eldestjay Reviews

The New Normal (2012–2013)

Review/Prediction

[6/10 · 30 August 2012]

I'm splitting this article into two parts. A review, and a prediction. Here goes:

Review:

Now, there was a lot of hype surrounding this show. Both good and bad "Pre-Pilot Reviews" were flying around willy-nilly. So even though I didn't have any particularly high or low expectations, I decided to tune into at least the first episode. The pilot was released on Hulu as a sort of preview into what NBC was getting themselves into.

The first 10 minutes took me off-guard. Because I didn't want to turn it off. If it was anything, it was entertaining. Sure, they had three of four really crappy jokes. The kind you only hear on Family Guy in a situation where it's apparent that the real joke is, none of the other characters thought the joke was funny. It was hard to put my finger on the kind of comedy The New Normal was trying to capture. It had the feel of Up All Night, but some of the punchlines I could've sworn they took from the three episodes of Work It!.

However, it was not a total crash and burn. Justin Bartha was brilliantly good, and the lesser known Andrew Rannells was refreshing and quirky. All around, a capable cast.

The problems they have, are sure to be taken car of in the next season or two, and I believe I might just go along for the ride, if not only to see where this is all going.

Prediction:

Okay, I think I might have a little inkling of insight here that I want to share. This is simply and educated guess as to where the show is ultimately going.

(if you haven't seen the pilot yet, go watch it on hulu.com and this next part will make more sense.)

At the end of the pilot, Goldie (Georgia King) is looking at the pregnancy test she just urinated on, being watched closely by two fathers-to-be, eagerly awaiting the results of their paternal status. Goldie gets this look on her face, then the episode ends.... The first episode never actually tells us whether or not she's got a bun in the oven.

Obviously though, the plot of the show, the entire marketing campaign, and common sense tells us that she is pregnant. They flat-out say it in the commercials. So she's clearly going to get pregnant, right? ...right?

I say, wrong.

Here's what I'm thinking. Before we see the look on Goldie's face, the look that means she know's whether or not the dudes are gonna be dads, Justin Bartha's character gives a long speech about how Goldie made this all possible. About how he and his husband want to help Goldie achieve her dream of becoming a lawyer, because she's helping them with their dream. They bought her an expensive suit for Pete's sake.

Everything leading up to this, the speech, and Goldie's character development, would lead me (a PhD in psychology) to believe that even if the test were negative, Goldie would tell them it was positive.

My prediction is that later on in the show, we will learn that Goldie was never pregnant, and drama will ensue. A falling out, hurt feelings, mixed up emotions, and the invention of the word surroghastly.

If in the second episode, I observe that the two fathers never even glance at the pregnancy test for themselves, I will be convinced that this is where the show is headed.

And if I am right, I will have so much respect for The New Normal. They will still have blown my understanding mind....

In Time (2011)

No Good At All

[4/10 · 14 December 2011]

This movie left me with so many questions. Not questions about the plot, because the plot was very clear; nothing was confusing or hard to understand. It left me only with questions like: "Why is 25 the age they stop at?" "Who the heck authorized this system of currency?" "How in the heck does it even work? They just drop dead once they're time's up?!"

In Time really ticked me off. The gaping holes in it's back story left you assuming things left and right. It was agonizing to watch, because it was interactive; but not interactive like Inception, where you had to pay attention to every single detail. It was interactive because you were forced to guess things. To fill in the obvious blanks that the script and plot-line left sitting there like a duck waiting to be fed. The movie sincerely wanted to be what we would call "a smart thriller. You know, like Inception, the Matrix, Alien? That kind of thing. However, the bad writing and unabridged amateurism displayed by all of the young actors and actresses, left the movie gasping for breath, but still caught under the avalanche of atrocity that it was desperately trying to run away from.

I wish I could say that the acting was on par with what you'd expect from "A-List" actors like Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried. Sadly, it wasn't. Becoming an A- lister clearly doesn't take talent any more. Just a pretty young face, and an agent good enough to get you a part in the latest teen-friendly melo-thriller, focused on brining joy to those who aren't that adequate when it comes to things like... well, thinking or speaking or anything that involves using their brain.

It's sad really.... Anyway, don't go see In Time.

The Iron Lady (2011)

Too Eager for the Award

[6/10 · 11 December 2011]

Margaret Thatcher was an amazing woman. I do not wish to undermine that fact. But The Iron Lady is one of those movies that is just screaming "Please give us an Oscar!" Several of these come out every year. Last year, we had The American, and Wrecked; this year gives us The Ides of March and sadly, The Iron Lady. 

The movie looked very promising at first. Really, what movie with Meryl Streep in a leading role, doesn't look promising? She is after all, a talented actress.  However, this movie's premise tries to capture something very profound and very controversial, but it tries to capture it in the exact way you'd expect it to. It portrays Thatcher as this high and mighty feminist who is far smarter than any man in existence. Now I have no problem with feminism, but some people take it to such an extreme that they make it seem as if women are far superior to men! That is a different sort of sexism that many choose to overlook.  Nevertheless, that's exactly what this movie does! It show every single male character in a bad light, and supposes that Thatcher is always the smartest one in the room. This is a big blow to the movie's integrity. 

Another thing I found disappointing was the cinematography. It lacked depth, and reminded me far to much of the King's Speech (I loved that movie). If your going to make a movie about a large shift in the British government, then don't do it a year after a similar film won best picture! 

Though, there is hope for the Iron Lady.  I've never been the biggest Meryl Streep fan, only because whenever I watch one of her movies, I can never fully connect to her character, because I only ever see them as Meryl Streep. It's hard for me to think of her as anyone else.  But something amazing happened over the course of the 2 hours that this movie spanned: I forgot who was playing Margaret Thatcher. I literally had to stop and think about it for a minute after the credits rolled. That's how good Streep's performance was. She WAS Margaret Thatcher. She deserves and Oscar. The movie doesn't.

Super 8 (2011)

Super 50-50

[7/10 · 11 December 2011]

First of all, I DID enjoy this movie. It was interesting, and thrilling, but it was rather unfulfilling. The first half of the movie was a great piece of movie-making that I will always relish, but the last half was somewhat underwhelming, and frankly, stupid. Poor choice of word? Maybe... but I use the word "stupid" because it's not a very strong adjective, and the ending to Super 8 did not produce any strong emotions for me. To put it bluntly, the conclusion was rather boring. The entire set-up kept making you wish with all your might that the secret, supernatural, mysterious something wasn't an alien. There was nothing I would've loved more than for it NOT to be an alien! Sadly... it was an alien. This came as no surprise. In fact, when I first saw the preview for the movie I was certain it was an alien. And I was right.

The thing I did like about the movie, was that it kept you guessing. At points, I thought I might be wrong. That maybe, it was something other than an alien. Something more. The writing was excellent, because it forced you to think; to mull things over. The sudden twists and turns had you changing your mind every second! "It is an alien! No wait, it isn't... Yes.. yes it is! Nope, I guess not.. Yes, it's an alien!"

It was exciting! The constant guesswork that the in-depth dialogue put me through was almost worth the disappointed ending! Yet, it wasn't. And in the end, your short 10 bucks, and your left with a sense as if you were robbed. As if someone waved candy in front of you, then took it away at the last minute. During the last 15 minutes of the movie, I found myself hunched over and dejected. Sad and disheartened, and wishing that I was watching the Breakfast Club... or literally anything else.

War Horse (2011)

The Best of the Worst

[7/10 · 11 December 2011]

Nothing is worse than a movie that is unsure of itself. War Horse is one of those movies. It can't decide whether it wants to be a family film, a romance/drama, or a graphic war film. I'm sorry, but without the proper amount of violence and gore, a war centered movie is usually not worth the watch! This holds true for the newest Spielberg flick.

I walked into a pre-screening of this movie, expecting bad, but coming out both pleasantly surprised, and thoroughly annoyed. The pleasantness came from that fact that it made a very good family film. It was sweet, warming, and had a certain charm to it. However, the battle scenes appalled me. The graphics were flat, the cinematography was boring to say the least, and the actual fighting itself was atrocious. Not atrocious as in bloody decapitations, and mangled limbs; atrocious as in, none of that at all. Honestly, War Horse seemed like two separate films: A very warmhearted film for the fam, and a very awful war movie.

Yes, as one may be able to tell, the main disappointments of this movie lie within the trenches of family-friendly combat.

One might say "This movie sucks." and be completely justified. But if you prefer absolutely no realistic blood or violence within the orifices of an action warfare movie, then you might actually enjoy this film more than I did.

Overall, the acting was stellar, the writing was good, and the inclusive story was mildly interesting. Nonetheless, War Horse was generally disappointing.

Restless (I) (2011)

Food for the Heart and the Mind

[10/10 · 11 December 2011]

I cannot tell you how much I adore this film. Restless is one of the greatest movies ever made. It's simple, but it's complex. It's confusing, yet it's still subtle. It's charming, dark, funny, romantic, bold, and shy all at the same time. It's truly a masterpiece, and it's one of the most under-appreciated movies of all time. 

The acting is phenomenal. Mia Wasikowski, is truly a little actress. She was the only good part about Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, and she adds charm, liveliness, and quirkiness to an already fantastic film.  I had never heard of the title actor before Restless, and after watching the preview, I wasn't that impressed with him. But during the actual movie, he took my soul on a journey. 

This movie is unbelievably good. It's honest. Not only about life, but about the moments in life that make it so special.  If I had to create a moral for the film it would be: Don't count the days until life ends, count the moments with the ones you love.

It truly is magnificent. It's A Walk to Remember, only with ghosts, snow angels, and a dash of lovable-ness that the Adam Shankman classic was always missing.

New Year's Eve (2011)

A Sequel to Valentine's Day!

[3/10 · 10 December 2011]

What? It's not a sequel to Valentine's Day? 

Let's be honest here. There was absolutely NO reason to make this movie. Well, maybe one: money. During a viewing of this excruciatingly painful melo-dramedy, one will find absolutely no artistic value, underlying message, or actual creative backbone. This film is just an excuse to slap a couple of famous face in front of the same camera, within the same period of time. You know what that's called on the set of a good movie? Bad casting. 

I can't believe someone made the same mistakes that were made just a year or two ago! When I first saw the poster, I thought "Is this a  parody?". But then I saw who was directing this prick of a film. 

Garry Marshall: Probably the single most desperate man in America. I am convinced that his last and final wish (let's be honest, he's not exactly in his twenties) is to meet as many famous people as he can; and what does that leave the helpless moviegoers with? The atrocities that were (and still are) Valentine's Day and New Years Eve. 

Looking for a fun holiday film to put a spring in your step, and a sparkle in your smile? Then spend your ten bucks elsewhere, because this movie is not worth the dough. 

The whole thing is a jumbled mess of popular actresses of today, and a few familiar faces that we all know. Then of course your Ashton Kutcher and your Jessica Biel who insist upon us that "Yes look, we're still famous! We promise!" 

Well I don't need it. I don't need it, and I encourage everyone to stray far away from this badly written, far-fetched, soap cushion of a love story that sincerely wants to be literally everything that it's not. It's a drama for people who don't like dramas, a comedy for people who don't like comedies, and a romance for people who don't like romance. Not worth a second of your time.

Switched at Birth (2011–2017)

Surprisingly Charming

[7/10 · 6 August 2011]

The thing that attracted me to this show was, of course, the title. "Pretty original" I thought. As far as I knew, no one else had ever tried to tackle such a profound subject. And yes, the subject is profound. Think about it. What if that happened to you? However, I was troubled when I heard the show was one of the many new shows that ABC Family was adding to their list. Why was I troubled? Because the day before, I had experienced the horror that is Cyberbully. But that's another story, and another review. But, I pushed through my doubts, and watched the pilot of Switched at Birth.

Although the show does not handle the extremity of the topic, it still manages to be a decent show. I enjoy it, I really do. And I think that the lightness which is used to deal with the premise of the show, actually works in its favor. If they tried to take it too seriously, ABC Family would most definitely ruin the entire spectrum of the show. Switched at Birth, while not genius in any way, shape, or form, is still a solid show. Although, for ABC Family, it's astounding.

October Road (2007–2008)

Not a Strong Start, Middle, or Finish

[6/10 · 6 August 2011]

The Pros and Cons of Upsetting the Applecart are clearly displayed in October Road. That is if, the applecart represents the thousands of viewers flipping their channel to ABC every Thursday, hoping that the small-town drama would get at least a little bit better. It never did. I do, however, applaud the show for not staying consistent. Why isn't that a bad thing? Because when a show is so awful that you have a hard time sticking it out till the end, consistent is the last thing that said show wants to be. Every once and a while the show would have a good piece of writing, or a tiny sample of good acting. But overall, the show left a lot to be desired!

Something that struck me about this show, from the beginning, is that they never failed to have a sappy montage set to folksy music, at the end of every single episode. I'm not sure what the writers expected this to add. Maybe charm, or that tear jerking feeling everyone gets whenever the song "You'll Be In My Heart" is played while a slide-show of poor, starving orphans is displayed. Whatever the goal, they failed. Because the effect that each montage had on me, was making me want to turn the channel to Two and a Half Men, and I really really hate that show.

So, quick sum up: There is nothing about this show that makes it worth watching. Except, maybe the pizza girl storyline, because that was adorable.

Workaholics (2011–2017)

Fresh, in a different way.

[8/10 · 22 July 2011]

This show is not hard to explain. The kind of people that try and tear this show down are the people who were to stupid to understand Pushing Daisies, but "Too Sophisticated" for a show like Do Not Disturb (Which was a great show!). Honestly, I enjoy Workaholics. It's refreshing, but not in the way you'd expect. It's not clever, it's not intelligent, and it's not well written. But it's takes you to that time in life where you were old enough so that clever comedy seemed stupid, and 9 year old humor became funny again. This show is obviously meant for kids in college, or late- teens looking for some idiotic, pointless humor and titillation. It's a good comedy, in it's own way.