Andrewmcal Reviews

House of the Dragon (2022– )

House of the Dragon's Droppings

[3/10 · 3 February 2024]

Remember the final season of Game of Thrones? If you thought that was awesome, you'll like House of the Dragon.

I had mixed expectations going into House of the Dragon. The trailers had potential. George R R Martin was onboard. And, the Targaryen family was maybe the most interesting of the major Game of Thrones families. But, I really hated the storytelling in later seasons of Game of Thrones and HBO seemed intent on continuing in that vein.

Well... HBO didn't disappoint. They went to the dark side, dropped the mike, and gave me the middle finger in every episode.

The writing is abysmal. People don't behave the way characters should behave in House of the Dragon. Instead of acting the way their characters are written, their behavior seems dictated by whatever the episode needs. My disbelief wasn't suspended, so much as assaulted like Tysha, Tyrian's first wife, in Game of Thrones. The actors try and do their best, but with nonsensical dialogue, there is only so much an actor can do. The production values are good. It's a solid show visually, ruined continually by the words spewing forth from badly written characters mouths.

At the end of the day House of the Dragon is like the first bite of plastic fruit. My advise, unless you're looking for a poorly written soap opera, give House of the Dragon's Droppings a big miss.

One Piece (2023– )

It Grew On Me...

[7/10 · 2 January 2024]

I didn't expect to like "One Piece," Netflix has published so many egregiously bad movies and series. But, this series was solid, even above average at times.

It took me 2 episodes to finally decide to commit to "One Piece." I like manga, but have rarely seen it brought to a screen, big or small, with anything I liked from the comic still attached. This series was the exception. Everything I like was still there and it was weird, in a nice, fun way to see it come to life.

The young cast were excellent. They inhabited the roles and walked the super fine line between character and caricature. Inaki Godoy and Morgan Davies stole every scene. Emily Rudd unfortunately drifted between outstanding and indifferent. And, Mackenyu, Taz Skyler, Jacob Gibson were like Goldilocks tea... just right.

The writing was solid... for the most part. A huge improvement from the usual Netflix dross. And, that was as pleasant as it was a surprise. Still not enough to get me to renew my subscription, but a few more "One Piece" quality series and I might be wooed back.

Overall, even if Manga isn't your thing, this could be a good series for you, especially if you're looking for something to watch with your young people. It's solidly good, but not great. So, adjust your expectations accordingly. You won't be disappointed. I'm definitely looking forward to season 2... a rarity, these days.

The Killer (2023)

A Hitman's Merkin Masquerading as a Movie

[3/10 · 24 November 2023]

There is nothing in "The Killer" worth the effort to watch it. This is a prime example of "the juice not worth the squeeze."

"The Killer" is dull beyond words. It tried to be an intelligent and thoughtful addition to the hitman genre but failed miserably. And, that failure primarily rests on the shoulders of a substandard screenplay and criminally incompetent writers. How incompetent is criminally incompetent?

Assassins should never: Not immediately take a second shot/ Check an important lock on their escape root/ Let people know where they live/ Take a cab from their private plane to their job, ask the cabbie to wait for an hour, take the same cab back to their private plane, and let the cabbie go free/ Sit down with their target in a restaurant, confirm their the assassin, and hang out awhile/ Not sneak up on a target in their house/ Accidentally kill their boss during an interrogation/ Leave a supremely powerful enemy who's tried to have them killed alive and then go back to their old (well known) home to pick up their life as if nothing has happened

Just to highlight a small list of things assassins shouldn't do.

Outside the script and the story "The Killer" is a competent film. The acting is solid. The direction is movie quality. But, overall it feels like I'm watching a big party, at a major venue, no one attended. My advice: go watch "Day of the Jackal (73)" or "Le Samourai" and call it a day.

Ahsoka (2023– )

The Empty Box Star Wars Came In

[3/10 · 24 August 2023]

"Ahsoka" is Star Wars made by people who know nothing about Star Wars and may actually hate it. But, it's still slightly better than "Kenobi."

With Ahsoka, Dave Filoni's transition to the dark side of the force is complete. He's made something so antithetical to Star Wars and entertainment a Sith lord has to be behind it.

Let me start with the good: the cast is solid and it's always great to see Clancy Brown, however briefly. If you don't look to hard the cheapness of the costumes, the props, and sets isn't readily apparent. The CGI is passable tv CGI. And, the cinematography is competent.

The bad: The writing is abysmal!! I've watched and liked Star Wars Rebels and Clone Wars and I'm lost. What is going on? Who are these people? The plot is straight out of a video game... a bad video game. I like video games... but seriously. And, what's up with the super long silences in Ahsoka??? Or the puzzles with 3 obvious solutions no one can solve? And, the action is non sensical!! When did light sabers start attracting blaster bolts? Or when did a light saber scratch become lethal and a stab with a light saber (Kenobi) through the middle become an inconvenience?? I could go on for longer than the series, just... wow!!

With Ahsoka Dave Filoni and Disney have managed to create something that gives Jar Jar Binks an air of depth and gravitas, by comparison. If Star Wars is a feast, Ahsoka is a pixy stix... no offense to pixy stix, I like pixy stix. If you enjoyed Kenobi and the pink space Vespas in Book of Boba Fett you'll like Ahsoka. Otherwise...

FUBAR (2023– )

International Spies & Daddy Issues

[4/10 · 27 July 2023]

FUBAR is a miscast, unevenly written bowl of oatmeal, without flavor or appeal. But, if you're an hour into your girlfriend's, "I'll be ready in 10 minutes," it might be worth your time.

The lead actors, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Monica Barbaro, are tragically miscast and alternate between weird chemistry and no chemistry. The veteran actor's character plays second fiddle to the new comer, only demonstrating his agency to be knocked down a peg or six. If they were better actors, had even a little chemistry, or had better writers this might have worked. Unfortunately, it drives the series off a cliff.

The supporting cast are the real stars. Milan Carter, Fortune Feimster, and Travis Van Winkle make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. They take a bad series and make it watchable, even enjoyable at times. I could have watched Feimster and Van Winkle do their characters for days and Carter was the glue that held FUBAR together.

Overall, FUBAR is a near miss, held back by its leads and disjointed writing. It's watchable as a time waster. But, you'll never watch it a second time or tell anyone you watched it a first time. It's definitely not a guilty pleasure, only a guilty one view stand.

Barbie (I) (2023)

Definitely Not For Kids

[3/10 · 23 July 2023]

I've just taken 2 nieces, 9 and 14, to see Barbie. They both hated it... really, really hated it!! And, me: I'm just stunned. I've no idea what I've just seen.

If Barbie is meant to be a dark satire, it's alright. If it's meant to be a kids movie, it's unconscionably bad. And, I'm totally confused which type of movie it's supposed to be. What the literal heck is going on!!

If you're looking for a twenty first century dark cultural satire, you're at least in your twenties, you've an open mind, this is your movie... maybe. If you're looking for a movie to take your kids to, before getting ice cream, this is absolutely not the movie you're looking for. My advice: give Barbie a miss and go straight for the ice cream. You will be so much happier. I wish I had.

Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023)

Cost Me IQ Points

[5/10 · 18 July 2023]

Shazam! Fury of the Gods is a painful example of all the problems in current filmmaking in a single movie. I felt overall less intelligent for having seen it.

I love movies. Up until recently, a month didn't go by without me going to the movies at least 3 or 4 times. I'll watch anything and enjoy myself, feeling refreshed and at peace when I leave the theater. Then came the dark times.

There are so many problems with the Shazam! Fury of the Gods, I don't know where to start. So, I'll start with the writing. It's bad. The most glaring and annoying creative debacle is the writer's inability to write teenagers. The main character is minutes away from turning 18 and acts and speaks like an 8 year old. And, not just an 8 year old but an 8 year old from the 1950's, think Dennis the Menace for those of you old enough to remember the tv show. Both as themselves and their superhero alter egos, every time these actors open their mouths idiocy of the highest caliber spills forth! I was truly embarrassed for the actors and constantly annoyed by the dialogue.

The plot was hugely contrived. Events transpired not as a part of the natural ebb and flow of a story but because they needed to happen for the film makers. Sometimes, this even broke rules the filmmakers created themselves.

The actors had nothing to work with and sunk to the challenge. I like the cast, I think Helen Mirren is a treasure and Zachary Levi is awesome but... wow. The best performances came from side characters, the actors playing the foster parents. The rest of the cast had me wishing everyone else would loose and the movie would just end. The wisdom of Solomon was smart enough to skip this movie.

I don't know what part of this broken carnival ride to lay at the director's feet, unless disjointed and nonsensical were his goal. I felt less intelligent for having seen Shazam! Fury of the Audience.

All the bad movies these days are lowering my movie bar. So, I'd give up this movie a 4.5/10. A lot of people worked hard to make Shazam! Fury of the Gods. It's a shame all there hard work resulted in this puddle of melted ice cream. I want my money back.

A Man Called Otto (2022)

Movie Equivalent of Hot Chocolate

[8/10 · 13 July 2023]

It's been a long drought of good films. A Man Called Otto, a remake of 2015 Swedish film A Man Called Ove, based on a 2012 novel by Fredrik Backman, has been an oasis in my movie desert.

The cast, including veteran actor Tom Hanks, turned in a solid performance. Mariana Trevino was exceptional, her performance outshining even Hanks. The writing was above average and the direction was competent.

I've nothing negative to write about A Man Called Otto. It was a good film. If you're looking for a bitter, sweet Hollywood movie; this is it. Overall, I'd give it a 7.5/10. This movie was made for a homemade hot fudge sundae or a good box of chocolates.

That '90s Show (2023– )

Not as bad as it looks

[5/10 · 9 July 2023]

That '90s Show feels like a reskinned Disney's "Girl Meets World." The characters are 2 dimensional, soulless, cardboard cut outs. The writing is flat with occasional, short side trips to humor town. The young cast delivers competent if uninspired performances. And, it's still better than 99% of the shows Netflix creates.

The only consistent bright spots are returning cast members: Debra Jo Rupp and Kurtwood Smith. Red and Kitty kept me watching, even though they seemed toned down. And, the cameos by That '70s Show alumni were nice to see but you could feel their hearts weren't really into reprising their former roles.

Overall, it's light, easy, empty comedy. I plowed through the entire season after coming home from a dinner. It reminded me of the TV equivalent of a Hostess Twinkie, sweet and created in lab somewhere. You probably won't hate it too much and you probably won't like it too much, it's something fake sweet to fill empty time. I'll probably give the second season a chance if/when it comes out.

Extraction II (2023)

Felt Like a Cut Scene From a Video Game

[5/10 · 2 July 2023]

Extraction 2 was a significant disappointment, but still better than 95% of the films out there. And, if you're looking for a 2 hour video game cut scene this is your film.

I didn't dislike this film and it wasn't a bad movie. But, it was hamstrung by a poor script and weirdly, unrealistic action. The baddies seem to be mowed down in one scene and appear ready to go in the next scene, only to be mowed down again, rinse and repeat. I thought one chap had been killed a half dozen times only to reappear once again, late in the film. It continually took me out of the movie. And, the action, unlike the first Extraction, had no weight to it. All the bullets and explosions had an unreal feel to them, which is so weird, and took me out of the movie. I've watched video game cut scenes with more gravitas. How do you do that to a gunfight?

The worst offender was the script. It was hugely contrived and made little sense. I know action films aren't supposed to be Shakespeare. But, that lack of sense and lack of explanations for the nonsense took me out of the movie. As a non spoiler example, I'm still not totally sure who hired the main character or how the person who hired him had the money to pay him and his associates. What they do, all the gear they use, and all the support they need are not cheap!! It was perfectly clear in Extraction, a rich drug kingpin hired him. Simple. And, that was just one of many... many examples that took me out of the movie. I signed up with Netflix just to watch this film and like Extraction 2 I'm still wondering what's going on with that?

Overall, Extraction 2 is not a bad film. It's somewhere in that grey area between a good film and a bad film. If you're looking for an action film to kill a couple of hours, you could do worse. But, after the first Extraction, I expected better.

I'm going to rewatch the first Extraction tonight to get the taste of Extraction 2 out of my mouth and make the month of Netflix I bought worthwhile.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

There Are Still Only 3 Indiana Jones Movies

[3/10 · 30 June 2023]

The single biggest success of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is to elevate Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. After all, there can be only one worst Indiana Jones film of all time. And, that film, by any metric, is The Dial of Destiny.

Watching this film was emotionally akin to identifying a loved one after a horrible, disfiguring car crash. I recognized the basic shape, the clothes, the name on the drivers license, but everything else was a bloody, mutilated mess. But, when you're trying to shoehorn two different movies, that hate themselves and each other, into a single film, that's the predictable result.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny would be more accurately titled The Adventures of Helena and the Dial of Destiny, featuring old Indiana Jones. Jones, an unrecognizable version of himself, comes across as an almost unwelcome part of his own movie. Except for the fist 15 minutes, Helena is the star of this film sharing the screen with her father's friend Doctor Jones. Sigh.

I'll keep this short. I remember the first time I saw "Raiders of the Lost Ark." I went to find my seat, popcorn and soda in hand. I was late and the opening credits were already rolling. For the next hour and fifty minutes I was in adventure nirvana and forgot all about the soda and popcorn. Honestly, one of the best movie experiences of my life. And, Dial of Destiny was almost the exact, total opposite experience. The film felt like a Frankenstein's monster, hundreds of movie corpses stitched together to create... a complete abomination.

Trying to find something positive to write. The de aging looked good. The beginning wasn't too bad. And, there were random moments that were ok. As a final outing for Indiana Jones I'd give it a 1, as an introduction of Helena... don't ask, but as just a random movie it's a 3. My advice: save your money, I'm sure you could find something better on tv.

Secret Invasion (2023)

Watching Paint Dry Is More Entertaining

[2/10 · 22 June 2023]

In Secret Invasion Disney Marvel has managed to create something less interesting than the side effects part of a drug commercial!

I thought with a stellar cast of actors, how bad could this be? Samuel l Jackson, Ben Mendelsohn, Olivia Coleman, Cobie Smulders, and Amelia Clarke are talented actors. I've profoundly enjoyed their previous performances, even in not so great movies. But, Secret Invasion is so... war crime level bad, even these talented people can't save it!

Disney Marvel's Secret Invasion is a convoluted mess. The writing is beyond unimaginative, without skill or talent, and often contradicts itself in the same scene. The director and producers should be taken to the public square and made to apologize... profusely and often! And, the higher ups who greenlit this abomination should have their glasses checked or the dosage on their prescriptions changed... maybe both!

I've given this mess a 2/10 for bringing together, however poorly used, amazing actors. Secret Invasion has a phenomenal cast. But, the series itself is... monumentally bad! Don't be fooled as I was. There is nothing here for anyone who isn't waiting for a plane at the airport or checking into their hotel.

I don't know how Disney, once the gold standard, can continue to produce such... excrement.

John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)

I Should Have Stopped At John Wick 2

[4/10 · 11 June 2023]

Talentless writers ruin another film! I thought John Wick 3 was a huge disappointment, but John Wick 4 maybe the dullest action film ever.

Keanu Reeves is a national treasure, but his heart wasn't in this one and it showed. Almost 60 and looking about 35, he punches and shoots his way through the baddies. But, without a script of worth to give his actions meaning, everything he does seems empty and flat. I fell asleep during one of the later action scenes to give you context on just how uninteresting the action in this film came across. Which is a shame, because I'm sure a bunch of people put a ton of work into it. But, if your fight scenes are inspiring me to grab a nap, what the hell?

All the actors turned in quality performances. And, it was wonderful to see Clancy Brown again. But, the screenplay couldn't be saved. It was lazy, flat, and highlighted the lack of skill and imagination of the films writers. Shay Hatten is no Derek Kolstad!

Visually it was very pretty, but it was the cinematic version of plastic fruit. If you haven't invested your time in the other films, give it a miss. It's not even worth watching as background for cooking.

If the makers of John Wick: Chapter 4 read this, I want my money and time back!

The Night Agent (2023– )

Painful to View

[3/10 · 10 April 2023]

Tried to watch this with my brother last night. And, It was another Netflix abortion! How are these people still employed?

The Good: The production values were competent. And, I think the original author was involved.

The Bad: The short answer is everything not listed in the good.

The writing was atrocious! It was painfully bad and hugely annoying. My suspension of disbelief felt like it was gang raped in a prison shower scene. In order for fiction to work there has to be a grounding in reality. There was no grounding, nor any reality. The characters did what they wanted for no reason and never acted like any human beings on the face of the Earth... ever. There are middle school student writers doing better, more realistic work.

The acting was subpar. I know these jokers had no script, but still... The words that came out of their mouths made everything worse. I felt so sorry for Robert Patrick. There have been actors in the past, given terrible scripts, who were able to elevate the words through talent. Peter Cushing is a wonderful example. There was no such talent here, not even a little! They just made it worse!!

It hurts to even think about the time I spent watching this mess.

Do yourself a favor, unless you're super stoned or about to pass out drunk, give this a miss. The best thing about this show is the advertising and the artwork.

Helix (2014–2015)

Nonsensical, Disjointed Mess

[2/10 · 22 March 2023]

I've just wasted hours of my life. Helix masquerades as a race against time to stop an apocalyptic virus. In reality, it's an excuse for 2 dimensional, poorly written characters to talk about how they're feeling, at any given time, and at every opportunity. I liked the premise, stuck around waiting for it to get better, it never did. Don't waste your time with this.

I gave it 2 stars because I enjoyed the premise and as a recognition of what "Helix" could have been. I haven't watched the second season, but it looks even worse than the first. If bad shows like this continue, IMDB may need to add a minus one to ten scale, just to keep pace.

The End of the F***ing World (2017–2019)

Quirky and Fun

[8/10 · 2 September 2022]

This series was not what I expected. It was dark and weird, which would normally be my off ramp, instead it drew me in. The two leads were well cast for their roles and had amazing chemistry. Both leads are very talented young actors and their performances had me checking their IMDB filmographies for other films or series they've appeared in. The writing was crisp and interesting, something I don't see often enough. And, the world was populated with a plethora of interesting, quirky side characters. The two seasons are charming and worth a look. However, full disclosure, the quality dipped for the second season. But, I'd still absolutely love to see a third season! It's a solid 8/10.

God's Favorite Idiot (2022– )

"The Good Place" Lite

[6/10 · 1 September 2022]

God's Favorite Idiot was easy. I watched all 8 episodes in one sitting, and I wanted more. It was interesting, quirky, and nice. But, I feel like it's been done before and done better.

The writing is competent, but flat. It never addresses why the main character is chosen, except to say he's a nice, honest guy. It never gives any real incite into humanity, deities, or the divine. And, for this type of show to work, it has to have some of that as it's foundation. A lovable schnook will only suspend a very finite amount of disbelief, for a limited time.

The actors were good and the performances were solid. However, Melissa McCarthy seemed out of place. Her over the top style of zany comedy, toned down here, still placed too much attention on her and took away from the story. No disrespect to the actor, I think she's fantastic, but she was super duper miscast here. And, it really cost the series a ton, like mixing peanut butter and sushi.

Overall, it's a decent watch. It doesn't demand much attention. It would probably go great with $12 Chardonnay and some takeout. I give it a weak 6.5/10. I am a sucker for lovable schnooks and their stories.

Samaritan (I) (2022)

Neat Idea, Poorly Done

[5/10 · 27 August 2022]

Samaritan is not a good movie. But, it's better than so much of what's being released, it's probably worth a watch.

I don't often feel sorry for Sylvester Stallone or Amazon, but Samaritan was a real missed opportunity for a good, cheap franchise. It could have been a return to form for the aging star and a cash cow for the struggling studio. And, more importantly, a franchise I would have looked forward to watching! Unfortunately, Samaritan was let down by bad writing and poor casting choices.

Sylvester Stallone, when he's not playing Sylvester Stallone, is often a square peg in a round hole. Here he was spot on. He had the right everything to make his character work and even take it to the next level. But, his supporting cast, while competent and turning in solid performances, had no acting chemistry with the mega star. Further, the young actor, playing the other lead, energetically took away from every scene the two shared. In fact, the entire cast never seemed to fit in the film or the parts they were playing. And, a lot of that was the writing.

The real villain of Samaritan was the writing. Poor casting choices didn't help, but the writing destroyed this film. Stallone wasn't given the right lines. So many missed opportunities that Stallone would have nailed! All he had to do, at the beginning of the final fight, is say, "I'm not Samaritan," and the movie is 10 times better! The boy, as written, was unlikeable and didn't seem to need any help. His first meaningful interaction with the Stallone character was to break into his apartment and steal his album! How does a self confessed troglodyte and loner (Samaritan) take that person under his wing. The boy needed to be sympathetic, instead he came across as someone who would have quickly grown and solved his own problems. Hell, I thought Samaritan might ask the kid for advice a couple of times. The baddies were written too often as good guys, just trying to make it. So, when they turned into full fledge baddies, it was season 8, Game of Thrones, Daenerys all over again. It's not nuance or subverting expectations when you spend 90 minutes making characters likable, just to reverse course at the end and turn them into baddies. That is bad writing. And, Samaritan's enemy wasn't Nemesis, it was bad writing. What a waste.

To sum up, I'd give Samaritan a weak 5/10. It's more watchable than most, but don't go out of your way to see it. It's like microwaved pancakes, if you're hungry you'll eat them, and maybe even enjoy them... a little.

Young Wallander (2020–2022)

Solid Successor

[7/10 · 26 August 2022]

Young Wallander is a prequel series to Wallander. It captures much of the mood and energy of the original, but doesn't quite hit the mark. And, weirdly, seems to be set in modern times, even though it should chronologically be set twenty or thirty years in the shows past. Overall, it's a decent watch, whether you've seen it's precursor or no.

The cast is talented and deliver an above average performance. The writing is competent, if a bit more generic than the original. And ,the production values and cinematography are solid.

I've no real gripes. Young Wallander and a bowl of ice cream could fix a lot of problems. Why the 7/10? Young Wallander was like going to my favorite restaurant, ordering the usual, and it just wasn't as good as they normally make it. It wasn't bad, it was good, just not as good as it could be. Overall, no regrets on the time spent. It's miles better than many other shows. If moody murder mysteries set in Sweden are what you're feeling, this will definitely satisfy.

Mo (2022– )

Worth a look

[7/10 · 26 August 2022]

Mo has a lot of potential. If you're looking for something upbeat to unwind with, Mo could be it.

Mo is magical when it's being a slice of life, light drama. I could spend days watching the titular character interact with his family, friends, and the fascinating characters populating his world. Mo felt like hanging out at a friends house, with his big, quirky family. I had a blast! It slipped when it went to darker and grittier places. It was still interesting, but lost all of it's sparkle. I'm not referring to Mo's dad or Palestine or those subjects, they fit right in and added gravitas. The drugs, gangsters, and the addiction felt real, but took away from the vibe I was digging.

I want to praise the cast, crew, writers, directors, production staff, absolutely everyone for the best new show I've seen in a while! "Thank you all! Great job! You all rock!!" I'd like to single out a few of the lead actors:

Mohammed Amer - I don't know how many jobs he had in the making of the series, but well done across the board! His performance as the lead in this series was powerful, sympathetic, lovable, and accessible. It was absolutely right on.

Teresa Ruiz - Wow! An amazing and powerful performance. She stole every scene she was in and was the perfect choice to cast opposite Mohammed Amer. She was tough, intelligent, vulnerable, and compassionate. They were dynamic together. An absolutely amazing young actor. Watch her, she's going places.

Farrah Bsieso - She gave a performance filled with gravitas. I want to see her do Shakespeare. She gave her role the perfect emotional pallet, creating a character who leapt off the screen. An amazing actor who's nuanced performance was part of the bedrock for much what I liked about Mo.

There wasn't anything I disliked about Mo, a rarity these days. I would have liked more time with his family, more time with his friends and more quirky, characters. I wish they spoke Arabic a little slower, I would have loved to pick up a few words. I still throw out a Battlestar Galactica, "so say we all," every now and again. I wished there was a little more about Islam and Catholicism, I'm always looking to learn, and in a wonderful way Mo's and Maria's faith was another character in their story. But, there's nothing bad about Mo, there was just a lot of unused real estate. Sort of like, a hamburger patty is good on it's own. Put that patty between two pieces of bread, add cheese, bacon, onions, lettuce, tomato, another patty, an egg and you've made something amazing! Right now, Mo is the delicious patty, with maybe the cheese.

Overall, I'd rate Mo at a 6.5/10. It's a solid watch with some definite magic and room to grow. It has a ton, a literal metric tonne of potential. I hope it gets a season 2.

The Sandman (2022– )

What The Hell?

[3/10 · 24 August 2022]

This is the one that I'm canceling my Netflix over. I've put up with Netflix defecating on Cowboy Bebop, He-Man, and Resident Evil. But, Sandman is the last straw!

I've never read the source material. I had no real investment in Sandman, except liking the premise. And, Netflix did it again!

First the good: Visually there is a lot to like. There was definitely a budget, but it was well spent creating a visually appealing experience. If this was a series of still photos, instead of a tv series, I would have rated it 7/10 maybe 8/10. It was great to look at and that's how it made it to 3/10.

The bad: The acting was bad. This is a fantasy story and suspension of disbelief is everything. With the exception of Charles Dance and some few others, the actors were fairly bad. They absolutely looked the parts, but the moment they opened their mouths to speak, bad performances gushed forth! I've seen some of these actors in other works and I'm truly shocked at the quality of their performances!

The writing was abysmal! I know the creator of Sandman, Neil Gaiman, was involved, but yikes, this was bad! I remember watching Neverwhere years ago and enjoying it, so I was especially surprised at the dip in quality of writing here. Aren't writers supposed to get better over time? I kept thinking no one would say that or that doesn't make any sense or where is that coming from during the series, rather than being able to sit back and become involved in the story.

Maybe the weirdest part for me was the Sandman himself. He seemed to have no agency in his own story. This "godlike" character seemed to be always waiting for others to show him the way, which seemed hugely incongruous with his description as an immortal. He seemed more lost little boy with a learning disability than the Sandman. I suppose this goes back to the poor writing.

To conclude, I'd give this one a miss if I were you. There's plenty of better things out there. This is more Netflix taking old properties with cache and giving them to people who seem unable to tell a story and who's creativity falters after race swapping or gender swapping or sexuality swapping legacy characters. I had no expectations and they were all successfully subverted. Goodbye Netflix. Call me you learn to tell a good story.

Uncharted (2022)

Unwatchable

[3/10 · 21 August 2022]

I don't know how you ruin a treasure hunt movie, but these jokers did it!

The writing was non existent. It seemed like whomever wrote this was trying to remember things they'd seen on tv. I've never played the video game, but I've heard it's popular. So, how do you screw up a treasure hunt movie based on a successful video game? Just hire the people who wrote this! Wow! Their lack of skill is epic!

The characters were dull. The story was dull. The cinematography was competent, but dull. The action was dull. How do you make action dull?!? I felt sorry for the actors. I'd rather clean a San Francisco public toilet, with my tooth brush, in my church clothes, than watch this film again!

I gave this movie a 3/10 to support the hard working actors and crew. Who I'm sure did what they could, with what they had. The writer(s) and director should be ashamed of themselves! I give 0/10 for those jokers.

Zone 414 (2021)

Stinks of Art School

[3/10 · 3 January 2022]

Wow, Guy Pierce must have really needed a paycheck! Zone 414 was painful to watch. It was an example of a film school student checking boxes and creating a mood, without bothering to tell a story. It was torture seeing talented actors try to deliver atrocious, non-sensical dialogue. And, the story was so disjointed I felt liked I'd spun myself around in circles for an hour and a half, instead of watching a movie.

My advice, give this one a miss. It's a shame because there was potential here. But, Netflix missed yet again.

The Wheel of Time (2021– )

Bad Fan Fiction

[1/10 · 27 November 2021]

The Wheel of Time books were my favorite escape when I was younger. When a new book released, I'd be there on the first day to buy my copy. I'd cancel plans and spend the weekend devouring every word of every book. And, I have been waiting years, decades for it to be turned into a series. So, now I cry during every episode of this reimagined Wheel of Time. I feel as if I've lost old, dear friends to a senseless tragedy.

If you haven't read the books, this show may have some appeal. It's a low budget attempt at a Game of Thrones style fantasy adventure. The actors are young and talented, but let down by a so-so script and poor production values. It often reminds me of a cheap version Legend of the Seeker from 2008. It comes across as disjointed and rushed. But, if you haven't read the books and are looking for your fantasy fix, it may satisfy.

For me, it's like watching a dear friend die of cancer. I know who my friend was, but I don't recognize the thing in front of me. All the names and places are right, but everything else about them is wrong. Every episode is another visit to my friend in the hospital, hoping they'll recover, and knowing in my heart they never will.

This is not Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time, this is not his story, and these are not his characters. This is bad fan fiction masquerading as Wheel of Time. I have difficulty believing the people who wrote the script read the books. Or, if they read the books, they must have hated them to do what they've done. For me, it's the painful, senseless death of a loved one.

Tai'shar Manetheren.

Dune (2021)

Visually Amazing but Flat as Day Old Soda

[4/10 · 3 November 2021]

Normaly, I wouldn't review half a movie, but Dune (2021) deserves both praise and criticism. Dune (2021) may be the most visually beautiful movie I've ever seen. The costumes and set pieces are beyond amazing! The look of the film is awesome! I plan to watch it again (with the sound off) just to experience this masterwork again!

However, the unparalleled beauty and cinematography can't hide its' glaring flaws. The script is inept and flat. The actors, with few exceptions, are tedious. And, the casting was so badly thought out, I have to wonder if the person in charge threw darts at a wall of photos of actors. I mean, I enjoy seeing Jason Momoa play Jason Momoa, but come on...

Outside of the visual this film has very little to offer. But, by all means watch it, with the sound off, and you'll be amazed!!