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Filth (2013)
The same old same old from Welsh
This latest Welsh adaptation is yet another feeble attempt to shock your granny. The most shocking thing about it, however, is that talented actors like James McAvoy, Jim Broadbent, Jamie Bell and Eddie Marsan all agreed to take part in it.
Don't get me wrong - I'm all for movies that take risks and push the boundaries but this is just a tired and vastly inferior stab at recreating the success of 'Trainspotting'. The difference between the two films is the quality of the writing. The characters in 'Trainspotting' were every bit as flawed and morally reprehensible as any character in 'Filth' but in the hands of a skilled writer like John Hodge, the humanity of characters (Begbie aside) still managed to shine through. Welsh and his co-writer (and director) Jon Baird have at least attempted to do the same with a back story for McAvoy's character but the problem is he's just so unpleasant that it's hard to feel any sympathy for him.
Welsh's feature length screen writing credits have all been co-written and therein lies the problem, I feel. As the most famous one in the partnership it must be difficult for his writing partner to rein him in. And since subtlety has never been the strong suit of Welsh what we always seem to end up with is a check list of scenes and moments that are designed purely to shock. The trouble is, we've all seen them so often now they don't have the same impact they once had - in fact, they just seem a bit tired. If the subject matter is what is tempting you to go and see this film do yourself a favour and rent a copy of Abel Fererra's 'Bad Leuitenant' instead.
Passion (2012)
Flawed from the word go and never recovers.
I watched this last night despite reservations about the low IMDb rating and I have to say that, in the end, I thought 5.1 was over-generous.
Despite his Hitchock obsession, De Palma knows how to make a film look good but a writer he most definitely isn't. The plot is full of contrived moments where characters do things because the convoluted plot demands it rather than what they might do if they were actually in that situation. For example, Isabelle's murderous plot is laid bare by her assistant because Isabelle conveniently carries out each stage in view of a window, allows her to be filmed in the act. With a bit of thought and ingenuity the same end result could have been achieved but, sadly, the writing throughout is lazy and inept.
A far bigger problem, however, is that none of the principles is particularly likable. We are supposed to feel sympathy for Isabelle (Noomi Rapace) when Christine (Rachel McAdams) takes credit for a hugely successful ad concept but almost immediately we discover that Isabelle has been screwing Christine's boyfriend, Dirk, (Paul Anderson) behind her back. From that point on you don't really care what fate befalls any of them because, frankly, they deserve each other.
Performance-wise, Noomi Rapace is the best thing in it with McAdams a close second. Paul Anderson is awful, however, but this is maybe due in part to the caricature bad-guy role he has been given to play.
All-in-all, this was a poor effort by De Palma's standards. If The Untouchables was the high point of his career then this must go down as one of his biggest disappointments. Make up your own mind but my advice to anyone thinking about watching it would be: don't bother.
Hope Springs (2009)
Insulting pap aimed at the easily pleased
Where to begin... Okay, four female ex-jailbirds pull off a £3 million heist in Glasgow but have to wait on some overweight woman arriving in the city with their passports (why they couldn't take them with them doesn't make sense and isn't explained). For some reason she has decided to put the passports in her hold luggage (yeah, right) and as she runs to the baggage carousel to make sure they're still there she collapses and dies of a heart attack before she can hand them over. And so on to Hope Springs, a quiet village in Scotland where no one bats an eyelid at four glamorous women arriving and buying the village's only hotel (paid for in cash, of course). To complicate matters further, there has been a recent murder in the village which means the police are never too far away from our four feminine fugitives. Believe it or not, it gets worse from this point on.
Despite the presence of some decent talent, the performances are second-rate - then again, how could they be anything else with scripts as bad as these to work from? The show is meant to be a drama but is played for laughs much of the time. Sadly the only laughs are unintentional. The shoot was a troubled affair and the advance word on the show suggested it was a car wreck. In truth, it is a full-blown motorway pile up.
The show has been rightly panned by the critics but, despite this, the show is rumoured to have already been recommissioned. Further evidence, if it were needed, that BBC Scotland have more money than sense.
Hotel Babylon (2006)
another turkey and it isn't even Christmas yet
What is going on at the BBC? In the past couple of weeks we've seen the launch of Hope Springs, Personal Affairs and now a new series of Hotel Babylon and not one of them has got the slightest thing going for them. To call them lightweight is an understatement - I'm sure some of the actors must be tied to stage weights to stop them floating off into the atmosphere. From script to performance all three shows are dire and are an insult to any reasonably intelligent audience. The direction on the latter of the three shows mentioned is gimmicky in the extreme, an attempt, I would imagine, to take one's mind off the poor quality of the material. There was a time when the BBC was synonymous with great television. Nowadays, shows of quality are the exception rather than the rule. The BBC have had the licence fee to themselves for far too long. Maybe they'll up their game a bit now that it looks like they may have to share it with the other main broadcasters.
Wedding Belles (2007)
Emperor's New Clothes
Absolute garbage from start to finish. If anyone other than Irvine Welsh's name had been on the script it would never have been made. Welsh and Cavanagh obviously sat down and came up with a checklist of taboos that they decided would shock or offend and then tried to build a script around it. From snorting the ashes of a dead dog (how original) to sucking off a priest, every moment of it was calculated and manipulative. Trainspotting was a fabulous book but this bears all the hallmarks of a barrel that's been well and truly scraped. One reviewer unbelievably commented that 'it had heart. A GREAT BIG HEART'. There wasn't one likable character in it so I fail to see where its emotional core lay. This was a classic case of the emperor's new clothes - "it was written by Irvine Welsh so it must be good". Wrong!
Windy City Heat (2003)
Dire - no other word for it
Personally, I thought this was a steaming pile of you-know-what. Had the supporting actors played it straight then I might have bought into it but everyone was hamming it up so much (as actors do when they know something isn't very funny) that you couldn't possibly think it was real. Take the buffet scene, for instance. The 'star' of the film is asked to protect the food! Perry might not be a rocket scientist but anyone with an interest in the business would know that would never happen. To support their claims that the film is genuine it's been stated that Perry suffered brain damage in a car accident. Even if that was the case, where's the entertainment value in making a fool out of someone who's mentally impaired? I'm sorry, but I just don't buy into it one bit. I'd suggest that if the joke's on anyone, it's the people who believe it was real. Simply wanting something to be real doesn't make it so.
Raindogs (2004)
The worst film ever made?
Garbage, pure and simple! A strong candidate for the worst film ever made. I suspect the the other reviewers who praised it are either friends of the director or the director himself as no one impartial could possibly find anything about this film to enjoy. It doesn't even have the Ed Wood factor of being 'so bad it's good'. If you put a camera into the hands of someone who'd never seen a movie in their life there is a pretty good chance they'd come up with something better. Anyone who sits through it deserves a medal it's so painful to watch! It's a tragedy that people like this are getting their hands on money to make films this bad when other, more talented people are struggling to finance worthwhile projects.
The Hawk & the Dove (2002)
A masterclass in ineptitude
If you thought Plan 9 From Outer Space was awful try and get your hands on a copy of this baby. From its shoddy production values to its embarrassing performances, The Hawk and the Dove is a masterclass in film-making ineptitude. The plot, such as it is, centres on a mild-mannered, bespectacled book-keeper - Harry - who flees to a remote Scottish outpost with a briefcase full of money he's liberated from his gangster clients. Helping him to spend it is Ebony, a prostitute who, for reasons that are never explained, has decided to come along for the ride.
Somewhat obligingly, the various gangsters Harry has ripped off - a Glasgow hard-man, a Dutch drug dealer and a Russian femme fatale - all decide to let him know they are coming for him by sending him a postcard with a black spot on it (how they know where to find them is, again, never explained). Rather than run, Harry decides to stay and face them. With the help of Ebony, they manage to overcome each of their pursuers one-by-one and live happily ever after.
The Hawk and the Dove is one of those films that is so bad it is almost good. That said, if I could have rated it a zero it would still have been way too generous. Seeing is believing.
One Life Stand (2000)
an accomplished piece of film making which hasn't been given the credit it deserves
One Life Stand is an accomplished piece of film making which hasn't been given the credit it deserves. Its IMDB rating of 1.7 doesn't do it justice and is, perhaps, due to the very few screenings it has had rather than the quality of the film itself. Shot on digital in black and white, the film is well directed with production values that belie its shoestring budget. The performances are excellent, particularly that of Gary Lewis who gets better with every role. My only criticisms are that it is a bit on the long side and could have done with a touch more humour to offset the darker moments. Overall, though, it is a fine piece of work.