dariansdad Reviews

Triangle of Sadness (2022)

I wanted so much for this movie.

[4/10 · 15 May 2023]

I heard about this when Woody was on Bill Maher Club Random. I had such high hopes as I love Woody's work.

I don't think the problems with this film had anything to do with Woody. He played his typically broken and laissez faire character replete with alcoholism and all.

First thing I noticed was at the captain's dinner, they presented a plate to a passenger and described it as sea urchin. It had no sea urchin but it did have a lot of mussels.

Next Woody is reciting famous quotes with the Russian shpit seller. He quotes. Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. - George Carlin". But they did really bad ADR and overdubbed the correct attribution of Mark Twain.

I really stopped watching closely after that but it all went pretty much formulaic anyway.

Archive (2020)

I was ready to throw a 3 and then the ending whipped that around.

[7/10 · 21 July 2020]

I suppose I could/should have seen it coming but I didn't. I was getting more and more disappointed by bad science and poor contrivance that I wasn't looking for any other way to describe it.

I'm not going to spoil but I loved the premise and was getting anxious wanting it to be better. All I can say is, you gotta watch it all.

Mid90s (2018)

I was not going to like this movie

[7/10 · 23 December 2018]

I saw the title come across my search and since there are so few titles worth my time I decided to give it a watch.

Started off as the same old formulaic coming of age BS that covers the shelf in this genre. Then it started to slowly come together. I'm not saying this is the best of the genre or ground-breaking cinema. I'm saying this film has gems of merit that make it worth a watch. By the end I was all in.

The characters are lifelike, as in real. The actors are weak and actually help the characters come to life. I know that sounds weird but have a watch and I hope you'll agree. There's everything to hate in this film if hating is what you do.

Our lead, Sunny Suljic, is working his ass off right now, as he should. Kid is cute, brings the stuff to the screen and let's you know where the heart is. If he can make it through the teen years, he's going to be an acting force to be reckoned with.

Another Time (2018)

Meh.

[5/10 · 13 October 2018]

Horrible direction, pathetic cinematography, ADR is the worst.

The good is that the female characters, while shallow, were charming. There were a few fun moments between Eric and Kal especially later on.

A different and not all that interesting take on time travel. Why get bogged down in paradox when you can ignore all that and put really weak dialogue and bad science there instead?

Hey, did anyone else notice the scar/tattoo on Chrishell's left wrist (~25:00)? I'm not gonna say it but, hmmm.

The Man from Earth: Holocene (2017)

10 years we had to wait.

[8/10 · 11 February 2018]

I gotta hand it to Jenkins, he sold me with the story about the story. I donated money for both films before I had even seen the first.

Yes, this sequel is not quite as deep as the original. There is a bit more drama. Maybe that's what producers need in order to fund a project. I don't know.

I really enjoyed the beginning and the near end the best. There was mostly drama in the middle that left me a little dry but I got over it and still managed 8 stars.

I want to see more. What does Holocene man become? Is the Holocene over? If God exists, he wouldn't care that it took 14,000 years to get the word out, right?

All I can say is: More More More.

The Man from Earth (2007)

Fascinating.

[9/10 · 11 February 2018]

Is that too simple? Maybe. But, this film brings up questions that I've never heard before and discusses possible answers in a medium that normally chooses to titillate rather than stimulate.

Kudos to Jenkins and the team for bringing the book to life on the screen. Although shot on a small budget in virtually one location, it is of no import. The story and the way all the actors immersed into the story was the big sell.

I heard about the movie on some site, somewhere and was fascinated by the story and the method of distribution. Turns out that pirates made the this movie popular; popular enough to bring some money around to make a second. I have seen both and you'll have to read my review over there for the rest of the story.

I want to watch this again in about three months after I have fully digested it.

Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017)

Good but couldn't quite believe the character

[7/10 · 29 October 2017]

I'm hesitant to even go as high as 7. I really did enjoy what turned out to be an original idea for a prison movie.

Sorry, not sorry, I didn't for a minute believe Vince Vaughn was a tough guy. He isn't all that muscular, he doesn't really have the quiet brooding type down and for being 6'5", looks kinda weenie. He's a great comedic actor and I think that got in the way for me here.

Jen Carpenter did a great job playing the obedient and subservient wife. Don Johnson was a waste of a paycheck; didn't bring anything of value to the character.

The graphic violence was just that, graphic for the sake of gore and not even done very well.

All in all I loved the script. The cinematography was good but the acting, directing and editing ruined a much better movie. I think this was a vanity project for Vaughn. Well, there's that...

Atomic Blonde (2017)

Starts great, gets weak and then finishes with a quiet bang

[8/10 · 28 October 2017]

I could have gone as high as '9' in the rating if not for the poor editing and cinematography in the middle of the movie.

I am not a technician, I just know what I think is good work and what is bad. Charlize is a screen force to be reckoned with but her British accent was horrific. McAvoy was brilliant beginning to end.

This film starts with very harsh and choppy cuts to bring your pulse up to speed and takes a few minutes to deliver anything of substance. Not a bad thing really.

After an hour or so, the characters seem to be 'phoning it in' or the editor left the best parts on the floor. Maybe the director got distracted. I'm not really sure but I could have shortened the movie by 15 minutes and been better for lack of disappointment.

Things got better after (no spoiler) the scene in the stairwell. I feel as if I watched one movie produced by three different teams. Or, three different movies on the same script. Weird.

Loved the ending. Goodman is almost low key enough that you think he's there for just for window dressing.

Mother! (2017)

Utter. Horse. Dookie.

[2/10 · 18 September 2017]

I have to retain two stars because I loved the work that Jen and Jav did. It was intriguing enough - just barely - to keep me in my seat. My bud got up and left during Jen's beat-down scene and I was about to follow him when the beating stopped. Then it went even more down the rabbit hole.

Robin Williams once said that a Writer/Director/Producer is the only creature on earth that can blow smoke up it's own asspirin. I am truly a believer of that now more than ever. (Had to use Asspirin 'cuz the believers won't let me write the real thing.) Shame on you Aronofsky. Shame! *ding* Shame! *ding* Shame! *ding*

Nocturnal Animals (2016)

I don't get it.

[5/10 · 26 December 2016]

Oh, I get the movie. I don't get what everyone is so enamored about. Maybe my copy was poorly edited but if this is the same as the theatrical release, then there is a lot missing.

I didn't ever see a plot line of a veiled threat develop. I didn't see what her obsession with the ex-husband was all about. No doubt, the thriller portion was excellent except for the HUGE gaps in continuity and story line.

I love all the top names in this production and Shannon was over the friggn' top and deserves a nod for this performance. I love Fisher, Adams, Gyllenhaal and Linney was amazing as the the Texas rich bitch.

I guess from reading the plot summary I was expecting something different and the film just didn't key with me.

Red Oaks (2014–2017)

I might be overly generous with 8 stars but I'll tell you why...

[8/10 · 27 August 2015]

Caddyshack. Caddyshack. Caddyshack.

I said it three times and it still didn't materialize. This is not an 8-star show but it's not really 7 stars either.

Paul Reiser was flat and one-dimensional in his scenes but I expect that character will develop. Craig Roberts as David is way over matched by his costars. His girlfriend (Gage Golightly as Karen) is drop dead gorgeous while he is plain, dorky and underwhelmingly less endowed than a chihuahua according to Nash. The only attraction this dweeb could have to a rock star babe like that is a wad of cash and he don't got that.

What really pulled me in was the last scene where David meets (the as yet unnamed Skye Getty) and Alexandra Socha is friggin' electric. I will watch more episodes of this show just to see Alex and Oliver Cooper as Wheeler. Both are way more interesting and magnetic than all of the top bills together.

Best of luck on making an entire season but I've got hope.

Aloha (I) (2015)

This is based on the 8-minute trailer with more to come.

[5/10 · 30 May 2015]

The only reason an 8-minute trailer is released is because there aren't enough 10-second clips you can throw together to make a 3-minute tease that would make people want to see the movie. However, these eight minutes are not exactly what I would call "enticing".

I was led to the clip by a headline that proclaimed the whole thing a pig and because I'm such a fan of Emma Stone that I would seriously consider paying $16.75 to watch her fart the phone book. Now that my life is 8 minutes shorter (not counting the time to post this review) I must say that with such huge names from director to supporting, this looks like a waste of $150,000,000 or whatever the budget was.

The cast is awkward, overacting, distant and robotic. Virtually unwatchable but I think I may be jumping the gun. Could we possibly be watching a future cult-classic with every cliché jumbled together in such a way that you have to let it flow over you? I will update after seeing the entire feature.

John Wick (2014)

Lots of action, no suspense, no acting, no original plot

[6/10 · 4 April 2015]

Did you see Payback? Then stop now because there's nothing new to see and even less talented actors.

If you just want body count, then you're set with this one.

If you want a script, actors and decent direction, you've already wasted too much time reading this review.

Are you a Keanu fan? Well, you might not be the only one but it's a small crowd. This is even more Keanu than even Keanu is worthy of. You'll see.

Why did I give it a 6? Because it wasn't quite bad enough to turn off. I might have even given a 7 but the ending screwed that off. He didn't pick up a stray - HE STOLE SOMEONE'S PET FROM THE VET. If the friggin' dog was so important then why didn't he at least take one like what he lost. I call bullship on that scene. Why? Just, why?

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Absolutely brilliance technicals with so-so script.

[7/10 · 14 December 2014]

I agree with most of the other reviewers that this was an amazing technical achievement. The CGI was flawless, feeling less like CGI and more like "real life animation". The textures were intense and the motion spot on.

I would say this movie is Firefly (Serenity) meets Star Wars. Pratt was gorgeous, cheeky and strong. Zoe looks much better as my sweet brown baby than as greeny. Rocket, a raccoon, really? A fun character but single-handedly responsible for the loss of one star in the ratings. All I could hear in my head when he was on screen is the Beatles "Rocky Racoon". Sheesh. Oh, and Karen Gillan is very cute but in this character she is shrill, emaciated and weak. Wish Selfie was renewed... Sorry, I digress. I really didn't appreciate Groot until about 1:30 or so. Then I loved him. BTW, waste of a paycheck to cast Vin there.

The story is well worn and predictable and most of the script from 1:00 to 1:40 or so is detrimental to the entire experience it cost another star. Those two points are the reason for the other two missing ratings stars.

So, Chris Pratt +2, CGI +4, technical fun +3, cohesive cast +1, story -1, script -1, raccoon, -1. Overall I did enjoy my two hours in the chair and 3D was a lot of fun.

Cheers!

Automata (I) (2014)

What the Fudge?

[3/10 · 19 November 2014]

I loved Blade Runner. I love Asimov. I love SciFi.

Now the review. This was drek. Absolute horsepi$$. I saw all the reviews going on and on about how it takes Blade Runner to the next level. If that's true, it's the next level down; way down.

This was a blend of a bunch of b-movie actors and acting combined with a couple of names and oh, what a mess. One of the reviewers even said he thought that since Antonio and Melanie were in it that it would be bad and then he liked it. Oh. My. Gawd. What the phuq has Melanie done to her face? The robots look more human and lifelike. And Antonio had one moment of acting that could be described as not horrible and that was when he did his little "look under the eyebrows mad face". Geez. It's like Zoolander, one look.

So the robots somehow had an "accidental" evolution where the second protocol was missing or suspended and somehow that enabled them to create a new robot with no protocols? Ehem, bullsheet. There was no construct to determine how Vaucan somehow moved from investigator to suspect other than the boss supposedly had no clue. Then sometime later the boss admits he knows exactly what happened AND STILL BLAMED VAUCAN! W. T. F.? I don't know how or why I made to the end of this piece of crap but I guess I wanted to prove just how strong of a stomach I have.

I Love You Phillip Morris (2009)

I'm so glad it took me five years to see this one.

[8/10 · 7 November 2014]

I don't think I would have appreciated it or enjoyed nearly as much then as now. Maybe because of the other genre films or maybe my shifting attitudes toward cinema. Doesn't matter.

Jim put on the performance of a lifetime in this. I know that many people do not appreciate his style (or as they say, lack thereof). I judge an actor on the material and how well they melt into it. Sometimes there is a technique to the character/actor that is enthralling. Other times it's the writing or the direction and even more rarely, the production. This script was not the strongest but Jim and Ewan made it way better than it deserved to be. Both men are phenomenal actors with craft and experience to take a mediocre platform and soar from it.

Kudos to Glenn Ficarra and John Requa for being able to reign in Jim just enough to keep the material from becoming total confetti while at the same time bringing the actors to the paramount.

I enjoyed the viewing and I look forward to seeing it again in ten years or so.

The Rover (2014)

Post-appocalyptic crap.

[5/10 · 1 November 2014]

The stars are for the performances. The lack of stars is because this is a 90-minute romp through the insanity that we have seen so many times before in the post-apocalyptic stories directly derived, ripped and reprocessed from Mad Max, The Road, The Postman, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Guy Pierce is phenomenally stoic and doesn't even bother to swat the flies from his face and nose indicating either a complete immersion in his character or way more physical talent than I thought possible. Robert Pattinson is very watchable and intriguing in his portrayal of an autistic(?) savant who has these extreme moments of cunning or clarity that belie the half-wit persona.

Overall a boring movie with an ending that is somewhat predictable, in that we knew there was something in the car he wanted very badly.

Ashens and the Quest for the Gamechild (2013)

Guess I don't get it

[1/10 · 27 September 2014]

It takes a lot to deserve one star from me. I even gave "Stop, Or My Mom Will Shoot" 3 stars. I had to turn it off TWICE. I stopped to check (recheck) on the rating and reviews here at IMDb and saw some support from the Indie lovers. I love Indie - good Indie. This is not it. As another reviewer pointed out, this is 80 minutes of crap you can see on Youtube and that's what I would rather do than sit through another minute of ridiculous, unfunny drivel such as this.

As I said, I stopped twice. The second time was exactly one scene after the first stop. I was desperately searching for something, ANYTHING funny in the slightest. Nada, zilch, zip.

Over, moving on. I've lost 15 minutes of my life: 10 on the vid and 5 on this review, nay warning.

Californication (2007–2014)

o. m. f. g.

[10/10 · 8 July 2014]

Not only do I give this show a 10 but I want room for 11. I know that's douchey but I can't help it. They took a show that at it's heart has no redeeming characteristics as the entire premise is about adultery and addiction among, child rape, etc. and gave us not only a venue for Natascha McElhone (who has the distinction of being on my desert island 10 - another story) but then they had the unmitigated gall and audacity to add another of my desert island 10, Heather phucking Graham. How does one how manage to have two of my babes.

OK, enough of the pestilent fawning. David is a good actor and all the cast from Evan to Pam to Stephen have such amazing writing and completely balls-on parts. I really wanted to hate this show. It has everything I want to hate from Hollywood bullshit: gratuitous sex, drugs, violence but something grabbed me (besides Natascha in my dreams) and I hung in there.

I'm so glad I did. This show developed a heart and soul. And, it's not afraid to take that H&S out for a walk down a pi$$-filled alley full of dooky and broken glass. How could such art ever exist on network TV. Ooh, sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Every season I think it's over and it's just now hitting it's stride. How am I gonna live without it? Please don't make me. Please, just don't.

D Out. By the way. phuck sticks, spelling out omfg in all caps is not shouting although I wouldn't mind...

The Call (II) (2013)

Started good, really good. **** Spoiler Alert ****

[5/10 · 4 July 2013]

Is it really so hard to avoid the "Hollywood" contrivances?

The first 30 minutes were well acted, well directed and well written. And then, all hell breaks loose. But not in a good way.

1) 911 operators do not do dispatch. 2) 911 operators do not get to decide when they go on break. 3) Patrol officers do not do intensive on-scene investigative work. 4) 911 operators do not get to sit around the workplace looking over transcripts and recordings after they've been told to go home. 5) 911 operations centers do not have sophisticated audio filtering and tracking equipment on the dispatch floor available for any employee, much less an operator, to use. 6) 911 operators do not discover a crime scene, start rooting around and contaminating evidence, discover a possible location of a secondary crime scene and then fail to call the police. 7) Is there some legal reason they needed to change from "RP" (reporting party) to "PR" (person reporting)? It sounds dumb and plays dumb. RP is the official designation for a person reporting an incident.

I love Halley. I now have no place for Abby. Child star is over babe. You didn't make the cut.

The only reason this got a "5" is that the first half was soooo good. I figure that if I add the first and second half ratings and then average, it would be the most accurate.

So, if you like to turn off movies half way through, this is your kind of movie. As soon as your bullsh&* meter jumps, turn it off 'cuz it ain't getting' no betta.

Trouble with the Curve (2012)

Can I have my two hours back? Please?

[5/10 · 18 March 2013]

Although I won't rate it as unwatchable, I would never recommend this film.

Clint has become a one-dimensional character in his later years. How much range is there to crotchety old man? Between the gasping whispers and hoarse-voiced vitriol, there is not much else there. Amy Adams brings nothing to this. She can't even be bothered to bring her cute to the front and give us something to watch. Flat, vague, misdirected, and bored, she left me waiting for something, anything to latch onto to make me care about this character and the story. I don't think Justin has much of a future in films unless his next project is just amazingly directed. He was so shallow as to be nothing more than eye candy for the girls who are forced to watch this with their boyfriends.

John Goodman is always solid but even he couldn't rescue this snooze- fest. I kept waiting for something that I knew viscerally wasn't going to happen. Just the optimist in me, I guess.

From the very beginning I felt that I had seen this film so many times before. Father estranged from daughter, daughter has grown up emotionally unavailable (which they felt they had to blatantly point out), father and daughter are forced into a situation requisite with a bonding moment, rejection, reconciliation, reconstituted love, yada, yada, yada. Oh, and hook it all up with a catchy folk song: You Are My Sunshine.

Whether it ended up on the cutting room floor (most likely with running time at 1:54) or Lorenz thought he was slick, there was no explanation or reason why JT showed up at the end to rescue Amy's love. A true saccharin moment for what?

C'mon. Really, c'mon.

The Loved Ones (2009)

Now THIS is what horror should be

[8/10 · 4 November 2012]

What a ride! Just when I think it can't get worse for the victim, there's more pain just ahead. I'm on the edge of my seat the entire second half of the film looking for the redemption, the escape, the retribution. O M G, does it ever end? Forget zombies, this bitch does it live.

Daddy Dearest is another possible title. I was looking for the incest and the director does a deft job of keeping it 'just right there' without actually becoming... or does he? We see the setup; you can taste the realization. You almost have it in your grasp, but wait...

OK, so the first half is just denouement filler but it gets so much better. This film could have used some American (or maybe Japanese) cinematography and tons more budget yet it still pulls it off. Excellent film work closer to the end setting up the visual struggles that dialog can't.

Overall I would say this film is the little train that could. "I think I can, I think I can..." And then it does. Enjoy.

The Tree (I) (2010)

Brilliant but frustrating story

[7/10 · 1 December 2011]

I wanted to yank the stupid out of Dawn (Charlotte Gainsbourg). As a mother and a wife she needed to step the hell up and get her life together. As an actress, was Charlotte on drugs? It seemed that at each scene she was so detached that we weren't sure if she forgot her lines, or what.

It's about time we here in the US get to see some "real" Aussies instead of Jackman and Kidman prancing about. Marton (Csokas) has been up and down the block but still refreshing.

I would have rated this lower but I really enjoyed the overall story. Worth a watch but not a buy.

Ciao, babies.

Fast Five (2011)

Expectations low, check. Disappointment, well, no.

[6/10 · 1 December 2011]

I've seen all the others so I was expecting nothing more and possibly less. I was not disappointed. Action, action and more action, YES! Acting, direction, story, ehh. Who cares: they destroyed more cars in 60 seconds than I ever thought possible. The Rock was in top physical condition compared to a flabby and fast aging Vin Diesel. The brawl was so darkly shot that I suppose they could have been naked mud wrestling and nobody would have been the wiser.

Overall, fast and fun. Do not expect ANYONE to win ANY awards for ANYTHING that happened here; just let it flow over you. BTW, are foley artists retarded? Beer in a bottle being tipped back for a drink does not sound like a half-filled bottle of water being inverted. And, not every motion has to have some artificial sound effect attached to it. Much more satisfying is the slight sucking sound as the bottle leaves the lips and a mild belch following. Pullleeez.

Ciao, babies.

The Invention of Lying (2009)

Not really very good.

[4/10 · 1 February 2010]

I could have left it with just the 4-star rating and been done with it but maybe, just maybe, someone wants my take on it.

The film is hopeless as cut. Tina Fey looked bored, Jennifer Garner was trying way too hard and what the hell was with Rob Lowe: two-day stubble and a hoarse whisper throughout? I think they shot all of his scenes in one day and man, did he phone it in.

The opening (as also rendered by another reviewer) is destroyed by the narration. The precept that inventing lying produced a dogma of religious connotation and the pathetic theme that all non-Lowe, non-Garner people are losers really sank what could have been a terrific idea for a film.

Well, I've wasted enough kilobytes here. Onwards and upwards (I hope).

Better luck next time Ricky.