FlashCallahan Reviews

Rocky IV: Rocky vs. Drago - The Ultimate Director's Cut (2021 TV Special)

He's cut He's cut!! It's the Directors cut, and it's a good cut!!!

[10/10 · 10 May 2024]

After reclaiming the boxing championship title, Rocky plans to retire and live with his wife, Adrian. However, during an exhibition match, Rocky's friend Apollo Creed is mercilessly beaten to death by hulking Russian newcomer Ivan Drago.

Rocky vows payback against Drago and flies to Russia to train for a Christmas Day fight. Despite their different training methods, Rocky and Drago both wage a long and intense match......

He got rid of the infernal robot, and that's the best thing that a director has ever done to a film. Aside from the opening, and the final five minutes, you would have had to have seen the film multiple times to see what Stallone has changed. I've seen Rocky IV so many times, that I know what comes next, so a lot of it was surprising to me, but this version usurps the original cut of this childhood favourite.

Who am I kidding, I still think that this film is a masterpiece from beginning to end. Yes it has its problems, and Russia is shown in a bad light, nut the film is almost flawless.

You get the 'previously on Rocky', the family time, Creed's death, the argument, the montage, the motivational speech, the montage, the reconciliation, the montage, and then the main event.

It's a couple of minutes shy of 90 minutes, and this film just flies by. Stallone was at the top of his game when he made this, and he knows it. It's one of the most predictable films ever made, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

It's a knockout......

Ocean's Twelve (2004)

Introducing Tess as Julia Roberts.....

[6/10 · 10 May 2024]

Ocean's Twelve AKA, the one were it went all meta, and I still don't know if it was a work of genius, or just an excuse to get Bruce Willis in the film. After all, he was the original choice to play Danny Ocean.

Three years after pulling an impossible heist of a three-casino vault Danny Ocean and his wife Tess have been found and fingered by Terry Benedict (metaphorically, not literally). Mr. Benedict has promised the provider of the information to show restraint and give the clan two weeks to repay him with interest to the tune of over $190 million.

Without a job that can provide that kind of pay off, the gang must accept the challenge of premier thief Francois Toulour to see who can steal a famous work of art first and claim the title of greatest thief ever......

Ocean's Twelve is the weakest of the trilogy, but it's still way cooler than my wardrobe was in 2004.

All appears well with our gang at the beginning of the film, but before you can say 'he has the best walk in the world' Andy Garcia shows up demanding his money back. So what do the gang do, they decide to travel to Europe, wear really cool clothes, and just have a lot of fun chemistry between them all. And of course, once again, Soderbergh involves the audience, making you feel like you are part of the team.

The only problem is, and before you can say Catherine Zeta-Jones, it all feels a little like 1999's Entrapment. But instead of having an ageing character as the protagonist, we get Clooney and co acting cool, sometimes acting a little stupid, but always looking cool.

But the big thing here, the main gimmick is Julia Roberts. Or should I say Julia Roberts playing Tess, playing Tess, playing Julia Roberts. This scene is pretty amazing, as she just looks really embarrassed, and before you can say special guest star, Bruce Willis turns playing himself playing cool. And it's an absolute blast.

It does falter in some parts, it goes for a wider scope, but I feel it would've been a winner if Ocean's Twelce wasn't 'Danny goes on a lads holiday'

The humour is still there, and the cast seem to enjoy the self deprecating humour, but even though it's still enjoyable, it's a pretty empty film.

Ocean's Thirteen (2007)

You shook Sinatra's hand, you should know better.....

[8/10 · 10 May 2024]

Danny Ocean's friend Reuben goes into business with Willy Bank, a ruthless casino owner, who then cuts Reuben out. Reuben then suffers a heart attack.

Danny and the rest of his crew go to him. Danny gives Bank the opportunity to do what is right but when he refuses, Danny sets out to get him back by taking him down.

He plans to make sure his new casino flops. He brings in tech wiz Roman Nagel to help crack the system at Bank's hotel.

Eventually they discover that they need more money to pull it off, so Ocean turns to Terry Benedict, the casino owner, he once robbed, who agrees on the condition that he steal something important to Bank......

Third times the charm for the Ocean's series after the lacklustre second film. Again, we are treated to watching rich, beautiful people, having lots of fun, and wearing really nice clothes. But his time, Al Pacino is the bad guy, which is a wonderful move by the studio. It's also a wonderful move basing the film in Vegas once more, as it can get as debaucherous as it wants to be. And it really does.

The plot is simple. He hurt their friend, they're going to hurt him were it hurts the most, in his pocket.

So cue lots of amazing music by David Holme, wonderful cinematography, exciting set pieces, and one of the weirdest noses in cinematic history.

It's a breeze of a film, and you really get involve with the characters, because we've been the other member of Danny's team since day one. The film makes you part of the team, and it's great to be involved with the gang.

You will feel instantly cool after seeing this.

Rose's War (2023)

Listen very carefully.....

[7/10 · 10 May 2024]

.......I shall say this only once.

If you can get past the french accent Poots puts on sounding like Officer Crabtree from Allo Allo, there is a wonderful tense thriller here.

Debutante Rose Dugdale enjoys a life of wealth and privilege, but her rebellious nature soon leads her down a militant path.

Amongst the political turmoil of the 1970s, her sympathy towards the IRA's conflict evolves into radicalisation, culminating in an armed raid on an Irish estate with three comrades.

However, when her simple heist takes a violent turn, is Rose prepared to face the devastating consequences.....

It's a simple house raid movie, with the main character wanting to steal expensive things to fund the IRA. But what makes this stand out from other films in this genre is the relationships that she builds with people on the outside, and her dropping her guise because she becomes endeared to them. The other thing that begs the question, is just how much of her narrative is in her mind? Has she been somewhat brainwashed by the IRA, as they know that she is a reckless person with privileges.

The cast are pretty amazing, especially the two friends she inadvertently makes in her quest, as you are answering the question, do they know who she is? Do thy have an idea? We are put in this position, because we are so involved with Rose, we cannot help but pity her, because she is a very vulnerable person.

If you get a chance to see it, please do, it's a very tense thriller.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)

Should have left it with the recent trilogy.....

[6/10 · 10 May 2024]

In my opinion, the last Planet Of the Apes trilogy is possibly one of the finest live action trilogies ever made. But Hollywood loves mon(k)ey, so here we are again once more.

Set several generations in the future following Caesar's reign, in which apes are the dominant species living harmoniously and humans have been reduced to living in the shadows.

As a new tyrannical ape leader builds his empire, one young ape undertakes a harrowing journey that will cause him to question all that he has known about the past and to make choices that will define a future for apes and humans alike......

As always, the effects are second to none, the apes look stunning, and they are seamless. And then there's the film.

I knew I wasn't going to like this from the moment i started rolling my eyes in the cinema when I saw the trailer for the what seems, fiftieth time, and I'm not exaggerating with that. Maybe a little. But I've seen the trailer in nearly every film I've seen in the last two months, so unfortunately, it got my back up a little.

The first act is a maundering mess, we plod along with exposition and the mysticism that the films have held for the best part of sixty years. And it felt like sixty years.

The film picks up a little when we are introduced to the second act, and the special guest star, but by then, because of the maundering opening, I began to care less about what was happening, and what the protagonists were trying to achieve.

Maybe I was just against this because of the amount of times that I have seen the trailer, so I'm going to give it another chance, as the last three POTA films were first class.

But it might be part of a new trilogy, because if this does make money, the studios would be bananas not to make another one.

Ocean's Eleven (2001)

You're in or you're out.....

[8/10 · 6 May 2024]

With an elaborate scheme to strike it rich etched on his mind, slick con artist Danny Ocean contacts his friend and right-hand man Rusty the day he gets out of prison.

Eager to get to work, the two partners in crime assemble a hand-picked team of specialists to rinse the impenetrable vault of stone-faced Las Vegas casino magnate Terry Benedict--$160 million in cash from the Bellagio, the Mirage, and the MGM Grand, to be precise.

However, such a robbery attempt is without parallel in the annals of crime. Can the A-list stars pull off the perfect heist and live to tell the tale whilst having the time of their lives wearing fancy clothes and living it up in Sin City.....

And that it is all the film is, just a whole lot of fun starring the biggest names at the time in Hollywood. They all look good, the film is slicker than an otter in a vaseline factory, and the most important thing is, we are having as much fun as the cast are.

Clooney, Pitt, and Garcia are the standouts, Garcia is chewing scenery whenever he is on screen, and that walk, that amazing Garcia swagger is amazing.

Cheadle lets the side down with that awful accent, but it's all in good fun. It's a film that never gets boring, and despite some of the wardrobe choices (particularly Garcia), it's aged as well as its stars.

The Fall Guy (2024)

Daniel-Day Lewis!!!.....

[8/10 · 4 May 2024]

He's a stuntman, and like everyone in the stunt community, he gets dropped from the highest of heights, all for our entertainment.

And now, fresh off an almost career-ending accident, this working-class hero has to track down a missing movie star, solve a conspiracy, and try to win back the love of his life while still doing his day job. Which in all fairness, is a pretty amazing job, as you get to work with Emily Blunt all day.....

When I first heard that the studios were going to make a movie of another beloved TV series, a lot of things came to mind. Charlies Angels, The Mod Squad, The A-Team, and various other hollywoodised TV series turned into a big budget movie.

Them the trailer came out, and I must say, it really whet my appetite. Gosling is a bonafide movie star, and this has everything going for it. Namely the film getting some guts and featuring some proper old school stunts. And my goodness, does it not disappoint.

This is an old fashioned blockbuster of the highest order, and it reminded me of the summer of 1994, when we had big movies such as Maverick ans True Lies, films that were made specifically for the summer. At a time when the stars name was enough to sell the movie. These days, star power has gone down the drain, but his film took me back 30 years, because it doesn't really care about plausibility, it doesn't really care about a fluid narrative, it just wants the viewer to have fun, and the best part of it. The film is having a lot of fun too.

The chemistry between Gosling and Blunt is the glue that keeps the film together, as they are amazing, and there relationship keeps you invested in the film. Yes, there is a plot about a missing movie star, and that Gosling is the person of interest, but it's just a high concept that would make Joel Silver and Jerry Bruckheimer proud.

The action is plentiful, the locales beautiful, and the choice of music is just a chefs kiss, you will never listen to Against All Odds in the same way again (Okay it's called Take A look At Me Now, but who cares).

It's one of the most liveliest summer blockbusters of recent times, and it will be a firm favourite for years to come.

And it could have been so close to that 2017 Baywatch......

Arcadian (2024)

It's dinner time.....

[8/10 · 3 May 2024]

In a near future, normal life on Earth has been decimated. Paul and his two sons, Thomas and Joseph, have been living a half-life - tranquility by day and torment by night.

Every night, after the sun sets, they face the unrelenting attacks of a mysterious and violent evil.

One day, when Thomas doesn't return home before sundown, Paul must leave the safety of their fortified farm to find him. A battle ensues that forces the family to execute a desperate plan to survive......

First off, I have no idea why this film has the title it has, but it's a curiosity for sure, just like the film. If you know me, I'm a Cage completist, he's a legend and when he is in a film in any type of role, he lifts the film beyond it's plot and narrative, and in the last ten years, his output hasn't been the best, but my goodness, when he's in a good film, that film is golden. Think of Dream Scenario, Mandy, Joe, Color Out Of Space, and Pig, you know Cage can be wonderful. And here we are again.

At first glance, Arcadian could be nothing more than your average Friday night monster movie. Think of A Quiet Place, or even It Comes At Night, and you would be forgiven for thinking that this film is going down the same route. It really isn't.

Cage is living on a farm of some sort with his two teenage sons who squabble all the time, so not only is the fight outside, it's also inside. It references Covid subliminally, but that is what the film is about. Imagine being in total lockdown at night, the time of sundowning, and when people are tired after a hard days work, and you have a nifty arc of the film.

Cage is a strict father, but it's in the best interests of his children, he wants them to be safe, and he wants them to learn and grow up quickly, as at night he dictates to them how the house should be lockdowned.

Outside of the nuclear family, the children are discovering themselves very quickly, and in the old adage of a teen (we all were once) they think that they are pretty invincible.

It's a film of two halves. The first half is the audience getting to know the dynamics of the family, and the other people that the kids meet, whilst Cage is just taking it easy with a cigar, knowing that the night will soon come.

The second part of the film just goes all out, and it feels like a monster movie crossed with 28 Days Later. It's pretty terrifying in parts, and it remains pretty tense right up until the end.

But I fear it's going to be one of those films with Cage that will be lost in the seas of time, as it didn't do very well at the box office, and it's sitting pretty now on Shudder.

It's really worth seeing.

Tarot (I) (2024)

Tar-rible.....

[3/10 · 3 May 2024]

When a group of friends recklessly violates the sacred rule of Tarot readings - never use someone else's deck - they unknowingly unleash an unspeakable evil trapped within the cursed cards.

One by one, they come face to face with fate and end up in a race against death to escape the future foretold in their readings......

Another month, another really bad horror movie. Late Night With The Devil aside, 2024 could be one of the worst years for horror. Night Swim, and Imaginary were very bad, but my goodness, this really is up there for one of the biggest letdowns in horror. The premise is brilliant, and the history of the cards and the readings are pretty expansive, but the makers here have really messed up such a wonderful premise.

If you have seen the trailer, you genuinely have seen everything 'scary' that the films have to offer. It's not all bad, almost, the first ten minutes are pretty entertaining, and for this part of the film, you really are invested in the characters, even though they are your cookie cutter gang of misfits that have infected these types of horror films since 'Scream' changed the way horror films were made.

After this, the film nosedives into obvious jump scares, and it has a weird air of Final Destination about it, as the film very slowly picks out each member of the film one by one to their very predictable demise. And that's another thing that is maundering about the film. It's obviously a PG-13 in the states for the box office, as the film is devoid of any gore, aside from a couple of blood spatters, which is a shame, as if they upped the ante with the gore, they could have gone all out with this film, but no, they want the money, not audience enjoyment.

Speaking of Final Destination, you can bet your bottom dollar that this film will spawn a breadth of sequels, because this will make a fair bit of wedge, and the studios will milk this for every penny it's worth.

It's a very bland boring film with pretty poor performances, and a terrible ending.

There ou go, I've read your fortune. You will miss a very poor film.....

Devil's Pass (2013)

Renny does Found Footage.....

[6/10 · 29 April 2024]

In the University of Oregon, student Holly King is awarded with her research about the fate of nine Russian hikers known as The Dyatlov Pass Incident, who mysteriously died in the Ural Mountains in Russia in 1959.

She decides to make a documentary following the steps of Dyatlov and his team and she invites filmmaker Jenson Day, audio technician Denise Evers; and experienced guides JP Hauser Jr. And Andy Thatcher.

They travel to Russia expecting to find the truth about the unsolved mystery; but they find something else instead......

Right, there are three reasons why I wanted to see this. Harlin has made some really amazing films in his hey day, I love Found Footage, and it has Gemma Atkinson in it. Alright, make that four reasons.

But it's a case of another wonderful concept, let down by a really dull and over complicated third act.

Snow can be very spooky, and the true story about the actual case is pretty spooky as well, so this had all the makings of being a winner. But no, they have to really over complicate things with adding a Time Machine bubble thing toward the end and those pesky German world war 2 soldiers and their experiments.

This is not what this film needed, and up until the discovery of a door in the middle of the mountains, it's pretty spooky, thanks to the stories and the snow laden setting the film has.

It could have had the actual original hikers haunting the pass, which could have made the whole film a lot more eerie, but no, it ends up being a convoluted mess.

If you want to see Harlin do snow, see Cliffhanger, that's amazing. This really isn't.

Lucky Bastard (2014)

It has a very poor climax.....

[6/10 · 29 April 2024]

Lucky ahem is an adult website run by Mike that invites fans to have you know what with exotic stars. Dave is an eager young fan given a chance to have sex with the fabulous Ashley Saint.

But everyone gets more than they bargained for in the seemingly mild-mannered Dave... with gruesome results......

The concept is very sound and fresh for the found footage sub-genre, which is my favourite sub-genre ever since the Blair Witch tipped over someone's camera.

The concept for all I know could be real for all i know, and up until the final act, it works really well. From the get go, we all know that Dave 'isn't right', he has a demeanour that wants you running for the hills, but the makers know that they have something special, but all the while you are shaking your head at the crew, as there are red flags right from the get go. But the industry is all about money and greed, so you know, you reap what you sow.

Dave is a meek character to begin with, but he soon rattles Ashleys chains when he says her real name, and he mentions her private life.

Should have ended the project there.

But no, the crew give him another chance, and as soon as they say action, he has acted very quick, if you know what I mean.

From there on, they begin to mock him, and laugh at him, and this really grinds his gears.

As soon as you can say 'predictable', Dave begins to turn psychotic, and we learn more about him that we shouldn't know about.

And this is where the film falters, It doesn't do anything original, it's just the same 'please don't hurt me' faff that these films have been doing for the last twenty or so years, which is a shame, because it could have been something so much more.

That They May Face the Rising Sun (2023)

The cinematic equivalent of an afternoon in the park.....

[9/10 · 29 April 2024]

Joe and Kate Ruttledge have returned from London to live and work among a small, rural, lakeside community in Ireland near to where Joe grew up.

Now deeply embedded in the life around the lake, the drama of a year in their lives and those of the memorable characters that move about them unfolds through the rituals of work, play and the passing seasons as this enclosed world becomes an everywhere......

I'm not bothering with the title again, as it took me a few times to say it properly when I asked for the tickets.

But what we have here is one of the most easy going comedy dramas that I have seen in a very long time. The majority of the film is based at the protagonists house, and they are visited by some of he most amazing, beautiful characters that the novelist has ever written about.

Everyone is very easy going, but all through the film there is an odd air of tension, making the viewer believe that not all is what it seems.

They drink, smoke and eat wonderful food, whilst passing the time in the only way you would in a beautiful setting, very easily. But there are some people with whom they don't get on with others, and tension couldn't be more beautifully depicted.

To say anymore would ruin the film, but it's a bittersweet journey, and one that would be beautiful to watch on a big projector int he roasting sun, with a cold pint, and wonderful friends.

Boy Kills World (2023)

Insert crazy action montage.....

[8/10 · 29 April 2024]

..... And boy does the film live up to that quote, time and time again.....

Boy is a mayhem machine who's been training to assassinate the bloodthirsty Hilda Van Der Koy and avenge his family's murder.

Guided by his sister's mischievous spirit, Boy uncovers one stunning revelation after another as he barrels toward Hilda......

To enjoy this film to it's maximum potential, you just have to go with it, maybe have a few drinks before, and in between, because the plot holes are very gaping, and there is a last minute twist, that will make you go 'pah!' If you don't forgive its shortcomings. And again, shortcomings are aplenty. Just imagine the film as one big happy trailer for the forthcoming probably depressing and rubbish Crow remake that the star has coming this year.

Boy is trained by the mad one from 'The Raid', and he beats him up for a long time. Imagine Bloodsport and Kick-boxer, but instead of Van Damme winning at the end, it's a courtroom drama about abuse. And then some.

Boy hates Xenia Onatopp, and he will stop at nothing to avenge his sister. And like this months Monkey Man, he goes about exacting revenge on those who hurt him, albeit with a lot more gore and cheese graters. Monkey man was about culture clash, whereas this is just about clash.

It's a mental film from beginning to end. It's gory but not too much, it's very bonkers, and it's the perfect beer and pizza movie, because come the end, you are that exhilarated, you couldn't care less that Onatopp is really you know who, and the bloke from The Rais really did that.

It's a well made straight to video eighties movie, and that is a compliment of the highest order.....

Challengers (2024)

You have a better shot with a gun in your mouth.....

[6/10 · 24 April 2024]

Tashi, a tennis player turned coach, has transformed her husband from a mediocre player into a world-famous grand slam champion.

To jolt him out of his recent losing streak, she makes him play a challenger event, which is close to the lowest level of tournament on the pro tour.

Tensions soon run high when he finds himself standing across the net from the once-promising, now burnt-out Patrick, his former best friend and Tashi's former boyfriend......

The biggest problem with this film is that it has been a very long time coming. Trailers for this were around almost a year ago, and every time I saw the trailer, I was thinking to myself 'oh not this again'. But a trailer does not make a movie.

It has so much potential, It has a genius premise, and the ending of the film is pretty fantastic, but it's way too long, and a lot of the symbolism and mythos of the film is lost in the soap opera script and slow second act.

My opinion, I believe that Tashi does not exist, she is some sort of subliminal image for the two leads, to help them reveal their true feelings. They are in love, and always have been. She really only ever interacts with the two men, and her daughter and mother are her past and future self, respectively. I realised this toward the end of the film, when Tashi just materialises in the hotel corridor. She simply isn't real.

And thats the genius of the film, and it's downfall, as it could have been something so much more than the melodrama that it is. And herein lies the problems. The subliminal symbolism is just so in your face, that it almost spells it out to you that the two men are in love.

For example, the scene where the two are eating churros is just 101 phallic symbolism, and the makers may have well just dressed the guys in effeminate clothing and left it at that.

The makers treat the viewers like they are stupid, and it's insulting. We don't need to be spoon fed the narrative, we like to have opinions, and like to come to our own conclusions. I may be totally wrong, but it's what I got from the film, and in my honest opinion, I think that is the arc of the film.

On the plus side, the tennis scenes are pretty well choreographed, and the majority of the score by Reznor is pretty enthralling, but now and again it gets a little too much, just like the film. And the camera loves to linger on Zendaya, sometimes so much, it's actually cringeworthy.

So it's not an Ace film for me, in fact, it's not even 15-love.

It's pretty boring.

Mum & Dad (2008)

You'll have dad to answer to.....

[6/10 · 19 April 2024]

Airport cleaner Lena finds herself stranded late one night after work.

Her chirpy colleague Birdie offers to help her out, by letting her stay with him and his family for the night.

It soon becomes apparent though that this act of kindness is far more sinister.

As Lena enters Birdie's home, she is introduced to a dark world of torture and murder......

This was one of the first films to be released at the cinema, and on physical media release on the same day. And if you have any idea at just how depraved this film has the potential to be, it stays on the right side of safe.

Not to say that this film isn't a gritty, dirty, and innerving film, it really is, and the sense of depravity throughout justifies the films certificate, just don't expect a bloodbath of epic proportions.

Benson and Miles are pretty amazing as the titular couple, Benson teetering on going absolutely bonkers at any time, and Miles playing that wicked step-mother sore of character that we are familiar with from the cheap slasher films that were thrown at us in the eighties. In fact, this film would sit pretty well along with them.

It's the age old story of the final girl stuck in the house with nowhere to go, and no matter what she does, she gets punished, and her psuedo sister doesn't help matters by tripping her up every now and again.

If you would, the whole film plays like that set piece in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre when they have the victim as their chief guest at dinner time.

It's a short film, very well paced, and for once, it's not very predictable. So whilst it's not the gorefest that you were expecting, it's a pretty grim film.

The Woman (I) (2011)

That is not civilised behaviour.....

[5/10 · 16 April 2024]

Raised by wolves, the wounded last survivor of a cannibal tribe bathes in a river in the lush woods of the North-east Coast, where she used to roam free.

But in the eyes of misogynistic lawyer Chris, the naked savage is the perfect trophy, and in the following days, the sadist will try to make her his project, bent on domesticating the untamed female by breaking her will.

More than anything, Chris and his dysfunctional family want to keep the proud predator in captivity, though they are no match for the feral, flesh-eating primitive in the cellar and her raw and merciless revenge.....

The message here is simple. The Nuclear domesticated family are more of an animal than someone who has lived in nature for her entire life. And that's at the heart of The Woman, the titular character was at peace, she appeared to have come to terms with her solidarity, only to have it taken away from her by some upper middle class moron who wanted a trophy. And why? So he had something else to control?

The real antagonist here is Chris, he's the real villain of the piece, and just like John Rambo, if he had just left her to her own devices, none of the aftermath would have happened, and I for one am glad it happened, because it reveals true human nature, and how, when we are at the top of our game, do we look down at people. Why do powerful people have to be so arrogant?

The Woman answers all those questions and it is true, hell has no fury like a woman scorned. And when this women becomes loose, she gives the family hell, and then some.

It can be a very unnerving and sadistic film at times, but it does get it's message across.

Phantasm: Ravager (2016)

May I ask your name kind sir?.....

[7/10 · 16 April 2024]

Small-town friends Reggie, Mike, and Jody continue in their quest to stop the evil, dimension-hopping schemes of The Tall Man and his armada of killer Sentinel Spheres.

This time, the fight becomes a multi-dimensional battle across multiple timelines, alien planets and altered realities, where no less than the fate of Earth is on the line.

The Phantasm films have been a really weird franchise. The first movie was okay, and it had a really sinister edge it, as the Tall Man was decidedly creepy, and I walkways remember him chasing the kid down the hall of the funeral parlour absolutely terrifying. Then the second went all bigger budget, and I remember it being quite a major release in its day. It had a few different actors, and it felt more 'Hollywood' if you would.

The third and the fourth film are utterly bonkers, and unless you are a die hard Phantasm fan, they make no real sense. And like I said, they are utterly boners, and devoid of narrative.

So I was a little 'meh', when this film was released. I heard it was made on the cheap, and I always found the character of Reggie to be a little arrogant in his ways.

So I caught this on the Arrow channel, and I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised at just how good the film actually is. It's utterly bonkers from beginning to end, and it looks cheap, very cheap in some parts, but nt goodness, was it a lot of fun.

We ae told that Regis has dementia, so throughout the film we are asked if what he sees is real, or if it's just a delusion brought on by his illness. And this is why the film works so well. It can be as bonkers as it likes, yet it can still be coherent to the viewer.

The film is never scary, not one bit, and there are a couple of strange cameos thrown in for good measure, but if you are a fan of the series, and this is the final film in the series, what a way to go.

The Big Boss (1971)

They want trouble? They've found it.....

[5/10 · 16 April 2024]

Cheng is a city boy who moves with his cousins to work at a ice factory.

He does this with a family promise never to get involved in any fight.

However, when members of his family begin disappearing after meeting the management of the factor, the resulting mystery and pressures forces him to break that vow and take on the villainy of the Big Boss......

Bruce Lee made some films other than Enter The Dragon you know. The problem is that none of them hold up to that masterpiece. The Big Boss is a good project for him, and it's your basic poor against the rich story, with plenty of very well choreographed fighting thrown in for god measure. It's just a shame about the fake blood.

Lee is sworn against violence in this, but it isn't long before he disavows and returns to his fighting ways and begins to realise that his boss is killing off workers who have a bad word to say about him.

He soon sees through this and realises that they are drug dealers and killers, and so the third act is pure Lee mayhem.

And that's the problem, there isn't enough Lee mayhem, and the narrative between them is dull, and the script is laughable. That is why Enter The Dragon was better than any other Lee/Golden Harvest collaboration, it had an interesting story.

Not terrible, but it gets boring in places.

Don't Go in the House (1979)

I burn the evil out of you.....

[5/10 · 16 April 2024]

Donny works in a factory which has incinerators. Gis coworkers are not aware that he is obsessed with fire and that he is a mentally disturbed man. As a child his mother punished him with burning to remove the evil.

After his mother's death, Donny is finally freed from her, but his excitement fades away soon when he begins to hear a voice in the house that seems to be his mother's.

The voices and delusions about his mother send Donny over the edge, and he soon starts taking this out on innocent women.....

It's basically a remake of Psycho, but this time instead of dressing like mother, he carries a flamethrower around with him at home, and torches the innocent women when hes coaxed them back to his house.

It was one of the banned video nasties from the eighties, and seeing the uncut version for the first time, it's pretty easy to see why. The makers have remade a classic, and just give it a more nastier, exploitative feel to.

And my word, will you fell dirty whilst watching this. The film has almost a brown tint to the reel, and it looks cheap throughout. The cast are absolutely fine, it's just I'm assuming that they disassociate themselves from the film, and the when looking on here, it looks like the ordeal stopped them from wanting to appear in anything else.

But it's a sleazy piece, and as that alone, it totally gets its job done.

It's fine, it it's nothing special....

Bloodshot (2020)

You just killed the mouse.....

[7/10 · 15 April 2024]

After he is murdered, marine Ray Garrison is resurrected by a team of scientists.

Enhanced with nanotechnology, he becomes a superhuman, biotech killing machine-'Bloodshot'. As Ray first trains with fellow super-soldiers, he cannot recall anything from his former life.

But when his memories flood back and he remembers the man that killed both him and his wife, he breaks out of the facility to get revenge, only to discover that there's more to the conspiracy than he thought......

No matter how good the films are, I fear that Vin has headed for the domain when the only films that feature him that are successful, have the words Fast, and Furious in the title. He has never been a leading man that films have made a lot of money, and I fear that he is still living in that time when XXX and Pitch Black where successful, along with his car films. Hence the sequels.

And it's a shame. Because whilst his acting is questionable in most of his films, he has undoubted swagger and star power.

Much like this film. Wherever the source material came from, Bloodshot is a comic book film, and it's a pretty good one to be fair.

Something happens to our man Vin, and he has nano items for blood, and good old Guy Pearce programmes his brain to make him kill people thinking that they destroyed his life. And each time, Vin becomes a little savvy as to what is going on.

My main gripe with the film is that it feels like someone keeps rewinding the film to a certain point, and then it picks up again, and again, and again.

But it's a lot of fun. Vin, like I said, has star power, but he is so one dimensional, that you could actually think that he was a special effect of the film, which ironically, are great.

Each of his 'fallen' comrades in the centre, are like end of level bad guys, and that's just how the film plays them, as end of level bad guys, as Vin has a sequence with each one of them, Ala Mortal Kombat, until he gets to the final bad guy.

For a random Saturday night film, its great with a few beers and a few nibbles, the sort of film you could talk through and not miss much, but has set pieces that will make you stop what you are doing and pay attention.

It's not rubbish by any means, but it's totally forgettable.

The Legend of Jack and Jill (2021)

Cack and Jill.....

[1/10 · 15 April 2024]

A group of five friends head into the countryside on a hike in memory of their friend Lucas who committed suicide.

It is particularly difficult for Eden who was involved with Lucas.

They learn that there have been a number of disappearances of people around the area.

As they set up camp, they are prey to Jack and Jill, the feral children of an asylum escapee, who attack and kill all whom they see as intruders on their territory.....

Well, it's the curse of the DVD cover looking really good in order to have lots of unknowing buyers thinking that this will be something else. You know the ones, they have blurb on the covers saying things like 'This is the best horror movie to have the title Jack and Jill', and 'A must see, it's a real film'.

And my gosh, is not another high concept horror film with a really bad out come. And this has two sequels. At least the person playing Jill didn't turn up for the sequels, as she probably found work in a bar or something (N disrespect to people who work in bars).

It starts off with a prologue featuring people screaming Jack!! Jill!! A lot. They get separated from some people for some reason, and then the film starts proper.

We get a bunch of unknowns going on a camping trip in honour of a deceased friend, and they have a little banter with one another. And it's terrible.

The majority of the film is the group of friends maundering about the quite nice scenery, but it has a whole 'woe is me' essence about the film. The group are terrible, the acting is below par, but it's what we expect from films that have a nice cover, only to be complete pants.

The titular duo pop up every now and again looking like extras from a Romero rip off, and when they meet the group, the group pretend to hold weapons to their chest, and spit out fake blood.

If you want a night where you pick a really bad film just to laugh at, this isn't for you. The film takes itself far too seriously, and it would have been a whole lot better if the titular pair has a few one liners when they show up, which is pretty rare.

It obviously has a marker, as it spawned two sequels, but for the life of me I don't know why.

It's boring, and really terrible.

The Teachers' Lounge (2023)

You two are class representatives.....

[9/10 · 15 April 2024]

Teacher Carla Nowak decides to get involved when one of her students is suspected of theft.

Caught between her ideals and the school system, the consequences of her actions threaten to break her.....

Sometimes, it's great going into a film and not knowing what anything was about. I had some sort of idea from the reading of the synopsis, but my good lord, nothing prepared me from what I was going to experience.

The film starts off simply, our main protagonist teaches a class where other teachers think hides a thief. So they do a really unruly wallet check, and discover that one student has a large sum of money. The parents attend, find out that he wanted to but his cousin a video game, and that is laid to rest.

In the titular place, Carla somehow checks her money in her wallet, sets up her video camera on her laptop, and leaves for a while. She come back, finds some of her money has been stolen, and checks back on her laptop.

She sees someone go into her belongings, and some of her money has been taken. But in the video, she sees the persons blouse, and it is quite a standout blouse, and sees one of the PA's wearing the said blouse. She wants a quiet word, but the person in question and confronts her. She denies it, and Carla goes to her head. The accused is suspended, and then the film starts proper.

And boy, does it start.

The tension this film builds from the point of the class and the parents is astounding. Something that could have been dealt with quickly begins to spiral out of control, and the presumed victim becomes the accused, and she is lambasted for everything that happens there on.

It's horrible for Carla, because everything that she does turns sour, and once the accused's son becomes involved, it almost becomes into a conspiracy theory film, much like All The Presidents Men.

It's tense and taut throughout, and there feels like there is no reprieve for any of the characters involved, right until the sharp ending.

It's one of the films of the year for sure, and the cliched term, nailbaiter comes into fruition for the most part of this film.

It's a truly great film.

Bob the Butler (2005)

I'm studying to be a Butler.....

[6/10 · 10 April 2024]

Bob Tree goes through the Yellow Pages alphabetically to pick jobs, applies, and messes them up every time.

In the B's, he arrives at Butler and takes a crash-course with the somewhat odd Mr. Butler.

Bob gets hired, but really more as babysitter-cum-housekeeper for Jacques, his fuzzy lover Anne Jamieson and, most of all, her spoiled-rotten kids Bates and Tess, who are terrible handfuls, but his unorthodox methods might at least take them by surprise......

Remember when Tom Green was everywhere for five minutes? Road Trip, Charlies Angels, being married to Drew Barrymore had him all over the place, then he blatantly pulled the biggest prank he could do, getting a major Hollywood Studio to green light and fund Freddy Got Fingered. But I really hope that his idea was to make one of the most inane films ever to grace the cinema. It had funny parts, but it made absolutely no sense, and after Stealing Harvard, he vanished.

I never know that this film existed until I found it on Prime, and although it's one of the most average films ever to be made, it has some charm to it, like a Shein Mrs Doubtfire, sans make up.

So we have your textbook rich family setting. The kids soon warm to BOb, the boyfriend is a little threatened by him, and just as the mother begins to fall for him, he loses his job, and any chance of reconciliation.

But we all know how it will end up, after all, it follows the traditional three story Arc that comedies have been following since the eighties.

Green puts a little bit of his trademark Schlick into the film, but he looks desperate in this. He knows his ship has sailed.

It's not a bad film by any means, we've just seen it all before.....

The Incredible Shrinking Woman (1981)

I'm taking my Mom to show and tell.....

[6/10 · 10 April 2024]

After being exposed to a bizarre mixture of household chemicals, Pat Kramer begins to shrink.

This baffles scientists, makes parenting difficult, warms the hearts of Americans, and captures the attention of a group of people who want to take over the world.

This evil group plots to kidnap Pat and perform experiments on her so that they can eventually shrink everyone.

First thing first, this is supposed to be a comedy, but I didn't laugh once in its entirety. I only want to see it becasue it was the first film directed by Schumacher, and as we all know, his films can be very hit and miss. Falling Down is an amazing film, and you've seen his Batman films, which I strangely enjoy.

This film has oddity written all over it. Tomlinson gets progressively smaller as the film goes on. Is it a metaphor for housewives not being listened to? Is it a message regarding animal cruelty? Or is it just telling people that even the smallest person can be famous, no matter what?

I just don't know really, but it's fun to see Tomlinson stand next to oversized objects for the duration of the film, and see Charles Grodin becoming more and more concerned and perplexed.

It's no surprise that this film ironically vanished without a trace, but if you ever find out that it's on TV, watch it, and try to figure out what it's all about.

Boyz n the Hood (1991)

Only a real man can raise his children.....

[10/10 · 10 April 2024]

At the age of ten, Tre Styles moves to the inner city to live with his dad, Furious.

The elder Styles is determined to raise his son with self-respect and self-worth, not an easy task in a neighborhood where crime and drugs are king. By the age of seventeen, Tre is a level-headed young man who has stayed out of trouble, unlike his friend Doughboy, who has been in and out of jail several times.

His brother hopes a football scholarship will be his way out. Tre works hard to be true to his father and to his friends, but violence, which can change your life in an instant, is something they all have to deal with......

Singleton came out of nowhere in 1991, and brought us probably one of the greatest films ever made. The message was simple, Increase the Peace, but also showing us how easy it is to get into a life of crime, knowing that the only way is down from there, with no reprieve.

It's beautifully written, with an amazing prologue that introduces us to the three friends who we share their story with. Tre and Ricky are the ones with common sense, and the ones who want to get out of the 'Ghetto', but Doughboy is holding them back, a firecracker of a man, but deep down he has his heart in the right place.

It looks and sounds astoninshing to this day, and there are career best performances in this film from Fishburne, Chestnut, Cube and Golding JR. For a debut, Singleton got just what he wanted from his cast.

If you haven't seen this, I urge you to do so, as it spawned a lot of copycat films in the nineties, like Fresh, Menace II Society, Dead Presidents, and the like. But none of those films has the heart and the message that this film has.

It's a masterclass in film making.....