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Parkinson (1971–2007)
Travolta, Hawn and Sergeant in Bland snooze fest...
5 October 2005
ITV obviously bares a grudge against the BBC. The loss of the Premiership must still be fresh in the mind; why else would Parkinson air before Match Of The Day? As ruthless as it may sound, they're cunningly boring the audience to sleep.

Michael Parkinson has been peddling the same inoffensive, tired format for years now, and last nights episode was no exception. Guests included "the evergreen" Goldie Hawn, "the king of cool" John Travolta and, erm, "political correspondant" John Sergeant. 'Parky's golden rule is set out nice and clear from the outset: the bigger the star, the bigger the brown nosing.

He has neither the 'blokey' charm of Frank Skinner nor the wit of Jonathon Ross, but has somehow managed to remain increasingly popular throughout the years.

Unsurprisingly enough, Hawn was given an easy ride as far as questions go. Parkinson beamed on about her "glittering, successful career," clearly not having done his research. The fact remains that Hawn has not had a hit movie in nearly ten years. Her career is littered with far more misses than hits, but the way the he rambled on was like she'd won several Oscars. But she hasn't, and never will.

Next in the interviewee's chair was John Sergeant. Like Hawn, he too had a book to promote. This time though, it was about Margaret Thatcher. Sergeant claimed that with this book he "aimed to bring together the people who loved her and those who hated her." Parkinson agreed, but then again he would do. Hawn laughed uncontrollably at Sergeants mildly amusing political jokes, with one clear motive in her head: to make the audience believe that not all blondes are dumb.

John Travolta then took to the stage for his relentless barrage of lacklustre questioning. During his gruelling stint he was asked ridiculous questions such as "how do you manage to keep your feet on the ground?" This of course, was to a man, who, has two 747's parked in the driveway of his 60 acre mansion, and commands a $20 million fee for each film he's in. At one stage, Travolta told the story of the time he danced with Princess Diana - "I was told it was one of the highlights of her life" he beamed, "and one of mine too" he responded a good ten seconds later. At which point every middle aged housewife in Great Britain must of gone "Aw he's a lovely man." Parkinson then, for the first time in nearly 45 minutes asked a daring question - "Is their anytime in your career that you would point out as your lowest?" ("We've all had them," said Parkinson, obviously referring to the infamous Ali interview that occurred shortly after the invention of the wheel). Travolta though was allowed to skate around the question by referring to a time his car broke down.

And then it was back to sitting on the fence again for Parkinson, a position he's become rather too comfortable with throughout his career.
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Wolf Creek (2005)
8/10
Where travelling goes from bad to worse...
20 September 2005
Thirty years ago, a low budget independent horror flick swept aside all the tacky hammer horror movies that had dominated the genre for the past two decades. Featuring no major stars, Tobe Hooper's debut The Texas Chain Saw Massacre provided audiences with a gritty, terrifying tale of cannibalism which still remains powerful to this day. Alongside Halloween and The Exorcist, it ranks as one of the few heart stopping chillers out there, providing tension levels never matched since… Until now.

The low budget Australian film, Wolf Creek, like 'Chain Saw massacre before it, has been unleashed amongst a sea of mediocrity. Indeed, so called Hollywood 'Bone Chillers' Boogeyman, Hide and Seek, Ghost Ship and a slew of God-awful remakes have done nothing but fuel the rumours that the genre is dead and buried.

However, this nasty little movie may well and truly provide it with the shot in the arm it so richly deserves. Set in the Outback, it focuses on a group of backpackers stranded due to their car breaking down. All their problems appear to be solved though on the arrival of a seemingly friendly mechanic, who needs to tow their car to his home before he can start work on it. What follows provides the viewer with a gruelling journey to their wits end.

To say anymore would spoil the film. Unlike the smash n' grab tat that has gone before it, Wolf Creek introduces us to the characters and makes us warm to them before we experience their fates, feeling their pain and anguish in what appears to be a no win situation.

The Guardian claims this is a film which thoroughly deserves an audience outside of the horror fans. Whether or not it gets it remains to be seen, but I for one, couldn't agree with them more.
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The Warriors (1979)
10/10
Absolutley Fantastic!
11 July 2002
This is without a doubt one of the most enjoyable and rivetting films of all time. Its such a shame Walter Hill went on to win international fame and success with "48.hrs" and not this as it is far the superior movie. The Warriors are a street gang wrongly accused of murdering the big boss at a gathering of gangs across America. Its then on for the journey home as the Warriors try to make it back to Coney Island against Thousands OF rival gang members, each one hungry to take them out. If you've never seen this movie make sure you hunt it down soon. Its a cult classic which phrases are as infectious ("Warriors..Come out to play" went round my high school like wild fire, sad but true!) as the music and plot. Excellent! 10 out of 10
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Ringer (1996)
Gratuitous nudity and Cliched plot
4 July 2002
Typical Shannon whirry movie, including a gratuitous sex scene near the end of the movie, including the leading lady and some 50 something year old detective where he does her in nearly every position known to man. Not bad for an old guy!
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Mask (1985)
A poor mans Elephant Man
4 July 2002
After reading several excellent reviews on this film in the Daily Newspapers, I decided to tape it when it came on ITV. However I was vastly disappointed. When watching a film like this it is essential that you can sympathise with the lead character, but I just found Stoltz's unfunny one liners irritating. The story itself was highly unbelievable too, in real life Rocky would probably been bullied beyond belief; what we get here is a few dirty looks and one remark. If you want to see a true to life and terribly sad film, look no further than the classic 1980's film "The Elephant Man" and not this pile of Americanised drivel.
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