with the acting and I liked the message. It's not a bad film but I just didn't like it. It drags the viewer through long, uncomfortable rape and torture scenes and then drags more through the immorality of the actions in the doctor's office.

Meat Grinder (2009)

Watch A Romantic Torture Porn

[8/10 · 9 March 2010]

Wow. The film surprised me. I thought I would leave a comment because this film has so few reviews. This was a very romantic torture porn with a crazy woman who runs a restaurant and slashes her customers' or adversaries' calves and puts them up on meathooks as if Leatherface. But this is not The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and this is not Saw or Guinea Pig.

The film is worth watching for the visuals and great operatic music. The primary colors of blood and blue are saturated and the director makes what is boring about these types of movies vibrant. It is very eye magnetic.

I have found torture pornographies to be very dull and exploitative in a way that I do not like (e.g. Hostel 2), but this was different. And it is one of only three Thai horror films that I like. Check it out.

Tamami: The Baby's Curse (2008)

When bad babies lose shyness

[5/10 · 10 April 2009]

This is what happens when bad, teethy babies lose their shyness. They destroy the house playing with their sisters.

There are definitely better baby monster films than this one (such as It's Alive and Dario Argento's Phenomena). It's got enough gore and kill scenes to keep it interesting but it is one hour and 45 minutes of what looks like a boring Japanese remake of an '80's American horror movie (which is funny considering the numerous American remakes of Asian films).

The movie has a low budget but appropriately used (and minimal) CG.

Movies like this should attempt to create a horrific psychological stigma towards having children or being around them but this just does not. I cannot recommend it.

Zardoz (1974)

This is a 1970's Movie About Killing the Technological Elite

[8/10 · 15 May 2008]

Sean Connery is Zed, an executioner for his tribe in the year 2293. They do what their god, Zardoz tells them to do, and barbarically executing breeding humans is their task. The gun is their weapon and the penis is the source of all evil.

Zardoz belches guns to the celebratory warriors.

Genetically inbred, Zed has become a leader of his tribe and has questioned their god. Their orders to kill the breeding Homo sapiens has ceased and they have been told to take them as slaves instead and make them farm wheat for Zardoz. He has taken the initiative to sneak aboard the rock skull spaceship in a pile of grain and plans to infiltrate the afterlife with the aid of his tribesman on the outside. They intend to kill their god.

What Zed finds is an elite and different class of humans relocated from the barbarians and literally living in a protective bubble. They have a different social order and have been controlling people like Zed and his clan all around the world. They vote on everything amongst themselves through their developed form of telepathy, including whether or not they should let their new scientific curiosity live or die.

Here they study the sexual organ of Zed who is shown video of a woman rubbing her breasts and then two women mud wrestling. The ill-experienced female scientists giggle as the subject appears to be more physically attracted to the woman administering the test. The executioner Zed, has no shame.

The ugly differences between the barbarians and this genetic, technological and mental elite is their immortality, space ships and telepathy/telekinesis. After Zed shoots Zardoz dead, they simply begin growing him in a bag from a clone. They have developed ships that traverse through the air and control populations through fear and gifts of guns. And they can control and age people with their minds.

Zed is also introduced to the ugly side of their species as he is offered a female to use as he pleases but discovers she has no will or voluntary control over herself or her actions. These technorati are in shorter and shorter supply and the girl and many others have a disease appropriately called "apathy". They are entitled "the apathetics".

Eventually the elderly scientists who developed the technology and are somewhat quarantined to a building where they dance and bitch about not dying meet Zed the executioner. He finds out he is the one. The one that will kill all of the immortal technorati.

Zombie Diaries (2006)

It succeeds by throwing out the conventional burdens of most films

[8/10 · 6 December 2007]

A pandemic killer virus spreads through Europe from an unknown source and with an unknown biological makeup. The infected turn into zombies and plague the cities and countryside. The movie takes a Blair Witch Project approach to the story and is shown as three separate video diaries of people scavenging what are now zombie towns or hiding in what should be the isolated homes of the country.

One of the parties holding up fort in a country house are documentary makers and shoot daily activities as they take turns guarding the house and shooting the transformed infected. After they incapacitate them, they burn the carcasses and use disinfectant on their shoes if they step on them. The mass confusion of the outbreak is paralleled by the more microscopic units of survivors. They don't know what is going on and exactly how the virus spreads which is more similar to George Romero's Night of the Living Dead than anything after it. They do not believe they are in a zombie movie and they do not kick ass. Apprehension of living in their environment and with their dislocated peers is just as strong as their fear of the zombies. But it isn't that complex.

This movie has bad reviews. It has a low budget and limited special effects and limited acting from some of the actors but that is remissible. The zombie cosmetics that are shown are not questionable and very gory. As the premise for the footage is real, unscripted, documentary reactions from the videotaped participants, it is not unlikely that there will be wooden, uncharismatic and seemingly scripted characters, just like in real life.

Most of what is criticized is what makes the movie great and original. It doesn't try to be a cult, self-proclaimed wonderful B-movie, where it revels its s****ness, however. It takes itself seriously and it just so happens that hand-held miniDV camcorders in the hands of scared, shaking novices is sh|tty camera work. It also succeeds by throwing out the conventional burdens of most films. With the premise being, "You the viewer, are the researcher viewing video documents that were found," there is no need for the following:

continuity, editing, steady camera shots, camera focusing, character building, character introduction, good acting, rehearsal, makeup, lighting (there is always that night vision button)

Without these creativity cold showers, the directors are able to focus the viewer on other events and psychological torments.