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Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018)
Total cash grab of a movie and totally not believable.
Completely lame generic monster movie, with Adam Sandlers' voice over of Dracula Switching between Armenian, Pakistani, Greek(?), but NEVER a convincing Transylvanian vampire. For that matter, Sandler has sucked in just about every movie he's been in since the mid 90's, and stopped being funny about the time that Tom Green did. I can't believe he dated Drew Barrymore. Tom Green, not Adam Sandler. I hate Adam Sandler. As far as I'm concerned, Hollywood needs to put him in pig tails and lock him in a room with R. Kelly for a couple of days.
Anyway, back to the movie. Totally not believable, like during the Scuba scene, there were lots of inaccuracies. For instance, they would NEVER let you walk on the deck in full Scuba gear like that. Someone would have gotten hurt. No-one ever did a tank compression check, and they didn't even use the buddy-system when diving. I mean, not to nit-pick, but you know, diving is serious, and kids shouldn't get the wrong idea.
And then Bigfoot steps off the boat. At about 220 feet tall. Seriously? Bigfoot is 10, 12 ft tall, tops.
God I hate Adam Sandler.
Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)
Someone was on METH when they made this
Jesus Christ, what an incoherent disaster. Boom! Slash! Explosion! cut to Mark Walburg crawling thru an alien ship.. "It want's us to go this way". Cut to FIREFIGHT! Explosion! WTF??
It took me three days to watch this in chunks, I simply didn't have the stamina. ADHD ALL THE WAY. Nothing about this made any sense, I think they took a 5 hour movie and cut it down to 2 hrs, just, randomly.
This is a megahit? My God, what has the world come to...
Headgame (2018)
Ugh. Don'e listen to the FAKE reviews
Just another "let's get people in a room and let them kill each other" SAW-ripoff movie, without any memorable kills. Cheap effects (Cameras in their heads? Really? And I saw that fake machete chop you did there), large plot holes (Where did the scars go? 6 hrs wandering around palates without anything happening?), bad dialog. Painful to watch. Without the fake reviews, probably gets a 2 or 3, but gave it a one just to even this crap out.
Singularity (2017)
Why does IMDb allow FAKE RATINGS???
This film sucks: Here's why it has a 6.6 rating...
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Star Trek: Discovery (2017)
'Asylum' spin off with a Million Dollar CGI budget
**** Oh yea, this definitely contains SPOILERS. ****
So let me give you a synopsis of the plot so far...
Set ten years before the original series, but with better and more advanced technology than the TNG series of 100 years later; Gone are the days of Warp Travel, the Federation is now working on a way to instantaneously travel anywhere in the universe using mushrooms (My God, if the writers weren't snickering when they came up with this, they're idiots). You see, there's apparently a mushroom whose tendrils reach everywhere in the universe, and by somehow using its spores, the ship U.S.S. Discovery can too, but with limited success. A sister ship somehow fixed the problem, but was destroyed by a monstrous creature that turns out to be an 8 foot (interdimensional? sub-space? IDK, they don't say) Tardigrade (You know, a Water Bear?). Well now it turns out that the tardigrade can 'talk' to the spores and works as a navigator because complex life = supercomputer, making the whole thing work. Surprise! The tardigrade isn't a monster after all, just misunderstood, and is deemed a sentient creature because every jump hurts it (Why? Because I don't know, shut up), even tho it lives in symbiosis with the spores and jumps around the universe naturally, it is given a gift basket and set free.
Oh, and there are bald Klingons, who have nothing really in common with Klingons but are called Klingons anyway, trying to unify their race by waging war on the Federation, whose advanced lead ship with the ONLY cloaking device in existence is left adrift at the scene of the original battle for SIX MONTHS and whose leader just stands there when another Klingon comes along and takes over, because, again, IDK, he's a pacifist priest who doesn't fight, I guess.
Seriously.
This would be a standard Asylum Z-movie ripoff, with a stupid name like "Star Voyage" with "Grabons" fighting the "Alliance", were it not for the multi-million dollar CGI budget and sets, which I suspect is why it has such high ratings so far. Shiny lights with great explosions and awesome CGI and who cares, right? Ugh.
I could go on and on (name-dropping Elon Musk and Zyphod? Seriously? A tactical officer who decides to commit suicide b/c doing good science is a waste of time, let's just chop off it's arm?? and let's not even go into the whole, 'stream online for $10 bucks a pop' format), suffice it to say it has plot holes you can drive a truck through, bad dialog, and mind-numbingly stupid actions by characters.
What does it have going for it, besides the CGI? Oh, have you seen the intro? that's pretty decent...
The Dark Tapes (2016)
One of the worst movies I've ever seen.
Honestly, there is bad, and then there's bad. I rarely give a movie such a low rating, but this one deserves it. I haven't looked into the background of this yet, but it seems no one, and I mean no one associated with this movie has ever done one before. the script reads like it was written by the failing high school student in AV class, the editing is all over the place, to the point that you can't even tell what's going on anymore, none of the movies even remotely come together in a coherent plot, the sound effects are WAY over the top, I can go on and on. I don't understand how these people get money to do this, its the worst filming imaginable. and the worst part? some of the stories had potential! this found footage-type movie is just overdone, and this movie actually gave me a headache.
The Linda Vista Project (2015)
Doesn't even rate as a "B" movie, absolutely horrible movie
So I saw this movie on Amazon Prime, it had a 4.5 out of 5 rating. Checked it's rating here, and, of course, the first 15 people rated it a "10". So I trudged through it one night with nothing else to do, and I regret every minute of it. Bad acting, bad lighting, bad dialogue, stupid plot line (wannabe paranormal activity ripoff). I should have known when I saw that the leading actress doesn't even have a head-shot (and she starred in a zombie stripper movie first among her FOUR films), and the total budget was 1 million. I bet most of that went to pay these non-actors, because they didn't spend it on good CGI or post-production.. This movie just DRAGGED through the first 45 minutes of nothing happening, and the last 45 minutes was just lots of running around from scary noises (I don't consider this a 'spoiler', as you can get that from the description, and I couldn't tell you what happened at the end; I quit with 25 minutes to go. I couldn't do it any longer, I was looking around for razor blades to make it stop at this point). My gosh it's lame.
And I must say, I'm really sick of those who work on a film jumping on these sites and up voting their movie (or worst; companies that PAY people to do that). Yes, I know that it'll eventually level out, but movies like this won't get seen enough, and sometimes there actually are good films out there that are unknown.
Bottom line, trust your instincts when browsing for new films, as red lights were going off left and right for me, I just ignored my "God-aweful cheap movie ahead!" radar.
Before I Wake (2016)
Twilight Zone Ripoff
I can't help but feel this is a ripoff (artistic license?) of the Twilight Zone: The Movie segment, "It's a wonderful life" where the little boy whose mind can create anything is rescued by the woman traveling cross country, becoming his surrogate mother.. same premise, slightly different take. If the director didn't see the original and write this movie from that, I'll eat my shoes. I got the conceptual vibe from the very beginning. Not horror, really, more a fantasy movie. Put it this way, my girlfriend cried at the end; I was just glad it was over. Don't consider this a spoiler, but this movie is very formulaic, I knew what was going to happen next throughout the film, right up to the ending..
Man of Steel (2013)
Good CGI, terrible plot, lots of action for the teenagers.
Ah, Superman. What a uniquely American creation. This movie has everything you would expect from a comic book remake, right up there with the hulk, the fantastic four, Spiderman, Thor, blah blah blah. Lots of action, lots of things exploding, tons of distraction, not much in the way of a plot. The millions spent on the CGI for this film is the only thing that gives it a four rating from me.
If you're an American male teenager, or perhaps a twenty something getting stoned while still living in your moms basement. You'll love this movie. If you're looking for some mind-numbing simplicity, without all of the distractions of a complicated plot, this movie is right up your alley. I would imagine this looks awesome on the big screen, and to be honest, it didn't look too shabby on my 60 LCD, Either. An enjoyable film, not disappointed, but not exactly thrilled either. Lots of effects stolen from the myriad of blockbusters before it, especially the Matrix. I did enjoy making fun of all the plot holes, and there are many. This is NOT the superman you grew up with, it is slightly different, and for that, it warrants another point. 5/10 from me, just for the special effects.
Noroi (2005)
Ectoplasmic Worms! Pigeons! OMG, the Pigeons!!
OK, seriously. I have watched (and own) over 1000 horror movies, from across the globe. This was painful to sit through. The only interesting quality was how the story weaved the unrelated events at the beginning into a coherent story at the end, but really, this movie was bad. Bad acting, bad shooting, confusing plot line.. I mean having a retarded "Super Psychic" with really bad teeth (his mouth is wide open throughout the movie) dressed in aluminum foil (complete with aluminum foil HAT) flailing his arms, scratching his face and screaming about worms trying to appear, what, scary? realistic? And the protagonist actually listens to him instead of having him committed? If you hear good reviews about this movie, then they are some serious J-horror fans who can care less about the quality, because I've seen MUCH better J-films that were actually scary, haunting, and realistic. I give it a 3 just to be kind, watch it if your bored, but be warned: it's best in 20 min spurts, at best.
Are You Scared? (2006)
Wow. Boring and stupid
Well, not much more I can say that hasn't already been said. Bad lines, horrible acting, you could see the ending long before it got close. Bad games, very unrealistic. chains around a door that wouldn't keep my six year old in, nobody thinks to pickup the GUN, *SPOILER* (maybe..) and the whole, "Im in the control room but I'm not gonna break everything around me" bit was just stupid. I can see why everyone is so angry, it could have been a real movie, if there was ONE competent person working for the film crew and directors.
Although it was a good movie to do my homework while it was on, I got disgusted so much I quit paying attention and got my work done. Only saving grace was a FEW gross scenes, but not many. Don't waste your time unless you REALLY want to waste your time!
And now, I'm off to watch "Are You Scared 2"....Looks as bad as the first so far!