inhisblazer Reviews

Don't Talk to Strangers (1994 TV Movie)

Pierce Brosnan makes Vegeburgers in it

[4/10 · 6 January 2003]

It's interesting to see what shape Pierce Brosnan's career was in before Bond arrived on the scene. In this "tense" thriller, Pierce Brosnan plays the gentle Patrick, who works leading ghetto kids on "confidence courses". He romances a woman, who has a bog-standard mop-top mid-90s kid called Eric. The woman's drunken ex-husband soon arrives on the scene and begins to mess with Pierce.

At one stage Pierce is innocently making "vegeburgers". The husband enters. Pierce resumes making vegeburgers. The husband then assaults Pierce. Little chunks of half-eaten vegeburger call fall from Pierce's mouth. The fight abruptly ends without showing the outcome. This is as good as the film gets.

Jewel of the Gods (1989)

Like a dream

[1/10 · 13 December 2002]

This is certainly one of the strangest movies I have ever seen in my life. I saw it like 2 years ago on a sunday afternoon. Why the station was playing an obscure South African Indian Jones ripoff is a mystery. Well, I'll just say everything I can remember about the film in the hopes that it may help some poor soul who vaguely remembers it.

1) - at the start it has some crude Aborigines running up a hill. They find a jewel. I assume it is the jewel of the gods. A crude pink laser shoots out of it. A simpleminded viewer is confused.

2) - a comic relief Arab walks through an Australian desert. He is attacked by a snake. The "tough" hero cuts its head off with a boomerang. The snake's head slides down a sand dune and past the Arab's hammin'-it-up face. The tough hero then, without explanation, says "Bloody Gibson Desert!"

3) - the hero and the Arab are on a plane. The plane shakes. The Arab asks, "What was that?" The hero replies, "Nothing mate, the engine just fell off," like it happens every day. The thing is, I'm not sure if this is an actual comedy.

4) - the hero and the Arab swim from Australia to Africa. I'm not joking. There's some lame joke about sharks. It's at this point I stopped watching. I wish I had continued. The folly of youth.

Anyway, that's all I have to comment on. In hindsight it was extremely funny, but any bogstandard South African adventure movie has to rate at most a 1.

Call me........ In His Blazer!