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Jinn (2019)
I Dream of Jennie for Perverts
Normally I don't condone government censorship, but in this case the Jordanian government's attempts at censorship of this crappy show were probably justified, just not for the reasons given. However, I did like the parts about the goats.
Ernest Goes to Camp (1987)
Classic "children of all ages" comedy.
Sorry for the cliche, but the title describes the way I feel about the Ernest movies. If you can, watch the movie with at least one child below the age of say about 12. It's similar in some ways to Sponge Bob and the Three Stooges in that once the other people in the "audience" start laughing you'll loosen up and laugh too. And, one more cliche, "laughter is the best medicine." This movie is the first Ernest movie I watched and my favorite is "Scared Stupid."
Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Trying to be clever only works for clever people.
If you haven't seen this movie yet, don't waste your time. A Bandersnatch is an imaginary creature that appears in a number of Lewis Carrol poems, and although there are no complete descriptions of it, it appears to have "a long neck and snapping jaws, and is extraordinarily fast," and appears to have nothing to do with this movie." Can somebody who has watched this movie explain to me in a clear and convincing way what the "plot" of this movie has to do with a "Bandersnatch"? Maybe this movie is the Bandersnatch and if you watch it, it will catch you and rip you to shreads.
Just as an aside, I watched about 20 minutes of this movie, then got a telephone call that tied me up for quite awhile. I didn't get back to the movie for several hours and it was still running. When I tried backing up to where I had left off I couldn't do it. I decided to just let the movie run to the end, without clicking on any of their stupid choices. Thirty minutes later I was back to something that had happened near the beginning of the movie...Seriously stupid.
Stories from the Stone Age (2003)
Very outdated, at best
Almost every claim in this video about where and when things first occurred is incorrect, and was probably known to be incorrect at the time the video was produced.
Lad: A Yorkshire Story (2013)
Could have been a classic
I loved this movie. It was in a beautiful setting with good cinematography, and had a classic plot with believable dialog delivered in a naturalistic manner. The depiction of everyday life and it's mix of age old customs with things that are completely modern was something I can't recall seeing in any movie recently. The problem with the movie is it had too many scenes that just weren't believable, and plot elements that were disjointed. I know they probably were on a tight budget, but they couldn't afford a script and continuity editor?
Despite it's shortcomings at least it wasn't just another cgi extravaganza with 10 zillion fight scenes, not of which are believable.
A Ghost Story (2017)
Pretentious, self indulgent, and unoriginal.
Nothing in the movie is actually original, with the possible exception of the scene where the allegedly grieving wife spends 15 minutes eating a pie while sitting on the kitchen floor. Even that scene isn't actually all that original. For example, the Andy Warhol classic "Eat" is about a man sitting alone for 45 minutes eating mushrooms. "Eat" doesn't explain why the man is eating the mushrooms, but he doesn't look like he's grieving anything.
If I had directed this movie I would have had the grieving wife take off all her clothes and smear the pie on her breasts, and then improvise the rest of the scene. Maybe the ghost could have come along and licked the smeared pie off her body with his ghost tongue.
David Lowery doesn't appear to have much imagination. He probably didn't consult the male star, Casey Affleck, for suggestions either. I bet Casey could have come up with some good ideas.
Les affamés (2017)
The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth Unless the Zombies Do
If I had paid to see this movie at a theater I would have given it 4 or 5 stars. Also, to be fair, it's in French and I saw a version with subtitles, so if you speak French the movie might be better than it seemed to me. The people in this movie aren't quite as stupid as the ones in most zombie movies since the zombies can run pretty fast, and use a bit of teamwork. However, they're not that fast or smart. It seems to me with a little bit more intelligence and commonsense they could have all survived. Well, it's on Neflix for free, so don't pay see it.
Scars of Youth (2008)
First user review since 2008
There's a good reason why my review is the first one. To be fair, however, this movie is better than your typical one-star movie. On the other hand it's free on Amazon and they should probably pay you to watch it.
Ominous (2009)
I've seen worse
The best thing about this movie is I a saw it for free on Amazon Prime. A couple of the actors weren't bad until they started talking. The movie also made me think. For example, when the mother was taking a bath it made me wonder why were there candles all over the place? Why didn't the mother or father notice the daughter was dragging a dirty doll around the house? The sound was so bad I'm thinking maybe I missed something. I wonder how much it cost to make this movie and how much money Amazon paid for it. I'm retired and have plenty of time on my hands and think I could probably do a better job than the people who made this turkey.
Noah (2014)
John Carter builds and Ark and changes his name to Noah
I was actually entertained by John Carter, so don't be fooled by the title of this review. The high point of the movie for me was when one of the Golem says "When God rains it pours." The acting, dialogue, special effects, and pacing were all above average but nothing special, but the plot was to put it mildly, confusing, internally nonsensical, and contained too many pointless deviations from the Biblical story and Jewish traditions, and not enough more useful deviations. For example, there isn't any way the movie explains how the human survivors of the flood on the Ark were going to "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth" without a whole lot of incense and inbreeding going on. Couldn't Aronofsky have made this part of the story a little less yucky.
Apollo 18 (2011)
Paranormal Spiders on the Moon
I've seen a lot of worse movies than this. "Yogi Bear 3D" from last year was definitely worse. On the other hand, as a few other reviewers have pointed out, this movie more or less rips off "Blair Witch Project" and "Paranormal Activity" and isn't as good as either. It does, however, have some very important messages: 1) If you have good reason to think a rock is walking around the inside of your space capsule, throw it out, 2) If there is large spider crawling across your face shield right in front of your eyes you should scream "there is a giant spider in my space suit", not "there is something in my suit", and 3) If you see footprints on the moon that aren't suppose to be there, and spider footprints following those footprints, you should go back to your space capsule and get the hell out of there.
Io sono l'amore (2009)
Don't F**k with Globalization
I went to see this film today with a group of friends on the spur of the moment. About a month ago we had gone to see "Splice" under similar circumstances. After the movie today we had a deep intellectual discussion on our way to our cars and came to a consensus that the two movies were comparable in quality. We all agreed that "I am love" had better cinematography but that the music for "Splice" was WAY WAY better than the intrusive music from John Adams. The sex and nudity were about even since there were more sex and nude scenes in "Splice", but the best of those scenes involved a part chicken, part rabbit, part human gene splicing experiment gone bad while the scenes from "I am Love" involved only reasonably attractive humans. The acting and dialogue were better in "Splice", but that might not be fair since "I am Love" was almost all subtitles. The thing that evened things off was that the "message" of "I am Love" was much more ground breaking. The message of "Splice" was "don't f**k with Mother Nature", which kind of has bone better a few hundred times before, and the message of "I am Love" was "Don't f**k with Globalization or your Best Friend will f**k you Mother and your Mother will bash your brains in", which I don't think has ever been done before.