red_jacket0707 Reviews

War of the Worlds (2005)

Revisiting this with a fresh perspective

[7/10 · 9 January 2021]

When this came out, I hated it.

However, it is one of those films I have gone back to more than once.

I think it's an interesting perspective of the hated dad that Tom Cruise plays. And he plays it well.

Tim Robbins' cameo is also exceptional.

It still ends to suddenly, and it's still daft how the son survives. But it tells a much more real story about a dysfunctional family surviving against the odds than I may have given credit for in the first place.

On reflection, not at all bad.

Ready Player One (2018)

This is absolutely abysmal.

[1/10 · 17 June 2020]

OH LOOK AT THAT THING. YOU KNOW? THE THING YOU REMEMBER? WEREN'T DELORIANS COOL? HEY MEMBER THE SHINING? IT'S A ZOMBIE FILM NOW!

The most boring and pointless film I've ever seen. what an utter waste of time.

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019)

2 hours of your life you'll never get back

[1/10 · 23 October 2019]

I'm very open to family films and I thought the first Maleficent had a real edgy darkness to it that was very accessible to adults, so I was excited to see how they would develop a sequel. What has been created however, is an absolute mess of a film. I'd like to say there are spoilers in this review, but seeing as there is absolutely zero plot, you don't need to worry about anything being spoiled. Oh but yeah these are spoilers if you actually wanna waste your time with this rubbish. Here are some highlights:

• Sonic the hedgehog falls in love with Toad from Super Mario Bros.
• Hagrid wants his Hippogryph back
• No one can act
• Aurora is annoying
• Everyone forgets that Willow from Willow developed a weapon of mass destruction that killed countless fairies and they all become friends.
• A fairy gets turned into a flower but still has magic powers or something
• There are loads of fairies trapped in a church and one stupid human gassing them all. THEY CAN FLY! just go and stop her doing it.
• Maleficent gives a cheeky wink about a christening. Ooh matron!
• Maleficent absorbs some power from another fairy like her when he is dying or something, and then becomes a phoenix or some nonsense and then everyone stops hating her and she turns the bad queen into a goat. LOL.
• Philip bless him, he can't act for toffee.
• Other than all of this, absolutely nothing happens.

I would have thought that Angelina Jolie would have some clout to change the script, and surely she would have looked at it and thought, "Eh?" Abysmal. I had fun on my reclining chairs and rolling my eyes at all the hammy "you're my mummy" sickness. Avoid.

The Favourite (2018)

Amazing acting and filming. But that ending!!

[7/10 · 13 January 2019]

I write this review seriously torn. My partner was bored rigid with this film but I was engrossed throughout.

Plot summary: two women vie for the attention of Queen Anne, leading to some underhand tactics.

So, let's just wash over the historical inaccuracies shall we. I'm aware there isn't really much evidence that Queen Anne was attracted to women, but it isn't beyond the realms of possibility, so I can go with that.

The acting is indeed exemplary. All three of the main roles played it with an intensity and they had a real spark. I also thought the supporting cast was superb.

The cinematography was first class. I loved that classic camera pan the director is known for, and it created a quite claustrophobic feel (in a good way) that added to the tension and underhand tactics that the characters were involved in.

The plot - it was intriguing to the point where I actually wanted to learn more about the characters and did some research afterwards, as well as the role of the Whigs in parliament, which I knew little about. It's also completely bonkers. There is a scene where they are throwing oranges at a naked man in a wig for entertainment, and for me this really showed how out of touch these people were with the real world.

Here be spoilers....

What I can't get my head round is the ending. I'm going to say some things that happen so look away now...

So at the end, Emma stone's character has triumphed in usurping Rachel Weisz's role as queen's confidante, but the queen seems torn by this situation. There then follows a scene where she asks her to rub her leg. The queen pulls her hair, there is a suggestion of eroticism but not overtly implied. Then there's this strange juxtaposition of both of their faces looking miserable, and lots of rabbits, which I'm guessing is some nod to how this had added to the queen's sadness (that a part of her leaves with every child, and perhaps this is true now lady Marlborough has left)

I'm totally guessing though, as I found it a really disappointing ending. I can deal with films not wrapping things up in neat little ribbons, but for me this was a bit of a step too far. A frustrating ending for an otherwise excellent film. 7/10

Mary Poppins Returns (2018)

Dull, boring, predictable, lacking magic

[3/10 · 1 January 2019]

We had been looking forward to seeing this one as a family, yet we all came away from it feeling massively deflated. I'll attempt to summarise why, but there is a great deal wrong with this sequel. (It will contain spoilers but seeing as the whole thing was utterly predictable, that's not a major issue)

The plot - Jane and Michael Banks are older. Michael has sadly lost his wife and is struggling financially, so may lose his house to the bank if he doesn't find the certificate for his dad's shares in the bank. Mary Poppins turns up on the end of a kite to "look after the Banks children", and the younger ones as well. The problem with the plot? Well the first one was so elegantly simple wasn't it. It was Mr Banks who needed Mary Poppins, not Jane and Michael. I'm not really sure in this new one who needs or wants Mary Poppins, or who benefits from her being there. The plot seems messy and contrived and overall extremely disappointing.

Mary Poppins - Big fan of Emily Blunt, but her accent is all types of wrong. Then there's the weird bit in the middle where she starts doing some "cockerney" number, which is also just plain weird for Mary Poppins. I felt like she came across as arrogant and unlikeable.

Other cast - Ben Wishaw as Michael played it well, but was the role too serious for the concept? Did there need to be three children? The middle one didn't really add anything to the story. I also think that they were all a bit too "polished". Jane and Michael worked in the first one we'll because they weren't perfect, and that gave them a certain charm. This was lacking here. I felt most of the others were a bit wooden. The love story was very unbelievable, the cameos were also disappointing. DVD wasn't even trying was he? Also, random Angela Lansbury moment at the end which was CLEARLY intended for Julie Andrews, who intelligently turned it down. Meryl Streep was even awful. So you know it's in trouble.

The songs and dancing - Absolutely awful. The singing was good. But the songs were terrible. The dancing was no where near as good as in the first one (thinking the great Step In Time on the rooftops). What a let down.

The animation - This was extremely well done. Especially the Royal Doulton bowl. But the actual parts in the film where people were in this just felt like one set piece after another. In the first one, it all felt part of the narrative. Here, it felt like people had sat in a boardroom and before deciding on any element of story, they thought about what set pieces they could throw at it. As a result, the whole thing felt disjointed and more like a set of scenes stitched together than a proper movie.

Overall, this film lacked the warmth and magic of the first one. It felt empty and soulless. Things hadn't been carefully considered and it was just massively disappointing. The trailer had made it look seriously promising, but sadly that was all the "good" bits. This film is terrible.

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018)

Utterly dull, predictable and lifeless

[3/10 · 17 November 2018]

Took my step daughter to see this. Even she was bored. Disney has really missed an opportunity with this film. There is no life to it, no chemistry, no character development. It thinks it's clever but it really isn't. The CGI is poor, the acting is wooden. I was bored from the beginning to the end. Nothing made any sense whatsoever. You didn't really see two of the four realms and there was never any real explanation about what happened to the fourth realm. The "twist", so to speak, was the most predictable thing ever. The nutcracker soldier was just a bit part and not really particularly important. The whole thing was just a massive let down. Could have been something on an epic scale but it was just generic Disney fodder. It will be forgotten in a couple of months. So, so disappointing.

The Predator (2018)

What an absolute pile of utter rubbish

[1/10 · 15 September 2018]

Everything about this film is a complete insult to any Predator film that precedes it. Even AVP was better. Plot: THERE IS NONE. Stupid men and the token damsel in distress make stupid jokes and cluelessly try to kill the predators and somehow manage to not get killed. Theres not even a good reason as to why they are involved. Why were they being taken on the bus to the compound? A predator for some reason wants to give some technology to the human race but still tries to kill all the humans. There is a super, genetically enhanced predator who uses a translating device to tell us what he's gonna do because the director thinks his audience is too dumb to work it out for themselves. The predator dog becomes some kind of Beethoven companion (yes really) and is also alive at the end and nothing is said about this. Does it end up being the family pet? The predators seem to go from being bullet proof to being easily shot depending on no reason at all and the child with Asperger's is a cardboard cut out rain Man with autism which suggests virtually zero research went into the condition at all. Oh yeah and the kid gets a job with the secret government organisation at the end, and then the dumb hero gets some kind of black panther suit to hunt predators. Which like I said, a predator gave him. Obviously they were hoping for a franchise - they need to forget that and go back to basics. Zero tension Zero chemistry between characters Zero acting Zero plot

Oh and even though they have been researching predators for years, NO ONE remembers that they have heat seeking vision. I mean it's not even mentioned. These guys are supposed to know predators inside out. And the joke about the name predator being wrong is just awful and they tried to say it twice. Absolute utter tripe. Just awful. I'm embarrassed.

Tron: Legacy (2010)

plot and cgi faces leave a bitter taste...

[7/10 · 25 December 2010]

I took a day to reflect on this film. It was very hard to be objective. I'm a die hard fan of the first Tron film and I have been looking forward to this follow up for months.

So I've decided to split it into the good, the bad and the downright ugly.

Good: Clearly it looks amazing, even if the 3D wasn't all that, I was still mesmerised, awestruck by the beauty of the whole thing. It stayed true to the original design and was updated to suit a modern audience well.

The soundtrack was fantastic. Everything fit into place with the story and the ambiance of the film. Well done Daft Punk.

Bad: The plot - well really I'm not going to be too harsh, a film like this isn't necessarily weaker for having a loose plot. but sometimes it didn't half drag on with a load of dialogue when really we should have been watching more action, which leads me on to the next point...

Not enough action. Not enough light cycle races etc. Plus did anyone else think that they looked a bit slow? Nicely designed arenas though.

Ugly: this is what I had a real problem with. The young Jeff Bridges/CLU CGI face. It just aggravated me throughout, it didn't fit with the rest of the people. Basically it looked great until he opened his mouth, and then it looked crap. Every time he came on screen I just got aggravated. It just didn't work.

So in summary, it looks like I've criticised this film a lot, but as a piece of entertainment it is a very well produced affair. It looks and sounds brilliant (bar the CGI face) and I came out thinking to myself that I had liked it.

I was disappointed though, because this could have been incredible. Instead it was just good...

Repo Men (2010)

Left me feeling very hollow - major spoiler alert...

[6/10 · 18 April 2010]

Repo men - men who "repossess" your artificial organs in the future if you can't keep up repayments.

Generic plot - repo man Jude Law has to get an artificial heart due to an on the job accident, can't keep up with repayments, becomes hunted by other repo men, specifically his friend Forrest Whittaker. Loses his wife, can't see his kid, meets a new woman, gets jiggy with her a few times.

You know, the usual - suspend your disbelief, it's still quite enjoyable even though it's thriller by numbers.

until that is, the ending.

SPOILER ALERT!

And it was all a dream! (I kid you not)

In essentially a move ripped off from Vanilla Sky (which was a bit of a mess to be fair), our repo man Jude Law had been hooked up to a fake memory about half way through the film when he got caught by his mate.

Essentially this made the last half of the film a made up, pointless entity, which left me feeling hollow and unfulfilled.

Such a cop out. Kids could be more creative with their ending...

Alice in Wonderland (I) (2010)

It's official: The Burton/Depp money making machine has broken!

[3/10 · 11 March 2010]

Once upon a time, Tim Burton could do no wrong with his quirky, Gothic styled, Jonny Depp led (usually) films.

Sometimes, a winning formula should know when to quit before it goes stale.

*short summary* - Alice falls down a rabbit hole and finds herself in a place much like the dreams she used to have. The inhabitants of the so called "Underland" have been expecting Alice, as it was foretold that she would overthrow the evil red queen by defeating the Jaberwocky.

The problem with this? It had no soul. It was almost as if Burton was going through the motions. "moody sequence here, tragic young porcelain girl looks forlorn there, cue Jonny Depp being weird." I was incredibly bored with everything going on. It did not hold me one bit.

Depp was poor. he tried this strange split personality thing with him half speaking in a Scottish accent, but it just didn't work at all. It was very confusing, and not in the "but it is supposed to be" way. Depp needs to think "inside the box" for his next role. It's getting tiresome. I thought he was bad as Willy Wonka! The tweedles were underused, and the respective queens were both annoying. I'd rather none of them be in charge! Good points? It looks quite nice. there are some laughs, although not nearly enough! Alice is quite a good actress in the making i guess.

Wait for the DVD, and if you've ever seen a 3D movie, this adds nothing new.

This is a Disney money maker I'm afraid. nothing new to see. Watch Edward Scissorhands to remember what these guys could achieve once!

Valentine's Day (I) (2010)

Even my Girlfriend didn't like it!!!!!

[1/10 · 18 February 2010]

I reluctantly agreed to go and see Valentines Day last Friday, as part of my girlfriend's Valentines weekend. I am not a huge fan of romantic comedies anyway, but I thought I'd take the chance and go in with no preconceived ideas.

After about half an hour, I was a bit puzzled. Well, very puzzled.

There seemed to be about 10 stories going on at the same time, none of which were very interesting. All the characters were hugely underdeveloped and grossly unbelievable. A HUGE miscasting of Julia Roberts as someone from the army. Every sugary sappy cliché done to death until i was nearly drowning in schmaltz! so in summary...

lots of stories are going on, in which not very much is going on. all the characters are hugely unlikeable, it is massively boring, lots of girly clichés for the audience to go "awwwwwwwww" at. this film is a mess. it has no substance. no heart. it is all that is dark about cinema. it is a producer's wet dream. an easy way to make a few million quid on valentines day weekend. most people will be gullible enough to swallow the sap.

My girlfriend turned to me half way through it and said...

"this is a bit crap isn't it?" Pretty much summed it up really.

Nine (2009)

I seem to not get what everyone else does

[1/10 · 16 January 2010]

What is the point of making a film like this? A pretentious film director is uninspired to write a decent film, and ultimately fails.

How clever and ironic that the film itself mirrors this!

In order to find inspiration, he looks to the women in his life, while they spring into song wearing basques and corsets.

All the songs sound the same.

Nothing happens.

The end.

I'm sticking my neck out here. I'll be chastised for criticising such a successful Broadway musical, with such a great cast. Don't get me wrong - the 1 star for this film is solely for Day Lewis - the man can act.

It looks fairly nice as well It doesn't stop this film being pointless, pretentious, nauseous drivel.

I can't remember any of the songs from the film, because they are completely dull, lifeless, pointless songs.

1/10 - AVOID. (Even though you'll all disagree with me - I stand by my opinion!)

The Hurt Locker (2008)

Did I Miss Something????

[3/10 · 19 September 2009]

watch a team of bomb disposal experts in Iraq count down their time before they can go home.

That in itself sounds boring. Every time that little caption came up telling us how long they had left, it just caused this film with no plot to drag on and on. hurry up and finish your time there so we can all go home.

I must be missing something. I'm a great fan of war films if they are done well. This had "jarhead" syndrome. A film that at times was beautifully shot, but cinematography doesn't stop it from being totally dull and pointless.

And get over the slow mo "cartridges coming out of the gun" shot already. they could have saved money and just got stock footage from any other film with a gun in it.

I didn't have any empathy for the main guy in it, i was constantly hoping that his recklessness would cause him to die. In fact the film would have worked much better if he had.

I read some reviews and seemed to get the feeling that those who had been in the armed forces disliked it, and everyone else loved it. I have never been in the forces, and I'm with them. It's pretentious drivel. the 3 stars are for the cinematography.

Gamer (2009)

Seen it before. Twice.

[4/10 · 17 September 2009]

In "The Running Man", an innocent man was framed in order that he is arrested and has to enter a deadly game show. Upon winning this game show he would win his freedom, but the powers that be attempt to ensure that this does not happen.

In "Death Race", an innocent man was framed in order that he is arrested and has to enter a deadly car race. Upon winning this car race he would win his freedom, but the powers that be attempt to ensure that this does not happen.

In "Gamer", an innocent man yadda yadda yadda, you get the idea.the idea itself has been done to death and I knew this before entering the cinema. I hoped to see at least a form of entertainment for an hour and a half, but sadly was met with a confusing mess.

I liked the idea of introducing a new spin on the "Man has to win his freedom by..." genre, but it just seemed such a mess. they had all these ideas and just threw them in with no thought process at all. it was just disjointed all the way through.

It just wasn't done as well as the other two i mentioned - which aren't the most amazing films in their own right anyway, but fairly enjoyable.

i suppose the action set pieces were fairly well done, and i like gerard butler's claim to be Hollywood's new hard guy. he can act better than jason statham. just. his accent is just as dodgy though.

a disappointment.

District 9 (2009)

Exceptional Film Making

[10/10 · 17 September 2009]

Very rarely do I come out of the cinema so animated about what I have just seen.

This film was, quite simply put, outstanding.

The documentary style at the beginning really draws you into the plot. It's great to see aliens choosing somewhere else in the world other than New York or LA as well, and this really still felt like a South African film, as opposed to a Hollywood film on location in South Africa.

if budgets are to be believed, they have put $30m to extremely good use. Perhaps saving money by not hiring famous actors. no matter. all the cast were exceptional anyway.

The interaction between live action and CGI was seamless. Fantastically done.

The whole sociology behind the film was very intelligent, the way that humans would perhaps treat this situation, and a clear critique on apartheid itself. It wasn't rammed down your throat though, and it didn't take away from the actual story.

However, it seems to have split a lot of people down the middle. I don't know what some of my friends were expecting, but some of them absolutely HATED it.

perhaps this is because of the following reasons:

1. Some people are annoyed by the main actor in the film, especially his voice (and specifically the way he says the "F" word). 2. I've heard some complain about the stupidity of aliens becoming addicted to cat food. 3. The ending (which i won't say)

I actually thought the main guy was totally believable. You went from liking him to hating him to liking him constantly through the film, and this was down to his acting. He was able to provoke very emotive thoughts out of situations which is a great skill. I understand he's not an actor by trade as well. The cat food thing - why not? alien bodies, who's to say the way it would make them react. it's usually full of rubbish anyway so it very well might. they might feed their pets crack cocaine on their planet. have some suspension of disbelief for crying out loud. it's an alien film. And I loved the ending. I won't spoil it though.

District 10 anyone?????