Joeyistheman Reviews

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 (2011 Video Game)

The Best Call Of Duty Ever!!

[10/10 · 19 December 2011]

Call of duty modern warfare 3.

Campaign. The campaign for MW3 is the best one yet starting off literally right after the second one finished,two different story lines are in this one too,one of them being Yuri an ex spetszaz soldier hell-bent on finding and destroying Makarov,the other being Frost a delta force soldier attempting to track down the Russian president who has been kidnapped by makarov.The MW3 campaign does not disappoint offering players something new within every single mission,a shocking twist is also in store too and an incredible final mission.Spec ops has something new to offer as well the is still the spec ops missions but also an all new survival mode,survival mode is a truly addictive and fun piece of game-play survive endless waves of enemies while earning money from your kills you can also buy new guns,perks,air support and teammate's to lend a hand if you are in trouble.Call of duty modern warfare 3 will knock you off your feet....but keep you in front of your screen.10/10

The Fourth Kind (2009)

The 2nd scariest movie of all time

[3 September 2011]

The fourth kind is easily the 2nd scariest movie of all time the first being 'the exorcist' of course. Some may say the the real footage in the fourth kind is fake,it is NOT,you will find many websites out there stating that the real footage is just actors and actresses starring in re-enactments of real footage,do not believe those websites they are lies.The fourth kind is set out into two different parts one part being the real footage and the second part being played by milla jovovich acting as Dr.Abigail Tyler the psychologist that tapes the therapy sessions in which many of her patients have been experiencing the same 'dreams'.The real footage is as scary as hell and is very disturbing and unsettling before you even think about watching the Fourth kind you may want to say goodbye to sleep.

Sucker Punch (2011)

'sucker punch'd'

[19 August 2011]

After watching sucker punch,i can now say the i am very disappointed in Zack Snyder he 'was' a brilliant director with great potential but sucker punch drives his down the road to disappointment and failure,it could have been so much better but the storyline was not explained enough and it was also all over the place jumping back and forth,the action scenes are pitiful,that just jump out unexpectedly (but not in a good way) and are very far fetched,i know it is a action,fantasy movie but really 5 girls can take on an entire German army using only a couple of bullets and a sword.the title of the movie is catchy but i dose not make any sense if any of these girls sucker punched anyone they would break a nail.it's not epic,it's not mind blowing its just cheese on toast.1 star for Zack Snyder 2 stars for the blonde 3/10

Batman Forever (1995)

Riddle me this ?

[15 August 2011]

Batman forever is not a perfect movie but it is not as bad as some people make it out to be,some people like to slate this movie for it being too stupid or for jim carrey being too annoying as the riddler.in my opinion jim carrey is a legend,what people forget is that the riddler (in the comics) was a phsychotic genius mastermind,i think he makes this movie what it is,tommy lee Jones plays Harvey dent (two face),val kilmer is not great as batman but he is not terrible either,if one person hates this movie 100 others will copy just to kick up dust and make a thing of it,if you don't like this movie then don't put other people off of watching it.

Face/Off (1997)

Mind-blowing

[10/10 · 12 August 2011]

Face/off is a mind-blowing,action packed,fast paced,masterpiece. the plot is truly amazing it is like nothing i have ever seen before. Nicolas cage and john travolta are two of the best actors to have picked for this movie,the movie is very original and violent (but in a good way) Nicolas cage plays a great maniac,i would have preferred to have seen the identity switch the other way around,but it works the way it is.this movie is an instant classic.it is directed by john woo which means the movie would be amazing even if the two worst actors in the world were picked for the role's of caster troy and Sean archer. don't miss this unforgettable action movie. 10/10

The Final Destination (2009)

not the worst

[5/10 · 12 August 2011]

the final destination is not the best instalment in the series but it is not the worst either,way better that the third final destination movie many critics state that the fourth film was just to make money,that is totally untrue.one thing i hate nowadays is 3d this one was in 3d and i honestly think it ruins the horror experience,3d just seems to be everywhere,also the DVD run time is only 79 Min's which is another thing that is wrong with this movie the cast is not very well known,not many big names in there,a few gruesome deaths,1 or 2 unexpected moments.but the final destination is not really a must see movie,but if you like the final destination franchise then why not give the is one a chance.

The Fighter (I) (2010)

sensational

[11 August 2011]

'the fighter' is a sensational look at the true story of Micky ward and his brother Dicky eklund,mark whalberg plays Micky a troubled boxer with great potential,Christian bale plays Dicky eklund,Micky's brother and also boxing mentor.i had to see this movie due to the great reviews it had but was a little put off because it was a boxing drama,i hate boxing movies rocky was the most overrated movie ever made,needles to say the fighter is the best boxing movie ever in my opinion.i definitely think it should get movie of 2011 but we all know the kings speech(which was poor) will win.i have read a couple of reviews stating that the fighter is a carbon copy of rocky,those reviews are wrong don't listen to the reviews that hate this movie it just mans that they are rocky fan-boys. the fighter 10/10 rocky 1/10

Drive Angry (2011)

'drive angry' made me angry

[9 August 2011]

THE movie is not terrible but it will definitely make it into my top 20 worst movies of all time,i cannot believe that nic cage even agreed to take part in this movie,it is filled with terrible acting,cheesy dialouge,and probably the worst special effects i have ever seen,not really any storyline,just some guy breaks out from hell and they want him to return,and yes that is it,i thought that 'wanted' and shoot em up' were over the top action movies but they are awesome compared to this tripe,speaking of 'shoot em up,does anyone remember when Clive Owen shot all those armed men while he was having sexual intercourse,well if you do remember then you will not be happy,there is a carbon copy of that scene in 'drive angry'.this movie is only recommended for immature people who do not have any taste in good movies.

The Adjustment Bureau (2011)

100 times better than inception

[10/10 · 5 August 2011]

I read many reviews on this movie before viewing it some were good, and some were not so good,most reviews were calling it 'the Bourne identity meets inception' well to me that is utter lies,the adjustment bureau has a completely different storyline to inception and is 100 times better anyway.the movie is put out to be a 'romantic action movie' that is wrong in so many different ways,the first half of the movie is romance and the second half is on the edge of your seat suspense,the balance of the action and romance is just right.the problem with inception was they were trying to impress viewers with the special effects so that viewers would not notice how rubbish the movie was,need not worry with the adjustment bureau the special effects are not just splashed around everywhere just for the sake of it. forget about inception and watch this one instead. 10/10 excellent

Mortal Kombat (2011 Video Game)

Mortal kombat

[9/10 · 22 June 2011]

I cannot stress how great this game is,many people i know are buying games like portal 2 and duke nukem,well forget them and get this instead.if you like the classic mortal kombat games then you will love this,it is jam packed with so many different game modes that will keep you happy for a long time,story mode is fun,entertaining and very,very violent.the x-ray attacks are brutal and bone-crunching,the fatalities will leave you speechless,and yes there are some new characters in there that we have never seen before,the game does get very hard towards the end,but that is a good thing you don't want to be able to complete the game too quickly give this game a try you will not regret it

Portal 2 (2011 Video Game)

Poor-tal 2

[1/10 · 21 June 2011]

Here we go another poor game developed by valve,the games produced by them are just poor,before i start to criticise this 'game' i will start off by saying 'its not that i couldn't play it i just did not like it'.the game starts off fun but 5 Min's later it gets boring 3o Min's later and i have completed it the lasting appeal of the game is ridiculous,multiplayer is boring,i don't understand the good reviews this is getting it is just making a portal and walking through it over and over again,i would rather watch paint dry than play this game again. 1/10.it is poor save yourself the time and hassle and but something else.

L.A. Noire (2011 Video Game)

Game of 2011

[10/10 · 20 June 2011]

This game has to be one of the best i have ever played the graphics are stunning the characters facial expressions are incredible and the story line is gripping from start to finish. Another brilliant game developed by rockstar, although this is not grand theft auto or red dead redemption i requires patience to be able to complete the game,you cant just run around and repeatedly shoot people for no reason, that may disappoint some players who play the game just to get kicks from ultra-violence.i was nearly put off buying this game as i had read a number of reviews saying that the game had a poor ending,but i thought the ending was great,it leaves the storyline wide open for a sequel. 10/10 must buy

Tekken (2010)

An outrage to true tekken fans

[4/10 · 27 May 2011]

Here we go another game to movie transition,the brilliant tekken game turns into the not so good tekken movie.

first of all the movie wasn't too bad but it does not deserve more than a 4/10,the movie has pretty much no storyline which is a shame,a few good fight scenes,terrible acting and an awful cast,i did not recognise one famous face in the movie at all.The main character jin (Jon Foo) has to be the worst actor i have ever seen i doubt that he will be in anything else in the coming years,although like these type of movies are there'e will most probably be sequel just to make money.I don't think that true tekken fans will like this movie as it is nothing like the game.Save yourself the time and play the game for 87 Min's. 4/10

The Exorcist (1973)

The mother of all horror movies.

[10/10 · 25 May 2011]

People ask the question 'is the exorcist the scariest movie of all time' and the answer is yes,it certainly is very,very scary. I have wanted to see this movie for a really long time but i was not brave enough to sit through it,my friends and family have warned me to never watch it,but i have a weakness for scary movie's,so i sat down to watch it,and i can finally say this is the scariest movie of all time. when it got to about 1hr 15 Min's i had to turn it off, one scene in particular (the crucifix scene) sent shivers running down my spine. I have watched approximately 2000 horror movies and this is by far the scariest.the lead actress (linda Blair) deserved an Oscar for her performance as she was so young at the time of the films release. APPROACH WITH EXTREME CAUTION. this movie is very,very SCARY.

the scenes to watch out for-those who have seen the movie will know. 'the sow is mine scene' the crucifix scene the spider-walk scene

enjoy 10/10

Family Guy (1999– )

Such a waste of good talent.

[5/10 · 21 May 2011]

family guy review When family guy first aired in 1999 it was brilliant all the jokes were so funny and always a blast to hear,but seasons 1-4 are amazing,unfortunately season's 4-9 are just terrible nearly all of the jokes are offensive and sick,i think that Seth macfarlane ran out of funny jokes so just threw in stuff that just did not work at all. some of the jokes do cross the line,and are truly shocking.

Not for the easily offended,or people with a weak stomach,as in every series there is always a lot of violence,blood and vomiting.

Seth macfarlane also created American Dad a side splitting animated comedy about a CIA family man who is always on the lookout for terrorism,if viewers are offended by family guy then i suggest you check out American Dad as it is a lot of more acceptable jokes. my rating is 5/10

The Number 23 (2007)

Jim carrey can act.

[8/10 · 20 May 2011]

Through Jim carrey's career we have seen him in numerous roles where he just act's like a complete idiot pulling the same ridiculous face and the same impressions(i do not class this a acting),however i do like Jim carrey's older movies but i was interested to give this a viewing as i was shock that it was not a comedy,it was a phsycological thriller and so i thought 'finnaly a serious role' for Jim carrey,anyway i found this movie very interesting and it kept me hooked to the storyline and kept me guessing right till the shocking ending,the performance that he give's is living proof that Jim carrey CAN act. Do not be put off of this movie by the IMDb rating 6.2/10 which is an outrage as anyone who doesen't see this movie is going too miss out. my rating 8/10 'The Truth Will Find You'

Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

One of the better spoof's

[6/10 · 19 May 2011]

'Not another teen movie' is one of the better spoof movies out there this and 'scary movie' are the best one's stay well away from the others.

although the jokes aren't that funny,yes they do make me chuckle but they do not have the same (HA HA HA) effect that scary movie has on me. It was interesting to see the movie 'try' to spoof the hell out of the best movie ever made 'american beauty' but the other movies they spoof such as 'varcity blues' 'pretty in pink' 'american pie' they all work perfectly. do not miss out on seeing this you'll be sorry if you do. my rating is 6/10

Oldboy (2003)

Brilliant revenge drama.

[10/10 · 19 May 2011]

I never really liked Asian movies until i saw this one a few years ago but since then i have been interested in seeing all Asian movies that hit the market because they really do know how do make some good movies. the reason i never liked foreign movies was because of reading the subtitles but need not worry about this one 15 minuets into the movie and you wont even notice that you are still reading them. I have mentioned this movie to a few mates and they all say that they have never heard of it.it has become a known fact that this movie is not very well known...which is a shame because it is a brilliant revenge drama. some very interesting scenes in there too for example i have never seen an actor eat a live squid before.the storyline is amazing too. give this little Asian gem a chance you will not be disappointed.

American Beauty (1999)

Pure beauty

[10/10 · 12 May 2011]

Let me start off by stating that this is my favourite movie of all time. the storyline follows lester burn ham a middle-aged man whose life has taken a downfall in the last few years and is fed up with the way his life is...and he decides to change it.Also can i state that the cover art of this movie makes it look almost like a chick-flick so (to the men) don't be put off by it because it is not a chick-flick.Kevin spacey gives an incredible performance as always,the power between Kevin spaceys and Annette bennings acting is truly on of the best I've ever seen,i also have to say that Sam mendes is a genius at directing this movie the use of making everything behind closed doors look so perfect is amazing....but it turns out its not so perfect at all.Alan ball also did a really good job at writing the script too.although this movie is not for everyone as a few people hate this movie,but someone always has something to complain about. I NEVER get tired of watching this movie and i don't think i ever will.

10/10

LOOK CLOSER!

Dirty Sanchez: The Movie (2006)

Dirty Sanchez-----Dirty movie

[3/10 · 11 May 2011]

I used to really like this movie when it was first released a few years ago,but after watching it a few days ago i realised how disgusting,strange and immature it was.basically 4 fully grown men run around acting like 14 year old's playing with guns,booze and their genitals.some of their stunts are hilarious (in the TV series) but i just felt very uncomfortable about watching these welsh idiots kissing lady-boys and having lipo-suction(for no reason whatsoever)and then proceeding to eat their own fat. yes it is very,very VULGAR. i thought jackass was bad but no this is far worse. seriously is this what great Britain has come to!!! Only immature people will like this movie.

Inception (2010)

A little too confusing

[1/10 · 11 May 2011]

i will start off by saying that I'm not a fan of DiCaprio's work,but that is not the reason why i didn't like this movie.the special effects are spot on but i just didn't like the idea of the script, the acting was almost lazy and forced,it seems to me that maybe DiCaprio is getting worse with age (much like brad Pitt).of course when i viewed this with a few mates they all loved it but i was left with a headache.the script was all over the place and it was a little too confusing and hard to keep track of. this was named as one of the best movies of 2010 but i saw way better animated movie that year. do yourself a favour and save your money and time.

Dead Snow (2009)

Norwegian zombie horror

[7/10 · 10 May 2011]

i first watched this movie when it was first released i must say i was a little disappointed to find out it was a Norwegian movie not that i don't like foreign movies but i just don't like watching subtitled movies but once i finished watching it i was pleased with what i had seen. i mainly wanted to see it as i am a (call of duty -nazi zombies fan) and although it is not a Game-to-movie adaption it does remind me very much of the game.the opening of the movie was a bit slow and did take a while to get into but once it gets going it never stops until the ending,the ending left me satisfied as there could be a sequel. i do feel this movie was a little under-rated all other movie critics were focusing their attention to other movie that are nowhere near as good as this.there is plenty of on the edge of your seat suspense and a load of blood,guts and gore.

hopefully,the film industry will make more movie like this one.

my rating: 7/10

Clubbed (2008)

low budget gangster flick

[8/10 · 8 May 2011]

yes,'clubbed' is a low budget movie but is very impressive. I'm a fan of all gangster movies and have seen most British movies too but this really did stand out to me. i thought it was going to be just another 80s wannabe gangster movie,but i was sadly wrong as i was glued to the screen from start to finish.i have never heard of the main character before and have never seen him in anything and its a surprise as he is not a bad actor Colin salmon on the other hand was brilliant as always. it was also nice to see a gangster movie without the main character being a nasty animal who likes to kill people for fun..... yes it is a nice change and hopefully we will see more movies like it.

Inside (2007)

A great french horror

[8/10 · 8 May 2011]

OK first of all pregnant women should not watch this movie and second if you are not a fan of bloody gore then i suggest you look for a different movie.

the storyline is very simple but is something i have never seen before. the sound effects are truly astonishing it makes it sound so real and also gives more of a shocking impact to the undeniable horror that you are witnessing. I was shocked by the amount of blood used in this movie although it is not over the top gore to ruin the movie. it has become clear that the french really do know how to do horror movies because this is one of the best horror movies i have seen in the past few years it is very entertaining and will have you on the edge of your seat and with your jaw on the floor after the phenomenal shocking ending. if you like this then try martyrs another brillaiant french horror

Borat (2006)

'i like you'

[7/10 · 8 May 2011]

WOW! Sacha baron Cohen really is a genius.a lot of comedy film makers are really going to have to work really really hard to make a film as funny as this it had me crying with laughter.Ali g in DA house was awful to watch and Bruno is just too vulgar but this is just right it is a little racist and it is very offensive in a lot of ways but will still have you talking about it for the next few weeks after seeing it.

hopefully he will make more movies like this but no-one really knows i do think he crossed the line on a few jokes but I'm really surprised he is still alive seriously he very nearly gets killed in this movies give it a go you will see what i mean.