Paddywelshman Reviews

Casino Royale (2006)

The names?

[5/10 · 17 November 2006]

First off – Bond is back! But it's different Bond, a meaner more modern Bond.

Let's start from the beginning. I like Bond movies some have been questionable especially if they have the words Rodger Moore in the credits but the essence of the character was there. The music, the opening sequence, the girls and especially the MUSIC! What where the producers thinking by having such a rubbish theme tune and the opening title though well done convinced me I wasn't watching a Bond film.

I don't want to go into the film much but the plot was questionable and in my eyes ripped off the good bits On Her Majesties Secret Service – My personal favourite.

It was half an hour too long and apart from Bond the rest of the characters where wooden – like a large forest.

The opening sequence was OK but not as good as the crane scenes - Sebastien Foucan was excellent. The poker scenes where well shot and held suspense and the fight scenes where brutally realistic – this is something I think Bond has always lacked So DANIEL CRAIG? In one word brilliant he saved for me what was turning into a run of the mill Bourne Identity rip off. Given the chance he will be a great Bond perhaps even give Sean a run. He played it well but just didn't seem to nail it. I don't blame him though I blame the watery script. It was apparent that from day one the producers where so happy slapping each others backs about netting Daniel that they didn't take care off him. Look at the shambles of a press conference they put him through – that put him on the back foot and it was up hill from then on. All their fault! Oh yeah – this 2hr odd advert didn't impress me either. There should be some law about jamming product placement down an audiences throat.

It was Bond but it didn't feel like it. I'm honestly not sure whether I liked it or not. But if I'm honest I left the cinema more disappointed than happy.

I hope the next ones better – come on Producers.

Van Helsing (2004)

It's wham, it's bam and it's nothing else. Senseless CGI! A two and half hour computer game.

[11 May 2004]

I liked the Mummy. I even liked the Mummy Returns so when I heard Sommers was doing Van Helsing I thought great.

I went to see it. Oh My God!

The opening scenes - was Sommers watching The Extordinary League of Gentlemen? Seemed to me he just cut and paste.

Hugh Jackman was OK for the part he was asked to play. The leading lady Kate Beckensale was as wooden as she was in Underworld and Dracula was terrible. I like that guy Roxbrough and recently saw him a BBC version of Sherlock Holmes which was brilliant. He was miscast in this part which he camped up to the heaven's I was waiting for his henchmen the Queer Eye boys to fly in.

The script was poor at the best of times and the background story between Van Helsing and Dracula though mentioned wasn't settled up. I think Dracula said something inbetween the bangs and crashes of the last scene but I missed it because I was looking at my watch wondering why I'd bothered paying.

The brides had they're moments from a male point of view but I've seen a better performaces from a rubber duck.

The film over all should have taken itself a bit more seriously. I realise it may have been played up abit but aleast give some people credit for having a brain. It will probably spawn loads of franchises.

It's wham, it's bam and it's nothing else. Senseless CGI! A two and half hour computer game.

Overall rating 4/10

*Stick to Blade for some decent action.

Scariest Places on Earth (2000– )

American Rubbish

[22 February 2004]

I caught this show on the reruns and could not believe what I was seeing. Being involved in film and a part-time paranormal investigator I found this show an insult. An insult to any serious Paranormal Investigator and an insult to anybody with an IQ over 20.

Knowing how television is made I could see all the old tricks prop masters have used over the years. Stupid face cameras with lights on them shinning directly into the victims faces, so their eyes cannot adjust to the darkness.(An old trick)

The adding of a Newcastle radio DJ who cries "Murder, death, evil!" and passes himself off a informative person. He is there to wind up the families, g them up for the night ahead and plant the seed of fear.

Cheap editing is the only thing stopping the viewing audience not seeing the crew banging and pushing things over.

It promised much and delivered very little. Check out Most Haunted it is much slicker and probably has half the budget.

This puts the field of Paranormal Investigation into game show mode. A crying shame. Wonder weather it was worth those two priests saving young Linda Blair in the Exorcist. I think not!