solon-stewart Reviews

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Underwhelmed

[7/10 · 22 July 2012]

I was really excited to see this movie, more so than any other movie this summer. After watching it this afternoon, I have to say I was underwhelmed. While I thought the cinematography was quite dramatic, with Pittsburgh and Jodhpur, India providing dramatic scenery, some of the story lines fell flat. Comparing this film the Nolan's last two films, the Dark Knight and Inception, it feels like the story just wasn't as well written. The twists we're OK, nothing mindblowing, and there were a few holes in the plot. But I think it really just came down to the Villains in the movie. What made Dark Knight so great was that The Joker was such a great character. Bane? Not so much. He was strong and punched hard, but wasn't quite evil enough. I expected more.

Teeth (I) (2007)

The scariest movie of all time

[30 August 2011]

OK, not really. But still, pretty terrifying. I watched it On Demand not knowing what it was about. Needless to say, when the teeth started chomping away at the little peckers of the high school kids, I was worried for my own. And also, one of the funniest scenes of all time happens when she goes back to the quarry to find one of the cut off peckers being carried around by a crab! I died laughing. Best to watch with a group of fellas and a case of beer. The premise is OK, execution is OK, but overall, pretty funny, and terrifying at the same time. I would recommend, but only if your in the mood. Don't go in expecting The Shining or anything...

Thor (2011)

Lord of the Rings on Crack

[5/10 · 2 May 2011]

It was pretty meh. Nothing too special about this film. Gods fighting each other and not dying even while they are impaled by icey daggers. I though all the earth scenes were pretty useless and boring. The fight on the fantasy worlds were the best part, and they should have just stuck with that. It was a lot like Avatar, but not done as well. Good visuals but a stupid and predictable story. All the names of cites and the characters throughout the film reminded me way too much of LOTR. I wished they had made a completely different earth story. Earth was never in danger or anything. All the important stuff was done in the other realms, so it seemed stupid to make earth so central. Portman was pretty lousy in this too. 5/10

The Steam Experiment (2009)

Boo!! Boo!!! Boo!!!

[1/10 · 18 December 2010]

Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. I asked my neighbor for a movie to borrow. He has been watching the classics like The Shining. He proceeds to give me this piece of crud. I'm kinda mad at him for that. This was literally one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Just a bunch of disjointed scenes of the steam bath and then a dumb looking Kilmer twitching around with some lame horny cop. They just had this one girl take off her top just to show some boobs. No point to the story, no real reason for it, except for having nudity. And what was the point of the experiment anyways? If it got hot people would not just start going completely bonkers and killing each other. They would try to get out. And that rarely happened. No one died from the heat (which Val Kilmer kept harping on...Do you know what happens at 130 deg? Your Lungs melt, your eyes explode.) I knew it was going to be terrible just looking at the cover, and once it started i realized within the intro music. For some reason i watched the whole movie, only to see it end with some dumb ending that tries to have a big twist that makes you think. The only thing it made me do was boo. And I was in my bedroom. Please, save yourself 90 minutes, and never watch this film. boo

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)

Rip Off of "Lord Of The Rings"

[4/10 · 30 November 2010]

I never read any of the books and have seen about half the movies. I went to the movie expecting it to be pretty good and enjoyable. Instead, I just found myself getting upset. J.K. Rowling just totally rips off of the Legend himself, J.R.R. Tolkien. Even down to the Initial first names.

"We have to leave now. We can't bring the others with us. Just the 'original 3 people. We can't trust the others" (Sound a lot like Samwise and Frodo ditching the rest of the fellowship)

"A locket that cannot be broken. It must be broken to destroy the evil guy. Whenever you wear the locket it makes you irritable, mad, and say things you don't want to" (Ring) Really?!?!

And near the end, "The one wand that is more powerful than any other wand. One Wand to Rule them all" (Ring)

What a lame rip off. And this is after i had heard for year about how creative Ms. Rowling is. How she invented this amazing world. I have listened to dozens of people drone on about how original her magical world was. Seems to me she realized she was a bad author, decided to change her name to mimic the master, and then bite off his masterpiece. A waste of 3 hours and 10 bucks I wish i could get back. No more for this plagiarist. Harry Potter Sucks

Planet Earth (2006)

The Greatest Series Ever

[10/10 · 15 September 2009]

Simply put, I have never seen a better series, or film for that matter. After re-watching the entire series for the 5th or 6th time this past week, I continue to be in awe. From the deepest oceans to the highest peaks, the coldest winters to the hottest deserts, Planet Earth makes you feel like you are there, experiencing the most incredible things are planet has to offer. From rare animals rarely spotted in the wild to incredible time lapses to beautiful panoramic shots from space, the film provides some of the most humbling images I have ever seen. Coupled with an AMAZING score and humble, sincere, and informative narration by David Attenborough, this epic piece of film making is Perfect in every way. Everyone I have ever shown it to is at the very least impressed, and usually in Awe. From nature lovers to computer nerds and jocks, the humbling images shown in Planet Earth makes everyone a believer in the power of nature once again. An Incredible series that should be included in all talks for the "Greatest of All Time".

District 9 (2009)

Oops, A bit Over-hyped

[5/10 · 14 September 2009]

So didn't really know anything about this movie before going to see it. Some people said it was good, and I saw it was #54 on the Top 250 list. So I decided to go check it out with this hot girl. One of the Worst moves I've ever made. She hated the style of filming and got super creeped/weirded/grossed out by everything. You know how maybe going to a "Romatic Comedy" or Titanic or something might get you laid? District 9 will get you un-laid, if that is possible. So major bummer on that front. For me, I usually like these movies. Aliens are pretty cool, but these ones were just OK. I liked their eyes-very realistic, but there bodies were really weird/gross. The story was somewhat interesting-a play on the racism still present in South Africa, but it seemed to have some holes. Like how did they understand what the aliens said? Why did they have to have all these legal eviction notices for the Prawns? It was different from most Alien movies, not really in a good way. I mean-you had your regular cool alien guns, and some other stuff, but meh-Over-hyped. Not a Top 50 movie of all time-thats for sure. Overall-don't take a girl that you want to get lucky with-bad plan...

An American Carol (2008)

The Only Movie I have ever walked out on

[1/10 · 12 September 2009]

First off, I am a big fan of all movies, and I will always sit through the whole thing, even if I am dead tired. I enjoy all comedies, and am not offended by much. But, man, this movie was terrrrriiiiibbbblllleee. I wondered into the theater to check it out cause I was bored, and didn't know any movie I wanted to see. I sat through about 20 minutes of the movie before I couldn't handle it anymore. The opening scene, where the fat dude is somewhere in the middle east, starts out with a whimper, and gets worse from there. The only time I let out a simple "heh" was when he said "Muhammad" and then all the terrorists looked up. That was the highlight of the movie. My problem with it wasn't the racist jokes that some might find offensive, or the "spoofing" of everyone, it was that it wasn't funny at all. It tried to draw cheap laughs, and failed miserably. Anyone who gave this above a 5 worked production for the movie and is just trying to give it a higher rating. Terrible, awful, appalling, boring, lame, and generally garbage. i could not dis-recommend any movie more. Don't see it. EVER.

The Hangover (2009)

A bit Overrated

[6/10 · 24 July 2009]

I just had to comment because I think people are a little out of hand on this movie. I am a big fan of comedies, and usually make it to most of the big ones in theaters. I heard a lot of hype before going to see it, left the movie with a smile on my face, but my sides and cheeks didn't hurt. Thats how you can tell if a movie is really funny. Comparing it to recent comedies to come out I would rate it below the likes of Tropic Thunder, Pinapple Express, Borat, Superbad, 40 Year Old Virgin. It was probably on par with Step Brothers, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Knocked Up (also overrated), etc. It was a solid, good funny movie, but has no business being on the top 250 list, and being one of the top comedies of all time (according to the list). There were laughs, but I never found myself sucking for air or bending over cause my sides hurt, which I did for the previously mentioned movies.

6/10