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Kid A 2k5
Reviews
My Life in Film (2004)
Innovative and very funny.
Following the adventures of an independent film-maker whose daily life is strangely similar to the movies that he loves...
And it is brilliant. Is it a sit-com or is every episode one sketch in a sprawling immense sketch show? Who knows?
Looking at the level of homages one might (might) be forgiven for comparing this to Spaced. However, while this is not necessarily more sophisticated, it is definitely more than a self-indulgent fan-boy spot the homage exercise. Rather, it is like watching very British and reduced versions of classic Hollywood films.
The best bit? The conclusion of Top-Gun which takes place in a driving school: "You can give me a lift anytime".
The Secret of NIMH (1982)
Very, very depressing.
I was extremely depressed after watching this. It definitely is not one for the kids, they would just get distressed. This is just as bad as the rest of Don Bluth's films: Poor animation, depressing themes, poor attempts at humour and completely ludicrous morals. Avoid.
Mafia: The City of Lost Heaven (2002)
One of the finest games of all time.
This is the Godfather of games: It's really long, quite intelligent, and features gangsters. There's even a gun hidden in a toilet. It is without a doubt one of the finest games of all time ever. Full of action, with a great plot and developing characters. I'd recommend it to anyone.
Crossroads (2002)
No no no no no no no no.
You just know a film is going to be bad when the line, "We'll be friends forever" is spoken. Yep, this film has that line, quite near the start in fact. The funny thing is, the film has absolutely no redeeming features at all. Cliched and uninspiring plot, acting that needs to be reported to the trades description act, and Britney Spears. She can't sing, she can't act. What more could I expect from a film that's advertised as "The Britney Spears movie"? Not even Dan Akroyd can save this piece of tripe. The two worst things? First of all, Britney Spears is clearly not a virgin, so stop pretending that she is. Second of all, the film implies that she actually has talent by showing her writing a song. This film should be buried in the desert, and the site at which it was buried should subsequently be nuked. Simply put, it is the worst film ever made.
I'm Alan Partridge (1997)
Ah hahahaha
Alan Partridge has "bounced back" with the third most popular show on Radio Norwich, a cable tv quiz show called "skirmish" and a young Swedish girlfriend. Back of the net!
This show is the definition of comedy. There is nothing here that is not hilarious. The best bit so far is when he impales his foot trying to mount a fence and vomits while giving a speech. Or it could be when he performs James Bond in front of a bunch of confused onlookers. Priceless humour that shouldn't be missed.
Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Oh dear
I really wanted to do a "Spinal Tap" style two word review for this, but it has to be of a certain length. So I would just like to say how bad a film this is. No, that's an understatement, it's a terrible film. It is so full of horror cliches that it's as if "Scream" was never made. Halloween Ressurection follows the rules set in "Scream" exactly: Those who have sex die, take drugs etc. die. This could be forgiven if the film was actually scary, but it's not. There is one scare at the start, but from then on it is so obvious what is going to happen, that the film quickly loses all credibility. And the ending is unbelievably predictable, and in the end gives the audience the scariest thought: That there will be ANOTHER Halloween film. There are a few redeaming features, such as the Blair Witch style cameras and the homage to Pulp Fiction, but it cannot be forgiven for it's stereotypical nature. 1 out of 5.
Shooting Stars (1993)
I died laughing watching this, my ghost is writing this.
Now in it's tenth year, shooting stars is still one of the funniest shows on tv. Gone is the dove from above, replaced by a scary looking fox who asks in a gruff voice for some gin. Will Self, as a team captain, is introduced with pantomine style "evil" music. The "clips" round includes hilarious clips such as "the Sunderland film society presents the Incredible Hulk" and "nigella bites". Questions include "Madonna's music is getting worse isn't it?" and "name a dog". Everything that happens on it is funny, and I just hope that they're showing it in America. Not that they'd understand it...
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover (1989)
Watch with an open mouth
Albert Spica is one of the most dispicable villains in cinema history. At approximately three minutes into the film, we hate him and want him to suffer. Well I did anyway, especially after he performs some of his more horrendous acts: like torturing a child, turning someone into a human fois d'gras and abusing someone just because his table was in the way of his floorshow. He's a horrible person, which is what makes the last ten minutes so satisfying.
The film takes place in two locations: a sophisticated French restaurant and a book depository. The restaurant, ran by "the cook" is being "protected" by "the thief" who dines there every night with "his wife" and his cronies. His wife is tired of her husband's constant abuse, both verbal and physical, of everyone, especially her. One night, she catches eyes with another diner at the restaurant, and it's love at first sight. They start a passionate affair right under Spica's nose, making love in the toilets and other parts of the restaurant while the staff look on tolerating it all. Spica, off course, soon finds out and extracts horrific revenge, which leads to even worse counter revenge...
This is one of those films in which the viewer notices more everytime they watch it. It definately should not be watched only once, that would be a waste. Some notable themes I noticed was the way each part if the restaurant has a main colour, red for the dining area, white for the toilets etc. and people's clothes change colour as they move from one area to the next. This is a very clever touch, as is the way Spica is so persistent on table manners and etiquette when he is such a horrible person. There are probably lots more themes throughout the film, but it has to be watched at least twice to notice anything. Don't make the mistake of only watching it once. *****
Red Dragon (2002)
Hannibal it isn't.
This film would do a lot better if it wasn't for Hannibal. People seen Hannibal and a lot of people hated Hannibal (I didn't) Now these people will think, "Hmmm, another Hannibal film, why bother?" Well i'll tell you why to bother, this film ROCKS! Not only is it better than Hannibal, but it is better than most modern horror films! Trust me, it's a great film.
In my view, most, if not all horror films rely on three methods of scaring people: Psychological terror, startling imagery (including blood and gore) and shock value. Red Dragon utilises all of these methods, and does so very effectively. Twenty minutes into the film I found myself very unsettled. Edward Norton is looking through some evidence, and we keep getting brief glances of the crime scene. Not only are these images distressing, they are presented in such a way that you get shocked in thinking: "did i just see that?"
From this point onwards, i stopped trusting the film. In every scene, i was all like, soon something horrible will happen. I was terrified, which just goes to show how good this film works as a horror film.
Not only that, this film works on all levels. Sometimes it was scary, sometimes hilarious (yes! Hilarious!)but most of the time it was tense, very tense. This can only be a good thing, since "The Silence Of The Lambs" was highly acclaimed for its tension. I'd say that this film is just as good as the "silence", especially when the calm after the storm is so rudely interrupted...
Some people will hate it. There's no denying that. But I hope that those who are avoiding it because of Hannibal will at least try it, if only for the excellent ending.
Maybe Baby (2000)
Oh dear
Now a film with Hugh Laurie, Rowan Atkinson and Joannah Lunley starring together would have to be funny...right? Wrong.
The comedians are all there, and the story isn't bad either, but the problem is the script. The stars are all trying really hard to be funny, but what they're saying isn't in the least bit amusing. As a result, you start to feel sorry for them. They're trying to be funny, and they would be if there was a better script.
This film, however, is worth seeing because it has so many stars in it. on that account, it gets 4/10 instead of 0.
Mr. Bogus (1991)
Up till now forgotten
Basicly, Mr. Bogus is a yellow alien who has adventures. That's all i remember about this show, and i'd completely forgotten about it up till now. Also, the show was hilarious and had a cool theme tune. I was about six when it was on, and it's a shame more cartoons like this aren't on nowadays instead of pokemon etc.
RoboCop (1987)
Ultraviolence in the extreme
I can play "Soldier of Fortune", I can watch "Day of the Dead", but i just cannot stomach the violence in Robocop. It's horrible, it disturbs me beyond belief and is literally nauseating. The thing is about the violence is that it's exaggurated. For example, in this film, if someone cut their finger open, there'd be fountains and fountains of blood that would flood the room. As it happens, no one cuts their fingers. But arms are blown off, brains gush out of bullet riddled heads, and one man gets his guts blown open by a minigun. It's horrible! The most unwatchable film ever!
The Iron Giant (1999)
Brilliant.
A perfect film. There is literally something for everyone. Comedy, explosions, celebrities....comedy!
Set in 1950's America, little Hogarth meets an Iron Giant who soon becomes his best friend. Then comes the government, and a very hilarious government official who Hogarth has to hide the giant from.
The film has a very '50s feel, and is perfect in every way. The dragon in the book is replaced by a nuke, and the bleak British setting is replaced by a hip American setting. I would recommend it to anyone, even John Major might crack a smile at this.
Eraserhead (1977)
Kid A - The movie
Eraserhead is the type of film that changes your view on life, at least for a few hours after viewing. It is depressing, horrific, and at times downright scary, but remains strangely compelling throughout.
What little plot there is can be explained in a few lines: Henry, a man with crazy hair lives underground in an industrial estate. His flat seems to be inhabited by strange sperm like creatures, and there is a constant background noise of heavy machinery. He visits his girlfriend's house for dinner, only to discover that she's had a baby. His baby. The thing is, this baby is a few months premature and still in the embryo stage. Henry is then left to look after the... thing when his girlfriend runs away, thus marking the start of a horrific sequence of events.
The whole film is like a living nightmare. The sounds are horrific, the scenes are dark and scarecley lit, and the whole thing is in black and white, which makes it even more scary. The special effects are brilliant: The synthetic chicken that spews out blood looks great, and the baby looks like Ridley Scott's Alien, but even worse.
So a great film by a great director. I'm suprised it's gone so unnoticed. You really should see it. ASAP.
Starship Troopers (1997)
Better than star wars?
Thankfully, this film has nothing to do with the eighties pop song of the same name, so don't let that put you off.
Casper van dien plays as Johnny Rico. He's in his last year at high school, and it's time for him to choose his future. He can't do maths, he isn't a psychic (apparently a lot of people are in the future) but he is very athletic. He eventually decides therefore to join the army. Unfortanately, he does so during an intergalactic war with a bunch of ferocious insect style aliens known as arachids.
The film has many memorable scenes. It has the worst boot camp since full metal jacket ( with a drill seargent to who is even worse than Lee Ermery's), a D-Day style assualt on the planet Klendathu, a lot of hi-octane gory battles with the arachnids, and a steamy unnesescary shower scene (who's complaining?).
Watch this film, but only do so if you can stomach some gruesome death scenes. People are sliced in two, impaled, be-headed, and one man has his brains sucked out in one of the goriest scenes i've ever seen. Be warned.
Overall, i'd give this film 41/2 stars out of five. Go rent it now.