webcrawler Reviews

Taxicab Confessions (1995– )

Faked...Scripted...with very poor actors

[19 August 2009]

First of all, if you lived in New York City you knew right away that this was a scripted situation. The characters depicted were the types that actual New York taxi drivers WOULD NEVER stop for. Also, the next time you catch a repeat, notice how much light there is inside the taxi cab at night. Just enough light for the 'hidden' camera. Right. And, the actors were so bad that you always caught them looking right into the 'hidden' camera that they were alleged not to know was there. Secondly, nobody talks to a taxi driver that much. The most conversation is "Do you have change?". If you were really a crack head would you have money for a taxi ride? And, would the driver stop to pick you up in the first place?

Starcrossed (1985 TV Movie)

Caught it on Starz Encore

[24 July 2009]

Everyone looking for the film you can catch it on Starz Encore Drama. I get DirecTV so not sure which channel you might find it on cable, but Starz Encore is a good bet. Cute film. What is it about 80s film culture that makes you warm and fuzzy inside? Also, I remember the locations shot around Toronto, Canada. Very nostalgic because these places are much different now, and a few buildings and stores no longer exist. I believe this was a failed TV pilot. There are a few other Canadian based TV shows I have been searching for that were filmed around this time (early 80s). Night Heat, Friday the 13th, and War of Worlds.

Cloverfield (2008)

singing, and trying not to hurl ... SHake, ShAke, shaKE....ShAkE, sHAke, ShaKE...SHAke yOuR mOvIE....ShAkE yoUR MooViE .....

[1/10 · 25 January 2008]

This is what my friends and I were singing through most of the film, and then all the way home. Well, at least we were inspired to song. But that seems to be the only redeeming quality of this film school experiment (gone bad).

In short, the film sucks. It really did seem like we were watching an uninspired film school project. And, it would not get a passing grade. No plot, storyline, or character development -- oh, and no ending or resolution.

And even more important -- No MONSTER. When I go to a monster flick I expect to see..a MONSTER. Not suggested with low budget CGI effects, but very clearly realized on the screen -- A MOVIE MONSTER.

Instead we get a gimmicky camera effect that has been used many times before (and done better) and guaranteed to make you hurl your popcorn (if you're into that), along with every cinematic cliché since GODZILLA was first realized to BLAIR WITCH PROJECT and the 911 TAPES.

The awards should really go to the marketing team. That's where the real genius lies (no pun). A great viral marketing campaign.

Munich (2005)

Epic ...an Instant Classic

[29 December 2005]

Went to the Loew's Lincoln Center to catch the 10:30 p.m. showing of Barebacking Cowboys. After the first 20 minutes of boredom, predictable storyline, more boredom, lame situations...got up and exchanged that ticket for the 10:40 p.m. showing of Munich.

I have not written a review in quite some time. Why? There hasn't been anything released in the past year and a half that I would pay to see or even download on Gnutella. How refreshing it was to finally have the lights go down, sit back, and enjoy a film from beginning to end -- and become thoroughly engaged without having my common sense and I.Q. insulted by lame, disconnected, illogical situations -- and bad acting from over the hill so far gone "stars/movie actors".

Munich is a masterpiece. From beginning to end it engages you and leaves you wanting more like the best sex you ever had -- multiple orgasms. I recommend this film highly to anyone who was old enough in 1972 to remember the tragedy of the '72 Olympic games and the political scandals and cover-ups that followed. And for those that were not around back then, this is probably the best visual history of it you will ever experience. 3 hours, but worth every second. Will leave you wanting to know more of what happened with the central character.

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

DUMB AND DUMBERER (U.K. STYLE) meets ANOTHER BORING MINDLESS ZOMBIE KNOCKOFF (U.K. STYLE)

[24 September 2004]

I wish I could recommend this movie. But I can not. I wish I could comment on how awful this movie is. But words fail me.

I really don't know which is worse: The over-rated British sense of humor or their world world-class horrible cuisine. I pass on either.

KUMAR GOES TO WHITE CASTLE is finally off the hook as the lamest movie to be released in 2004. In fact, if there is a category for lamest foreign movie at the Oscars next year SOTD should win hands down (although it may be to soon to say since there are 3 months left in the current year and I can see a few more stinkers on the horizon).

1/2 start out of **** (..and that's for having the balls to release this in the states).

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)

A Must See...Unexpected Treat

[19 September 2004]

Sky Captain is the most fun I have had at the movies since I was a kid watching the first Raiders of the Lost Ark films with Harrison Ford. The story is well written, the action is fast paced, and the special effects, though not ground breaking, are indeed outstanding. Because most of the foreground and backdrop of the film are drawn in or are computer generated (CGI), the film tends to be a bit darkly contrasted in places, but after a few minutes into the film your eyes and perceptions adjust to the surreal reality. Performances by the lead actors are excellent. Gwyneth Paltrow as Polly Perkins girl reporter in the tradition of Lois Lane; Jude Law, in his first leading man role, the Sky Captain and romantic interest between Paltrow and Angelina Jolie (Capt. "Franky" Cook) whose brief appearance midway through the film is an adrenaline jolt; Giovanni Ribisi as Dex Dearbon, former Sky Captain turned scientist. In contrast, the theme for the film seems to run between fantasy films such as The Wizard of Oz, Brigadoon, and old sci-fi films like The Day the World Stood Still.

Sky Captain, a throw-back to the golden age of matinée serials like Buck Rodgers, is the perfect action-adventure fantasy film for kids and adults alike. *** 3 out of 4**** stars

Paparazzi (2004)

DEATH WISH meets CELEBRITIES UNCENSORED

[8 September 2004]

Not too boring, but very predictable action/thriller(?). Stand out performance by Tom Sizemore as the Paparazzi from Hell. I have never understood why Cole Hauser, son of character actor Wings Hauser has yet to acquire super star leading man success like his contemporaries Matt Damon or Brad Pit(less), but now I do. He's about as interesting as cow dung drying in the noon-day sun.

As for the story, well....you have seen this one before - on cable probably if you were born after '74. And I am guessing that the writer/director probably were. The story is a very obvious play on Death Wish (Charles Bronson) with a setting taken from E! Television's reality series Celebrities Uncensored.

I give this one a 2 out of 5ive stars.

The Village (2004)

LET THE BAD MOVIE NOT BE SEEN. IT ATTRACTS THEM (SUCKERS)

[1 August 2004]

I try to avoid writing negative revues. But I will make an exception here:

The studio responsible for the release of M. Night Shyamalan's latest hand-job should be sued by the the movie going public for reimbursement of ticket prices and any other related expenses on the grounds of false and misleading advertising. The Village is NOT a horror movie or anything close to that. The studio must have realised that had they advertised the movie for what it really was....pretentious, rambling, disjointed nonsense....no one would have wanted to see it. Who would spend $10.50 a seat to see a drawn out Twilight Zone episode about an Amish-like village of reclusive pilgrims (very reminiscent of Little House on the Prairie) surrounded by a forest inhabited by *imagined* boogeymen all in the middle of Pennsylvania (of all places). NOT !

One must admit that the obvious premise of this film (which is revealed in the *twist* in the last 30 minutes) might have been turned into a classic film had it been done by a master writer and director the likes of Steven King and the late Stanley Kubrick (The Shining). Unfortunately, Shyamalan has proven to be neither.

All in all The Village gets 0 points.

I (the sixth sense) II (signs) III (the village)

Three strikes and you are o-u-t.

Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives! (1989)

Worth watching if nothing but for the MUSIC .. and the memories

[17 July 2004]

The production could have been a lot better but the story is a universal one, and this is what pulls you into this film along with a nice soundtrack. Premise: A rock star dies tragically at the peak of his career/life. But what if he didn't really die in that car crash? what if....?

Eddie and the Cruisers II tries, with good intentions, to tell that story. The story of Eddie Wilson, a boy from the north jersey shore who in the late 1960s became the greatest rock star to ever live, and who was believed to have been dead for the past twenty years, suddenly re-emerges when he finds out that his former record label is about to release the unreleased last album tracks that he allegedly lost his life over. The album that the record label would not release in 1969, because the execs thought the tracks were trash, are now thought to be a work of genius. -- Ironically, not because of the rock star's alleged death, but because 20 years later the album tracks that were recorded in '69 are now thought to be visionary of what rock n roll would eventually evolve into (heralding of Sid Viscious/Bruce Springsteen). Eddie puts together a band of musicians from the small Montreal community he has been "hiding out" in for the past twenty years under an assumed name. And along with his girlfriend, a struggling little rich, french canadian artiste n], hits the road on a northern U.S. tour that will culminate in the return of Eddie Wilson and the New Cruisers at what I believe was suppose to be Madison Square Garden (most of the film, with the exception of a few exteriors, was shot in Canada). In the beginning, the girlfriend and one of the new band members are the only two who know that "Joe" is really Eddie Wilson. Along the way Joe/Eddie has a few demons to put to rest and a couple of burnt bridges to mend (an old best friend and band member back in Jersey that he neglected to inform that he really wasn't dead all these years and a record mogul he would like to see dead). --

Eddie and the Cruisers II: a nice date movie to rent at the local Blockbuster or better yet, catch it on cable. 2 1/2 stars.

Never Die Alone (2004)

Interesting concept ......

[27 March 2004]

.....but it just misses the mark here. I have been a fan of Donald Goines novels since I was a teen. I have often wondered why so-called gangsta rappers of our generation have glorified fictional icons like Scarface (Al Pacino) when there are better real life examples of hardcore gangstas like Donald Goines and Iceberg Slim who wrote about their turbulent lifestyles in graphic, candid detail in several real-life novels. When I heard about NDA I was excited that maybe someone had finally picked up the ball. Too bad this film falls just short of the mark. It tries very hard to lock onto a theme but comes across as disjointed and rambling. DMX aka Earl Simmons produced, as well as, starred in this flick. DMX's gruff demeanor is well suited for the Donald Goines anti-heros, but he needs to work on the acting skillz a bit. A very good supporting cast of known and not-so-well known actors. All in all I would say that this film is just a small step above the flick Belly -- just a little more violent and very crude. 2 out of 5 stars.

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Not bad .....

[19 March 2004]

An interesting adaptation of a classic horror film. Although with a cast like Sarah Polley, Ving Rhaimes, Mehki Phifer, and a few very well known character actors, there could have been a lot more done with the scripting. The ending left a little to be desired. But there is lots of gore and violence here, and if that's what you like you won't be disappointed. Not as engaging as 28 Days, but with similar surprises. What if you woke up tomorrow and found all your neighbors and family running around the neighborhood like brain-hungry ghouls? Well, ok, if you live in ny like I do that might not be uncommon, but if you live in middle America you might find it a little unsettling. 6 stars out of 10.

Far from Heaven (2002)

Should have been titled "FAR FROM LOGIC"

[7 December 2003]

Douglas Sirk and allll that aside. The situations were not even believable on a soap-opera level. How could the black gardner, who obviously wasn't that young, be so naive about race relations in America in the 1950's? Where had he been living prior? Somewhere in Canada? Because that was the only place in North America at the time that would have been tolerant of interracial relations. What would make him think that he could just walk around town with a married white socialite on his arms and not draw the wrath of both blacks and whites ?

Then, I almost fell over when the gay husband thing emerged. And then the therapist, who quite frankly, looked a little "suspect" himself suggested talking *alone* with the husband <snicker>. I almost expected the doorbell to ring and Alexis Carrington to be standing on the doorstep -- Louie Vitton luggage in tow.

IF this movie was supposed to be homage to the melodramas of the era, sadly all it turns out to be is a very bad satire.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

YOU THINK YOU KNOW THIS STORY? YOU DON'T.

[18 October 2003]

This adaptation of the original 1973 slasher film that set the benchmark for all to come is in some ways better than the original. Kudos to the producers for the clever re-working of this story. What's even more clever is the filmmakers' use of techniques borrowed from recent films such as The Blair Witch. Probably the best slasher flick I have seen in a very long time. A truly scary flick. And the ending does not disappoint.

Out of Time (I) (2003)

NOT MUCH OF A STORY ....

[4 October 2003]

..or one that we haven't seen many times before. Yet this film has its moments of real humor and excitement due in no small part to the presence and talent of Denzel Washington. Eva Mendes who plays his wife this time around (as oppose to his baby's mama in Training Day), displays a dignity that we have never seen in her previous characterizations. Long story short, this is not a blockbuster script and I dont see it going up for any oscar nominations. But when you have a master craftsman like Denzel...well you have to see for yourself. I recommend this film and give it 3 thumbs up.

The Rundown (2003)

The Lowdown on The Rundown

[27 September 2003]

If you are one of the mindless imbeciles that follow the WWE SMACKDOWN, WRESTLEMANIA, etcetera, etcetera, then you will probably like this film. All others I would recommend to stay away. Two hours of mindless, moronic schlock. No plot. The Rock aka Dwayne Johnson is a big ham -- it's just too bad he can't act. His performance is stiff and mechanical. And the jokes are really lame and have been done before -- and better, I might add. Chris Walken; I heard that he and Madonna are good friends. She needs to introduce him to her pilates trainer. The rest is just too lame to mention. Two thumbs WAY down.

Cold Creek Manor (2003)

An engaging but disappointing suspense thriller

[21 September 2003]

What little story there is unfolds slowly. This is basically a quirky little suspense thriller that promises a little more than it actually delivers. No big thrills. And at points, a bit predictable. Nothing outstanding from the players either. We have seen these performances before -- and not all good, I might add.

Cabin Fever (2002)

PUNKED - THE MOVIE

[13 September 2003]

.....is what they should have entitled this embarrassment, because that's how you feel after the first 15 minutes.

After all of the HYPE from the STUDIO and so-called MOVIE CRITICS touting this head-cheese as DESTINED TO BE A CLASSIC. Yeah, it's a classic alright. A CLASSIC MESS!

No plot. Bad acting. Whack jokes. Cheesy effects. Stupid, offensive dialogue. I suppose since they couldn't come up with a plausible story they tried to go for shock value. Well, that didn't work either. And did I mention "No plot"?

And, it's suppose to be a HORROR MOVIE right? WRONG ! This movie is about as scary as a sleep-over at Michael Jackson's house. Well, o.k. maybe that would be scary. But the only thing frightening about this movie was the nervous look on the theatre manager's face. He stood at the exit with FREE PASSES to another movie.

Some films with no box office potential go straight-to-video, but this one should have gone straight into the vault of WORST FILMS EVER MADE IN ITS GENRE -- or even better...

the trash can.

Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003)

MAKES FREDDY VS. JASON LOOK LIKE "QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY"

[31 August 2003]

This movie ROCKS from beginning to end ! Forget about over the hill, played out, slasher movie monsters from the 80s - 90s. The Creeper is the drive-in movie of the summer. A must see. Lotsa fun for the whole family (even little Johnnie).

Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003)

KICKS FREDDY'S BUTT !!

[30 August 2003]

Forget about tired, played out, over-the-hill, slasher senior citizens. THE CREEPER Rocks !! From beginning to end. Scares, laughs, cheers, diversity -- there is something for everybody. THE CREEPER is the grandson of all slasher/horror figures that came before him -- and then some. A true movie monster icon for the new millineum generation. And a cool movie to end the summer of NOT SO COOL summer sluggh.

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

SUCKS

[24 August 2003]

I went in half expecting to see a brain-dead film, but it turned out worse than that -- it was 2 hours of purgatory.

What in the world were the producers thinking? From now on whenever I see the name Newline, I will know to stay away.

I went with friends to see this film at 10:00 p.m. showing at a midtown Manhattan movie theatre on a Saturday night, opening weekend -- and there was barely anyone there. Obviously, word of mouth had spread quickly ("Stay Away!") Unfortunately, my friends who are Freddy Krueger, Jason Voohrees fans, did not get the word, and had me dragging helplessly into the movie theature behind them like a victim in one of Freddy's nightmares.

I would normally say that this is a film that kids would probably like: Rated R for pervasive strong horror violence/gore, gruesome images, sexuality, drug use and language. But there was a 7 year-old behind us who kept BOOOing and razzing whenever Jason/Freddy did their thing.

Could it be that in an era of real-life monsters like Osama Bin Ladin, Saddam Insane, and G.W. Bush, that movie terrorists like Freddy Kruger and Jason Voohrees have become as passe today as Lon Chaney and Boris Karloff ? Maybe. Or...Maybe this movie was just a bad joke that no self-respecting movie studio would have wasted time with.

Electric Circus (1988–2012)

Canada's answer to American Bandstand

[22 July 2003]

I first came to notice the Electric Circus while visiting Toronto, Canada in 1994 and have followed it ever since. I live in NYC and for a while the Cable stations carried Much Music, the station that airs the program on Friday night. I remember walking down Queen Street West and coming across Chum City where the show was being taped live and wondering to myself, "why hasn't MTV picked up this open window to the street format?" Well, a year later they did "rip off" the format as though they had created it. Chum City, Much Music, Electric Circus, and FrenchKiss, all ROCK !

Hulk (2003)

The First Bomb/Stinker of the Summer 2003

[26 June 2003]

I went to see this film the day after it opened at the 12:00 Midnite showing in a major Manhattan theatre that is usually packed on the first weekend of a blockbuster film. I was one of maybe 25 people in the audience. Some of the comments heard from patrons in the theatre (in between the laughs and giggles)were BORING. DUMB. STUPID. LAME. CORNY...... And oh my lord, when the Hulk punches out the mutated toy poodle in a battle that would put Hulk Hogan and The Rock to shame I almost lost it (laughing). This is one you should wait and rent the DVD from Blockbuster.

Scream Blacula Scream (1973)

IS NOT a waste of time ....

[3 May 2003]

On the contrary. Scream Blacula is the best of the two Blacula films. It has two of the scariest scenes in horror film history and some of the most ironic and funniest. William Marshall is an excellent actor and his regal portrayal of the cursed black prince. It was quite interesting to see Pam Grier play against type (at the time, at least) as a vulnerable female -- who happened to be a voodoo priestess. I was a kid when I saw this for the first time and the scene where William Marshall pounces on this unsuspecting fella on the stairwell still scares the hell out of me. I have often wondered why no one has done a remake of this film series, with the resurgence of black film making.

I would recommend this film and it's predecessor (Blacula) very highly.