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Reviews
The Donmar Warehouse's All-Female Shakespeare Trilogy: Julius Caesar (2017)
All female, which in this day and age is viewed as "clever"
Donmar Warehouse says this is a performance of Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar". That is only sort of accurate. You are actually watching a play about a bunch of inmates at a women's prison putting on a performance of "Julius Caesar". So to be more accurate, you are watching a movie about a play about the play "Julius Caesar". And when you research the performers, you eventually find out that the 'inmates' were actually professional actors. (at least, all the ones I checked on) So you are actually watching a movie about a bunch of actors putting on a play about a bunch of inmates putting on the play "Julius Caesar".
Confused? Relax, it makes sense when you watch it. (mostly, anyway) But it does play heck with trying to review things.
The biggest result of the play-within-a-play approach is that Shakespeare's play keeps getting interrupted by the prison level play, often at important points in the Shakespeare level. Indeed, it was the timing of these interruptions that finally convinced me the prisoner level play was also a play, and not real inmates putting on the Shakespeare level play.
Beyond that, there is little more to say. For the most part the actors were quite good, especially since most of them had to handle two, often conflicting personas. I'm not sure I've even seen a version of "Julius Caesar" done exactly as Shakespeare wrote it, so I can't comment much further on that level.
As to the prisoner level play, it seemed reasonable. The 'effects' (for lack of anything better to call them) seem appropriate to a prison, although putting the entire stage and audience in a cage seemed a bit excessive. The rest of the props & make-up looked appropriate to a cast working in a prison. (although I've never been to prison, so what do I know?)
Requiem for the Damned (2012)
Well, I have good news and bad news for you
The good news is this is a pretty decent movie, especially when you see from the trailing credits that this was a college/student effort.
The bad news is that the stories in this film have almost nothing whatsoever to do with the Poe tales, to the point I suspect Poe's name and titles were only included as a marketing gimmick.
For example, "The Fall of the House of Usher" is a good story, but outside the fact it happened in a house and the owners were named "Usher", there is nothing of the Poe story in the movie. Why they thought it worth the effort to name it after the Poe story, someone else will have to explain. I would have preferred they be honest, call the story something else, and dropped the Poe reference entirely.
"The Black Cat" is the only story that follows (mostly) the Poe version.
Is this worth watching? Yes, I think so. Just go in knowing that the Poe references are marketing, not information.
Mumbai Diaries (2021)
Street-level view of the 11-NOV-2008 terror attacks on Mumbai
First off, I have no idea how accurate this show really is. But I can tell you it is riveting. Most of the action is set in two places, with side-trips to various other places in the city as action (mostly terrorist attacks) dictate.
The first is the Emergency Room of a "low end" (for lack of a better term) hospital named Bombay General. Facilities are, well, kind of crappy (will IMDB let me say that word?) Then all at once, wounded people start streaming in, with no warning, and little idea what is going on outside.
The other main location is in a banquet hall in an up-scale hotel, the Palace. An older doctor is being honored for his work. Things are going along swimmingly, then the manager of the event is told to lock the doors and keep everyone inside.
Things quickly devolve from there.
Perhaps the most effective part of the story is the way they keep you almost as confused as the characters in the show. Major things keep happening with little or no warning. Even important characters suddenly die.
Two last things that may or may not matter to you. First, the show is in Hindi, so if you are reading this review, you will probably have to deal with subtitles. That should not be a big deal for most people, but does add to the confusion in what is already a confusing story. Second, each episode starts pretty much where the last one ended, with little if any recap to catch you up. So if you decided to watch this, (which I do recommend, by the bye) be prepared to have to focus a lot more than when watching the typical US cop show or medical drama.
As for me, I watched all eight episodes in two evenings. If I had started on things a little earlier, I suspect I would have blown through the entire series in one sitting.
Shivers Down Your Spine (2015)
No one in the movie took it all that seriously -- why should you? Just enjoy.
A guy decides to nuke a pizza. When the microwave dings, the pizza has been replaced with a brass lamp. So the guy starts rubbing the lamp. (After all, if he doesn't, the movie never starts, and we all watch something else instead) Predictably, a genii (or jinn, if you prefer) pops out of the lamp. In fact, she really pops out of the lamp. I'll leave the rest to your imagination. (or your entertainment if you watch the movie)
The dude (I think his name was Justin) seems reluctant to take the entire situation seriously -- in fact, one of his first wishes is for the genii to make a pizza for him, since the pizza he tried to eat had disappeared, and he was still hungry. His next wish was for the genii to tell him nine stories. He then notes to the audience that with the 'wrap-around' story they were showing now, that makes ten stories for the buyers.
So, for the rest of the movie Justin (or whatever his name was) and the genii are sitting on a couch, chatting, drinking, and even flirting a bit, while the genii tells Justin various tales. Like most anthology movies, some stories are pretty good, one or two are clunkers, and the rest are tolerable. My favorite was probably the "hard-boiled detective" tale, where the detective was hired to remove a ghost. The whole segment was filmed in black-and-white, with enough snappy comments to make you want to burst out laughing. (Imagine an old Sam Spade or Philip Marlowe movie with Bill Murray as the lead)
Is it a great movie? No, not really. But it is kind of fun.
One last note: If you check the credits at the end, it looks like several of the various stories were filmed anywhere from a year to three or four years before this collection was assembled. I'm not sure if that means anything significant, but I thought it might be worth bringing it up.
Heavy Metal 2000 (2000)
The 1981 original is much superior
I seldom suggest ignoring a movie, any movie. But unless you really, really want to watch a cartoon version of Julie Strain take a nude swim, (re)watch the 1981 original instead, if you have access to it.
If you've already seen the 1981 version, you probably remember the last story, where the guy gets ahold of the green orb, then turns into a homicidal maniac? With a big army? Imagine that 20 minute or so section, expanded into a 90 minute, and you have "Heavy Metal 2000". There are a few new twists and turns, but the over all plot is pretty much identical. There is even a scene where the 'Julie Strain' character strips and swims across a pool to grab a sword and puts on an outfit that would fall off of her the minute she stood up in the real world. (I assume that was a deliberate 'homage' to the original)
For those who haven't seen the original --
There are a some people exploring a cave in an asteroid. I think it was an asteroid, anyway, although it seemed to be big enough to have air. One of them finds a glowing shard of rock. The other one grabs it, kills the first guy with the 'jack hammer space equivalent', hijacks the spaceship they were working from, and heads off into the galaxy looking for the source of the pool where you can become immortal. Along the way, they stop off to attack the peaceful (of course) planet where Julie Strain and the rest are peacefully planting crops. The Julie Strain character swears vengeance and takes off after the baddies. To the surprise of pretty much no one, she achieves it at the end.
It is not all that bad a movie, really. It is just kind of annoying that after twenty years, The Powers That Be in the movie game were only able to come up with something this bland and predicable. Watch it if you want to (after all, I did), just be aware that the original is much superior.
Screaming Dead (2003)
No As Bad As I Was Expecting
A couple weeks ago TiVo's Suggestions threw up "Screaming Dead" as a newly available movie. When I checked into it, the Details noted that this was a direct to video movie, by the star of epics like "Playmate of the Apes" and "SpiderBabe". So I figured "Screaming Dead" was something along the lines of "Plan 9 From Outer Space" meets "Barbarella". But sometimes that is what you are in the mood for, so I figured 'heck, why not?'.
Somewhat to my surprise, this is a half-way decent movie. Erin Brown (A. K. A. Misty Mundae) and some other hot babes were hired (sort of) as models for a real sleaze bag of a photographer. He refuses to pay his models ("that would hurt the integrity of his work") and somehow manages to sell his photos for 5 or 10 thousand dollars. (he also has a bunch of other 'quirks' that I'll let you find on your own if you decide to watch the movie)
The photographer rents an empty sanatorium and moves the three models into the space. There is a woman who moves in with them, and was mostly there to chaperone the girls (I think). She has little, if anything, to do with anything that happens in the story. There is also a representative of the building owner, who is there mostly flirt with the women during the movie and rescue the girls at the end.
There is the near-obligatory ghost/demon, a couple torture scenes with some laughably bad special effects, and the hero defeats the ghost in a way that has "OK, we're running out of money, let's end things quick" written all over it.
"Casablanca" it ain't, but it is kind of fun if you are in the mood for something mildly interesting but not to challenging.
Sinbad: The Fifth Voyage (2014)
Not great, but tolerable. I suspect we've all watched worse efforts.
When the same man is the director, producer, writer, and star, my first reaction is that either this is a vanity project, or a shoestring operation from someone like Ed Wood. But somewhat to my surprise, this turned out to be a decent addition to the ever-expanding lore of Sinbad the sailor.
The plot is fairly simple and predicable. Sinbad manages to meet-cute with the Sultan's only daughter, Princess Parisa. They fall in love, mostly off-screen. A magician is invited to entertain the Sultan and court. The magician reveals himself as evil, kidnaps the beautiful Princess for himself, and freezes the rest of the court. Sinbad goes on a voyage and saves the day. They live happily ever after. (or at least, the movie ends there)
The voyage itself is shorter and with fewer battles than what is typical of these sorts of movies. A lot of the battles are copies (homages?) of fight scenes from other movies, especially the old Harryhausen Jason/Sinbad stop-motion epics. There are a few scenes where Sinbad seems to be a little P. C., often annoyingly so. (for example, he refused to let the sailors eat the Roc egg)
I suspect the fact that Shahin Sean Solimon was serving as a quadruple threat hurt the movie some. Direction is kind of hit & miss, and a lot of the times the important moments are skipped over off camera. (although that might well be more a result of funding limitations than artistic choices) I will say that I thought the photography was great, often to the point of enhancing or even saving a scene.
All in all, not a great movie, but far from the worst one I've seen. If you are looking for something interesting, but not to challenging, you could do worse.
PS: I suspect a 'Making of' story would be interesting indeed. If you read through the list of Acknowledgments at the end of the Credits, and remember that Solimon managed to land Patrick Stewart as the Narrator, it looks like some big names were at least passive supporters of this project.
Girls und Panzer (2012)
What can you say about a show where high-school girls debate whether to take flower arranging or driving a tank?
Actually, the title pretty much says it all. This show involves a future/alternative history where teenage girls drive tanks as a martial art, to the point that at one point one of the characters notes 'it just looks weird to see a man driving a tank'.
The tanks are restricted to 1945 and before, with some (probably rather unlikely) restrictions to keep from killing off all the competitors. I suspect someone with an interest in World War I & II vintage military equipment would have a lot of fun watching this show just for the stuff in the background. By all accounts, most of the equipment seem in this show in a good copy of existing WW I & II equipment. On a related note, the various high-schools are all mounted on what look like converted aircraft carriers, so there are some more early 20th century military equipment to check out there.
There are lots of interesting side notes in this show, as well. For example, at one point some crew visit a military version of a Dick's Sporting Goods or Bass Pro Shop type store. (for lack of a better way to describe it) Another time, the team gets a hold of a WWII (I think) French tank that was famous for its unreliability in the field. The team starts up the tank, drives it out onto the battlefield, and promptly gets knocked out of the fighting.
I could go on and on, but I suspect you know by now if you are interested in this show or not, so I'll close here.
Dark Side of Heaven (2008)
Not sure if this is the same movie, or not
Either the Plot Summary is wrong, or this movie went through a whoole lot of editing before being released.
Anyway, I downloaded a movie with the title "Dark Side of Heaven" from Amazon. The movie I saw had four main characters, boarding an huge, abandoned spaceship, planning to take it back to earth(?) for salvage. Once all four are on board, the find a swimming pool, so they decide to strip to their underwear and take a swim. After they swim a while, a glowing asteroid (or moon) (or something) buzzes the skylight over the pool, so they all quick get dressed. Next they find a church, so they stop there for a while, and the captain goes up into the pulpit to give a sermon about how there is no god. Then they all leave the church.
I could go on, but most of the movie is like that. Something happens, every one reacts, then everyone just forgets about it. Eventually, the crew figures out that as soon as they were aboard, the autopilot on the ship took off for the other side of the universe, maybe. Why the ship needed people on board before leaving the solar system is never mentioned. The people had no control of the ship, and for the most part have no meaningful interaction with the ship.
Under other conditions, I would guess this was a student film, but I would like to think a movie has to have a bit more to recommend it than an A from film school to make it to Amazon Instant Video.
PS: I'm not sure who to blame, but the copy I watched was all but unintelligible in a lot of places. After a while, I just quit trying to understand what the cleaning robots were trying to say.
Vlog (2008)
Dumb
The trailers and previews imply this is a true story, even to the point of giving the lead character the same name as the actress playing the role. A lot of the movie is filmed as if it was a real video log, complete with the shaky, slightly out of focus recording.
It isn't, and they give up on the pretense quickly.
Minimal sex, minimal nudity, which seems odd for a porn star. Minimal blood, and a low body count, so you can't even watch it as a slasher movie.
Little more to say. I can't even rate it as a guilty pleasure.
If you really, really, really love Brooke Marks, rent it. If you have a buddy who loves Brooke Marks, buy him a copy. If you're wondering why I bothered to add this to the end of the review, it is because there is a ten line minimum on reviews, and I was done with this epic after only seven lines.
Adding that will probably get this review discarded by The Powers That Be, but I really didn't have anything else the least bit useful to add.
I suppose I could have recapped the plot of the movie, but if you watched the trailer, you already know pretty much everything I could tell you without spoiling what few surprises this movie has.
Ghost Ship (2002)
meh.
Did you ever wonder what the Friday the Thirteenth movies would have been like if Jason had decided to attack middle aged men instead of hormone addled teenagers?
Did you ever wonder what would have happened if Kubrick had decided to place "The Shining" on an abandoned luxury ocean liner rather than a luxury hotel closed for the winter
Me neither. But if you did, you'd probably like "Ghost Ship".
The plot is pretty simple. Julianna Margulies and a bunch of guys named joe are a salvage crew, with casting straight out of a Coke commercial. One woman. One black man. One Latino man. One older man. etc... The standard issue mysterious stranger offers them a chance to recover a long lost ocean liner, worth millions.
Once they board the ship, weird things start happening. If you've watched more than about three slasher movies you could probably fill in the rest of the plot yourself. By the second death my only real question was whether the survivors would be Julianna Margulies and one of the men, or just Julianna Margulies. I won't tell you, for fear of having it labeled a spoiler, but it really wasn't much of a surprise.
Decent, if your first choice is unavailable for some reason, but not really worth much of an effort to find and see.
Sucker Punch (2011)
Wasn't expecting much. Blew me away!
Every so often TiVo offers 'cheap' (usually $0.99 or $1.99) movie rentals for download. I had downloaded a couple others, and was debating whether or not 'Sucker Punch' was worth the effort. It was.
If logic and continuity are really important to you, you'll hate it.
If you can just lean back, and let the images wash over you, you'll love it.
Most of the movie is a fantasy, imagined by one of the characters. The fight scenes are kind of a combination of steam punk, and sword and sorcery, with a twist of kung fu martial arts. I saw a couple places (at least) where they were quoting from other movies, include one moment that was straight out of the ending of 'King Kong'. (The only things missing were the building and the ape) (trust me on that, it'll make sense)
For the first time in a long time, I've found a movie I might be willing to buy, not rent.