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markpajak
Reviews
Valhalla Rising (2009)
Very glad I watched this.
I really enjoyed this film, and a,m posting this as it did not seem to deserve some of the reviews and was much better than its current average score of 5.9.
This film is nihilistic, psychedelic, brutal and yet somehow enlightening. It takes a little effort to watch, but it is well worth it. A cross between apocalypse now and apocalypto, but without the cultural references or boring dialogue,, which is most notable for its absence in many places, and this I really appreciated.
Colourful, droning, dark scenes which intensify as the film progresses. Characters appear that you cant be sure are figments of the imagination of other characters. The soundtrack is unsettling but brilliant.
It has been far too long since I watched a refreshing film like this.
Lady in the Water (2006)
Lady on such thin ice that she fell in and now stands pathetically in the water, oh and her hair has changed colour
The film is utter poppycock, and by the way my definition of poppycock does include a dog and a couple of monkeys made out of grass. This is definitely the worst movie I have seen since 'The Happening', I cant quite believe this movie was made, and for that it gets a one.
The funny thing was I did not know that M.Night was the director to begin with... but slowly the picture began to emerge.. characters that would hardly make cannon fodder in any other film, bizarre references to the movie itself.. to the point where a character is jesting with the viewer about and immediately preceding his imminent demise, oh and what really gave M. Night Shamalahan's game away was the grass wafting menacingly in the wind. Perhaps this was his inspiration for the cinematic atrocity of The Happening.
Across the Hall (2009)
Across the Hall, down the stairs and out of the cinema......Now!
This film is certainly the worst I have seen this year. Be prepared to try and slow your brain down to the pace of this film or risk trying to lick your own elbow to stop yourself thinking about what might't happen. To give the film some merit, the intro credits are fun, and its nice being in a spooky Hotel. Cue some post-teen transatlantic two dimensional Dawsons creek drop outs and we are off to a mediocre start. Oh wait there we don't really care about the characters, so if they die its all a bit of fun; Sorry to break this to you but hardly anyone dies. So we are left trying to figure out 'if that really happened then wouldn't it go a bit more like this...' until we realise that it would never ever happen and so why are we still watching when we have figured out the plot while the slow motion sequences fanny about to pretentiously ominous bass note "dun-dun dun-dun dun-dun." AVOID AT ALL COST!!!!!
The Children (2008)
Delightful
Wow, I had really lost faith in the whole hot goth-chick slasher genre thanks to so much American teen frat-shat, however The Children hits the nail right on the head (or was that head on nail). So refreshing to see a film like this not centred around rampant hormones and more intent on setting highly strung maternal psycho-mums on each other. Watch the tragic degeneration play out without the slightest feeling of guilt as after all this is pure catharsis, and did I mention the hot goth chick? Perhaps not suitable for some viewers, and by that I mean those who might take offence to child impalation, but If you appreciate subtle references to true works of horror (the shining) then whack it on you're in for a treat. This is just the sort of deranged bourgeois apocalypse I was looking for, my faith is restored!
Shrooms (2007)
A very bad trip
This is the worst film I have seen in a very long time. If like me the title and subject of the film seems quite interesting and fills you with anticipation on how the atmosphere/trips etc will be depicted then unfortunately you are in for a terrible let down.
This is a really sorry excuse for another American teen slasher movie in the disguise of something else. It falls very short of the mark to the point of making me feels like an idiot for watching it. I expect the nearest thing to shrooms any of the actors got was the quorn sandwiches provided for them during rehearsal.
Imagine going to watch trainspotting, and then finding out that when they take smack they can see into the future.....OK mate.