TheUnholyArmpit Reviews

Derren Brown: Trick of the Mind (2004– )

A moment of your most precious time.....

[20 May 2004]

What a breath of fresh air from Channel 4.

Not only does this show break up the 24 hour Friends-a-thon that Channel 4 has become over the past few years, but we see a magician (if thats the right word) who doesn't just meerly perform tricks, but leaves you with an unforgettable experience. No showy assistants, very few props, but a bucket of skill.

The shows are literally jaw dropping, and diverse. He can go from whispering someone to sleep in a few seconds via a phone, to stopping a wallet stuffed with money being picked up in a busy London street, to showing strangers how to read minds effortlessly. All this is done with a genuine smile, not a smug scowl like David Blane, or David Copperfield's fixed Californian grin.

Now we are also seeing that Derren is trying to disprove certain...... beliefs. This also is done with a certain persuasive, subtle style that Penn and Teller could only dream of in their Bull.... programme.

I also have to say that if you have the chance, go and see him live. He is the most genuine and down to earth bloke i have met since Michael Berrymore ( i know a lot of people wont like that last bit, but it still is true). Derren seems to have an easy going way with people, it might be because of his act, his real personality, or a mixture of both.

If you get the chance, watch him. You will be hooked.

Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995)

Welcome to Generic movie making 101

[22 July 2003]

Imagine the previous die hard(s), but with a wrinklier Bruce Willis, and just enough "plot" differences to seperate it from the other die hard movies. Thats what you get. Watch a Jackie Chan movie instead, and see how action is done. Properly.

Most Haunted (2002–2019)

so bad its....... well, awful

[21 June 2003]

The premise of this show is simple. Get a presenter, a "psychic", a paranormal investigator, and some other people and lock them in a haunted location for 24 hours, and see what happens.

And what happens? Nothing much.

We get a few minutes of scene setting, walking round the house/nightclub/pub/hotel telling the ghost stories.

Then (and this is the part that really gets my back up) the "psychic" walks around spouting these "revelations". Now, i truly do believe there is something to ghost stories, people DO see something that they should be able to see. But the "psychic" on this show really doesn't do anyone any favours. There has been more than a few times he has been massivly out, there are times he has been quite accurate, but its nothing a few mins on the internet wouldn't reveal. I`d also like to add that his acting is way below par. Worse than soap acting, if you can believe it.

After the audience has been keyed up, its upto the production crew to tour the location with light vision cameras. This is the most interesting part. You get to see first hand how people react to in these situations. Some have screamed when a neon light on a boiler came on. Others have kept a level head in more convincing situations.

Its interesting that the only "true" paranormal activity has been a cross moving on a piece of paper, and a bed s-l-o-w-l-y moving. Oddly enough on both these occasions not all of the object is in clear view, allowing someone to be manipulating them off the frame.

I'll not even bother to mention the deplorable "live" editions.

This show could have been so much better. It could be vastly improved by getting rid of the "psychic", and the scream-at-anything women.

BattleBots (2000–2002)

oh dear, oh dear, oh dear......

[14 May 2003]

Americans, dont you love `em? They see something they like, and then try to copy it. Thing is, they are like parrots, copying what ever they see with no comprehension of what they are doing. And this show is another example of this. Some US TV exec sees Robot Wars, thinks "we can do that", and makes a right mess of it. Robot wars has some structure behind it, the biggest part of the show is taken up with (sometimes brutal) competition - The US counterpart is mostly posturing. I could go on all night but, lets just put it this way.... Robot Wars` female presenter (Phillipa Forrester) has a PHd, Battle Bots has some woman out of Playboy. Watch the original, Robot Wars is still the best.

Shanghai Knights (2003)

good movie spoilt by 1950s to 1980s American "Education".

[6 April 2003]

Well, another Jackie Chan movie in just a few months, i must have been a nice person in a past life time.

This sequel to Shanghai Noon is in most cases an improvement. The character chemistry is better, and more rounded. The set design was more realistic. The plot however hasn`t improved much though, transplant an Imperial Seal into Shanghai Noon, and you have Knights.

The fight scenes though is where this movie comes into its own. They make up for (nearly) all of its short comings. Jackie looked more comfortable with the fighting as a whole, and the inventiveness of the set fights was upto his normal high standards.

This would have got a high mark off me if the very strong anti-English sentiment had been dropped. It went far beyond leg pulling, or satire, or irony. I would personally say it went as far as being racist. You wouldn`t get away with repeating "jokes" like those in this movie if they were at the expense of say.... the AfroCaribean community. Why didn`t they just finish the thing off and burn the Union Flag? If there is a 3rd movie, will it portray Americans as fat, tasteless war mongers? I doubt it.

All in all, its an entertaining movie (almost completly) spoilt by childish, point scoring "jokes".

9 out of 10 with the sound off. 4 out of 10 with the sound on. If i hear one more Mockney accent...

The Tuxedo (2002)

First Chon Wang, now James Tong...

[8/10 · 10 January 2003]

Hmmmmmmm, only Jackie Chan can get inspiration for a fight or two out of a tuxedo - a piece of clothing. I love odd ideas.

Ok, get the plot out of the way, spying, hapless character, evil baddie, and some idea for world domination. Thats all there is to the story. Good, leaves more time for action.

This is one of Jackie`s better recent movies, pity about the wire fights. Jackie, you are better than that, leave phoney fighting to the likes of The Matrix, Crouching Director Hidden Plot, et al, and come back to the style that you`re best at stupid life threatening stunts and lightening fast fights.

This hour and a half (or so) of movie was more entertaining than most of last years efforts, i`m looking in your direction Minority Report!

You cant see this movie and lot enjoy it.... well you can, but you would have to have a swinging brick instead of a heart.

Roll on Shanghai Nights.

Ghostwatch (1992 TV Movie)

What The Blair Witch Project should have been.....

[10/10 · 21 December 2002]

I, like many others saw this live on 31st October 92. And i have been desperate to get my grubby little hands on a copy since then. Thanks to the marvelous, talented, good looking people at BFI, its now on DVD.... ( if you need a kidney guys, call me you can have one of mine).

If you`ve read the other comments, you know the set up of the show, so i wont bore you with that.

As for its effect, the use of genuine locations, and genuine "personalities" does give you the very real feeling that this is actually happening - although you know that its just a drama. Let me put it this way.... I`m slightly under 6` tall, heavily set, and tomorrow i`m doing a grading for my black belt. Last night i watched GW, and i had to keep looking behind me, and listening out for creaks!!!

Ghostwatch is 90 minutes of fantastic TV, ghost stories, drama, hoax.... call it what you will. But it represents the pinnacle of pure good story telling.

Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)

8 hours after seeing this movie, and im still chuckling

[9/10 · 25 July 2002]

First let me get this out of the way, im a big Austin powers fan, its probably the very British humour. But this movie is something else....

Its the normal mix of James Bond spoof, and innuendo - which is fantastic. But here we actually get treated to a bit of a plot. Mini-me gets a bigger part - no pun intended (unless you find that funny, in which case it was intended).

Now, im not one of those people who need to put spoilers in a review just to prove that ive seen the movie... All i`ll say is that if you dont laugh at Mini-me in a pillow case or MOLE!, or Scott`s comb-over, youre carved from stone. Yes, some gags are repeated, the rude shadow, the body part montage, Dr Evil`s song, etc, etc.

On the whole, this film is worth any price you pay for the ticket. OK, its not Citizen kane, But it entertains wonderfully, and isnt that what films are for?

What are you doing still sat there? Go and see this film!!!!!!

The Lone Gunmen (2001)

Why?

[22 July 2002]

Why was this show canceled? WHY????????

The core of the show was a few blokes, and a woman bodge their way through a different story every week, and despite themselves solve the story.

Nothing to mentally strenuous, but still entertaining. Its hard to combine action, comedy and a plot, but the creators of TLG have managed it. And even better than that not gone the teen/buffy route either.

But I go back to my first line... Why was it canceled? Its wasnt low quality, it was well written, shot, etc, etc, just like its stable mate The X-Files.

Please someone pick the franchise up!!!!!!