Matthew12222 Reviews

The Crime of Father Amaro (2005)

PROUD to be Canadian

[1/10 · 28 November 2010]

How is it possible to be proud of this film? How is it possible create this movie and still be respected as a writer, director or actor? How is even possible to finance it, broadcast it, or, worst of all, watch it?

José Maria de Eça de Queiroz would have hanged himself after watching what they done to his WONDERFUL story. Or maybe Nan Flanagan and Margaret Jull Costa improved it in translation.

It's just one of those movies you watch to get a glimpse of what people around the world are capable of writing and enjoying.

I didn't laugh once watching O Crime do Padre Amaro, I would pay to see someone watching stuff like this on a regular basis. Bad actors, bad plot, bad sketches... The only good thing was the end!

My vote: awful.

Titanic II (2010 Video)

This Move is like watching a funny train wreak

[4/10 · 27 November 2010]

It is sad that the comic natural of the film is probably unintentional. YET it deserves credit for the parody of Hollywood movies. As a drama I'd give it a zero, but as a joke it decent!

The acting is at times nonexistent and at other times extremely intense by a couple of the military guys. All the girls are just there to look slutty and seem to be enjoying their time in the limelight obvious to their surroundings.

Highlights: -The military guys interactions with the supposed glacial expert was more like a porn cheesy porn scene than anything. "I think there is something need to see, follow me" that exact part was so sultry I burst into laughter. -Party on the ship: just look at the people walking around and how everyone carries themselves.

The computer animation was horrendous. There was no attempt to hide it or even make actions smooth. It's amusing when you compare it to super high budget movies where they're too lazy or cheap to do some scenes with extras and real sets.

Highlights: -Ship leaving dock. MAN it starts moving quickly too. -Ship sailing at see. -Ice-shelf breaking off and the random guy falls in.

There was a lot of empty scenes that didn't take advantage of the medium being a film. Sounds and visuals are intended to create atmosphere. Some scenes had no music or a couple of unnatural sound tracks.

Highlights: - Part scene on the ship, were they're toasting etc. There was no noise (some dialog, but nothing else) coming from the parties close to the audience just a lame background of party noises. Making it seem like there's a party in the next room, but the current guests are silent. -Scene on the sub the three workers pretending to work then looking up one by one. What are they looking at??? There's in a sub they can't see anything happening outside. There was epic dramatic music but the actors faces were more perplexed than fearful and the visual just doesn't make sense.

Overall there was little effort put into the movie but probably a decent amount of money. The props were GOOD, but effort was taken to make it seem real. A lot of general inconsistencies and derp moments.

Highlight: -Crew member on the sub reading of a BLANK screen. He pauses to double check the BLANK monitor. WOW.

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

BEYOND WEAK PLOT, major goofs Tom Six -->More like Tom ZERO

[2/10 · 25 September 2010]

Girls from new york can't possibly be this naive? I think the director has a sick sense of humour and wasted that 1.5 million pound budget. I bet he'll never direct again.

The actors were weak, EXCEPT the doctor. He played the role in the horrible story perfectly. He really was creepy! Besides the one creepy idea, the movie had no plot value. It was impossible to buy that they were connected. So many mistakes where it's clear they AREN'T.

The end is disappointing and doesn't leave the viewer with anything to chew on besides how many inconsistencies lead to this unsatisfying end.

Plot issues: -Going to a night club, they end up driving around in a forest?! -Neither of the two girls could change a tire.

-They look up what the horny guy SAID, but NOT how to say "help change tire?" A guy like that probably gladly would have helped if he thought he'd get something for them.

-The girl who wouldn't go out before because she's in HEELS and shorts ends up walking for help.

-To look for help the girls walk INTO the forest. Not along the road? -As they get to the house it suddenly starts to rain and they go crazy knocking on every door and window :/ -the doctor guy asks if they're alone, then invites soaked people to sit on a fancy sofa? -Girl tries to undue her bonds ONLY when he's going to sedate them for the operation? What about when he wasn't watching them???? -When she escapes and she's in a room with a PHONE by the door she makes no attempt to contact the police! -The Japanese guy DROPS the big metal lamp and picks up a small shard of glass to KILL HIMSELF?! -Voller who was sick in the hallway as the Doctor moves in the corner (where he's found) magically ends up dead in the middle of the pool and the doctor has his gun? -The other police detective after seeing the "human centipede" doesn't call in for backup??? Nor after hearing his partner's gun go off? -Why send only two detectives in for the search? if they suspected he's responsive for 4 missing persons? -The police officer doesn't check the corner? Basic training for entering a room especially after a gun was discharged.

-Great everyone but the middle girl dies in the end GREAT. Wow that was genius.

Battle in Heaven (2005)

Down to earth, slow moving, atmospheric movie about a crazy fat guy

[7/10 · 24 September 2010]

This movie is NOT for Hollywood-lovers who need the plot spelled out word for word to them. The atmosphere is a STRONG point it stands out for that.

To answer some of the less attentive viewers comments. -They're a poor family, they kidnapped the kid for RANSOM MONEY. People ,even poor ones, will pay for their loved one. Eluded to while Marco and his wife talk. -Surprise, surprise, the general's daughter is a nympho. She works at a sex boutique (for money I believe). You don't need some background story to understand someone could just be addicted to sex. -Marco looses it. There's no Hollywood "she killed my father". Guilt for screwing her? She knows about the dead kid and wants him to turn himself in? Angry a slut is giving him moral advice? Possibly didn't want her screwing other guys anymore? -He goes to the pilgrimage to seek forgiveness for all that stuff he's done.

It's a very sensual movie answering: what do you hear? what do you see? How do you feel?

Some scenes are slow, just like in real life, waiting for someone or looking around. Everyday things that don't happen in 6.23 seconds like in Hollywood stuff. To soak in the details and understand what it must be like, to experience being there, takes time.

Some of the BEST scenes, where in the car. Like driving in the traffic. Great scene felt like you were THERE in the car.

There is some inconsistency. The couple was morbidly obese. They're supposed to be poor. How can poor people get so FAT?! Down to earth, I guess that happens in real life, BUT that was nasty. They did have a very real relationship. Nothing superficial.

Overall a good movie, compared to other movies not as good. If you want to get an inside look into Mexican life, enjoy movies with strong real feelings scenes or value something out of the ordinary. MUST WATCH.

The Spy Next Door (2010)

Passable for young children with a some weird moments.

[5/10 · 26 August 2010]

The four stars are for Jackie Chan. One for the movie. IF the plot was abit less cliché then I'd say a six or seven as a kids movie.

It may be a small detail, but in the breakfast scene they feed the PET pig bacon! Jeez on some level that is creepier than they made it seem. Probably isn't the best message for children. It would be parallel to them frying a cat for breakfast and then feeding it to the pet kitten.

The computer graphics used on the scene Ho dress the girl for bed is a waste, stupid use of their budget. It was clearly out of place like some desperate need to use "cool new technology" when old school strings with camera angles would have looked much more convincing. It was more ridiculous.

The young boy casting is utter failure. He's in Middle school?!? He looks like he is 7 years old. This is almost as bad is Jaden Smith in The Karate Kid.

Overall it IS a decent movie for kids. It just might be abit painful for people who are 13-30.

Harlem Hostel (2010)

Great movie!

[9/10 · 7 June 2010]

For the type of lower budget movie with an unknown cast, it's AMAZING! I mean there are a few areas were money and more time might have improved things, BUT overall the actors did AMAZING I'd say better than some of the generic actors in 90% of Hollywood movies. Also unlike Hollywood very little seems over dramatized. There's a very down to earth feel about things. There were little or no parts that dragged on and on.

It's a shame to see it's got such a bad reviews. What? People don't recognize actors names so they think it's bad? Doesn't have your favorite Hollywood idol? People should really go out and see this. Give it a chance it's a good story.

The Princess and the Frog (2009)

Great movie :D Disney quality is back.

[9/10 · 13 December 2009]

The return to hand draw 2D animation mixed with 3D scenes is great. Sadly the transition relied a bit too much on computers to bring it together.

There were mistakes like in a chopping scene, the knife goes through the fingers and other occurrences where objects accidentally pass through things. It was enough to notice. Which to me is very unprofessional, for a company this big. When compared to the killer effects and art doesn't make much sense.

This captures, the same good aspects and added new improvements.

THE MUSIC ROCKED!!! Typical "Disney music" was mostly mellow and of the same style , but no more!. In the film, the music set the scene and matched with the time period! JAZZ! Catchy and still had the same great Disney lyrics.

My girlfriend REALLY enjoyed it. She loved the older movies (watched them all about 20 times) and now this one has become her favorite.

The villains were scary and had good matching music. Strong emotions. My girl was crying at one point.

Audition (2005)

Could be MUCH worse.

[6/10 · 1 April 2008]

It's a first pass for movies from Quebec. I seen Crazy and nous etait cinq... And about 4 others. So far it was the only decent one. It had some impressive parts, but there were a few pointless scenes that didn't really work. This may be a great movie from Quebec, but unless you only watch movies from there it's got a long way to go. All the violent scenes needed better effects work I mean it's a 2005 movie. They should be able to make it seem like they're actually hitting the guy... There was good emotion put into the acting itself. Those guys weren't holding back. The end honestly wasn't a surprise from about 20 minutes before you knew what the end was. Pretty disappointing. American Beauty now that movie has a more unpredictable ending...