garland-schaefers Reviews

Schlock! The Secret History of American Movies (2001)

Well, Not All That Secret

[11 January 2004]

It says a lot about my movie collection that I could identify the movie before it was mentioned, and I own the vast majority of them. This probably wasn't meant to be a promotional piece for Something Weird Video, but if you like the movies talked about in this excellent documentary, the vast majority are available from SWV.

Cheerleader Autopsy (2003 Video)

Well, it could have been worse...

[6/10 · 9 January 2004]

at least it wasn't boring. The affects were fair to poor for a micro-budget film. The extras on the DVD were okay, but I was disappointed that there wasn't a commentary. It was short, and appropriately cheesy. It just didn't sing. Nothing sparked. Its just an average little indy horror flick. Many of Sub Rosa's other efforts are better.

Strange Things Happen at Sundown (2003 Video)

Much Better Than Some Here Give It Credit For

[6 December 2003]

Mob-Vampires from Brooklyn. Actually, the premise is pretty believable, once you grant that vampires exist. I mean, I can see the whole punk culture TRYING to become vampires. And once they are, the gangster life just seems like a natural fit. So I liked that a lot.

The acting is fresh and believable. The language is harsh, but I imagine that that's the way New York gangsters-mob guys really talk. This movie has an M rating for a reason. Keep the kiddies away, unless you like getting nastygrams from their teachers.

There is only one actor in the whole of this movie that's been in anything besides this. And with the whole writer/director/editor/ thing makes me think this is some kind of New York Drama Class project. If so, it's an awesome first effort, and I look forward to more from Mr. Fratto.

I give it 4 out of 5 severed limbs.

28 Days Later (2002)

Stop Calling This a Zombie Movie!!!

[24 October 2003]

Its not a zombie movie. At all. If you want to put this movie in a Horror Sub-genre, its a "last man alive" movie, or an apocolypse movie. Its closer to a remake of "The Omega Man" than a zombie movie. They're not dead! They're just infected people. Like in Omega man.

People who watch this movie expecting a zombie movie will be greatly disappointed. I mean, how many are actually killed? Three, four? How many exploding heads? I'll tell you, big fat zero!

I personally think this movie doesn't even really deserve to be considered horror. Its a psychological thriller. I mean, the point of the movie is to explore what people FEEL when faced with the end of the world. Even the director admits that in the commentary. Thats not horror, where the point is to scare people, thats a psychological thriller. And look at the people who love it. Are they the usual "horror movie buffs"? NO, its critics and chick flick lovers.

The marketing world is calling 28 Days Later a horror movie and a zombie movie, because they think that will help sales, and because they don't know any better. They probably only see 5 horror movies a year. Once word gets out from people who actually love zombie movies as to what this movie is like, its popularity will decline fast.

DirkMaster

Aswang (1994)

Well, lets be fair here.

[13 September 2003]

First off, if you are not a fan of Low Budget Horror Movies, go no further. You will not enjoy this movie. It appears to have been shot on 16mm film. Either that, or the stock they used was VERY old, because even in the new DVD transfer, there's a fair amount of grain.

HOWEVER, the plot is at least original (and you can't say that about ANYTHING out of Hollywood in the last few years) and the acting earnest.

That said, gore hounds will be disappointed, as this the new DVD appears to be a cut down "R" version that expunges some of the more graphic scenes. (I know they exist, at least one is shown in the trailer).

All told, this is an enjoyable Independent movie.

Devil's Partner (1960)

Actually, not as bad as all that

[13 September 2003]

This is a very interesting movie. Never mind the fact that its populated by TV and movie personalities from the 60's (including Uncle Charlie from Pettycoat Junction!). There are some serious holes in the plot, I'll grant you. And the quality of the DVD is even worse than usual (it looks like they just digitized the film without even dusting it off). However, the acting here was sincere, and the plot (what little you can work out) is at least not tired. I actually enjoyed it more than I expected to.

Despiser (2003 Video)

In the world of bad movies, this is not so bad.

[1 June 2003]

Yes, there are more CGI scenes than life action scenes. Yes, the CGI isn't up to the "Final Fantasy The Movie" level. Still, the plot and acting here are VERY good, and I for one didn't find the CGI all that distracting. I guess that since I see a LOT of truly bad movies, with godawful effects, this one being a CGI vehicle didn't ruin it for me. Its a low budget flick, what do you expect, Jurassic Park? Its better than "Conversation with An Alien".

The Head (1959)

A fascinating find now available on DVD

[31 May 2003]

Made three years before "The Brain That Wouldn't Die", this atmospheric chiller about a madman/genius who steals the work of a great scientist and extends it to evil ends works better than you might expect. The sets are interesting and extensive, the characters have more depth and color than your average American B movie, and the soundtrack is interesting and different as well. In a couple of scenes, it reminded me of the B&W Julian Roffman movie "The Mask". Has this antique curiousity for only $5.99. It's worth it, IMHO.

The Breed (2001)

Better Than I Expected

[7 July 2002]

Made in 24 days for around 3 million dollars, this could have been another cheesy B-Movie Vampire flick. But its not. Set in a totalitarian future that the director admits is inspired by Terry Gilliam's Brazil, this is a moody piece where vampires are characters, not just monsters. Summary: if you go into it expecting Spielberg and big-budget effects, you will be disappointed. If you go into it expecting Corman and shoddy acting, you will be very pleasantly surprised.