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Hey_Sweden
Birthdate: September 25
I bid you...velcome.
I'm a shameless movie fanatic who especially favours the following genres:
Exploitation
Horror
Action
Comedy
Favourite directors include:
John Carpenter
Larry Cohen
George A. Romero
David Cronenberg
Ratings
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An error has ocurred. Please try againReviews
Deadwood: A Lie Agreed Upon: Part II (2005)
"I'd settle for a vigorous hand-holding."
Seth, continuing to behave more erratically, and Alma face an uncertain future in terms of their relationship. He leaves it up to her to make a decision; meanwhile, he's primed for another confrontation with Al. Jane reappears in the camp, in a drunken state, but pulls herself together after some examination by Cochran, and backs up Seth (along with Charlie and a still-recuperating Sol) when he goes to see Al at the Gem. Tensions between Dan and Silas come to a head, resulting in the death of an incidental character.
The non-stop profanity is amusing, as always, but one realizes that, even when the writers don't fall back on it, the scripts still have quite a poetic and thoughtful quality. That is definitely the case here, especially when Al not only gives an account of the confrontation to Merrick, but muses on the conditions & future of the camp. And there is still time for humor - the placement of a prostitutes' thumb is quite amusing indeed.
The acting from all concerned is once again simply excellent, with a number of the principals given real showcase moments. Ian McShane (Al) in particular does a wonderful job right near the end.
I will say, also, that it's nice seeing Jane again, given the fact that she was missing in action for a while.
Eight out of 10.
Spider-Man: The Night of the Villains/Here Comes Trubble (1967)
"I guess we didn't see eye to eye."
'The Night of the Villains'.
Wax figure expert Parafino (voice of Len Carlson) returns, this time sending out robots modeled after historical figures - Jesse James, the executioner of Paris, Blackbeard the pirate - to commit robberies. Spidey is of course mystified that he seems to be the only individual who's seeing these characters. Yet, he figures everything out in due time. But before that, Spidey's alter ego Peter Parker is deemed to be in need of a vacation when he brings up the idea of Spidey seeing Jesse James to Jameson. The ending is priceless, with Spidey presenting the "value pack" of villains to a stunned Jameson.
'Here Comes Trubble'.
The title villainess (voiced by regular cast member Peg Dixon, who usually voiced Betty Brant), who is an expert on Greek mythology and who runs a used book store, keeps pestering Jameson to let her write a column on the subject. In the meantime, she uses a magical treasure chest to conjure up mythological characters, mostly sending them after Spider-Man but also utilizing them for the occasional robbery. The best part is Spidey's fight with the Cyclops, as he offers up some choice quips, also including, "You got it all wrong! I'm not Ulysses!"
Seven out of 10.
Paganini Horror (1988)
This is not just strange, it's weird.
"Paganini Horror" is a passable bit of Italian cheese-horror in which a female rock band comes to a haunted mansion to shoot a rock video. All present will soon be in peril, as the famed Italian violin player is re-imagined as a psycho-slasher wearing a creepy mask, and he's determined to punish them for intruding on his domain.
With genre icons Donald Pleasence and Daria Nicolodi on hand for name value, this is all watchable enough, if decidedly nonsensical. Director Luigi Cozzi gives it some atmosphere and general weirdness, although the story is strictly ho-hum and the characters pretty inane (although the female cast are certainly attractive). Much about it is tacky - effects, music, dubbing, etc. - but it will still appeal to some fans of cult European horror. Granted, if you're hungry for some Italian horror, you can do a lot better, but this DOES have its moments.
This also has a fairly trim run time, but due to its slow pacing, it may actually seem longer than it is.
I admit I had *some* fun with it.
Six out of 10.
Blue Sunshine (1977)
A real trip.
Various individuals begin to lose their hair, eventually going crazy and turning homicidal. It turns out that they are suffering delayed reactions after taking some BAD acid (the titular Blue Sunshine) at Stanford a decade ago. A character named Jerry Zipkin (Zalman King, "Some Call It Loving") comes under suspicion after a friend "wigs" out at a party and kills some of the other people there. So, out of the need to clear his name, and also out of a morbid curiosity, he tries to figure out what's going on.
Cult favorite filmmaker Jeff Lieberman scores again after his great "nature in revolt" horror film "Squirm". Here, he takes a satirical jab at his subjects while crafting a fairly creepy and involving story with some truly memorable images & moments. Granted, the "mystery" becomes apparent to the viewer early on, but Lieberman still takes the viewer on an interesting ride. This includes a scene in a disco, and truly creepy Sinatra and Streisand puppets being utilized at a political rally.
I can't help but feel that future softcore auteur King is miscast in the lead: what with his "Method" acting, he comes off as too eccentric himself, and is also not as sympathetic as he ought to be. But the decent supporting cast is helpful, as it includes Deborah Winters ("The People Next Door"), Mark Goddard ('Lost in Space'), Robert Walden ('Lou Grant'), Charles Siebert ('Trapper John, M. D.'), Ray Young ("Coffy"), Richard Crystal ("Fun with Dick and Jane"), who is the brother of Billy C., Bill Adler ("Van Nuys Blvd."), Barbara Quinn ("The Clairvoyant"), Meegan King ("Humanoids from the Deep"), and cameo appearances by Alice Ghostley ("Grease") and Stefan Gierasch ("Carrie"). That's a young Brion James ("Blade Runner") as the guy doing his best Rodan imitation at the party.
Enhanced by Charles Gross' eerie score, "Blue Sunshine" is another off-the-beaten-track and entertaining effort from Lieberman, that builds to a terrific suspense sequence in a department store.
Eight out of 10.
Star Trek: By Any Other Name (1968)
"We do not colonize. We conquer! We rule!"
Various Enterprise crew encounter a species called the Kelvans, who are stranded on a fairly lush planet. The Kelvans, however, are anything but grateful, overtaking the landing party and forcing their way onto the starship where they completely take over. They're determined to fulfill their mission of conquering numerous other parts of the galaxy.
We've seen Kirk be an excellent problem solver before, but this time he really has his work cut out for him. He has to watch as crew members get reduced to blocks of matter. Seemingly, there's no way of combating these Kelvans. Finally, he & Spock realize that this species - ordinarily of immense size and sporting a great many tentacles - are bound by the laws of these human forms that they've assumed. So he realizes what he has to do: OVER-stimulate the Kelvans!
We're treated to another classic Kirk fight, as he tussles with Kelvan leader Rojan (Warren Stevens, "Forbidden Planet"), and we watch as he shows his amorous side with luscious Kelvan babe Kelinda (the stunning international icon Barbara Bouchet ("Casino Royale")). A hilarious bit of business occurs when Scotty drinks Kelvan character Tomar (Robert Fortier, "McCabe & Mrs. Miller") under the table. His drunken "It's....green." line is a classic Scotty moment.
While the conclusion, where Kirk manages to make Rojan see reason, is not really convincing, overall this is a bright, lively episode with some great moments, and typically wonderful interplay between the regular players. The very good script is by D. C. Fontana and Jerome Bixby, based on Bixby's story.
Stewart Moss ("The Bat People"), who'd previously been in a first season episode ('The Naked Time'), Carl Byrd ("Telefon"), and Julie Cobb ("Just You and Me, Kid") also guest star.
Eight out of 10.
Three's Company: The Best Laid Plans (1979)
Of mice and Jack.
Janet is terrified because she has discovered a mouse in the girls' bedroom. Jack offers to let her sleep in his bed, partly because he's scheming to charm his way into Chrissy's bed. To that end, he asks that Larry keep his mouth shut when Larry reveals that he's killed the mouse. Stanley also has his reason for requesting that Larry keep mum. "Was this mouse somebody important?" Larry quips.
John is in very fine form here as Jack acts so utterly shamelessly. If he weren't ultimately a harmless individual, his actions would come off as pretty sleazy. Then again, this is a sign of the times, and the material probably wouldn't have passed muster even a few years later. Some of his hilarious moments include his exaggerated yawning, and the way he makes a BIG production out of getting ready for bed. (Incidentally, you can see Chrissy reading "Quorum", a made-up book that Jack was seen reading in a previous episode.)
Stanley has yet another of his classic moments, as he himself schemes to avoid spending ANY time with Helens' mother, whom he really dislikes.
One of the best bits has Jack interrupting Larry's entertaining of a gorgeous blonde (Jenny Sherman, "Mean Johnny Barrows"). Larry had conned her, claiming to be a talent scout for MGM! Anyway, he and Jack keep getting her name wrong, cycling through several female names beginning with "D" (her actual name is Diane).
Seven out of 10.
El espejo de la bruja (1960)
Return to death what belongs to death.
With this Mexican horror film, you very much get two genre stories for the price of one. After an introduction in which we are educated on the activities of witches, we're introduced to young bride Elena (Dina de Marco), who is unable to escape her fate of being murdered by her cheating husband Eduardo (Armando Calvo). But Elenas' Godmother Sara (Isabela Corona) is a bonafide witch, and Sara conjures Elenas' spirit for the sake of revenge.
The second half then turns into something very similar to the more well known French film of the same year, "Eyes without a Face", as Eduardo, a very bad doctor, steals corpses and harvests the body parts to aid his new wife Deborah (Rosita Arenas).
Very well directed by Chano Urueta (who later did the very weird "The Brainiac", and appeared as an actor in "The Wild Bunch"), this is a very fun horror picture. It's also well acted, and has some great atmosphere during its best moments. Corona is a standout as the housekeeper / witch who's determined to do right by her Goddaughter. Urueta is able to create good visuals in an often talky but basically entertaining story.
"The Witch's Mirror" is worth watching for genre fans; it may make a viewer interested to check out the other works of the director, who was VERY prolific from the 20s through to the 70s.
Seven out of 10.
The Blob (1958)
It glides, and slides across the floor....
Falling to Earth inside a meteorite, a living pile of slime attaches itself to the first unlucky human it finds, and starts rapidly swallowing up victim after victim, adding to its mass. Steve Andrews (28 year old "Steven" McQueen, in his first starring role) is the teenager who knows the score, and determines to warn the rest of the town.
Although the 1988 remake FAR outdoes this one in terms of the horror content, this drive-in classic from the 50s is an endearing bit of schlock. I'm actually in agreement with Leonard Maltin for once on this one: this version of "The Blob" may not be that GOOD, but you just can't bring yourself to hate it. It has a goofy, giddy, innocence about it, with generally positive portrayals of the youthful protagonists (the only thing that Steve and his buds are really guilty of is reckless driving). The adult characters are either mostly tolerant of the kids (Earl Rowe as Lt. Dave is not a bad guy at all), or grumpy sticks-in-the mud like the kid-HATING Sgt. Bert (John Benson). Of course, nobody will take Steves' story seriously, so he HAS to go out (with girlfriend Jane (Aneta Corsaut) in tow) for evidence of this monsters' existence.
Beginning gloriously with an infectious, silly title ditty composed by Burt Bacharach, "The Blob" is generally a good deal of fun. Its effects may pale next to those in the 1988 version, but some of the shots & scenes ARE iconic, so "The Blob" '88 director Chuck Russell was wise to pay homage to them.
At the core is a nifty premise of this creature that horribly ABSORBS people, a premise that the remake exploited to the fullest. And even if some of you, like me, prefer the remake, there's no denying that this original is a memorable experience indeed.
Seven out of 10.
Dinosaurus! (1960)
An absolute hoot.
An American crew preparing to build a harbor on a tropical island manage to unearth two dinosaurs with their depth charges: a tyrannosaur and a brontosaur. They also unearth a caveman, but won't be aware of this for a while. Jut-jawed hero Bart Thompson (Ward Ramsey, "Cape Fear") and his cohort Chuck (Paul Lukather, "Hands of a Stranger") marshal the islanders in a desperate attempt to ward off the creatures. Unscrupulous local Mike Hacker (Fred Engelberg, "The Lost Missile") figures to profit from his knowledge of the cavemans' existence.
I don't want to over-sell this movie - I wouldn't say that it's that "good" - but it does offer a fair amount of ridiculous, utterly fun escapism. While I wish that the two dinos got more to do (although the budget probably allowed for limited use of the effects), Hacker makes for an appropriately hissable human heavy. You can't WAIT to see him get his. While the movie does have an occasional moment that may be intense for the youngest of viewers, for the most part it's decent family-friendly nonsense. The caveman is gamely played by Gregg Martell ("Space Master X-7"), and he has some very funny moments as he reacts with shock to the modern world; he chops up a radio, is mystified by a mirror, and runs in terror from a toilet.
Complete with a VERY annoying kid (Alan Roberts, in his only credited feature film appearance) who wouldn't be out of place in a Japanese Kaiju picture, stereotyped characters, character names like "Dumpy" and "Mousey", and a typically solid schlock music score by Ronald Stein, this is overall agreeable entertainment.
From the same people who brought you the original "The Blob" and "4D Man". Producer Jack H. Harris has a cameo as a tourist.
Six out of 10.
Training Day (2001)
It's not what you know. It's what you can PROVE.
Denzel Washington completely commands your attention in the role of crooked narcotics detective Alonzo. He's a cheerful, cunning rogue, and a man with his own agenda. He shows rookie detective Jake (Ethan Hawke) an extremely eventful day, as the younger man is eager to advance in rank. What Alonzo proves is that he's really no better than the lowlife criminals whom he regularly rousts. In fact, some people might say he's WORSE.
"Training Day" aims to be an uncompromising look (from screenwriter David Ayer) at life on the meaner streets of L. A. Directed with gusto by Antoine Fuqua, it tells a mean, entertaining story in which the nasty violence is an inevitable part of the package. While ultimately it starts getting pretty conventional - with the well-meaning Jake DETERMINED to see Alonzo brought to justice - and reliant on coincidences, I felt it still made for solid viewing. At the very least, it wasn't boring.
Oscar winner Washington completely dominates the proceedings; his is the kind of antagonist whom you can't help but like to some degree. He has that kind of charisma. Yet, of course, he can be totally intimidating when he needs to be. Oscar nominee Hawke does a fine job of mostly reacting to this highly unlikely would-be mentor. Jake certainly does get the kind of education he never could have expected. The stars are extremely well supported by a cast including music notables Snoop Dogg, Macy Gray, and Dr. Dre, as well as Scott Glenn, Tom Berenger, Harris Yulin, Raymond J. Barry, Cliff Curtis, Eva Mendes, Nick Chinlund, and Raymond Cruz. Appearing uncredited are Peter Greene, Terry Crews, and Ayer himself as one of the Russian hitmen.
It certainly helps that Ayer and Fuqua really know the territory. Other than the magnetic performance at the core of the story, it's really their authentic approach that makes this work as well as it does.
Seven out of 10.
Spider-Man: The Revenge of Dr. Magneto/The Sinister Prime Minister (1967)
"I could have been immortalized in marble."
'The Revenge of Dr. Magneto'.
The title character (voice of Bernard Cowan) - not to be confused with the later X-Men nemesis - is thoroughly disgruntled, like so many mad scientists before and after him. Since his peers have refused to acknowledge his advances in the field of magnetism, he intends to strike back at society. Of course, Spidey foils him at every turn. Good fun for fans of the series, this segment has the usual give and take between hero and villain, with the web-head ultimately defeating our bad guy with "anti-magnetic" webbing!
'The Sinister Prime Minister'.
A phony is masquerading as the leader of an impoverished country, who comes to NYC to implore authorities such as Jameson for a 20 million dollar loan. (The phony is savvy enough to know all that he has to do is appeal to Jamesons' ego.) Just like lots of Spidey's nemeses, he has a special weapon, a cane that can do a bunch of different things. But Spidey is not to be deterred, as he manages to get on board the plane transporting the creep & his ill-gotten gains back to his fictional country.
This segment features the best exchange in the episode:
Jameson: "A statue! In my honor!"
Betty (to herself): "The pigeons will love it."
Eight out of 10.
The Package (2012)
Not bad as these kinds of movies go.
Stone Cold Steve Austin plays Tommy Wick, a debt collector for a crime figure named "Big Doug" (Eric Keenleyside). One day, Big Doug sends Tommy and his cohort Julio (Mike Dopud) on a delivery assignment, with the package seeming to be an ordinary wallet. Things go awry as you can imagine, with Tommy alternating between taking it on the lam and taking the fight to assorted psycho bad guys, who each want their hands on that package.
The package itself actually turns out to be a MacGuffin, although I will refrain from spoiling anything more on the matter. That in itself makes this a hair better than many DTV action thrillers I've seen. Stone Cold is his usual stiff, largely expressionless self, although of course he excels at doing the badass stuff. Much of the plot is typical, with the bad guys tending to be persistent but not very bright. This being shot in and near Vancouver, BC, it has the typical drab look you often get from movies shot there, and there is some inclement weather in some shots.
Dolph Lundgren gives the proceedings a little shot in the arm that it definitely benefits from, playing his ultimate crime kingpin character of the mysterious "German" with some nuance and humor. Other familiar faces include Lochlyn Munro of "Freddy vs. Jason" and William B. Davis of 'The X-Files'.
Overall, this is decent action fare with the director, Jesse V. Johnson, handling the action scenes better than one might expect (not so much jittery camera-work here). A watchable "one viewing and done" sort of picture.
Six out of 10.
Hill Street Blues: Praise Dilaudid (1983)
Another slam-bang episode.
Currently, an armed robber is on the loose, one who is known for his steadfast politeness. His girlfriend (Marilyn Jones, an episodic TV veteran) rats him out to the police, and he's revealed to be Nicky Kasner (Michael Horton, "Star Trek: First Contact"), a junkie. Later, Nicky escapes from custody, and holes up in a house where he *demands* to get his fix or else he'll kill the homeowner. The bust at Murray's Wonderland ends badly for Murray himself (Milton Selzer). While single mother Doris Robson (Alfre Woodard) is ultimately set free, Daniels' shameless maneuvering once again shows him up for the slimeball that he is. His mayoral campaign derails due to several factors, including a debate that goes badly, and the fact that Fay takes him to task in front of reporters.
Jon Cypher is just so good portraying Daniels as this sleazy character that he makes him a great example of the "love to hate the character" concept. One other great example of humor is when Renko opens the suitcase that Kasner had been carrying when Renko & Bobby busted him. As a result, the dye pack explodes in Renkos' face instead of the criminals'! "Oh Lord, I'm green!" He tries various means throughout the episode of getting the dye off. Also of note is Jeffrey Tambors' re-appearance as shameless lawyer Alan Wachtel, who is going through gender identity issues; Tambor is always seen wearing the same dress.
There are typically wonderful guest star turns, as well as a riveting standoff finale where Henry figures to let Kasner get his fix in order to apprehend him in a "clean" manner. I'm sure other people besides me breathed a sigh of relief when everything worked out in that instance. And we get more touching & effective character moments for Belker, as he realizes that Murray is not such a bad guy; it's wonderful when Belker tells off Mahoney, stating that he would have rather worked for Murray than ever be a cop under Mahoney's command.
Eight out of 10.
Mr. Woodcock (2007)
Not terrible, but you pretty much know what to expect.
John Farley (Seann William Scott) is a small town boy made good, having recently gotten a self-help book published and lauded. He returns to his hometown, to the delight of his mom (Susan Sarandon, lovely as always). However, he's dismayed to learn that she is now dating his number one childhood nemesis: his tough, unyielding, intimidating Phys. Ed. Teacher Jasper Woodcock (Billy Bob Thornton). This does NOT sit well with him at all, and he schemes to break up this relationship.
Overall, "Mr. Woodcock" is quite mild and predictable, as it plays out in the expected way of Farley ultimately overstepping boundaries, over-reacting, and ignoring whatever advice *he* supposedly gave in that book. That's not to say that there aren't some decent laughs here and there. It mostly works due to the cast: Scott is earnest, Sarandon is luminous, Ethan Suplee is fairly amusing as one of Farley's childhood cohorts, and Thornton is expertly deadpan. Even when Woodcock "jokes around", the expression on his face barely changes.
Eventually, of course, the protagonist has to have an epiphany where he realizes his mistakes and tries to atone, but he also determinedly squares off against this "bete noir" of his life, who, it is revealed, could possibly show some signs of humanity. (When we meet Woodcocks' father, it goes a long way in explaining things.)
An assortment of familiar faces (Melissa Sagemiller, Amy Poehler, M. C. Gainey, Brent Briscoe, Kurt Fuller, Melissa Leo, Bill Macy) and a reasonably trim run time keep this watchable enough, if ultimately unmemorable. It will likely resonate more for people who've known characters like Woodcock in their own lives.
Five out of 10.
Hoodwinked! (2005)
Please consume goodies responsibly.
"Hoodwinked!" takes the familiar Little Red Riding Hood story and puts a VERY irreverent spin on it, also incorporating the "Rashomon" plot device of having various characters tell their own version of how they all arrived in the same circumstance. In a woodsy setting, a "Bandit" is making off with peoples' recipes left and right, and among those involved are Red herself (voice of Anne Hathaway), Granny (voice of Glenn Close), the Wolf (voice of Patrick Warburton), and the "Woodsman" (voice of Jim Belushi).
This is kind of like an Agatha Christie, "Ten Little Forest Critters" type of deal, with an angry bear police captain (voice of Xzibit) and a Hercule Poirot style frog (voice of David Ogden Stiers) overseeing the interviews. For this viewer, the film was certainly very lively, but the comedy content varied: sometimes it got tiresome, and sometimes it was indeed quite funny. (For my tastes, it's the Wolf, hilariously voiced by Warburton, that tends to steal the show, although zany squirrel Twitchy (voiced by director Cory Edwards), and singing goat Japeth (voice of Benjy Gaither) give him some competition.) The animation is actually not of paramount importance in this instance; certainly some people may find it to be pretty crude. The songs are unmemorable but at least they are passable.
The big name voice cast (also including Anthony Anderson as Lieutenant Stork, Chazz Palminteri as the lamb informant, and Andy Dick as Boingo the rabbit) is energetic, for sure. They go a long way in selling this material, which may actually appeal more to adults, what with its hip humor & approach, than to kids. That's not to say, though, that kids couldn't still take to these characters. Overall, its silliness proved hard to resist.
Followed by a sequel.
Six out of 10.
Star Trek: Patterns of Force (1968)
"We just ended one civil war. Let's not start another."
Once again, we get a case study in what happens when an outside force interferes with the natural progression of a people. The people of the planet Ekos have begun patterning themselves after, of all things, Nazi Germany! And now one party is intent on committing genocide, utterly ridding themselves of the other! Kirk & Spock and the victimized Zeon people (and later, Bones) team up to prevent the worst from happening - as well as finding out where that outside force, an old mentor to Kirk, could have gone so wrong.
Interestingly, Roddenberry and episode writer John Meredyth Lucas take a rather controversial stance on how Nazi Germany could be seen as a model of efficiency. Kirk is aghast, while Spock considers the "practicality" behind such an approach: it might have worked with a much more benevolent leader at the helm.
'Patterns of Force' is another good example of how this series could maintain its appealingly campy, cheesy qualities while also ruminating on various serious issues in an intelligent, provocative way. It's an entertaining story that does offer some humor (the sight of Kirk, Spock & Bones in Nazi regalia, Bones' strained efforts to get his boots on, etc.) as well as the presence of the sexy Valora Noland ("The War Wagon"), some real tension, and a final message about the way that "absolute power corrupts absolutely"; in other words, that old mentor of Kirks' couldn't resist the chance to play God. It does suffer from a typical low episode budget. (You don't ever really believe that the principals are on another planet; it simply looks like they're revisiting Earths' past once again.)
Also guest starring Richard Evans ("Dirty Little Billy"), Skip Homeier ("The Ghost and Mr. Chicken"), and David Brian ("Flamingo Road").
Seven out of 10.
Three's Company: The Catered Affair (1979)
"If you'll excuse me, I've got to go beat my mousse."
Chrissy helps to land Jack a prestigious gig: catering an office party for the bigwigs at her company. All seems to go well, but it's already been established that company president Mr. Penrose (the late, great character actor Macon McCalman, "Deliverance") is a shameless sleaze. Complications ensue when Jack & Janet witness Penrose harassing Chrissy in plain view of everybody, and when Jack confronts him and accidentally gets chocolate mousse all over Penroses' suit, he fires Chrissy and refuses to pay Jack. So Chrissy's boss J. C. (Emmaline Henry ('I Dream of Jeannie'), making her second appearance in the role) schemes with Jack & Janet to expose the creep.
Yes, I can see how this kind of material can make people uncomfortable (we see Penrose actually chase Chrissy around a desk, for Petes' sake), but it's never really in doubt that Penrose will be exposed for the creep he is, and that things will end well for our main characters. Plenty of good one-liners abound, especially from Jack & Chrissy, and there's the sight of Janet & Helen in those sexy waitress outfits to enjoy. Stanley, recruited to be bartender, reveals himself to be not really up to the task. Norman Fell does his signature routine right at the end, only for Stanley to get spritzed for his little insult.
In conclusion, I do have to say that I like Ms. Henry as J. C., and it's too bad that her premature death prevented any more appearances for the character. McCalman, of course, would return to the series later playing Janets' father.
Seven out of 10.
Angst (1983)
Powerful, but will play to a limited audience.
Austrian actor Erwin Leder ("Das Boot", "Underworld") stars as "K", an otherwise unnamed psychotic who was damned to a troubled life early on. Now released from prison, he is determined once again to get "revenge" on his much-despised mother & stepfather by terrorizing and butchering a family who live in an isolated house.
Co-written & directed by Gerald Kargl, this is another worthy entry in the genre of films that force us to get to know a sick mind pretty well ("Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer", of course, being another prime example). "K" consistently narrates his whole life story while stalking, and either planning or committing his misdeeds.
This has a very intimate feeling, unfortunately, and thanks to the filming style of Kargl, we feel like we're RIGHT WITH this psychopath every step of the way. It's impossible to distance ourselves from the on-screen horrors the way we can do with *some* horror films. This is all too realistic, and all too disturbing. (Pigs' blood was used to achieve that level of realism; none of that pink or bright red blood you sometimes see in low budget movies.)
Thanks to the disorienting camera-work by Zbigniew Rybczynski (also the editor & co-writer), the haunting music score by Klaus Schulze (of Tangerine Dream fame), and the memorably creepy performance by Leder, this is a shocker that will linger for the viewer long after the end credits stop rolling.
Eight out of 10.
Going Ape! (1981)
Lots of monkeying around.
Orangutan-fixated screenwriter Jeremy Joe Kronsberg ("Every Which Way But Loose") debuts as director with more primate hijinks as Foster Sabatini (Tony Danza) inherits a trio of orangutans from his late father Max, owner of a circus. He must successfully care for the apes for two years; then, only then, he'll inherit his dads' $5 million fortune. Naturally, greedy / scummy characters abound who also want their hands on the money.
"Going Ape!" is a deliberately dopey, goofy comedy complete with tons of slapstick, and culminating in some frantic chases, making it reminiscent of the kind of thing that Disney was doing in some of its live action features of the 60s and 70s. For me personally, some of the humor just fell flat, with uninspired direction from Kronsberg. As you may well expect, the orangutans completely steal the show, and they can be HILARIOUS. Thanks to them, and some good moments for Danzas' 'Taxi' co-star Danny DeVito and Jessica Walter ("Play Misty for Me"), the movie manages to not be a total waste of time. Danza, at least, is likeable as usual, and Stacey Nelkin ("Halloween III: Season of the Witch") is typically adorable as his frustrated girlfriend. The supporting cast includes Art Metrano ("Police Academy" 2 and 3), Frank Sivero ("GoodFellas"), Rick Hurst ('The Dukes of Hazzard'), Joseph Maher ("The Evil That Men Do"), Leon Askin ('Hogan's Heroes'), Jacquelyn Hyde ("Take the Money and Run"), and Ted White (Jason in "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter"). The boy at the funeral is played by Gabriel Jarret ("Real Genius"), in his film debut; he's Kronsbergs' son.
Obviously, silliness like this won't be to all tastes. Some people will find it tiresome. But, like those aforementioned Disney pictures, all of its violence is purely comical where nobody gets really hurt, and the bad guys all end up getting what they deserve. The kid(s) in your family will probably like this.
Five out of 10.
The Web (1947)
Very entertaining for noir fans.
Edmond O'Brien of later "D. O. A." fame plays Bob Regan, an aggressive, passionate attorney who impresses insanely wealthy industrialist Andrew Colby (Vincent Price) to the point that Colby hires Regan as a bodyguard! Soon, Regan has shot dead a man from Colby's past, a man who just got out of prison after five years. Regan is at least smart enough to start thinking that he's been played for a sap, and works to clear himself of a murder charge.
While this story here is not a great one (it's easy to figure out, and for the most part, played out the way I would have expected it to), it's still lots of fun: snappy, witty, suspenseful, with some good lines and a very strong cast. The stunning Ella Raines plays Colby's loyal secretary, John Abbott his equally loyal associate, O'Brien shines in one of his best early roles, Price is fantastic as the slimy Colby, and William Bendix pretty much steals the film from everybody as a cranky detective lieutenant. Despite his seeming to have tunnel vision in his single-minded pursuit of Regan, he's no dummy, either.
Top-notch banter, assured direction by Michael Gordon ("Pillow Talk"), plenty of eye candy in the form of Raines (who reminds me of Lauren Bacall here), and a decent pace add up to a good time. Especially riveting was the finale: will the villain finally be dead to rights, or is Regan going to resign himself to his fate as he gets sent up the river?
Well worth watching.
Seven out of 10.
Conquest of Space (1955)
"A fitting end, to the man who conquered space."
In this decent but unexceptional science-fiction tale, mankind has crafted a revolving space station known as The Wheel, which can itself manufacture spacecraft capable of exploring the stars. Then a crew is assembled to undertake the first flight to Mars. The main problem is, the General in charge (Walter Brooke, "The Graduate") becomes overwhelmed by the religious implications of what they're doing, is convinced that they're committing blasphemy, and tries to sabotage the mission.
Produced by George Pal, the prolific expert at this kind of entertainment in the 50s and 60s, this was based on a book by Wernher von Braun, and it tells a fairly good story, although the first half is overly talky and often *too* comedic. Things improve to a degree once the mission is underway; the men will have obstacles to face, both in space and once they reach Mars. The Generals' dilemma provides the main source of conflict.
Filmed in wonderful Technicolor, this has some good sets & special effects, so there's nothing to complain about on that score. Speaking of the score, Van Cleave creates some fine, atmospheric music. The cast is comprised of some very familiar faces, but no big, big stars: Eric Fleming ('Rawhide'), Mickey Shaughnessy ("Jailhouse Rock"), Phil Foster ('Laverne & Shirley'), William Redfield ("One Flew Over the Cuckoos' Nest"), William Hopper ('Perry Mason'), Benson Fong ("Flower Drum Song"), Ross Martin ('The Wild Wild West'), and Vito Scotti ("The Godfather"). Joan Shawlee ("Some Like It Hot") has a memorable cameo. I will say that Foster rather overdoes it with his shtick, while also not caring much for Shaughnessy's character.
Overall, "Conquest of Space" is certainly watchable enough, if not on the level of some of the other things that Pal did during this time. I for one didn't feel that the religious aspects really overwhelmed the story.
Directed by Byron Haskin, whose other genre credits include "The War of the Worlds" (also produced by Pal), "From the Earth to the Moon", and "Robinson Crusoe on Mars".
Six out of 10.
The Dark Eyes of London (1939)
See it for yourself.
Horror icon Bela Lugosi stars in this British adaptation of an Edgar Wallace novel, playing Dr. Orloff, an insurance agent *and* physician running a scam that leads to murders of various unfortunate people, all found drowned in the Thames. His scheme involves loaning these people money, signing them up for a policy, and murdering them for the money at a later date. His cover is a home for the blind, run by the seemingly unknowing Dr. Dearborn.
A rather obvious "twist" aside, "The Dark Eyes of London" a.k.a. "The Human Monster" is great fun for any Lugosi fan, with appropriate lighting (by Bryan Langley) and atmosphere. It also features a lumbering, ugly lug named Jake (Wilfred Walter) who does the dirty work, and who wouldn't be out of place in a horror film from this period. The solid supporting cast includes Hugh Williams as a Scotland Yard inspector, Greta Gynt as the daughter of a victim, Edmon Ryan as an American detective (from Chicago) along for comedy relief, and Alexander Field as luckless lowlife Fred Grogan.
This is efficiently directed by Walter Summers, who also worked on the script with Patrick Kirwan and producer John Argyle. (Jan Van Lusil is credited with additional dialogue.) It's more crime fiction with a touch of horror than true genre film, but don't let that dissuade you from checking it out. It was done on the cheap and filmed in about 11 days, but Summers & company make the most of the situation, crafting a fairly fast-moving little picture with a good, entertaining story and a memorable finish.
Seven out of 10.
Spider-Man: The One-Eyed Idol/Fifth Avenue Phantom (1967)
An entertaining pair of stories.
'The One-Eyed Idol'.
An Australian villain, Harley Clivendon (voice of Chris Wiggins), who dresses like a big game hunter, uses an African artifact to hypnotize Jameson into robbing from the Daily Bugles' own coffers.
When watching this segment, you have to remind yourself that this was written and animated almost 57 years ago; some of the material & images would have been seen as problematic, not just now, in our current politically correct climate, but even then. But, overall, this is a typical snappy short Spider-Man segment, with an amusing bad guy and standard witticisms from Spidey. Jameson is hysterical as usual, and has some of the best lines. "There shouldn't be any women at all in this world! Just children, and men!" But he has to swallow his pride and apologize to Betty after he's accused her of the thievery.
'Fifth Avenue Phantom'.
The title villain (voiced by Max Ferguson), who looks like a human-sized Jawa, uses female automatons to shrink various valuables - jewelry, fur coats, even automobiles - to toy size, and then abscond with them, so he can later restore them to normal size and sell them dear.
The female robots are the best thing about this segment, which offers some real fun, even if, in the end, Spidey does defeat The Phantom pretty quickly.
Seven out of 10.
Monk: Mr. Monk Meets Dale the Whale (2002)
"You're an abomination. An odious, gluttonous...putrid freak of nature."
A judge is murdered inside her own home, but is able to actually name her attacker (Dale "The Whale" Biederbeck) in a frantic 911 call before he bludgeons her with a baseball bat. The trouble is, Biederbeck (guest star Adam Arkin) is an enormous invalid (coming in at over 800 pounds) who's been bedridden for years. How will Monk prove he did it - or, at least, prove that he was responsible in some way?
Guest star Arkin is amusing as the arrogant villain, a character who will make multiple appearances over the course of the series. The mystery to be solved, much like the first two episodes, is not a particularly complicated one, and when the perpetrator is revealed, it comes as no surprise. The real joy is watching Monk as he mentally notes each clue that comes his way, and, when he's solved the case and goes over what he's learned, we can see how well it's all been set up. It's still hilarious watching him succumb to his OCD as he can't help but rearrange things and neaten them even while interviewing people.
Best of all are two moments: Lt. Disher caroming about in a bulky "empathy suit" which Monk has him wear to illustrate a point, and the scene of two children extorting money from Monk & Sharona to buy their lemonade, in exchange for information. It's really the bright sense of humor that makes this detective series as pleasant to watch as it is.
Seven out of 10.
A Prayer for the Dying (1987)
Entertaining, if also rather conventional.
In this adaptation of a Jack Higgins novel, a hilariously miscast Mickey Rourke is Martin Fallon, an Irish terrorist who experiences a change of heart after the accidental bombing of a bus full of young children. He vows, "no more killing". Then, flamboyant mobster / funeral director Jack Meehan (Alan Bates) and his flunkies convince Fallon to do that "one last job". The problem is, Fallon assassinates his target only to be witnessed by a priest, Michael Da Costa (Bob Hoskins). And this time, Fallon sticks to his word about no more killing, and lets the priest live. This just creates problems for everybody involved. Meanwhile, Fallons' old IRA crony, Liam Docherty (Liam Neeson), determinedly tracks him down, for the purpose of either bringing Fallon back to the fold, or killing *him*.
Although the distributor, Samuel Goldwyn, did the film no favors by trying to turn it into a typical action film, the material is still compelling, deriving most of its effectiveness from the relationship between the haunted, regretful former terrorist and the priest. Da Costa is, for a while, sick and tired of Fallon always hanging around his church (Fallon is sweet on the holy mans' innocent, blind niece (Sammi Davis)). But the holy man (who realizes that, with his past, he's not that dissimilar to Fallon) and his sense of compassion compel him to try to save Fallons' soul.
Hoskins is fine in support, with Bates relishing a chance to chew on the scenery, and Christopher Fulford similarly stealing the show as Meehans' creepy, hot-headed younger brother Billy. In addition to Davis, other gorgeous ladies are nicely showcased: Camille Coduri and Alison Doody. Rourkes' performance is passable, while his attempt at an Irish accent is definitely NOT. He sounds like he's warning the rest of the cast to keep their hands off his Lucky Charms.
All in all, *I* thought this was actually pretty entertaining, although it *would* be interesting to see a version closer to what director Mike Hodges & Rourke intended.
Seven out of 10.