harveyfan Reviews

Freeze Me (2000)

Watchable, like a car crash.

[3/10 · 28 June 2003]

To cut a long story short, a Japanese girl begins to wig out when she is subjected to repeated sexual assaults by a gang of vicious thugs. There are moments of real suspense and the blackest of black comedy here, but overall the film is simply too vile and depressing to be remotely enjoyable. Although none of the rapes are particularly explicit, scenes showing the heroine nude in the shower make the viewer feel uncomfortably like a voyeur.

The apparent theme, that violence begets more and greater violence, has been done before. And remember, this is brought to you by the same country that gave you Pearl Harbour, P.O.W. death camps, sadistic game shows and Manga cartoons.

Enough said.

Hysterical Blindness (2002 TV Movie)

Um, different

[7/10 · 18 June 2003]

Here we have an almost unrecognisable Uma Thurman playing against type as a dowdy neurotic who irrationally hopes to find one of her one night stands will turn out to be Mr. Right. And therein lies the problem. I suspect Uma's legion of fans (myself included, obviously) would rather see her being sexy and ultra-cool. I understand Uma wants to "stretch" herself, but I can't see people queuing around the block for this one.

By the way, I know I'm a Philistine, and I just don't care!

Enigma (2001)

You mean there are some people who don't LIKE this film??

[7/10 · 7 May 2003]

Now of course I could go on about Michael Apted's crisp direction, but what's really t'riffic about this film, besides Dougray Scott's engagingly batty turn as the hero, the splendid script (by Tom Stoppard, no less) and the captivatingly glamorous Saffron Burrows, is Kate Winslet playing against type as bespectacled nerd Heather Wallace. Don't even bother reading the reviews, just watch the movie and enjoy!

My only gripe is that the final scene opens with the caption "London, 1946: After the war". Like, who doesn't know the war ended in 1945? Doh!

Chasers (1994)

Erika gets her kit off

[6/10 · 28 January 2003]

This is a lame action comedy about two navy guys, one a dimwitted crook, the other a hardboiled veteran, escorting a surprisingly pretty prisoner to a long spell behind bars for lampooning an officer.

While the comedy and action are pretty average, the film relies rather heavily on Eleniak's delectable body and eyebrows. Director Dennis Hopper rewards himself with a cameo as a traveling pervert, and when the action flags the pleasant Country & Western soundtrack kicks in.

I guess it's OK if you have a couple of hours to kill.

Get Over It (2001)

Utterly Charming

[7/10 · 23 January 2003]

This is a film about a bunch of high school kids who put on a dreadful musical version of Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream", which of course was a play about a group of players putting on a play. And this film more or less follows the Shakespeare plot.

This amusingly ironic premise underpins a rather corny love story about a boy (Ben Foster) getting dumped by one girl (Melissa Sagemiller) and accidentally finding another one (Kirsten Dunst).

Dunst (still a Virgin but no longer a Suicide) lights up the screen as usual and Foster gives a deadpan portrayal of the aptly named Berke. My favourite scene is the one where Kirsten "accidentally" shoots her would-be admirer with a crossbow!

In my opinion this shockingly under-rated film is both genuinely funny and utterly charming.

Scary Movie (2000)

Scary that it ever got made

[1/10 · 3 January 2003]

It's hard to know where to start with this film, which is intended as a spoof of movies like "Scream" and "I Know What You Did etc.", which are spoofs to begin with, so right away we are treading on thin ice. This movie disappears below the surface entirely because there is almost nothing funny in it. Indeed, many scenes have been lifted whole from "Scream" and "Scary Movie" without the addition of any humorous twist whatsoever.

OK the movie theatre scene is quite funny and Anna Faris is as good as the script will allow as the terrorised virgin, but that's all I have to say in favour of this limp and tasteless attempt to rip off moviegoers.

If the horror spoof mini-genre appeals to you I would recommend the similar, but mildly amusing "Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth".

Prelude to a Kiss (1992)

Worth watching but only for Meg Ryan

[5/10 · 31 December 2002]

Bespectacled Alec Baldwin meets sexy but eccentric Meg Ryan at a party and falls in love with her. Who wouldn't? Everything goes well until they get married and then... but that would be telling. Let's just say this is one of the daftest films you could ever hope to see, in terms of an unbelievable storyline.

Still there are some nice moments and Meg Ryan is fabulous as always.

Curse of the Talisman (2001 TV Movie)

Remarkably lame supernatural chiller

[3/10 · 30 October 2002]

A crate of medieval relics delivered to Elmsford Museum falls into the wrong hands, and young Jeremy finds himself in possession of a sinister talisman. When a strange bat-like creature escapes from his cellar he has to take time out from romancing Fiona to save the town from an army of demons.

Sure it sounds good but it couldn't be any less scary, and includes every horror film cliche in the book. The first two-thirds of the film really drags, I found myself checking my watch, which is never a good sign.

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000 Video)

Dumb but fun

[6/10 · 15 October 2002]

Actually this film is nothing like as bad as I was led to believe. The script is patchy, but very funny in parts and I liked the irreverent humour. So what if the direction is sloppy and the production values are a bit dodgy? Just disengage brain and enjoy.

Oh, and leading lady Majandra Delfino (if that IS her real name?!) is an amazing combination of Molly Ringwald and Neve Campbell!

The Disciples (1999 TV Movie)

Simply Awful

[24 August 2002]

It's hard not to remark on the amazing costumes of the leading ladies, who look like they're ready for a Saturday night out at a swanky nightclub, even in the most intense action scenes. Besides that, everything is dreadful in this bogus martial arts action film, which is shot like a pop video, and makes almost as much sense.

Unbreakable (2000)

BRUCE WILLIS IS SECURITY MAN

[8/10 · 29 July 2002]

Bruce Willis is a superhero, he just doesn't know it. When he becomes the sole survivor of an apocalyptic train crash, he comes to the attention of Samuel L. Jackson (playing against type as an obsessed comic book nerd).

This bewildering drama centering around Willis's reluctant quest for self-knowledge starts slowly and goes nowhere. Still, it's quite enjoyable for its post-modern take on the comic book superhero. Is this what Tim Burton was trying to do in "Batman"?

Bedazzled (2000)

Enjoyable Lightweight Comedy

[7/10 · 11 July 2002]

Computer helpline guy Brendan Fraser sells his soul to the devil (in the seductive shape of Liz Hurley) in return for seven wishes. But the wishes all turn out to have a fly in the ointment.

There are lots of funny moments, although the humour is largely unsophisticated. Brendan Fraser demonstrates unsuspected versatility with personas as diverse as a basketball player and Abraham Lincoln, and Liz Hurley is just perfect as the devil. There's also a feelgood factor to this movie which I liked.

What Lies Beneath (2000)

Preposterous Farrago

[7/10 · 8 July 2002]

This wildly overblown supernatural thriller has no kind of structure or logic to it. Starting out as a hilarious spoof of "Rear Window", it veers off into a fairly spooky "Sixth Sense" type ghost story before winding itself up to an action and special effects climax worthy of "Indiana Jones" at his finest.

A few exciting moments are lost in a melodramatic mish-mash without sense or meaning. No wonder Harrison Ford looks baffled and Michelle Pfeiffer simply looks blank. What lies beneath? Garbage, that's what.

The Perfect Storm (2000)

Great Effects in Standard Saga

[7/10 · 2 July 2002]

It's worth sticking with a slow first half to see the exciting action towards the end of this film about the emergency services risking their lives to save idiots who should never be allowed out in a boat. George Clooney sheds his suave image to play a grizzled fishing boat captain with more than a touch of Captain Ahab about him, and Mark Wahlberg is so good you forget he was ever in a boy band. Basically the entire cast produce career best performances, and the storm is just great.