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Reviews
Nacho Libre (2006)
wow. just... wow.
Jack Black can usually make me snicker simply by breathing, but in this movie...
Besides the direction, writing, lack of plot, constant mugging (aided and abetted by constant straight-on camera shots), and a .050 joke batting average, it was still an utter waste of time. The idea sounds promising, but what potential there was gets wasted with an utter lack of comedy and some of the worst direction I've seen this side of you-tube.
I kept hearing that this film portrayed Mexicans very negatively. While that's no doubt true, I really don't think this movie is meant to be racist. I think that's it's more a result of a "creative" team desperately trying to find something funny in this mess. You can almost hear them crying out from behind the camera: "Hey look, it's an ugly Mexican! Laugh, people! Please, for the love of all things tenacious, LAUGH!"
But put the racism charges aside. When you get down to it, it's anyone who plunked down good money and time to watch this pile of leftover refried beans that should be offended, IMO.
Johnny Dangerously (1984)
almost...
Reading over all the great quotes from this movie, I found myself laughing out loud and wondering why I had rated Johnny Dangerously so mediocre-ly after the last time I'd seen it a few years ago.
Than I actually watched it again and remembered. Yes, this film has lots of memorable lines and a few funny scenes. But due to many dead spots and comedic bits that just don't click, it doesn't work as a consistently enjoyable whole.
There's a tipping point for this kind of movie, a percentage of rapid fire jokes that have to work so that you can forget the ones that don't. Airplane succeeds, Airplane 2 doesn't. Johnny Dangerously comes close, but doesn't quite make it.
I must admit, tho, it's still pretty farkin' enjoyable watching Michael Keaton hamming it up playing a role he was born to play.
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)
shoulda stopped at 11 minutes...
As a father of 3 year old, I have first hand knowledge of how dreadfully lame the dregs of children's television can be. SpongeBob SquarePants is an exception. Most of the episodes (and I've seen every single one multiple times) are well written, with lots of humor that flies right over kids' heads only to connect with their parents sitting behind them. At times, I've even been known to watch SBSP when the little person is not in the room (don't tell anyone, tho
).
But when I took my little rugrat (not nearly as good of a TV show, in my humble opinion) to see the SpongeBob movie, I had mixed expectations. I know the creative minds behind it are pretty funny, but I also know that a 90 minute movie is an entirely different animal from an 11 minute short. So I hoped for the best but prepared myself to be disappointed.
The loopy opening live-action pirate scene and the early storyline about the opening of a second Krusty Krab, however, raised my expectations to regrettably high levels. When SpongeBob and Patrick got plastered on ice cream sundaes, I had probably enjoyed the film more than my daughter up to that point (and that's saying a lot).
Unfortunately, that was the high point. Very quickly thereafter, the movie sunk to the bottom. The setting veered away from normal SBSP territory (the Krusty Krab, Bikini Bottom in general), many familiar faces disappeared (Sandy, Squidward, Mr. Krabbs, Gary), annoying new characters hogged entirely too much screen time (the omnipotent but nihilistic King Neptune and his daughter, who's a cross between The Little Mermaid and Velma from Scooby-Doo), and plenty of overly violent and scary images for little ones followed one after the other across the screen.
It seems the writers were rehashing and expanding on two of the worst TV episodes: 'Neptune's Spatula' and 'Walking Small'. The familiar whimsical humor for kids and nod nod, wink wink jokes for adults were mostly absent for long stretches. It just wasn't much fun. So by the time we got to the 80s teen movie-inspired ending (SBSP's 'Band Geeks' episode meets 'Bill & Ted'), I wasn't into the film enough anymore to enjoy it.
Usually I can come up with ways disappointing films could have been made better, but it's hard with this one. I just think it's a case of a goofy little sponge who was stretched too thin.
2.5 out of 5 starfishes
Fast Break (1979)
eh.
Not great, not bad, this film from the disco era has not aged well but still contains some amusing moments. (Is it me, or does film and TV from the late 70s seems so much older and dated than from any other time period in the post-WWII era?)
But the thought that kept entering my head as I watched Gabe Kaplan smirk and wink-wink through his performance was that 10 years later, Billy Crystal could have done this movie is his sleep... and done it better.
6 out of 10 stars: perfect during a snooze on a lazy rainy afternoon...
S1m0ne (2002)
yeech.
This movie tries too hard and achieves nothing. It veers wildly from social commentary to sci-fi to slapstick to satire and never hits any of them. It's a great premise totally wasted.
I wondered why Al Pacino would agree to star in this dreck until I realized -- perhaps that's the point, perhaps he didn't. Maybe Al was recreated using the very technology used in the movie, kind of a story inside a story in-joke.
Sound ridiculous to you? Then don't bother with this movie.
The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys (2002)
the book was better
I had read the book soon after it came out in '94 and was pleased to see that it was being made into a movie. I was less pleased when I actually saw the movie.
There are many examples I could give, but I'll stick with the most basic. For one, the feel of the school was all wrong. While the book perfectly captured the culture of rebellious teenagers resisting authority in an old-school Catholic environment, the movie didn't even come close. One gets the impression that the filmmakers had no personal experience in that environment and copied ideas they'd seen in other movies.
Suprisingly, another big problem was Jodie Foster. While she is one of the best actors of her generation, she is woefully miscast as the evil nun. (I know evil nuns. I attended classes taught by evil nuns. Jodie Foster is no evil nun.)
The various subplots and student subgroups were mishandled or missing completely. The book showed the main characters interacting with other students and contained a potent racial subplot relevant to the time period. The movie left every character flat and unconvincing. Even a surprising revelation by a main character and the dramatic conclusion were played simply for shallow shock value.
Overall, it was a disappointing film. And my negative appraisal is not simply because the book was better (as is often the case). A good friend who also attended Catholic school saw the movie and found it to be untrue to its setting and even exploitive. It's just not very good on its own merits.