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Watcher (2022)
Increasingly implausible plotting and character choices make this movie laughable and annoying, not thrilling
I am baffled at the number of people raving about this one. Perhaps it is because they enjoy their films resembling Swiss cheese.
While the tone feels wonderfully Hitchcockian (and for that, it earns its three stars), the characters and plot are so increasingly absurd, infuriating and hinged upon irrational, implausible and impossible choices/events as to ask you to just suspend all belief in rational thought, self-preservation and reality.
To start, Julia and Francis move to Romania, with Francis fluent in the language and Julia with an affliction of disappearing and reappearing basic Romanian that never makes sense. At turns, she is completely unable to understand, yet can navigate the city's transit and stores easily for her solo ventures, somehow always stumbles onto an English speaker to move the plot along in a pinch and at a key moment, magically figures out a rather complex sentence for someone who couldn't understand the word "cat" earlier in the week to understand she's being insulted at a dinner party so she can flee in dramatic fashion. You can really tell here that the script was doctored from one set in America and the language barriers are forced in. Also, why wouldn't she have learned ANY Romanian in advance from her fluent spouse? Why would he take this job without her knowing it?
The inconsistency of police actions also rings hollow. She reports being followed during a man hunt for a serial killer who allegedly STALKS HIS VICTIMS FIRST and targets couples. She has photos of him doing it. And yet, the police dismiss the idea outright. But when the stalker calls the police claiming he is the one being stalked, they immediately take him seriously and demand she behave, bringing him to her door and forcing her to shake hands, insinuating her initial report was her harassing HIM?
But perhaps the most absurd part of all of this is having to believe Francis' increasingly bizarre refusal to support Julia, and her willingness to endanger herself and put up with a lousy husband in a situation that doesn't benefit her at all. While initially supportive and the one who suggests looking at the surveillance footage, Francis immediately tells Julia the footage is not evidence of anything. He tells her that the man in the window being the same person is just a merry coincidence! He mocks her to his coworkers! He tells her she is paranoid and making HIS life harder. It's beyond over the top and of course, simply must happen so Julia is completely alone and unprotected for the finale.
Conversely, Julia tolerates this behaviour despite having no job, no ties to Romania and a husband who is constantly out late and doesn't give a single care about her emotional wellbeing. She doesn't fly home. She doesn't move to a hotel. No, she follows her stalker down dark, rainy alleys in strange areas, despite not knowing the language. She goes off with strangers without leaving a note so she's untraceable if she goes missing. She enlists strangers in her investigations, including a strange man pounding on the door of a missing woman, not once considering that maybe it's a decoy and he could harm her. The moment my husband and the police started telling me I was dead wrong about the events unfolding and dismissing my fears, my bag would have been packed. This movie would have ended in 40 minutes tops.
And don't even ask me about the medical impossibilities of certain events.
This movie was clearly written by someone who wrote the characters and events as they needed to be to get the effect/next step they wanted, versus what actually made sense. It's amateurish suspense, a bad Xerox of an old master. Don't waste your time.
Veronica Mars: Years, Continents, Bloodshed (2019)
And in one lazy, fell swoop, Rob Thomas nuked his own series...
What makes the finale of season 4 so terrible is that it is the television equivalent of Adele's Rolling in the Deep: we could have had it all, Marshmallows. We really could have. And instead, Rob Thomas (with Kristen Bell's co-sign and endorsement) fell into a tired, lazy trope that served as the framework of GOT and Buffy, and nuked his own masterpiece in the last 20 minutes.
The first 7 episodes are strong, overall. The red herrings are a little too obvious and forced at times, but the mystery is satisfying. The characterizations are spot-on, for the most part, and newcomers Patton Oswalt et al. are stellar additions. The updated, more adult feel and problems works for the series.
It first begins to come apart at the seams with Veronica's absurd 180 on Weevil that feels like a tired recycle of the beginning of season 2. Francis Capra shines as always, but the tone shift between them and the literally repeated one-line excuse for Veronica's shift never fully rings true. Wallace feels like a placeholder, not a bestie, and it's annoying considering the emotional turmoil she's in. This is when Wallace SHOULD be omnipresent.
Logan's character growth is one of the stand-out elements. It's a hopeful message that from abuse and many mistakes, one can change, heal and move forward. Jason Dohring nails the nuance here, and it's stellar.
Rob almost had it all. He even opened a door for Veronica to heal and grow, just like Logan. But he made two lazy, terrible decisions this season, and they unfortunately mar the whole thing.
Keith's storyline begins promising, and Colantoni plays his part with such emotional depth, I found myself on the edge of my seat... only to wave it away in a quick two-line fix, negating what could have been something so powerful.
And then, the last twenty minutes happens. The part where we understand why the entire cast, save the brave Capra, bailed offline for a few days. The part where we question why Kristen Bell thinks her daughters need to see more tragedy porn in 2019. Last I checked, we had Buffy, GOT and oh yes, the first 3 seasons where online we collectively counted at least TWENTY instances of trauma Veronica has endured. But instead, Thomas falls into the dangerous "women cannot be strong without endless trauma" trope and decides his heroine can only be better if he breaks her, one more time. As one critic astutely expressed, he spend a season drilling home a message that she is choosing not to grow, not to be happy, only to dismissively take her agency from her and leave us with a broken woman who is nothing if she is happy. To add insult to injury, he literally fast-forwards her trauma and denies her exploration of that so she can quite literally "get back to work". A major character demise is given 30 seconds of screen time, and worse, this is done one minute after granting Marshmallows a moment of peace and joy. I'm not sure why I'm surprised, considering Rob has a terrible habit of inflicting trauma upon his characters and either fast-forwarding past it or making it a past event so as to skip the difficult writing of people in the midst of that grief and trauma. It's the mark of a writer who enjoys being DARK and EDGY and SHOCKING, but cannot deliver meaningful denouement.
Here's the thing, and I offer this as a rape survivor who was bullied as a teen: what we loved about Veronica was yes, that she rose up stronger, took no prisoners, and shined in the darkness. That she reclaimed her body, her agency, and her joy in spite of the trauma. But in the years since we first became friends, we have grown and healed, like Logan. We are strong IN SPITE OF our traumas. To see a writer we thought "got it", and to see her portrayer believe it to be healthy for her daughters to see a reductive, lazy "women are only interesting in pain" storyline? It's an insult and a shame. I am more than my abuse and rape. Much more. But Rob Thomas doesn't seem to believe Veronica is much of anything interesting without repeated trauma. He decided that he was so determined to prove the minority bemoaning the "fan service" in the film wrong, he cancelled out his own point in three scenes.
A long time ago, we used to be friends. I think I'll stay in those seasons, where Veronica was on a slow, upward trajectory, instead of this forced crash and burn in the name of "strong women".
Ultimo tango a Parigi (1972)
I'd give it zero stars if I could
Art does not excuse violence against women.
By the director's own admission, Maria was not privy nor consenting to the infamous assault scene involving butter. The director planned her sexual assault on camera so she would feel true humiliation and rage. Brando was party to this.
Both of these men - who planned a sexual assault on a colleague - were nominated for awards for this.
If you can trust Brando to "act" angry/abusive, but supposedly don't trust your 19 year-old leading lady to "act" humiliated and angry, either you are a terrible director or you actually get off on harming women. That is deplorable.
Many critics feel this film is worthy of praise. But to praise it, you must also acknowledge that a crime occurred on camera, one that traumatized the actress by her own admission.
(A quick Google will take you to video of the director admitting these facts.)
Veronica Mars (2014)
Exactly What Fans Old And New Deserve
I've opted to go spoiler-free in this review because ultimately, I'm not writing to persuade existing fans. We're Marshmallows; we've already planned out how to see this film. No, I'm talking to the Kristen Bell fan who maybe saw an episode or two, or the complete Veronica Mars virgin mulling it over.
The Kickstarter element of this film not only established that Warner was dead wrong about a lack of interest in this film, but it also added a further level of creative obligation for writer Rob Thomas. Fans paid for the film, and with that came certain expectations about its plot. Let's get this out of the way now: Thomas delivers the film that fans deserve, without skimping on the mystery element. Lingering questions from the series are answered (some blatantly, some subtly). Beloved characters are back, including the smaller roles that made the series memorable (Deputy Sacks; Leo D'Amato; Corny).
Basic plot round-up: 9 years after the events of the series, Veronica has moved to New York City and is finished law school, having run from Neptune after her first year of college. She's reunited with old boyfriend Piz and they're now shacked up. On the verge of her first major law job, Veronica learns that her high school classmate (now a singer) has been murdered and her ex, Logan is being blamed. Cue Logan calling Veronica, as so many have over the years. What begins as a friendly "weed out the bad lawyers" favor quickly becomes a mystery Veronica simply can't turn away from -- one that takes her all the way back to those high school years she's wanted to forget. Present clashes hard with past as Veronica tries to exonerate Logan while wrestling with the woman she's become versus the woman she once was.
One of the strong points of the film is dialogue. Characters feel true to themselves. The quips and banter that defined the Keith-Veronica dynamic are in full effect. The film is peppered with in-jokes and self-referential giggles that flow in conversation and don't confuse those not in the know (mentions of Kickstarter and the FBI earned particularly loud chuckles in the theatre). The dialogue of Veronica Mars was always one of its highlights, and it was a happy homecoming.
As to the mystery of the film, it's more layered than a standard episode without becoming so tangled as to be deterring for a new viewer with no background knowledge of the show. For those who did see the series, I liken it to the complexity of the Dean O'Dell case, streamlined due to the lack of "case of the week" action getting in the way. Although, don't be fooled: the major mystery isn't the only action the Mars family sees in the film. That said, if you're used to Thomas' style, you will probably spot the evildoer fairly readily if you're actively looking for clues along the way, but the final reveal of the motive will still be a surprise. For fans of the series, it's the little details that make the mystery particularly special.
Cameos are used to hilarious effect. My favourite was Dax Shepard, although several stood out along the way.
For newcomers to the world of Neptune, the film is a great way to dive in and savour the seedy, noir world. For those beaming with Pirate Pride, it's a worthy successor to the series and a real reunion. My only gripe is insufficient time with Wallace, Mac and Weevil, but I do understand that budget played a role in that and firmly blame Warner for it.
A long time ago, we used to be friends... and the cast has brought it on.
(Word to the wise: there are three very good reasons to stick it out through the entire credits, especially if you are a fellow Backer.)
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Predictable, disappointing - not close to The Dark Knight
The first half will be my overall opinion with care to avoid major spoilers.
With The Dark Knight Rises (TDKR), we pick up eight years later. Bruce Wayne has become a recluse, his business empire is going down the drain, and Gotham City is oh-so-proud of its law, inspired by the heroic Harvey Dent, that keeps criminals locked away without parole. Yes, the good times are a-rollin' in Gotham City. For the rich, anyway. Bruce is pulled from his crippled state of melancholy by Selina Kyle ripping off his mother's pearls – and his fingerprints in the process. Curious as to how his magic safe got cracked, never mind why anyone wants his prints, he boots up the Bat Cave.
Simultaneously, an aged Commissioner Gordon ends in the tunnels beneath the city during a routine chase and notes there's a whole gang of nefarious types down there, led by, as one brilliant person on Twitter called him, "a Scottish Foghorn Leghorn with a doll house radiator stuck in his mouth". From here, worlds collide...
Visually, this is as dark and brooding as any viewer would want this to be. The gadgets are cool, the costumes fun (aside from Catwoman – the ear-goggles combo was childish), and everyone looks the part. Bale's Wayne has visible scars and internal damage that's true to what the average man would endure while playing superhero. He looks older, somewhat less muscular, and has to work to get back into shape.
The difference between a man and a symbol is prominent in this film, as well as the notion of yin and yang. Specifically, you need to fear death to truly fight to survive. If we don't care about the consequences of failure, we cannot rise.
TDKR has several huge issues with it that result in a film that falls flat. For starters, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman
ugh. We all know she got this job because she is a Hollywood "it girl" right now. While she's not as terrible as Halle Berry, she's incredibly unconvincing. For starters, she doesn't look sexy or seductive, with or without the suit. Every time she prances on screen, she reminds me of a teenage girl playing at Lolita. Her strange accent she's adopted for this role isn't sultry or sinister; it just sounds fake. Frankly, all she's got going for her is flexibility and spiky heels.
Bane
I couldn't understand half of his dialogue, and given that Nolan is huge on dialogue as a part of his message, this is a tremendous issue.
The plot comes off tired, takes too long to get going, skims through what should be the bulk of the film, and twists at the end in such a way that you will roll your eyes at how Nolan destroys everything he's set out to do for the first two hours (or, in the case of Batman, the entire trilogy).
Whew! Here's where I suggest you leave if you have yet to see the film. Seen it? Let's really chat.
I hated the ending. I actually loved the initial ending, but the ultimate ending wimps out. If the point of this entire film was to comment on the mortality of men versus the eternal life of a symbol,then Wayne should have died. After all, what you're telling me is that a) even though he told Selina that he couldn't use autopilot, she managed to meet up with him; b) if Alfred hallucinated that finale, he thought Selina was a good girlfriend; c) he managed to leave a bag of goodies for Blake; and d) Lucius never noticed that Wayne fixed the autopilot.
Sorry, but no. You pulled a serious Deus ex machina out of your a**.
Speaking again of Kyle: I don't buy her as a poor, hapless girl unable to catch a break. I don't buy Bruce forgiving her for setting him up to get his back broken by Bane. I don't buy him trusting her in the grand finale to suddenly be a good girl, let alone her love for him.
Next plot issue: the class war theme is tired. We already had that in a more subtle and intriguing fashion during The Dark Knight, when the Joker pits the two ferries against each other. Strangely, he somehow spins from his initial message, delivered by Selina, of "How dare the rich think they can be so powerful and leave nothing for us?" to "The poor murder and riot without impunity and this is why the cops have a right to slaughter the uprising and be in power forever."
The whole "Bruce fails to escape" shtick got old fast. In fact, it's used to accelerate time like a diluted montage, just so Nolan can skip over most of the five months. I don't get it: you spend forever getting us to this point and we get maybe ten solid minutes of the anarchy and reversal of fortunes, featuring a horrifically underused Cillian Murphy.
Blake recognizing Wayne was vastly oversimplified. Instead of also pointing out his hiatus and connection to past events, all he can say is "You're a rage-y orphan like me with a mask, so you're Batman"? No. Levitt is fantastic in this film, and I did enjoy the end acknowledgement of what I knew from moment one, but his deduction skills were unbelievable.
Last: the castration of Bane's character. He's just a crying man in love with Miranda/Talia? Ugh. I liked him better as the unstoppable beast Batman just couldn't overpower. Kinda didn't care for the Miranda twist.
Summing up: casting, aside from Hathaway, was stellar; the core message of death/mortality/symbols and class war was a good idea executed imperfectly; but ultimately, the film becomes an indulgent piece that doesn't know when to quit.
Rescue Me (2004)
I lost all respect for this show in season 3
Up until season 3 in the series, I was actually very impressed overall with Leary's series. It was gritty, raw, humorous and always dramatic, with realistic ties to the climate of NYC at the time. One thing that bothered me early on was the dismissal/joking around about Mike being raped by the couple he was invited around by in season one, I was willing to let it go.
And then, season 3, episode 4 (Sparks) happened.
Tommy rapes Janet - a woman who is slugging you as you violently push her down and rip her clothes is NOT consenting. But then, surprise, the moment his magic schlong is in her, she moans and enjoys it and is able to calmly read a magazine afterwards when Johnny walks in moments after Tommy's departure. This trivialization of rape as a plot device continues, as Janet 'rapes Tommy' to get even, and Sheila roofies him to get his spunk and have her way with him as well.
Leary, I pray no one in your family has to ever deal with rape, knowing the nonsense you produced in this series. I'm done.
Spartacus: Blood and Sand (2010)
Would be an 8, if it cared less about sex and more about the storyline
My fiancé is a Roman history junkie; needless to say, he's sat me down to watch the series Rome. That series, in true fashion to the time period, is filled with sex, violence and betrayal; however, the storyline at the core and the characters' motivations are what drive that series and occupy the vast majority of the screen time. When fiancé brought home Spartacus, I expected another Rome, given the hype and praise it's received from those enamoured with the former and this show.
After three episodes, I'm absolutely bored and fed up with this series. It's a shame, because the cast is mostly strong, and when the show is good, it's very good - Rome calibre. However, where Spartacus goes horribly wrong is its indulgence in glorified pornography, to the detriment of a storyline. Endless scenes of nudity and sex feature in the series, and while in Rome they felt important/fitting in pitch, in Spartacus, it's to the point where the series is a classy porn movie. There's a minimal exchange of dialogue that moves the story ahead very little, some violence, the same five insults thrown at Spartacus by the other gladiators, more uses of the words 'c*ck' and 'f***' than my own potty mouth would ever find necessary in a single conversation, and then more sex. Sex, sex, sex. I'm a bisexual woman and I'm bored because there's too many breasts bobbing about! One of the worst moments -- and I feel terrible for Lucy Lawless, who deserves better -- is when her character makes one flirty comment and then tells a male character, "I need your C*** in me." Thus begins, yep, more sex.
Rome did the same period with its same overindulgences and full nudity, yet retained a level of class and ultimately, never lost sight of its story arc and character dynamics. Spartacus fails miserably in this endeavour. It's a shame, since the show is shot beautifully and there is a good story buried in here somewhere. But when five minutes of the episode, during a key moment of political interaction, is interrupted to watch a gladiator screw a female slave while women and men bet on his stamina and ogle his 'beastly thrusts' for the next three... it's just ridiculous.
I'm sure my fiancé's enjoying it; I'm wagering it's for the wrong reasons, though.
Avatar (2009)
A bloated cliché with grade school quality dialogue
My fiancé and I bought this while on vacation for something to watch in our hotel room, figuring after all the rave reviews that it would be a solid choice. By the end, the two of us were slack-jawed - not by the effects, which, granted, were very visually attractive, but by how a movie so formulaic, so full of ridiculous clichéd one-dimensional characters and simplistic dialogue, could be the talk of the world. James Cameron has an amazing eye for aesthetics, but he seriously need to find someone with a gift for writing scripts, specifically engaging dialogue. Everything about the plot, from Sigourney Weaver essentially reprising a watered down version of her role in Gorillas in the Mist to an evil army commander who reminded me of a sad caricature of every 'ignorant, war hungry army guy' ever made, the characters just... don't matter. It's saddening that this movie is sliding by on its visuals to such a high rating. If you want to watch the exact same story, only with more moving dialogue and far less bloat, rent Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest. Cameron pretty much ripped off the entire plot from it, anyway. I dread the sequels...