KingAssmar Reviews

Prey (I) (2022)

Fun But So Unrealistic

[8/10 · 11 August 2022]

There was a massive alien with heat vision hunting humans, but if you can suspend your disbelief beyond that point then you are in for a fun, heart-felt, and interesting sci-fi action film. Midthunder as Naru is fantastic in the lead role (she was great in Legion as well!), and Trachtenberg's love for video games shows throughout a beautifully shot and thrilling adventure (everyone crouch slides everywhere). I don't generally like action films, but this one has breathed new life into a stale franchise, and has even managed to make me eager to see future Predator films, especially if we get a sequel to this one (not so subtly hinted at the possibility). At 1h 42 it never wears out its welcome, and leaves audiences clamoring for more, whatever is to follow. It is, of course, extremely violent, after all, it is the most dangerous game.

Enhanced 2 the Max (2020)

Average Life Expectancy of A Pro Body Builder: 47.5

[1/10 · 26 July 2022]

Yes, that is roughly 20 years younger than the average US male. These people refuse to listen to trained, educated, professional doctors and healthcare professionals simply because that doesn't fit in with their desire to be competitive. The data clearly indicates that casual bodybuilders who do not abuse these substances actually live better, healthier, longer lives than average, but once one introduces these chemicals into their bodies, their life expectancy plummets. Please keep this type of propaganda away from our impressionable youth.

America Outdoors with Baratunde Thurston (2022– )

Delightfully Upbeat and Moving Americana

[10/10 · 26 July 2022]

Thurston is such a charming and positive individual with a personality that shines through the interviews and adventures upon which he embarks. One comes away from viewing with an extensive list of new bucket list items. A love letter to America, touching, brilliant, and so refreshingly sincere. Thank you PBS!

The Lost City (2005)

Gusano Garbage

[1/10 · 25 July 2022]

Lacking subtletly, nuance, and basic coherence, this lovev letter from Garcia to a Cuba run by the mafia, ruled by a dictator (Batista) who was never elected (who later goes on to make a big deal when elections are postponed) but instead is appointed by the US government to keep sugar cheep, and a safe place for US military to get drunk, gamble, and rape local women. Garcia, middle-class white boy surrounded by brown poor folk, never actually cares to reflect how the working class viewed the revolution. This one's a real stinker, but it's Andy Garcia so what did you expect?

An Inconvenient Tax (2011)

Albert Einstein was a Socialist

[1/10 · 15 July 2022]

LOL what a bunch of simple minded idiots, skip this garbage. Libertarianism doesn't work, there would be no paved roads, no working street lights, no clean water, just freedom for a libertarian to try and lower the age of consent, because it always comes back to that with those people, inevitably.

Pause with Sam Jay (2021–2022)

I wanted to like it

[5/10 · 2 July 2022]

And I gave it a chance, I might even keep watching, but with this being my introduction to Sam, they come across as pretty arrogant, many times talking just to reinforce what they already believe, or to justify their beliefs and actions. There's very little grace or understanding to be found here, even though the show purports to cover heavy subjects, it fails to say much new, novel, insightful, or profound. And all of this while only occasionally funny.

Desus & Mero (2019–2022)

Hilarious Dynamic Duo

[9/10 · 26 March 2022]

These two are each hilarious in their own way, Desus a more quick whit from a bachelor's perspective, while Mero is a more cerebral family man, very settled in his ways. Their humor is unique to them both culturally, demographically, personally and the way they play off each other and illustrious guests is often side-splitting. Often raunchy and quite silly, very light and everything is a target for humor. Great entertainment.

Real Time with Bill Maher (2003– )

Who Still Watches This

[1/10 · 2 October 2021]

Whiny boomer garbage, and he's so smug and condescending. HBO, please put him, and us all out of our misery and pull the plug on this absolute stinker.

Unchecked Ego (2014)

Director Coming Soon to a Q Rally Near You

[1/10 · 31 August 2021]

Director Jess Webb can currently be found getting paid to attend anti-mask/anti-vax/q rallies pretending to be a conspiracy nut. Is he doing it for free, or just acting? Does it make a difference?

Durban Poison (2017)

Associate Produced By Q

[31 August 2021]

Nick Yaya is paid to attend anti-mask/anti-vax/q rallies.

Waking Up the Dead (2012)

Woke Up Braindead at a Q Rally

[1/10 · 31 August 2021]

This dude is currently pretending to be a protestor at anti-mask/anti-vax/q rallies.

My Brain as a House (2015)

An Empty Dilapidated Shanty

[1/10 · 31 August 2021]

You can currently find this moron getting paid to attend anti-vax/anti-max/q rallies. Let's see if he thinks his career is worth saving.

Hilda: Chapter 9: The Deerfox (2020) Season 2, Episode 9

Devastatingly Beautiful

[10/10 · 10 May 2021]

Literally perfect in execution, this episode will have you in tears on multiple occasions throughout. Family entertainment, wholesome, spiritually fulfilling; will help you question and redefine what the term "family" even means. This series finds itself in an elite tier of animation and story telling.

Pretend It's a City (2021)

Pretentious and Onanistic

[1/10 · 8 May 2021]

Maybe you have to be from New York. Maybe you have to like listening to rambling dross. Some inside baseball white people stuff. Can someone please explain why I'm supposed to care? Pure snobbery.

The Barbarian and the Troll (2021)

A great intro for kids to the fantasy genre

[10/10 · 17 April 2021]

A very modern throwback. The humor is spot on for this time, very self referential, tongue-in-cheek, and meta as all get out. The music is infuriatingly catchy as well. Production values seem through the roof, and it shows: characters and environments are gorgeously detailed. I think the kids will love it. I got hints of The Witcher series, but focused on the bard, the music, and the humor.

Edit: They just made fun of my hometown. Had to upgrade from an LA 9 to a perfect Bakersfieldian 10.

Ted Lasso (2020–2023)

It Won Over My Cold Heart

[9/10 · 15 August 2020]

The premise is almost maddeningly stupid and cliche, but the performances, tone, and writing are so pitch perfect (yes, I know) that this one appears to be a resounding win. Sudeikis is so inoffensively handsome and manly, when he slaps on Ted Lasso's indefatigable smile and positive outlook he has even the viewer, who knows this is a complete work of fiction, believing in him. Hannah Waddingham's Rebecca smoulders in every scene, an absolute smoke show so hot it nearly hurts the eyes to look at her though you could not pay me to look away. With an interesting gallery of supporting acts orbiting Ted, he shines brilliantly and draws them all in, albeit quite reluctantly. I was one of the cold hearts Ted Lasso won over: his charm and love for the most simple joys (including wordplay) make his presence irresistible. The first three episodes serve as the most deft first touch, I wait with bated breath to see the spectacular finish.

Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020–2024)

Not a big trekkie, but Star Trek deserves better

[2/10 · 14 August 2020]

I'm a casual fan, I've seen some of TNG, and those movies, as well as most if not all of the more recent explody/lens flare ones so I have a very rudimentary knowledge of Trekdom, and even I'm not impressed. Only 1.333 episodes in, and I must say I'm underwhelmed with the humor. The writers seem to think one reference equals one joke, so a million references must equal a million jokes. Also, the Rick and Morty style animation really doesn't do it for me except for Rick and Morty itself, and that's due to the writing and humor that OVERCOMES the failings of its hideous art style. Perhaps my expectations were too high, but to be honest, it had a pretty low bar to hurdle and it still managed to stumble.

Ultimate Tag (2020– )

A Spectacular Failure

[3/10 · 21 May 2020]

I watched a whole episode, and could not stop smiling throughout. I also found myself laughing quite a bit. My amusement was not quite what the creators of the show may have wanted, as it was a classic case of laughing at them, not with them. When one of the Watt brothers (and it is very difficult to tell them apart) enthusiastically uttered the catch phrase "Let's play some tag!" in full earnestness, or when a character is introduced with full WWF wrestler montage, costume, and makeup this is where the show is truly at its worst/best. It was awful, but I couldn't look away. But I will not watch this show again, I've seen all it has to offer, which is not much, it's really quite bad.

*Edit: I think they wanted to copy Titan Games success and they came up quite short.

Betty (2020–2021)

Style Over Narrative

[7/10 · 16 May 2020]

This show is easy on plot and story but oozes style and a very specific Kids/Mid90s greasy, filthy, sweaty, low-budget vibe. It's a show that's right up my alley as a poser who never actually got around to learning how to skate. Unfortunately it appears to be produced by a whole crew of people, so they were obligated to include Nina Moran who plays Kirt. I had to deduct one point for her acting alone, she's awful, her mere presence is hard to ignore in order to enjoy the rest of the show.

Celebrity Watch Party (2020)

This is Not American Gogglebox

[1/10 · 15 May 2020]

If you were looking for a light-hearted show about normal folks talking about the news, TV, and other entertainment then you're looking for the British program Gogglebox. This is a show with a bunch of celebrities (not a single one about whom I could give a prematurely pinched off loaf) sitting in their mansions trying to be relatable and witty. Of course this is a FOX TV show. Because it's pure garbage I'm sure it'll be a huge ratings success for fans of Fox's global media empire.

Detectorists (2014–2022)

Unique and Undeniably Brilliant

[10/10 · 19 March 2020]

The Detectorists, lovingly conceived, written, and directed by Mackensie Crook, is the comedic equivalent to a warm blanket and cup of hot cocoa. In their spare time Andy (Crook) and Lance (Toby Jones) embark on serene adventures hunting treasure on the Essex countryside as they deal with relationships and rival hobbyists alike. Crook's writing and directing set the mood perfectly for a hilarious yet 100% sincere dramedy about male friendship.

Yes, Detectorists is a wonderful show about male friendship and love, a wholesome and fulfilling masculinity. Crook is an auteur who is able to capture profound beauty in the mundane. Case in point: the steam billowing from behind a tree in a silent, serene meadow as Toby Jones' character takes his morning wee. There is so much care and respect with which Mackenzie Crook treats the characters that he writes, these fully fleshed-out, flawed human beings each remarkably ordinary, extraordinarily unremarkable in their own unique ways. Detectorists is unlike anything that came before it, and like nothing that proceeded it; it is singular, a work of art, and a masterpiece.

Lights Out with David Spade (2019–2020)

Are we watching the same show?

[2/10 · 13 August 2019]

It's terrible. Even with incredibly funny guests like Chelsea Peretti, Natasha Leggero, and Neal Brennan, Spade's attempts at jokes are awful and often cringe inducing. The best part of the show is when the guests heckle him during his monologues. Scripted David Spade is even less funny than his guest's ad libs. The show serves as a sort of reality TV recap show, so if instagram and Kardashians aren't your cup of tea, there's very little leftover in the show that might amuse you. You start to feel really sorry for Spade, and hope royalties from past TV and film can maintain the lifestyle to which he's grown accustomed.

Queen of the South (2016–2021)

Typical

[1/10 · 7 June 2019]

Just another show glorifying criminality, mob, and cartel culture. I don't like it when it's Italians, I don't like it when it's white folk (Breaking Bad), and I don't like it when it's our people. It's especially distressing when it's my people. Don't do drugs, don't give these monsters any more of our money to continue to torture and murder people all over Central America. Stop sending weapons and money to these vicious organizations and individuals for them to help fund their dirty deeds. Stop glorifying these monsters. Eliminate the cartel and cartel culture.

I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson (2019– )

Awful

[1/10 · 7 June 2019]

The same terrible and unfunny joke over and over again. If you like Family Guy, this is probably right up your alley. Otherwise skip this one.

Blockers (2018)

Lived up to expectations

[7/10 · 29 June 2018]

With that being said, my expectations weren't stratospheric, but I did not expect to be this entertained or to laugh this much.

There are some things I'd like to get out of the way here. Please disregard any reviews (other than mine, of course) which include the following words or variations thereof: cringe, political, agenda, or feminist. This is a film about high school girls trying to deal with the issue of sex. I know I'm nearly 20 years removed from high school now, but as I recall sex was on the minds of just about everyone I knew at the time, including myself. It may be a touchy subject, but to ignore it would be simply cowardly. This flick manages to address the subject from the perspective of both the exploratory child, and the overprotective parent. There's only one logical conclusion for the parents to come to, and there's no agenda in that at all.

This film isn't for the prudish or easily offended, so if that's you, don't bother. Also, why are you so bothered by sexuality? There's so little violence in this film, it's rather refreshing that I don't recall one instance of someone being shot or stabbed or losing a limb. One last thing: this film isn't about gender swapping characters in any way, so if you see that term in a review, it's most likely written by a neckbeard incel just like the other 1 star reviews.