bodine-1 Reviews

Death Proof (2007)

Death Sentence

[1/10 · 17 May 2012]

After reading volumes of publicity about this picture, I took a pass at seeing it at a theater. I found an unrated special edition used DVD for $1 and thought, what the heck, I can't be disappointed for a dollar. All I can say is, I'm glad DVD players have Fast Forward buttons.

Sandwiched in between interminable dialog spouted by annoying, foul-mouthed women, there may be a movie. I couldn't find it, however. The gory deaths, Kurt Russell's acting, and a sporadically entertaining car chase at the end do little to take the edge off of this boring vanity project.

Personally, I like Tarantino's early movies, but if he was trying to make a slasher/car chase movie (as he has stated in his "Grindhouse" movie book tie-in) he failed miserably. He must have made this for his buddies, who wouldn't dare tell him that, because this lump of cinematic coal is as toxic as anything made in recent years and shows total contempt for the audience. I can't imagine sitting through this nearly 2 hour film and feeling like I got my money's worth.

This has to be the absolute rock-bottom for Tarantino's film making career, a self-indulgent, wrong-headed attempt at making a movie for movie's sake.

And what's with "Zoe Bell as herself"? Is Tarantino insinuating that she's a psychotic, willing to assault someone and participate in their murder?

Adrenalin: Fear the Rush (1996)

Short and Schweet

[8/10 · 7 June 2010]

This senseless and incoherent action/horror flick is one of director Pyun's better movies. Number one...it's short, clocking in at a brisk 77 minutes. Number two...it's got the "Species" babe Henstridge in a role that doesn't require her to shed her clothes, but she STILL looks great. Number three...I like Lambert, no matter how awful the movies he chooses to be in happen to turn out.

As another reviewer stated, Lambert and Henstridge are cops chasing a mutant killer, who is carrying a contagious disease, through what looks like a sewer. That's about it for plot development, although there are some half-baked attempts to fill in Henstridge's character. Pyun is best suited to directing action set pieces and he has lots to work with here. Nice little time waster that's never boring and is over before you know it.

Hostel (2005)

As bad as Cabin Fever? Yesssss!

[3/10 · 7 February 2007]

I only viewed the uncut, unrated version of this film, so these comments are directed at that version, not the theatrical release. I doubt it was any worse than this one, written and directed by the same guy who made the underwhelming "Cabin Fever". The same old horror clichés get the same tired treatment, with no surprises and very little to interest anyone but those who are easily entertained. Made by profiteers, who apparently believe that by hacking off limbs and cribbing from every horror movie in recent memory, it will pass as an original.

Eli Roth, the movie's writer/director, should stick to direction and leave the writing to someone else. It's so thinly plotted, with obvious situations and badly developed characters, that it threatens to evaporate before the series of incredible coincidences that end the film.

On the plus side, there is some very attractive location photography in Prague and the usual excellent makeup effects from Howard Berger & Greg Nicotero. The fact that Roth had the guts to employ real makeup artists instead of using cheesy CGI is to his credit and that is what earns this movie a 3 instead of a zero.

Demon Seed (1977)

Low budget junk

[4/10 · 7 August 2006]

A super-computer wants to experience life "outside the box", so it "rapes" it's creator's estranged wife in a bid to break free of it's limitations. Beautifully photographed, but sloppy writing and a sluggish pace doom it to mediocrity. The acting is especially over-the-top, but to be fair to Julie Christie, I doubt anyone could have pulled this whopper off. She struggles mightily to be believable, but she is over-matched from the beginning and doesn't get any help from her co-stars. And really...what's with FRITZ WEAVER getting second billing? The poor guy gets 15 minutes at the start and maybe 10 at the end and registers zero. Anyway, for the best super computer runs amok movie of the 70s, check out Colossus: The Forbin Project. Not as pretty to look at, but much more involving.

Kinjite: Forbidden Subjects (1989)

Still Kickin' at 68

[7/10 · 12 February 2005]

This is the last movie that Charles Bronson made before the death of his second wife, actress Jill Ireland. At 68 and with a string of mediocre action thrillers littering his 1980s output, this sleazy cop movie turned out to be one of his better efforts of the decade. Bronson plays vice detective Crowe, a racist veteran of the force who has grown weary of seeing the scum of Los Angeles dragging innocent children into prostitution and drugs. A parallel storyline follows visiting Japanese businessman Hiroshi Hada (James Pax) who struggles to adapt to American values and soon after arriving loses his young daughter to slimy pimp Duke (Juan Fernandez). Crowe has already had run-ins with Duke, so when he is assigned to find Hada's daughter, the stories merge with tragic results. Bronson is still trim and performs well as Crowe, with several good action sequences. Largely maligned as an actor because he underplayed his leading roles, Bronson always fit this type of role because you could believe that he actually does the things he is portraying. There is a nice little scene involving an ethnic event where Crowe vents his frustration on some startled Japanese that speaks volumes about character motivation. Juan Fernandez is exceptional as Duke and makes his character truly evil. Veteran British director J. Lee Thompson does a fair job of keeping the movie plugging along and has a great set piece at the end of the movie involving a crane and crashing automobiles. The subject matter isn't as exploited as it could have been, but it's still pretty rough and loaded with nudity and violence. Bronson fans won't be disappointed and even non-fans (like my wife) enjoyed it.

Cabin Fever (2002)

Kill it before it spreads

[20 October 2003]

Five college kids go to a remote cabin for a little fun and end up contracting a flesh rotting disease that picks them off in gruesome fashion one by one...

This grim, overly familiar horror movie is the type of effort that gives critics lots of ammunition and was obviously made by people that know nothing about making horror films, much less a good one. Filled with hateful characters and illogical situations, there's not a single believable moment throughout.

Although technically sound, Cabin Fever is poorly photographed and uses plot devices liberally stolen from several much better movies, like Evil Dead and Friday the 13th to name but a couple. The multiple "twists" at the end are laughable and telegraphed far ahead of time.

On the plus side, the film is refreshingly devoid of the camp tone that many desperate directors inject when they realize what a piece of junk they just made. Also of note is the excellent SFX makeup that doesn't rely on those cheap, cheesy computer generated effects popular with low-budget horror nowadays.

That's faint praise, however. Unless you've never seen a horror movie, don't waste your time on this stiff.

Traffic (2000)

Headache-inducing, overblown junk

[2/10 · 3 July 2003]

BAD POINTS: This meandering, over-populated movie was a critically acclaimed hit, but its attempt to shoehorn all the characters into a feature length film a serious error. Director Soderbergh's hand-held camera shots get old after about a half hour, but the movie is nearly 2½ hours long and could easily cause migraine headaches. With the exception of Benicio Del Toro, most of the actors look like they're simply putting in an appearance and that's exactly how they come across. The script is self-important, pretentious claptrap and thoroughly predictable. Despite the "documentary" feel, there isn't a believable moment in the whole movie.

GOOD POINTS: Attractive photography and Benicio Del Toro's excellent performance.

SUMMARY: If you can ride roller coasters without puking, you may be able to watch this without hitting the pause button every 15 minutes. Note to film directors: shaky camera work is distracting and draws attention to itself--use sparingly or not at all!

Apollo 13 (I) (1995)

For Tom Hanks fans only

[2/10 · 13 February 2003]

Technically well made film is atrocious in just about every other department. The script is hobbled by the sheer volume of clichés and since the outcome of the astronauts fate is already known to history, there isn't an ounce of suspense. Director Howard's bland direction deadens an already overlong movie, which tries to liven things up with a bombastic score and the casting of "stars" in the pivotal roles. It doesn't work. Tom Hanks addicts will probably want to see it, but this one is as bad as Howard's other thudding disappointment, Far and Away.

If you want to see a good movie on the U.S. space program, see Phil Kaufman's 1983 pic The Right Stuff. Avoid this one unless you need some snooze time and wasting nearly 2½ hours is your prime directive.

Bloodmoon (1997)

Worthwhile for fans of the genre

[4/10 · 24 December 2002]

Australian kick boxing champ Gary Daniels headlines this action pic, which features several protracted fight sequences, the best being the climax between Daniels and the killer (Shahlavi). Skimpy on plot and loaded with wooden acting--not totally unexpected given the large number of kickboxers in the cast. However, Daniels has some charisma and director Leung does a serviceable job with the fight choreography. Gorshin chews the scenery in a small part as the head of detectives. Worthwhile for fans of the genre.

American Beauty (1999)

Self-Important Junk

[3/10 · 13 November 2002]

If you are a Kevin Spacey fan, this movie is Nirvana. If you're a fan of good movies...look elsewhere. Wildly overpraised soap opera has Spacey's performance and Conrad Hall's stunning photography going for it and nothing--I mean NOTHING--else going for it. The wobbly script looks like it was cobbled together by people who never interacted with other humans and thought they were writing something original and fresh. Got news for you--this ain't fresh. In fact, this pretentious, self-important film is so smug that it telegraphs the ending and thinks the viewer is so stupid that they'll be "surprised". Astonishingly, this won 5 Academy Awards--but hey, John Wayne won one too, so that tells you how little merit the Academy holds. Looking for a movie about real human relationships? Skip this crud and see Robert Redford's far superior ORDINARY PEOPLE.