captainsilverink Reviews

All Elite Wrestling: Revolution (2024 TV Special)

THANK YOU STING

[7/10 · 5 March 2024]

A perfect send off for Sting. Everything about the match, the entrance and the presentation was beautiful. A truly magical moment, and powerful sendoff for a one of a kind legend.

Darby is intent on dying in the ring.

A pretty banging world title match that absolutely went hard and was full of great psychology, and also some humor. Hangman and Swerve's feud is one of the best in recent memory. Samoa Joe is a beast as usual, and while it was kind of apparent he'd win (He's only had one other defense) it was a great match.

Ospreay vs Takeshita is easily match of the night, if not the year so far. Absolute banger from two dudes who are already accomplished but will be some of the greatest of their generation overall.

Toni Storm vs Deonna Purrazzo certainly happened. I wasn't very invested in this feud but I've been loving Timeless Toni Storm. Purrazzo just isn't interesting to me in the slightest.

BCC VS FTR. This drags down the PPV from a higher rating imo. The BCC have been boring for the past few months and this feud does nothing for me. Just boring. Not even outstanding technical wrestling, just more of the same that these four have been doing over and over. Bathroom break match.

Roderick Strong vs Orange Cassidy. Another banger. I think by the time no other belts had changed hands, I knew this would defintely. That and the fact OC only had the belt because Mox got a concussion during his run and they panicked and put the belt back on OC for a little long, even if he is a beast. Great match from two talented performers who can really turn up the heat.

All Star Scramble. This was going to be a three way "Meat Madness Match", but since everyone online complained that it didn't have enough meat, they expanded it. It was pretty good for a laugh, lots of meaty men slapping man meat and flexing. We all knew Dante was taking that pin, but it was an okay match.

Kingston v Danielson. I thought it was good, I don't care that people think Eddie looks like a bum. It makes his matches more compelling. Good technicals from both dudes, and the handshake moment at the end was a nice touch. I don't know why they so often keep Danielson, the most interesting member of the BCC, on his own side quests so often.

Dad vs Daniel Garcia. Good match over all but I am sick to death of the constant interference angles run in every Christian Cage match (and most matches in general lately). We could do without them. Anyway, good showing for Garcia. I guess they're saving Christian Cage's loss for Copeland (which I doubt), or the betrayal from one of his sons.

7/10. Great matches and moments, but it's bogged down by some boring bits in the third quarter.

Saltburn (2023)

Shot well, I guess.

[2/10 · 21 February 2024]

This movie was painful to watch.

It's like The Talented Mr Ripley or The Education of Charlie Banks except not a single character is likeable.

It was a real struggle to get through this. I'm not sure why I bothered, considering.

Literally every character is so deeply pretentious and unlikeable and speaks in such a way that they make it apparent that they're vapid shells. Why would anyone WANT that for themselves?

The main character is deeply unsettling to follow around, and not for the shock value plot occurrences, but rather because the actor looks like he's genuinely a serial killer. I get that that's probably the reason the cast him for this but it just makes it tough to watch.

I'm fine with gore, I'm fine with cringe, I'm fine with shock value, I can tolerate almost anything in a movie. But at least make it interesting.

This movie just doesn't have any of that, just mild discomfort mixed with boredom.

Infamous (2020)

Empty movie

[1/10 · 20 February 2024]

I don't often rate a movie 1 star. In the thousands I've rated, very few rank this low.

This movie just jumps from scene to scene with massive time jumps in between and acts like there was some kind of development there

It's so hollow. The characters aren't likeable, the action isn't there, the premise is weak.

But it doesn't even take the time to establish some kind of character or motive for these people outside of "life sucks lol", nor actual chemistry between the two. There are too many montages that could have been better spent actually developing the characters. Tell don't show, apparently.

Who was this movie for? Don't watch it.

Crabs! (2021)

Radu is worse than the crabs

[4/10 · 20 February 2024]

Regular standard creature feature B movie that is by all means, pretty fun. Monsters, weed, prom setting, mostly likeable characters, hot teachers, practical effects. Pretty fun... for the most part. I'd have given this movie a 5, except for one thing:

Radu

Radu SUCKS. This dude is painfully unfunny, and the movie chooses to keep him around WAY longer. They insist upon him being in every scene he can. They even do a fakeout death, from there I was hoping it would be good from there on out but he just keeps coming with his dated "foreign and maybe mentally slow" humor that would fit better in a 2001 movie like American Pie rather than this.

Like I said, would be a 5, but it's getting a 3 because Radu is THAT bad.

The Substitute (1996)

Typical 90s action

[6/10 · 20 February 2024]

I'm writing this review just to laugh about how it does that action movie thing where like, it just ends after they kill the bad guy and go outside. At no point is there a scene afterwards where he goes to check on his fiancé (the reason the plot started) and as far as I remember, it's not like she died? Just ends with him talking about leaving lmao. Peak cinema.

This is a pretty standard 90s trope filled movie about a FORMER SOMETHING who teaches inner city kids who never had a chance, complete with the worst freestyle I've heard anyone rap in a long time, and transitions into a conspiracy where he finds out the drug kingpin is the principal. Shootout happens. People die, he walks off into the sunset.

Swamp Devil (2008)

This is just Swamp Thing

[2/10 · 5 August 2023]

This is just Swamp Thing but the focus characters aren't the interesting part of the story.

Imagine a Swamp Thing story focusing on a killer.

Great, now make the point of view character... not Swamp Thing.

Now throw in some murders. Make sure they're pretty much entirely off camera or framed in such a way that we don't have to do much full-body cgi, because it's clearly the entirety of the budget.

I know Swamp Thing is no stranger to murder, but he always at least had a mind (well, not really, he was a bunch of plants inhabited by the green who took the imprint of the thoughts of a dead scientist, thinking they were the scientist) but here it's just the same as your standard "Sharktopus" or "Mega Python".

Watchable but I just can't get over the clear fact that this is just "what if Swamp Thing was mad and not very interesting"

AEW Collision (2023– )

Quality

[8/10 · 24 July 2023]

Where Rampage dropped the ball, Collision picks it back up for a proper sister show to the already awesome AEW Dynamite.

Matches feel like they're big instead of randomly put together like Rampage was. Storylines actually progress.

And as always, great to see some real wrestling as opposed to the competitors stagnant sterilised format of "sports entertainment".

Great matches so far. Great environment. Glad it wasn't a true brand split, and is just two "different" shows. I'd be disappointed if the world didn't get more of The Acclaimed in both shows.

The only downside here is that I absolutely despise the theme song. I'm apparently in the minority here but I hate Billy Joel's music. I'm sure he's a cool dude but I can't get with the sound. Spent too long working in a pub full of boomers and it just causes me immense pain to listen to this sort of thing.

Excellent show, anyway.

Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021)

Lost me in a single scene.

[4/10 · 12 May 2023]

I understood going in that this was going to be pretty soulless, but it managed to not be as terrible as I thought it would.

Sure, the premise is super meta and all these characters know that they're characters. They go through the standard Multiversus "look at all the characters we own" gag multiple times. Does the Matrix gag like three times, in the year 2021. The villains aren't all that interesting, and are basically the same as every "video game" based movie in the last ten years.

I didn't mind that, I could put that aside

But there was a moment that lost me

In the middle of the basketball game, they hand Porky Pig a mic, solely to make a Notorious B. I. G. Joke. He spits THE WORST VERSE I HAVE EVER HEARD. Man has NO flow and NO BARS. It's like an anti-drug PSA from the 90s level of "haha they kids these days like the rap, amirite?" out of touch terrible bs.

Then they DOUBLE DOWN ON IT AND SAY "HES GOT BARS". Absolutely awful.

I hope they cook and eat Porky for that atrocity.

Gotham Knights (2023)

Pacing is goofy

[2/10 · 13 April 2023]

I wanted to like this show.

But the pacing is so jumpy that it's almost impossible to care. It cuts from events to events as if it were a trailer.

Not to mention instead of using a pre-existing character, they've opted to use Turner, who is bland as plain toast.

It's like they wanted to make a Batman show but didn't know what to do with it at all, and seemingly didn't have the rights to use characters? Maybe because Titans is running currently. But to have a show called Gotham Knights and not even bother to have actual Batfamily members is wild.

If you're a comics fan, and for some reason you need to watch a CW show, just stick to the Arrowverse (the first two seasons of Arrow and Flash, and all of LOT, at least).

The inclusion of Duela Dent is interesting but without anything that actually ties to her character, why not make her a new character too?

I'm not sure who this show was meant for.

Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)

Kong Vs The Rest

[6/10 · 7 January 2023]

The movie is pretty good, as far as American made monster movies go.

Only a couple of complaints:

The amount of circumstance required to make the plot happen smoothly is kind of nuts. I'm willing to suspend my disbelief only so far

Godzilla KOTM had a similar issue that I can't seem to understand. Either people are teleporting or they've figured out how to travel across the planet in a matter of minutes. They go to like, three different countries, and the center of the earth in the space of a day.

This movie suffers a little bit from having too many human characters. Other kaiju movies have done this but usually they're not all named characters with importance to the plot. It leaves most of them being kind of one note. It takes away a little too much time from the monsters, which is standard for kaiju fare, but it'd be more enjoyable if half the characters were a little more interesting. We're still left following the ones from the previous Godzilla movie, as if we were supposed to care about them.

Lastly, this movie should be called Kong Vs Godzilla. The plot is SO centered around Kong that it almost feels like Godzilla is barely in the movie at points. Sure, he's shown to be more powerful and capable (they even have to give Kong a tool) but he just doesn't have a lot of screen time. I really came to see Godzilla, I barely care about Kong at all. A little disappointed on that front.

Otherwise, a pretty enjoyable movie. Surprisingly not disappointed by the MechaGodzilla design! Looks pretty good, all things considered, looks like his organic counterpart.

Cross Wars (2017)

A film of all time

[2/10 · 28 September 2022]

You actually have to go out of your way to be this bad

It's kind of marvellous.

Every line of dialogue feels stilted and unnatural. None of the jokes are funny. The action is empty and the effects laughable.

Worse than the worst episodes of Arrow or Smallville.

An excuse for the director to have a bunch of hot people hang out together. The afterparty they had must have been more exciting than the movie.

Truly worse than porn level acting, which is probably why I'm so erect right now, or maybe it's because this movie is so perfectly garbage that all the blood had to leave my brain in order to keep me alive after watching this.

Impressively boring as a movie, worth a so bad it's good watch with your friends.

Tekken: Bloodline (2022)

TRIANGLES

[6/10 · 21 August 2022]

The series itself is a good expanded retelling of Tekken 3 with some characters from later Tekkens being added in (Feng, Marduk, Steve, and the only one with more than a cameo, Leroy).

Interesting to see Leroy in his first appearance outside of his DLC character status.

Overall the series was pretty solid from the storytelling standpoint, and is very faithful to the Tekken lore.

What drags this down to a 6 for me, instead of a 7+ is the fact that I can't stop looking at these goddamn triangles. No matter the light source, day or night, inside or outside, standing or leaning, EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER (animals included) has this annoying triangle on their head. Happens to their hands when they punch too. It's like they have a reverse outline, of light.

The longer the series went on, the more noticeable it became. It just looks silly most of the time. It's like someone forgot to add another layer during the animation process. It's by far the biggest flaw, because I cannot stop looking at it.

It's so distracting, that I even zoned out in a couple fights (Jin v Hworang, Xiaoyu v Nina).

The Sea Beast (2022)

Moby Dick meets How to Train Your Dragon

[6/10 · 12 July 2022]

Take a dash of Moby Dick, add How to Train Your Dragon.

Sprinkle in a little bit of Godzilla or your Kaiju movie of choice. A dash of Pirates of the Carribean.

Shake it up a little, and then add some Dreamworks tier animation.

There you go, you've got the movie.

Pretty enjoyable movie. I only hope they don't try milk this movie for multiple sequels.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

Feudal Japan and the English Language

[4/10 · 14 June 2022]

Why do the Japanese all speak fluent English? Ninja Mutant Turtle Teens, I can buy, but Feudal Japan where everyone speaks English is pushing it.

It just doesn't make any sense. They never even address it.

What the hell?

Injustice (2021)

Trash compared to the comic

[4/10 · 31 May 2022]

Why did this movie even need to exist? The story had a game, and 5 series of comics. They're great.

This however, tries to condense all of that into an hour and fails.

Not only are major plot points skipped, but characters are killed off for no reason (Flash, Cyborg), are entirely different than their role in the original (Hawkman teams up with Superman despite being against him in the book, however, Aquaman and Shazam do not. Plastic Man is now a central character instead of having *one* vital issue and then leaving entirely)

Not only that, but there are just all around weird decisions. Feels like they're changing stuff just for the sake of it.

Why kill off the Flash, and why do it *so* easily? Without him (or Shazam) nobody plays the role of "conflicted" in Superman's Regime. Not that there was much going on in the way of time, but without it it just seems like everyone's all about Superman's new brand of justice

Evan McCulloch is Scottish, yet here he's a regular ol American man. Might as well have made him Sam Scudder.

Martha Kent is already dead for whatever reason, when both were alive during the series. Usually if one's dead, it's Johnathan.

Why include Ra's? To attempt to slot in some of Injustice 2, when you can't even get Injustice 1 right?

Not even including Black Canary makes Green Arrows role here pretty lacklustre and his death feels less meaningful.

"Dead"wing (Deadman was a fine name as is, since they aren't even referencing Boston Brand here) took up a decent chunk of screen time when he took up less in the original, but then leaves after doing *one* thing.

Just skipping pretty much everything, replace it with Amazo, and then skip right to the end of the game (with a twist).

Not including the magic war, or Oa war takes a lot of the gravitas out of it.

The stakes aren't all that high for anyone, and it's no longer a deeply personally war between all heroes. Hell, Bruce barely had anything bad happen to him. His identity is safe, he still has most of his friends, and love. In the series it went the other way entirely. The war between Bruce and Clark ruined *both* of their lives, to the point that before he won, most of Bruce's allies were dead or abandoned him.

And the biggest complaint: Due to the super-pills not even being a plot element here, we never get to see the best moment of the series, Alfred kicking Superman's ass

So much to work with and they ignored 99% of it and made up the rest themselves.

Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged (2007–2011)

I wish Lanipator finished this.

[7/10 · 24 April 2021]

That's it. That's the review.

I know he was busy with TeamFourStar but this had potential at shined as one of the better abridged series.

Hulk (2003)

Ages more and more poorly every day

[4/10 · 23 April 2021]

I watch this and other early comic movies from "that period" (Fantastic Four, Daredevil, Elektra, Blade, Spider-Man, Ghost Rider) every couple of years and it is astounding how poorly this film in particular ages.

Not just in terms of the abysmal CGI, but in terms of story.

In an age where we got movies like Wonder Woman and Thor: Ragnarok, a movie where the Hulk punches Gamma poodles just does not hold up.

The Wretched (2019)

Rear Window meets Invasion of the Bodysnatchers

[6/10 · 25 June 2020]

Though not the most amazing horror film or original, this film is still enjoyable.

It's a nice blend of Rear Window/Disturbia and Invasion of the Body Snatchers/The Thing, and I do recommend giving it a go if you've got nothing else to watch and want a decent horror

Trial by Media (2020– )

Not awful, not great

[6/10 · 5 June 2020]

I understand the historical side of these events but some of the views still held by people who are featured are ridiculous.

A very 90s Caucasian perspective in these narratives. Rampant homophobia, sexism, and racism. Something about some of these white yuppie lawyers (Feiger specifically) makes me remember why the world is in the state it's in today.

Good documentary, but could definitely do with more information on the events rather than perspectives of those involved (tangentially)

Kill Ben Lyk (2018)

Redirect the camera

[5/10 · 1 May 2020]

Let me start by saying that this movie has a great premise and from the trailers I knew I'd at least enjoy it.

And I did, the supporting cast is excellent.

The only issue is we barely get to interact with them at all.

With excellent artists like Scroobius Pip who portray some actual interesting characters, it feels like they're barely in the movie, all being killed off with little screen time or fanfare

Instead, we get an insufferable vlogger who not only takes up most of the movie, it's apparent by the end of it that he's learned nothing and not grown at all. He's still the same child that got everyone killed, and seems to have not changed for the process in the slightest.

Between that and police chief mom singing nursery rhymes (with no pay off) the movie focuses all its energy on the wrong parts.

The supporting cast is excellent though, give it that.

Corporate Animals (2019)

Cannibalism

[4/10 · 24 February 2020]

Some pretty hateable characters bicker for an hour or so but also engage in cannibalism for laughs.

Waste of Ed Helms, I only watched this because the thumbnail included him and what I thought was Courtney Cox, only to be disappointed in finding out it was Demi Moore.

None of the characters are particularly likeable, so this could have ended with everyone dying and that would have been fine too.

Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle (2018)

Uncanny valley

[4/10 · 7 January 2020]

What works in 2D animation doesn't work in 3D.

These are animals, yet all of them move their mouthes as if they were human. It's easy to get over in 2D. In 3D it's kind of terrifying.

That, and the fact the hunter communicates with the villagers switching languages every other sentence and nobody has a problem with it.

Aside from that, the movie seems like it's rushed, or at least missing pieces.

Soul Surfer (2011)

Ridiculous

[4/10 · 30 June 2019]

The best part of this movie is the credit sequence of the actual Bethany.

This movie has three key points that just piss me off, despite how bland the movie is in general.

1) They catch the shark that took her arm. Were they killing all the sharks in the area until they found the shark that fit the board? Awful that we're still on this "sharks are evil" narrative. They town gathers together like they're going to kill Freddy Kruger and examine the shark corpse. I can only assume they ritualistically do this every night.

2) Bethany's family is too perfect, and bland. We get it, they're happy Christian surfer blondes and their life is perfect. Not to mention everyone in the entire town besides one girl who is almost as good at surfing as her absolutely adore her. They kiss the ground she walks on, and it's cringey.

3) Bethany travels to Phuket, basically one scene. She teaches a kid how to surf, and then comes back to America and doesn't even mention any of it to her family. The tragedy in Thailand is used as little more than a set piece to show that Bethany is an angel, but it reeks of white savior-ism. The movie pretends to care, but it clearly doesn't as it puts no time into it whatsoever.

The real Bethany's life somehow seems more exciting than the movie about her.

Incredibles 2 (2018)

"Plot twist"

[6/10 · 2 June 2019]

Disney are overusing the "your friend was the real big bad" trope. Between this and Marvels habit of doing the same, it strips the reveal of any value.

It was predictable.

Not to mention her name is Evelyn Deavor. As in Evil Endeavor.

Paradise PD (2018–2022)

Just Brickleberry

[4/10 · 3 September 2018]

Just Brickleberry, except the bear is a dog and they're cops not park rangers.

Otherwise, every character is an extact clone of a Brickleberry character, the humor is Brickleberry humor, it's almost the exact same show.