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Condor (2018)
shallow and way too serious
This show has a very black and white way of looking at things and people. The way a child sees the world. There are good people and bad people. Nobody who is just... kind of neutral and trying their best, you know? Such a cheap scenario simply doesn't lend itself to this very serious tone. Pretending to tackle such important sociological issues as racism, the depravity that comes from greed, three-letter agency conspiracies against regular civillians and mass casualty events in this strange way leaves a bad taste in the mouth. Why not just make something light-hearted if this was the effort you were willing to put in this? Sprinkle a little comedy in it at least.
Not surprised this show didn't last long. I can't imagine a lot of people tuning into this unless they had nothing else to watch.
Malignant (2021)
confusing
Let me start by saying I love horror. Low quality, filled to the brim with clichés... It don't matter to me. I live for the stuff. I also really enjoyed other horror films directed by James Wan. I see him as someone who can mix a certain campiness into gruesome body horror and make it very compelling. I could never have guessed he directed this one though. It missed a certain spark.
I expect the acting in James Wan films to be a little hammed up but... This was just bad? I've seen a few of these actors in different things and I know they're fairly capable. What happened here?
I don't even know what to say about the plot. I get it. 80s camp, dumb slasher blah blah. The type of movie you need to turn your brain off to enjoy. So where was the joy in this? Why are we starting this fun little romp with domestic abuse?
If you like horror films, classic or modern, you're probably not gonna like this. There isn't a single drop of charisma to be found in any of the characters. Nobody to root for. No real tension. No scares of the jumping or regular variety. Just a bunch of lights flickering until they all turn off.
Kadaver (2020)
Should've been shorter
This movie would fit right in with those short horror youtube videos with millions of views from ten years ago. A mash up of creeeepy things that don't work well together; strange and stunted acting; lighting/colour grading that makes thing look very off; things done for shock value that add nothing to the experience; an entire scenario built around a single plot twist; a movie that is overly dramatic and has no sense of humour. I mean, come on! The whole thing feels like a creepypasta! I hate how on the nose the posters are. And the decision to name the movie Kadaver without a hint of comedy?
Chello hongmijoo ilga salinsagan (2005)
nothing new
If you're into Asian horror from the 90s onward, you've probably already seen at least half a dozen movies with very similar visuals, camera work, plot points, "twists" and cheap scares. You really don't need to see this one.
Cold Ground (2017)
Mediocre
Loved the 70s aesthetic in the beginning. When they arrived at the Swiss border and met the British scientist with the very German name of Günter Herrmann, I thought I was in for a nice slow burn. The next day they started going up the mountain and the whole thing got so much dumber. Honestly I wish they would've stayed in the cabin and just... hung out. That would've been a better watch than this YETI MOVIE. Babes. If you can't afford a good costume, why are you showing the damn monster? I was laughing too much to care about what happened to the characters. Kill all of them. Whatever. The female lead wasn't even dressed for the weather for most of the film. And in the end when she placed the camera on the floor and started filming a message for whoever would find it, the yeti saw her and she PICKED THE CAMERA UP BEFORE STARTING TO RUN AWAY.
I'm giving this a 5 because I really liked Prof. Herrmann's sweater. Looked very cozy. His hair was nice too. Thick and curly. His voice was low and soothing. Absolutely lovely. 10/10 best British German scientist staying in a cabin in the French-Swiss border in 1976 BY FAR.
Ghost Stories (2017)
Oi Jewface!
This horror movie starts off with a very familiar concept: A paranormal skeptic comes across a mystery and is determined to find a scientific explanation. The acting is okay overall but the lead actor is amazing. His micro-expressions carry the movie. Martin Freeman as always plays Martin Freeman. The visuals are so-so. There was a lot of dead air. A lot of long, silent scenes with nothing interesting happening. I didn't go into this movie expecting to be scared but I also didn't think the "scary" scenes would be so cheap.
And now my biggest qualm with the movie: What the hell was that ending? Are we seriously still doing "it was all a dream" twists unironically? People in comas don't have dreams anyway! What. the. hell. I didn't expect a lot and yet I was still disappointed.
Oh and what kind of high school bullies call a kid "Jew face"? Or are second graders just that large in the UK?
The Dinner Party (2020)
cheap and kind of fun
The overacting is hilariously bad. The plot is cheap. And the final twist is soooo ridiculous. The whole movie is really easy to make fun of so give this a watch if you're into that sort of thing.
The Leftovers (2014)
Okay I guess
Full disclosure - I stopped watching this after the 4th episode so I can't say anything about where the plot goes from there. I was simply too bored to continue.
Justin Theroux was miscast. I haven't seen him in anything else but he's definitely not fit to play a police chief and a worried father. Plus he doesn't have enough charisma to be lead on a tv show. I'd have preferred it if the priest was a much bigger part of the plot. He's a complex character and Christopher Eccleston's acting doesn't make me cringe. None of the other characters are particularly memorable. The music choices are excellent. That's the one positive thing I can say.
In the end, this is a show about people who get left behind and I understand why they're all depressed but it makes the show go SO SLOWLY. Even the cult is boring! You wouldn't miss anything if you skipped this.
Faults (2014)
frustratingly boring
Slow, long and completely empty. The acting was great though!
A Dark Song (2016)
Dull
The plot is quite interesting and the acting from the grieving mother is very realistic. I could feel her pain through the screen. The overall movie is innnnnnnnncredibly slow and even though the ending was visually very surprising it didn't help much. The "creepy" ghosts of the wrinkly old lady and little children didn't at all fit with the overall vibe. No idea what the filmmakers were trying to do but they certainly haven't accomplished it. Don't waste your time here. There's nothing worth seeing.
Impossible Monsters (2019)
What?
I really don't understand! The acting was really good but the lighting and the camerawork was SO cheap and the pacing was awful! The plot is sadly much better than the finished movie.